Day 252 – The Trap of Who I am Every Day.

I have seen and realize this point over and over and over, and yet I haven’t changed it at all, the Fear is simply too great to change it.

What am I talking about? Every day I assume a Character that I expect everyone wants to see of me, I assume that this is the only character that is acceptable by everyone around me, I have played this character every day of my life for so long because I have thus far been “save” with this Character.
This Character I am talking about is the Character that I always put on in front of other people, I even wear it when I am alone in my room in the fear that if someone else comes in they will see me without my mask, but I have done this for so long now that I have forgotten that I am wearing a mask/character.

I know I have to take the mask/character off and I have to really get rid of it, and not to only bring out that what I am trying to hide, that isn’t the point, I have done my self-forgiveness, I have placed my commitments and I have realized myself in many ways, but now I have to actually LIVE these commitments as that which is best for all LIFE.

This is where the scary part comes in – I do not know what to find underneath the mask, I do not know who I will be once I stop playing this character – or to be more clear on the point, I do know what to expect from me – that is why I fear taking it all, because I know once I take off the mask, once I stop the character I will change not just me, But I will change everyone and everything around me.

This is what I fear – what will happen when I stop pretending the character, what will happen once I stop putting on the masks that has been keeping me save.

I know who I can be, I know what I must do as that which is best for all life, But this Idea/belief that i have of myself as this Gian character that I play every day is so integrated into my actions/movements and my words and my habits and behaviors that I seem to just not to be able to stop it in time and to change.

Why can’t I stop it in time? there is FEAR, the fear gives it all away, the fear directs it all, the fear is the fucker that wins every time, the fear is what makes the shit in my head seem so fucking real that i act on it without considering a thing, the Fear that i give all my power to is doing exactly what fear does, it keeps me in my box called the mind.

Why is there fear? I know that there is a extremely very thin line between change and no change, all it requires is that one tiny step over the line to the other side and then there is no stopping the consequences of that, so I actually fear the consequences of change, and I am not here connecting consequences to a negative emotion, consequences is simply the outflow of your actions, it can either be best for all life or not, it isn’t judged as good or bad, it is what it is to bring about a world that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear living the correction that is required of me to set myself free from and as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear breaking the chains of fear that I give power to every time when that moment is here of change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I break the chains of fear that I give power to through participating within the mind that makes it seem so real within all the future projections and ideas and beliefs I create from and as the fear that might happen if I break the chains to direct me and to keep me enslaved to the fear as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself into the unknown of breaking the chains of fear and that i will support myself effectively with whatever happens and come my way if it is either good or bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that breaking the chains of fear and acting within the best interest of all life as myself, that it must either be a good or a bad consequential outflow that occurs, instead of seeing and realizing that when and as I act within the best interest of all life that the outflow of my actions can always only be best for all life no matter how it seems to the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear breaking the chains of fear as it is all I have ever known and even come to trust, trusting the fear and the chains and that these chains are keeping me save, when in fact they are keeping me enslaved and limited and in fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if and when i take that one step that is always too late to take back that i will not be able to follow through and fall, seeing and realizing that this is what the fear wants me to fear to keep me in fear LOL.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief and make all the justifications/reasons that come up why not to change that comes from fear to be valid and real and that I must stick to them with good reason, seeing and realizing that this good reason is to only keep the fear alive while I die and burn in the fear slowly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that fear can and will never be an excuse for why I did not do what is best for all life in all ways and why I did not stand up in the moments that I saw I had to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that who I am within each moment is decided by me and that if and when I give fear permission to be who I am that is exactly who i will be, seeing and realizing that I am the only one that can decide in every moment/breathe to not live and exist as fear and to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that who i am everyday in the face of others is who i am have to remain to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself within the character of who I am daily through blindly believing that it is all I can ever be.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize the trap of who i am daily is not the same as who i am in every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the character I am everyday just to be save from facing msyelf and standing a life and what is best for all life in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I change who i am daily that everyone else is sued to that I will only face negative consequences, not seeing and realizing that the change that takes place must be self honest in each breathe to what is here in consideration of others here walking their processes, and thus accordingly I act within the best interest of all and not within the self interest of only changing myself just for the sake of change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to change from the starting point of not having to face myself anymore as the fear, seeing and realizing that the fear will always be here till I stand one and equal as it and not to separate myself from it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created and idea about change and that it must be dramatic and life changing like a bomb going off, seeing and realizing that the change I am talking about as self change to that which is best for all life is a living change where I become the example and not where I now change and go an bash other people and suddenly being all different as that isn’t how it works in terms of best for all life as it will only serve my self interest of wanting change for the sake of change instead of real change.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others will say and do once they notice change within me as a living example.

To be continued.

Day 202 - watching a movie and after effects.

Day 202 - watching a movie and after effects.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have conversations within my mind with myself about a certain scene’s from movies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain myself within my mind through re-enacting scenes from movies after I watched the movie where I would pretend to be a character and how I would have played the role.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I play and re-enact scenes from movies in my mind within my head within conversations with myself that I am actually brainwashing myself and creating a character for myself that only feeds the ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I entertain myself within having conversations within my mind about a certain scene from a movie that I have connected something of myself to the story as a character and that I have placed value within such a character and to live this out in the real world, not seeing and realizing that I am mind fucking myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a shit load of noise within my mind when I entertain myself within conversations I have with myself about a certain movie scene where I take the character I “liked” the most and make him even better in my mind – as a way to programmed the characteristics of the fictional character as myself through re-enacting as the character and to take on certain traits, no seeing and realizing that I do not know what other characteristics I am taking on such as a killer, a rapist or a abuser and that one day as I walk in the street and suddenly kill someone I will wonder why I did it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to re-enact as a character from movies certain scenes as a way of programming and brainwashing myself to take on points of and as that character that I have separated myself from as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when I play out scenes and characters from movies after watching it within my mind that I must look at why I am doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see a character within a movie that I “like” because the character had confidence or good looks or courage or strength or he is smart, that I am within acting out trying and attempting to brainwash myself to be the same, when in fact I am only re-enforcing myself to be separate of it as I am doing it all in the mind in another reality, not seeing and realizing that if what I see in another character that I like I can simply look at myself physically and where I need correction within myself as who I am one and equal and not within separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuel my mind within entertaining the characters I see in movies that I like through constantly playing out scenes and to within this distract myself from reality and what is here and lose focus and in the end mind fuck myself when I come back to reality and realize that what I played out in my mind was me attempting to be more than reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to be more then reality through entertaining characters from movies within my mind, and to within this create more and more self judgment of myself as I will always feel less than the pictures and conversations I make up in my mind in reality and feel that I am less then and separate from that.

I commit myself to when and as I am watching a movie to not create connection with the characters within the movies and to instead breathe and stop any and all energy movement not to brainwash myself and mind fuck myself.

I commit myself to when and as I am done watching a movie to sit for a second or two and to take a deep breath and breathe and to not entertain the mind as delusions and creating mind fucks for myself.

I commit myself to when and as I am talking within my mind already and playing out characters and scenes to stop through taking a breather and realizing it is not real and I am fucking with myself and distracting me from reality and what is here.

I commit myself to when and as I am within my mind participating in characters and playing out movie scenes to stop and question what I am doing, and to realize it is mind control and brainwashing happening within me, and to investigate what it is that is happening in me and to stop through writing and applying self forgiveness to stop all separation and judgments.

Day 200 – Making Money the Church Way – commitments.

I commit myself to show that - to want to change the world by oneself is EGO and impossible and only an attempt to feel special and unique and thus not wanting to change the world in fact, as the world is a GROUP and thus one and equal we must change the world as a group supporting each other within consistency and to be reliable.

I commit myself to show that to change the world as a group we must use what is already here in terms of systems that has effective ways of moving as groups, and to use these systems and re-align them to be that which is best for all life such as the system that the churches use around the world to make money within the context of the group and not the message/religion.

I commit myself to show that only MONEY is in fact the only way we can change the world as the world is governed and moved by money and nothing else.

I commit myself to show that as a group we here at Desteni and everyone that joins us will make a change this lifetime if all that comes apply what the churches have been applying for thousands of years and have proven for thousands of years that their system works within making a shit load of money and to even take over the world, where each individual contributes but only 10% a month of what they have – and so not really making a difference on the individual but as a group where all do the same the money will be made which will be used to move and direct one and equal within and as this world to a place that is bets for all life till no money is required to live anymore.

I commit myself to give as I would like to receive and to let go of all fear, realizing that the fear is showing me I am existent within self interest and not making decisions on what is best for all life.

I commit myself to chow that as long as the group does not contribute equally and consistently that the group will over time create the consequences of not moving or going anywhere and that the principal we as the groups stand for will never come to life, and to show that the group self in creating this through fear and holding back within giving.

I commit myself to show that once the group supports the group within giving that the group will grow and start to move, but until then nothing can happen.

I commit myself to give all I can to the group as money that I know is money I am holding onto out of fear after setting out my practical budget first each month and to sustain myself first and to do this regardless of who else is, as this will be seen and to others will do the same and that the money I am giving can become less as more do as I do.

I commit myself to show that everyone always has money to give away as long as everyone that is here can be here and any fear/reaction to this point is justification and self interest.

I commit myself to show that Christianity is such a success because even the poorest of the poor will give anything they have for what they truly belief in, and that Desteni will not make it unless the group realizes that desteni/EMS is the actual in fact only solution this life and that because no one is doing this yet out of self will/movement is because there is self interest fear and still to much comfort and thus no real change and consideration of the rest of life suffering every second.belief in what you do!! trust it completely in every moment and we will be unstoppable.

I commit myself to show/inform/educate people that change can only happen if we stand one and equal to and as the current system that is here within making money to the maximum/optimum and that anything less is ego and compromise and only showing that the current system of abuse that is destroying life has more dedication more discipline and more trust in this system of abuse then those claiming to stand for LIFE and best for all, and to show it is fucking unacceptable and so I start with myself as the example as I walk to make money through getting a job and standing one and equal as the system and to dedicate and commit a percentage of my money to that which is bets for all life no matter what while the opportunity is here and I am not in the gutters yet as millions of others are facing yearly due to the economic collapses and job cuts.

I commit myself to show that there is no excuse.JOIN us, walk with - us and see how we are doing this. breaking the self imposed limitations of what is possible to change this world to a place that is BEST for ll LIFE

Day 199 – Christianity shows the way to money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that as we live in a world that is driven/built on/by money and where money has the power that the only way we can change anything is obviously with money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that without money we as a group cannot do anything and will always just be in the same position till we eventually run out of time and end.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that Money is what the elite has that makes them able to decide on what happens in the world, and thus it is obvious that if we as a group has money we can start moving equally and make decisions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone and resist out of pure fear to share/give as I would like to receive my money within what is best for all life as supporting the solution as the equal money system and Desteni .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that in this LIFE I will lose all my money and everything I have within the way the world is heading, thus I can decide to either lose my money through supporting a new way of life so that when I lose my money a new system will be born that supports me from birth till death and thus no money is required, or I can hold onto my money and lose it within the system taking/ripping everything from me and cause suffering and abuse to me and LIFE, seeing and realizing that the fear is a lack of in fact understanding the real situation we are all in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that money is the key and walking as a group is the only way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather spend my money on shit that I do not really need then giving it away to a life that is best for all life within the belief that it is my money, which is obviously indicating that I do not know anything about money and how it works as money belongs to the banks and I am always with every note I have in debt to the banks and thus as long as I have money to hold onto I am a slave to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see and realize that as a group money will not be a problem to accumulate IF everyone as the group contributes and sticks to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if I do not do my part as an equal within standing in absolute trust that what I am standing as and thus have no problem with supporting it always consistently, that I will place pressure on those that do and they have to do more, seeing and realizing that the more people stand in support the less pressure and easy it becomes for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not making it this life within changing the world as and when it seems like we are running out of money to move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be driven by fear instead of self movement within the understanding of what I am doing within my movement and thus the movement will be stable and consistent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that how the CHURCH has successfully taken over the world was not because of rich people putting all their money together – it was because BILLIONS of people put little by little together where it all goes to the same point and thus has no effect on the individuals - as the group is supporting equally consistently, and thus this is how we will change the world and the only way we can change the world as - a group, using what is already here that worked and still working to have success this life time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the reason Christianity has taken over the world and has over two billion followers and that the church makes a shit load of money (billions) is because the people actually belief in what they stand for and will without hesitation support what they stand for with money every Sunday throwing their 10% in even if in reality in fact it is all bullshit , thus seeing and realizing that if I am not willing to do the same for what I stand for in all ways within absolute trust as this is the solution as it is in fact the only solution that ever existed as the Desteni message and equal money system , then I have to seriously reflect onto myself and correct the point and see why I am not standing equal and one with the system to change the system.

To be continued.

Day 192 – Anger Misplaced Towards Animals Final.

Day 190 - Anger Misplaced towards animals Part 1
Day 191 - Anger Misplaced towards Animals Part 2

Day 192 – Anger Misplaced Towards Animals Final.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I work with animals that it is me that has to work with the animal and in return through my actions the animals will see that I am trust worthy and thus work together with me, or lets rather say Learn the human way, because animals do not know the Human way of doing things when we expect animals to just get it, instead of being patient showing the animal the intention through consistency and stability within, thus getting angry and frustrated and giving up basically does not work and the animal will pick it up and thus friction will be created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am helping an animal to not be HERE in and as every touch as the physical but instead to try and help the animal from what I think I must do based on ideas and beliefs instead of the physical that is already here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get frustrated when and as I am trying to force the Human way of taking care of the animal and the animal does not co-operate, not considering the animal and that I am the more intelligent being and thus I must in humbleness adjust myself to care for the animal one and equal and not the other way, as is has proven not to work and only create anger within me because I am trying to force something un-natural onto the animal just to get the job over with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I work with animals I must be here in and as breathe as to not impose or create separation but to work together in oneness and equality, seeing and realizing that the oneness and equality we share as me and the animal is the physical in fact, as we both can confirm it and see it and touch it and smell it, and thus trying to do things from the mind which the animal does not see and can not confirm will only confuse and harm the animal as I will do things from the mind within the idea/belief that the animal should just get it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when I get angry at animals it is me projecting my own anger of who I am within the moment towards the animal that is creating separation and thus not working and because it does not work then I get angry at myself as I am aware of what is going on within me and do not want to be self honest about it and rather take it out on the animal.

I commit myself to when and as I am working with animals to breathe and to be here in and as breathe and to practice this with no Back chat and not Ideas/beliefs and not fear.

I commit myself to when and as I work with animals to breathe and to focus on my touch one and equal here as the animal and to not have any energy movement within me as I do work with the animal to not compromise and harm the animals or myself.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself getting angry within myself to breathe within the realization that the anger is ALL me and not the animal and that I am responsible for the anger within me, and to STOP the anger and forgive myself, to focus on breathing and my touch and to support and assist myself and the animal equal and one.

I commit myself to stop myself from projecting any energy I experience within me towards animals within the realization that I am the only one possible to create any energetic experience within me as my thoughts/feelings/emotions and that animals do not have such amazing powers to control and do things as such to me, and to within in this stop me from harming/abusing another life form equal and one as me as I take Full self responsibility for what I accept and allow within me and so my actions that follow as a result of who I am.

Day 191 – Anger Misplaced towards Animals Part 2

Day 191 – Anger Misplaced towards Animals Part 2

This is the Self forgiveness from Part 1 – Anger Misplaced towards Animals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach dealing with animals within a desired way of how I want things to go that is of the mind, not considering the real actuality of the physical within dealing with the animal practically and within total consideration of the animals and where the animal comes from and how they are in their beingness and to accordingly move and direct myself practically one and equal as the animal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Expect immediate co-operation and teamwork that makes it easy for ME, not considering the animal and standing within the animals “shoes” only considering how I want to feel as positive when I work with the animal, seeing and realizing that this is a setup for abuse as I will react and get angry when and as I feel my expectations inst met with the animal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach animals within the mind Idea of that the animal must be grateful that I am helping them and therefore the animal must submit and obey me within me doing them a favor, not seeing and realizing that the fact that the animal requires my help in the first place must show me that there is a problem within this world and that nature and the animals aren't supported and thus need human intervention and that the human is inf act the cause of their need for us to help them. Thus I am in dept to the animal and not the other way around.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be self righteous within the belief that the animal is in debt to me for helping the animal, not seeing and realizing that the animal has not concept of what ever I have going on in my mind as back chat and thoughts towards helping and thus does not care and so I am the only one creating and causing harm/abuse within trying to impose my mind ideas/beliefs I have onto the animal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a religion out of myself where I praise myself to helping animals and caring for them and that I am willing to give up my time and to give effort to care for them and to within this religion like all and any other religion where something isnt working according to the religion attack and harm, within this case it is when the birdie isnt co-operating within the confined Ideas/beliefs I have of myself as the animal lover being able to work with animals easily and thus it isnt being easy and so get angry at the birdie for showing me my religion of myself is False and a lie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get irritated with animals when their behavior changes towards me and to take it personal and as if it about me, not seeing and realizing that the animals does not give a fuck if it is me or someone else, but that the animal is simply showing me something, and thus communicating on a physical lever while I am existing in my limited mind bubble and thus can not see what is shown to me and so I react and get angry and want to take it out on the animal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the anger I have towards the animal is always and only within and as me and thus it is only me being angry at myself as the experience is within me and I created it within participating within and as the mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions that is not visible to anyone else but me, and so I can only react toward my own thoughts and get angry at me and thus directing the anger towards something/someone outside of me is self-dishonesty and abusive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am trying/attempting to help an animal get angry as soon as It is required of me to give more time and more effort and more of me and it does not work and to want to take the anger out on the animals as if they are being deliberate, not seeing and realizing that my attempts was and is but only of the mind and thus not a directive approach but rather compromising myself and the animal based on ideas and belief on what I am allowed to do and not, to help the animal, thus I see and realize that instead of me going directly to force feeding I was first trying to praise the religion of myself where I belief I have a special ability to make animals work with me and so compromise and create energy when the religion isnt getting its energy boost and thus get angry at the animal for not validating my religion of myself.

To be continued.

Day 190 – Anger misplaced towards Animals Part 1

Me with Baby Birdie PUF.

Recently me and my partner got a new birdie in our room, the birdie at first was awesome, she ate the food we gave her immediately and she ate a lot of it, she screamed and ate the food and it was all good.

I have no problem with the screaming as I have worked through sounds with the parrots a lot that we have in our room, five of them lol.

So after a day, not that long, the birdie already started changing quite quickly, I can understand as the birdie is small and the growth of the birdie happens much faster than human growth so over night change is possible – but now the feeding of the birdie has become really difficult, just like that.

So I see I have created a desired way of dealing with animals and working with them a positive way, this must be easy and co–operative and teamwork. because I am helping the birdie and thus the birdie must be grateful and show the gratefulness within working with me (this is obviously a mindfuck and self righteous within the religion of self)

So when the next day came and the birdie was asking for the food with the regular screaming she makes – I was already ready with the food as I wake up early to get it all ready and have the food still warm for her – so I wen to her with the food and I was talking to her and making noises as I know she responds to the sounds I make.

When I took the food out and she was opening her mouth and ready to receive the food. I took the food to her mouth and she suddenly closed her mouth, this was different behavior from the previous day, so I asked her what is it, here is the food eat it. This is where the opposite outcome takes play in what I desired as the negative.

She refused and I saw I had to improvise, I started making more sounds and more movements as I was trying to mimic how a bird might look like when coming in to feed the baby.

As all of this was happening I saw within my mind as a thought how she does not eat and dies suddenly or reject the food and die from starvation or even how the food we are giving her was causing her death slowly and she was trying to tell us, I became concerned about this as I now have the fear of losing the birdie while I am in direct responsibility of caring for the bird and the bird trust me with her life and I do not have a clue what is wrong and how to help her.

So as I was holding the birdie on my hand and trying to feed her, she just kept on doing the same movements, she would scream for food and she would every time move her head away from the food that I bring her and look downwards – this started to piss me off – I asked her why she is screaming for food but not taking it, it is warm and it is food that I know supports her body because we have raised a previous birdie just like her with the same food. Obviously I was only getting angry at myself because I have created an expectation of a desired outcome of how I wanted thing to be like and now it isnt as that.

So the back chat started coming up after I had the thought and the reactions to the thought – as the back chat was in response to the thoughts and emotions feeling coming from the thoughts.

The back chat was angry and reactive – I would take a deep breathe as I know that the anger isn’t real or has anything to do with her as I am the one experiencing it within me, and I am aware of the thoughts and the emotions and feelings and that they are all coming from past memories/experiences that I have had with birdies and how they all died. now I fear this happening again so I get angry at MYSELF for feeling that I might be powerless to do anything – so I went to the other option that we have used a few times that kept the birds alive.. definitely – and that is to force feed the baby birdie.
Now force feeding isnt harsh or abusive – it is simply where you take the birdie in your hands and hold her and then open her mouth and place the food in – from there she swallows the food herself.

I have been doing this now the the last few days and I am still getting angry and having back chat coming up that is self righteous and that wants to inflict punishment on the birdie for not working together – that is how I was taught in school how to deal with situations where people do not work together – Punish them with abuse and physical harm till they submit and give in.

I also see this is a pattern that plays out in my life in many other places. I also noticed that this is the exact same behavior and thoughts/backchat that takes place in all the people in the world that abuses animals in Zoo’s and in reserves and in circuses and all over the world all the time, some simply have the privacy and time and resources and authority to abuse animals extensively because such thoughts/backchat re-occur all the time and takes hold of people and possesses them even thought they started out with Good positive intentions. It is really easy if one does not have tools such as self forgiveness and daily writing and Breathing and basic understanding how how thoughts/feelings/emotions work and come from. Investigate Desteni - Join us if you dare and support and assist yourself with Eqafe Products

To be continued with self forgiveness

Day 189 – Postponing listening to Eqafe Interviews.

I have been wanting to get all the newest Eqafe Products on my phone as interviews to listen to while I work or while I am doing stuff inside that it repetitive and do not require my full attention.
So every day I start my day and I go through my day without even considering the point till late at night AGAIN. (again is almost like my name Gian)

This has been going on for a couple of weeks now and I really want to get to the interviews and start listening to them, I have to, they are of the utmost importance within this reality and within understanding what is here and what I am working with in specificity to deprogram myself and rebirth myself as LIFE one and equal within understanding the mechanics of it all.

Because I know thought my own practical living that every single time I have listened to an interview I could say – Fuck that was super assisting and supporting, so why postpone and compromise?? When I know it is awesome every time like the lids of my eyes has been opened and I see.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone getting the latest Eqafe Products on my phone and listening to them due to me “apparently being too busy to take a few minutes to do this, and to within this say/backchat to myself I will definitely do it tomorrow and to within this never get to it as I say the same tomorrow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid the obvious Pattern hat I am following that is not within the best interest of all as myself and only compromising myself and thus everyone/thing I am in contact with and in the end the entire universe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use excuses for not breathing and doing it instantly in the moment that the point is here and to get it over with and move forward within my process instead of stalling and compromising myself and in the end create a mountain out of something that is so small.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use outside influences as excuses and reasons for not doing it as I have the time in the moment that I considered it, or to leave myself an alarm somewhere to do it once I am in a practical position to apply myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself it is useless to get the Interviews on my phone and to listen to the interviews while I work or do things that does not require me to interact with people much and to say – People will only disturb me while I am trying to focus on the interviews and to within this one point postpone and compromise myself from getting the Eqafe interviews such as the Quantum Mind and Animal interviews that is quite recent to listen to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to my mind as limitation to what is possible for me and what is not and to within that act on the limitations and to then confirm the limitations within my own self belief of it and make it real, not seeing and realizing that within the practical application of the physical it is/was more than possible for me to apply myself within getting the interviews on my phone and start listening to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify not getting the interviews on my Phone in the moment that I can because of back chat points that I have accepted and allowed to drive me/ Mind control me through my acceptance and allowance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to brainwash myself with reasons and justifications I make up within my mind all by myself of why I cannot get the Eqafe interviews on my phone right now and start listening to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Use the limitation of Time to reason and justify why I cannot get the interviews on my phone and start listening to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist/postpone getting the Eqafe interviews that I have been craving to listen to for so long now - within validating one thought in my mind “where I see myself already listening to them and “getting all the new info and staying up to date and informed and as I am doing this, let’s say out in the field, someone comes and bothers me as they want something from me or need me and I get upset or angry because now I have lost my focus on what was said and I lose all the info” and to within this one thought that I have attached a negative emotion to - as how I might experience myself and as wasting time if I get interrupted not take action and start somewhere.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Only want to listen to certain interviews and only get certain interviews within the belief that I do not need the other ones, seeing and realizing how I am limiting myself within separating myself from and as the other interviews and what they can teach me and show me to walk my process much more effective and specific in stability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT give myself the time that I have to give myself daily to actually support and assist myself within getting and listening to the Eqafe interviews daily so that I can support and assist myself and others as myself one and equal to bring about a new world that is best for all life as I rebirth myself in detail and specificity as life one and equal and to live the change practically.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself postponing getting the newest interviews on my phone to stop and breathe and slow down and to question the postponement within self honesty and to see if the point is self interest or best for all life and to check what is the back chat and what is the thoughts and the emotions/feelings that is within me controlling me from moving myself and directing myself as that which is best for all Life in all ways.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself compromising myself within postponing myself and my process and thus the process of all of LIFE to change this life through not getting the latest Eqafe Interviews that is of the utmost importance this life to hear - as it is from the portal that is nowhere else on earth - that can this LIFE support and assist us to see what is here in ALL dimensions so that we can take self-responsibility for all dimensions and to see the mechanics of how everything work so that we can rebirth ourselves as LIFE one and equal and bring about a world that is best for all life as we understand LIFE as ourselves and to do this within not postponing one point as simple as this and to move myself within self movement and not thoughts/feelings/emotions as they are all signs on brainwashing/mind control a the organic robot.

Day 174 – Postponing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I have something to do such as replying to an email that I just got, to within my mind think “ I will attend this email later with a proper reply” as a justification to why I am not breathing and doing immediately just because I do not feel like it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I receive an email to postpone the email within using the justification of “ I will attend this email later with a proper reply” just because I do not feel like it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I receive an email to postpone the email just because I do not feel like it right now and to within this forget about the email and later on when I am reminded of the email again have the justification of “ It is to late now I will respond to the email tomorrow as there is still enough time” .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I postpone the first time that I have accepted and allowed within myself to see it as justifiable to postpone the email again and again and that my justification will seem only reasonable within and a my mind to fit how I feel, not considering everyone equally involved within the email and how it will affect them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to train myself to not be able to immediately act and direct a point in the moment through postponement and where I tend to forget as the justifications become more and more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that postponing my emails is but one point that is visible within my world, and that this one point is only showing me that I am accepting and allowing it to exist within all areas of my life as self sabotage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself within postponing things within my life through dragging it out and causing more stress and anxiety within myself through holding onto one point all day and for even many day that i must still get to it and that never get to it and thus create more thoughts and feeling that I am slipping away from the point.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when and as I get an email and reply to the email through breathing and being here that it is over and done and the point is directed and that is the end of the story.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize how I create extra tension and stress for myself through postponement and how I PILE things up in my life where something become neglected and comes back to kick me in the ass with consequences that I have to face and walk that takes even more time and effort, where it could have only been a few minutes long if I did not postpone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make postponement acceptable within and as me, not seeing and realizing that I am not just postponing myself, I am in fact postponing everything that it effects and LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear acting in the moment and to within the fear rather postpone till I feel ready, not seeing and realizing that depending on how I feel can take up to a billion years, and thus it is to move and direct myself in and as breathe here and get it done and to prevent any consequences that is possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do things dependent on how I feel, not seeing and realizing that if I rely on a feeling to move and direct me that I will and might never get anywhere.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I accept and allow postponement within and as me and for me to be directed by how I feel that I am accepting and allowing it within others, not seeing and realizing that consequences of my actions and others, as I see that what if a doctor had to do surgery and me and he suddenly feels like not doing it and postpones rather – how would I like that?

I commit myself to when and as I see myself postponing to consider any and all outflows that is possible within my actions and to within that make a decision to direct and move myself that is not based on a feeling or fear or insecurity but to move and direct myself as that which is best for all life in all ways.