Day 539 - opening up points of fear and regret

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR letting go of the fears within me that I have used to define me and to thus guide me and control me and keeping me enslaved to patterns and behaviors that I believe is best for me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the consistent fear of not having money and security within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the consistent fear of being all alone in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the fear of what others think of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the fear of what others might do to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the fear of what this money driven system can do to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the fear of being harmed by other humans.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the fear of not having a roof over my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the fear of living the same way as billions of others do in this world, in poverty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the fear of losing what I hold dear through changing or through circumstances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my time and the time that I have within this world and not using it to my utmost potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the fear of doing something wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the fear of failing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the fear of being seen and actually being different from society.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself and what that might mean, which is unknown.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself as the unknown.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be trapped in this world system and not be able to change a thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the world coming to an end as an actual desire that I had as a kid, just ending everything, and now seeing this desire was actually a denial of a fear within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear JUST doing what I see I need to do in moments and to push myself beyond my fear in any moment to do what is required to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing things out of fear and to within this do things out of fear anyway.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from my fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my fears and deny my fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear this reality and the cruelty that exist within it, from the system to the human that created it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually take that step to truly change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not knowing what that actual first step is to actually change and to take a stand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself to the service of life absolutely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if the world/my life changes that I will face myself as who I am and what I could have done to bring change to this world that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that at the end of my life that I will face myself as regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear me facing my self-dishonesty at death as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and live as, as fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing myself as consequences that isn’t best for all life and that knowing that who I am currently isn’t yet standing as LIFE and thus I know where I must move my ass.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to already live in regret and to fear that because of this regret I will not be able to ever actually change anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my past as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and to define myself as and to within this fear that I will just die as a past and not as LIFE that is standing in absolute self-honesty and that I everything in my power to change this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking crazy within me expressing myself to bring change to this world that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear saying and speaking the common sense and the self-honesty that is required to be spoken to penetrate this reality and to bring change, starting with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will never get rid of my past as a current definition of who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing the truth about me into the core of who I am and to stand up from that and to see what is HERE for real as LIFE, where nothing is painted in thoughts/emotions/feelings to be something else, and to fear what I might see as OUR creation that is here of abuse and absolute dishonor to life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing the dishonor that I have existed as and still do to some extent towards LIFE.

Day 538 – The believe that what I know is always inferior to what others know

I have done hundreds of presentation in the past two years of my life, from one on one presentation to family presentations to doing presentations for dozens of people at a time. I have found within doing all of my presentations that I am confident, I know what I am talking about, my presentations are always mind blowing. But, this is because the information I am sharing with the people is something they are kind of familiar about, it is about education and learning and developing a child to reach their utmost potential within education and the education system that is here. This is easy, because it is accepted by everyone and within their vocabulary, thus their current accepted and allowed believes and ideas and opinions and the brainwashing of the system as the “normal”. So what happens when I go beyond that, outside of that? I have tested this many times, the results aren’t what one would think or believe. 

To give more context where I am coming from, I have to mention the following – I am part of a group/movement called Desteni, and I have been walking with this group/movement for the past seven years a fascinating journey, one that is most unexpected, many that read this will already know about all of this, many will not, so this is for those that doesn’t know, and to put it short, within this journey I have changed drastically in many ways. The person I used to be cannot be compared to who I am now. I have walked this journey within self-forgiveness and practically applying the corrections, developing self-honesty and common sense, where I do all of this within the principle of oneness and equality, as this is the principle of the universe and we are HERE as everything that exist, thus co-creators of LIFE in fact, we are responsible for what was, is and will come, by walking this Journey we remove all separation within ourselves and to stand one and equal as life to be able to take on FULL self-responsibility for what is here in all parts of life and to enable ourselves to in fact move and direct our realities and thus reality to change what is here to be what is best for all life, stopping abuse of life and creating heaven on earth – this is all written in a very short context – so please do not assume anything, to continue.

So basically walking this process with Desteni, it is my life, the process and re-birthing self as life and taking responsibility for myself as LIFE – and this means no matter where I go or what I do, I am always busy practicing what I learned and implementing what I have realized and testing out everything for myself and keeping what is best for all life, this does NOT mean I go around preaching to people about Desteni or what I have learned from Desteni, this does not mean I go around and make noise about a group or movement, this means WHO I AM is a living expression of what I have walked with the group/movement, this means over the years many things has become natural to me, it has become who I am, so I cannot suppress or just deny it, and thus I speak about it, I share my story naturally, when people ask me or tell me things that they see, I respond from my expression, within self-honesty and common sense, speaking from what is best for all life, this means taking all life into consideration and responding in equality to where each person is at, and always only what I have walked and realized for myself.

So obviously, EVERYONE I meet in this world belongs to a group or movement, may it be religious, and may it be just something “spiritual” or not, every person belongs to some group/movement, everyone has their Idea/believes/opinions coming from somewhere, so this sometimes create conflict and resistance within conversations.

What I have found as a reason is because what people are saying from religious groups, or from spiritual groups or other movements, comes from a very long line of history, so no matter how ridiculous or insane or non-sensical it may sound, it always is “right” – because it has been taken and seen as right for so long, and what I say or share or give perspective on coming from what I have learned and realized through walking my process with Desteni is so NEW, it is seen as just not acceptable, because it is so different – YET makes so much sense, and no one ever denied the common sense, it is always just a resistance or reaction.

In the past, I have given into these resistances and reactions, and actually for a while didn’t share or open up about me and what I stand by, just like how everyone else stand by something, no difference, just different in the message and the application, but I somehow gave power to the other peoples movements/groups and what they preach and say, as if it is more powerful and has more value and that it is more right, just because it is accepted by everyone with ease and comfort.

SO I realized an interesting point, why do people that is within other movements/groups as religion and spiritualism or just causes, so easily accepted each other being here and what they believe in and not resisted within what they say or preach? A side note, YES everyone has haters and people that goes against them, that’s kind of natural, but in general society, if a Christian and a Muslim or Atheist walk together in the same store, they are fine and KNOWING that what each one believe in is different and not the same, yet are okay, feeling some security, and that they are simply 100% okay with what they have as their group/movement within them, and they will preach and wear different cloths to show and display their groups/movements and they will with honor and pride share their principles and believes and everything that goes with it if asked. So the point that I had to investigate is why I am making what I am walking and living as weird and different within ME as and from my group Desteni, and thus creating the response from the outside world exactly what I am experiencing and expecting. And I came the one simple answer – FEAR, Fear of being different and not making it OKAY within me just like how ALL the other groups are doing it, and thus each group just respect each others believes so to say, sure there are global wars in the name of religion, but here in SA, everyone and every religion works together and live together, so I am coming from my reality/perspective as a cross-reference.

So I am applying what I live within what I am living to investigate my actions, where I feel I must keep myself secret and what I do, fear that what I have to say is less valuable or inferior to what others are saying and preaching, just because what they are saying or preaching has been here for thousands of years and so done within confidence.

I will write more on this point to come.