Day 51 - I cant stop this feeling.



Feelings and emotions, we experience them everyday as if it is normal, like they are happening TO us. And we can not do anything about them.

I am talking about good feelings and bad - mostly we love having the good feelings, and we hate having the bad emotions.

Yet the good feelings require the bad to be good, the bad require the good feelings to be bad.

So within self honesty I can see that the good and the bad feelings and emotions are dependent on each other, there s not way they can exist without each other, so I can see with common sense that as I accept and allow good feeling and bad emotions I am creating an endless cycle for myself in my life of UP's and DOWN's.

I can see and that through giving in to feelings and or emotions I am already creating the opposite of the one i am accepting and allowing, it is predictable, and this is consequences. Because we tend to follow feelings and emotions, we are curious and want to see if they are real, yet not realizing hat they are made up inside yourself as chemical reactions within the body through certain signals we are giving the body within the thought/thinking process all in the mind.

We create feelings and emotions, that is why each being will experience love a different way, each being will experience fear a different way, each being experiences their now feeling and emotions according to the mixture they placed in their pot and the chemicals mixed.

Understanding this I realize that feeling and emotions does not just happen to us, it does not just magically come to us, it actually takes a process within the mind such as thoughts/secret thoughts/back chat/thinking/memories/experiences etc that we accept and allow within our minds and then we create certain feeling and emotions about it based on our own limited perceptions and beliefs and ideas and then it exist within us, it did not come from outside into you/me/us

So stopping feelings and emotions isn't impossible, neither is it impossible to stop thoughts, we like to think so, so that we do to have to take self responsibility as the creators within this world for what we are accepting and allowing to exist within ourselfs and thus within this world as it is currently.

I see within self honesty that it is necessary that we stop thoughts/feelings and emotions, as it is not what is best for all life, as the world that we have created thus far is showing us it isnt best for all life, we have spend billions of years within this same state and yet it has not created a world that is best for all life, this is enough evidence in the physical to show that who we are currently, who I am currently isnt working, it isnt equal and one with LIFE as who we are, because we are living in submission to the mind, as if everything in the mind is happening to us, all feeling and emotions are happening to us.

This is dangerous, realize - a nuclear war all depends on how one man FEELS, the man that has to push the button, does he feel up to it today, did he have a sudden feeling that it is necessary. If we accept and allow one thought we give permission to our-self and all others to have the thoughts they want - murders,rapists, psychopaths, etc.

Because through accepting and allowing thoughts/emotions/feelings we are accepting ourselfs as less than life, not as creators, as being subject to the mind as energy as something that must first happen to us before we act, before we move - like slaves with a whip to the mind.

Self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that feelings is something that just happen to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that emotions is something that just happen to me.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that I am the creator of all the feeling and emotions I experience within me, as I am the one accepting and allowing them to be within me as I have created them within me through a process of thinking based on memories and past experiences that I have accepted and allowed to define me.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that all thoughts/feeling/emotions are memories that is stored within my body through past experiences and that when I feel a feeling it is me giving permission to the feeling to come up, or that I am creating the feeling through a process of thoughts/thinking and participating within the mind, realizing it isnt some magical thing happening to me but me doing it myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am powerless to do anything about the feeling/emotions/thoughts within me, realizing that it exist within me as memories as experiences and thus I can stop and direct me in each breathe as I am the source.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that feeling and emotions is something happening to me through anothers actions, realizing that the feeling/emotions could only have been created within my body through a chemical reaction that I have to give a signal to through the process of thoughts and thinking, realizing that I am the creator, the one accepting and allowing it, and thus I can stop it and be here in each breathe one and equal as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am my feeling and emotions without considering that yet without feelings and emotions I am still here.

I forgive myself that I have not considered the being as me that is without feelings and emotions, neglecting me as the physical though constantly zapping myself and filling myself with feelings and emotions to not face me as the physical as who I am one and equal as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that when I do not experience feeling or emotions I am still here and to completely deny that such a part of me exist even when I have had this very evidence as me in the past where I was still without feeling or emotions.

I forgive myself that I have not considered the extensive abuse the mind does onto the physical body through the process of thoughts and creating chemical reactions as feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that every time I give permission to thoughts/feeling/emotions that the mind has to actually physically draw the materials it requires from the body to create and manifest feeling/emotions and thoughts, realizing that it is actually feeding off the body for a temporary experience killing the body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that thoughts are more than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that feelings/emotions are more than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my responsibility as the creator as the one that accepts and allowed the thoughts/feelings/emotions within me to not have to face what I have accepted and allowed to exist within me and the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to stop the goof feelings, not realizing that all good feelings support bad emotions as they are one and the same supporting each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not feel like taking self responsibility for my thoughts/feeling/emotions, realizing that this is simply really a clear example how I am a slave to feelings and emotions and thoughts, that a feeling decides for me.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that as long as I accept and allow feeling/emotions/thoughts within me I am subject to them within all decisions I make and all I do in my life, realizing that I am in fact not living my life in each breath as what is best for all life as I am acting and reacting on thoughts/feelings/emotions the whole time that is of the past stored within the flesh as memories as past experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to be a slave to my past as thoughts/feelings/emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my thoughts/feelings/emotions and thus the mind as I fear who I will be or that there will be no one, not realizing that before I had feelings and emotions and thoughts as a child I was here, I existed I am alive and thus it shows to me that thoughts/feelings and emotions is simply side effects outcomes of what has been placed within me through my acceptance and allowance within past events, thus it is proof that without thoughts/feeling and emotions there is a being alive, me as life one and equal in and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the chemical reactions within my body as feelings and emotions to such and extent that I belief I am it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust feelings and emotions as being real and that I must follow my feelings and emotions, not considering I created them within me, thus it isnt even something that needs to follow, it is delusional and not real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief my thoughts/feelings and emotions and what I am showing myself through creating my own feelings/emotions within me as a result of secret back chat in my mind where I talk to myself, as this is not different than a mentally disordered person within the system.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that while I give attention to my feelings and emotions all day I am neglecting the physical world and that which really actually in fact matters in relation to life as that which gives me my very breathe, thus leaving the earth in my absence to thoughts/feelings/emotions to others to do as they please and I can not even be aware of it as I am trapped within my own mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give all power and attention to the mind and all my feelings and emotions to such an extent that I can not even consider a bug's life or how a bug functions, where it comes from and what part it plays on my existence, and for such a bug to be able to go extinct and in the end my life, as I was to imprisoned in my won mind through thoughts/feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unable to even consider that I am LIFE one and equal due to the extent that I have brainwashed myself to belief that feelings and emotions are real and that they are who I am, yet they come form me as I Create them, who is this I that creates them, find yourself as Desteni I process and see who you really are.

I commit myself to support myself within writing and applying self forgiveness within the 7 year journey to life blogs to expose to myself who I have accepted and allowed myself to be through accepting and allowing thought/feelings/emotions to govern my life instead of me.


I commit myself to stop the self abuse of submitting to thoughts feelings and emotions as if they are happening to me and to take self responsibility as the creator and to birth myself as life one and equal through supporting myself within the daily writing of self forgiveness and writing within the 7 year journey to life blogs.

I commit myself to show/expose how we have trapped ourselfs within our own creations as/from the mind and how we have brainwashed and enslaved ourself's within and as the mind and through this forgot who we are as LIFE and to bring about awareness that we are not powerless and that we are not subject to the mind and that we can exist without the mind imposing onto reality as the physical.

I commit myself to show and expose that for billions of years of existing within the mind consciousness system that we were and still is unable to create a world that is best for all life as the mind as self interest and that to only rebirth ourself's as the physical as life one and equal can be bring about that which is best for all life in all ways and create heaven on earth for all life through establishing the Equal Money system this life.



Day 50 – I have a crush on you, back to self.


This is a continuation from Day 49 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek in secret acceptance from another where the being within my mind as a secret crush accepts me completely as who I am, realizing that it is me who has to accept me and forgive myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to accept me and to appreciate me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create secret crushes on certain girls within my world whom I have judged as superior and more than me, and to take them within my mind into a relationship where they accept me and appreciate me in the totality of me as to making myself feel better about myself due to my own self judgments. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create secret crushes within my mind with girls where I can within my mind literally create and make up the other being as I want her to be to not judge me and to “ONLY” accept me, realizing that I do this in separation of what I have judged myself as and have accepted and allowed myself to be as who I am and through creating someone separate within my mind to instead accept me so that I do not have to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to literally make the girl I have a secret crush with in my mind somehow miraculously not judge all the same self judgments I have about myself and accept me for who I am exactly where i do not accept myself  realizing that this is only me seeking to hide behind fantasies and hopes instead of facing myself as my own self judgments and my own insecurities and to stand one and equal as who I am in and as the physical where my mind bullshit will not determine who I am, but I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to create secret fantasy crushes on girls within my mind to make myself feel good about myself, realizing it is only temporary and in my mind lol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create secret mind crushes on girl that I prefer to be in a relationship with yet I fear actually being in a relationship with such girl, thus I create it all in my mind as if I have a chance, realizing that I do this to not have to face my actual manifested self judgments that I have created about myself towards such girls that I fear being in a relationship with, as I have done this within separation within the mind as thoughts/beliefs/ideas about others in comparison with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately create some girls more than others within my world according to what I belief I like and want due to programming as a child through the education and the media that I was in contact with and so create only secret crush in relation to girls that I believe are the one's for me through utilizing the knowledge and information that was imprinted within me as what to like and dislike.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and make girls more within my mind then what they are within and as the physical, realizing that within his I am only compromising myself and all relationships I have with all people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place special value on certain girls within my life as being more or special, realizing that this can only be so within my mind as within the physical there is only flesh one and the same and anything more or less is all made up in my mind.

I commit myself to stop all fantasy/desires within my mind that I create about girls that I have secret crushes on through writing and self forgiveness to lay it all out for myself so that I can see the delusion and to from there start developing equal communication with all women/men and to not create and cause separation as more or less as and to live what is best for all life in all ways.

I commit myself to support myself within working on the points of desire/fantasy relationships that I create in my mind about certain girls as having a crush on them, and to stop the crushing of self and others within the mind through writing and self forgiveness and to stop the behavior that leads to all stalkers/rapists and to expose the mind as the evil it is, and that we have accepted something such as this as having secrets and secret crushes in our minds as normal behavior, and to bring to light the common sense that the same process and thoughts and feelings and desires and fantasies that I had that was seen as innocent is what rapist has before they rape, is what create stalkers and all kinds of mental people.

I commit myself to show and expose the mind that can only exist in secret as the evil it is, as the mind is hidden and in darkness where we all hide and talk to ourselves and think about stuff all alone, and that this simple points that expose the mind as it is should show everyone it is evil.

Day 48 - I have a crush on you, crushing you


Day 48 - I have a crush on you, crushing you

See how a crush on somebody is actually you crushing the being within your secret mind to accept you, to like you and to love you, having a crush on someone isnt far from how a rapist are born, the same process happens in the mind, some choose to follow the crush into a relationship and have sex, some forces the crush and the sex, but in the mind the thoughts, the play-out, the fantasies, the desire is all the same. Best to stop.

I had so many secret cruses on girls in my life, never having the guts to go up to them and introduce myself and start to know each other.

I kept the relationships all to myself in my head in secret, I would have probably spared myself hundreds of hours where I was stuck in my mind about some girl I had a crush on, if only I took the real time and went to talk with them and burst the fucking bubble relationship in my mind that consumed me and my life.

WHY - because I did not know the girls at all that I had secret crushes on, I only saw them, observed them, heard them. So everything about them that I like is made up in my mind - so the girl I have this secret crush on is literally everything I like because I am making her who I want her to be in my head where I only have my own limited knowledge/information and my own desires/fantasies etc that I now project onto her as if it is who she is and I like her for that, BUT when I go and talk to them it all goes away, because I realize what I created in my mind was all a delusion, and reality check is something different.

I never gave myself the reality check till I got older and wasted so much time in my mind

So why did I create secret crushes with girls in my mind within my environment, it was because I had certain insecurities, judgments, beliefs, ideas about myself that made me less than them in my mind, that made me feel like i will never in reality have a chance with them, and so I created it all in my mid, the secret crush was only a constant point of conformation to myself that I am not good enough, that I am less as I had to create the relationship within my mind and not in reality.

Time to end the mind relationship and create all relationships, realityships where all relationships are equal in and as the physical as life as that which is best for all, time to end the separation and mind fucks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less than certain girls/women within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to force girls in my mind in my secret relationships to like me and to accept me due to my own insecurities and not accepting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create secret relationships in separation of another being within my mind to feel acceptance through forcing the being within my mind to like me for who I am, realizing that the truth will be different and thus I compromise my communication within my world towards certain people as I know i am forcing the being in my secret mind to accept me and thus I will have shame and discomfort around them as I know I wasn't self honest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not good looking enough for certain girls and therefore create relationships within my mind where they always accept me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create relationships within my mind where girls always accept me to not have to face the reality of myself as who have accepted and allowed myself to belief who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing myself as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be within my own self judgments and beliefs and idea about myself when I am faced with in having to actually communicate with a girl that I have placed as more than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create some girls as more than other within my mind through my own judgment and believes of myself projected onto them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be insecure around certain girl and not around others as this behavior is only confirming my own insecurities as being real, never realizing that it is only who i accept and allow myself to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have back chat and certain thoughts about certain types of girls and within this create my own fear and insecurities based on my back chat and thoughts that I had that is based on my own self judgment and beliefs of myself and so when i face the girls I experience the energies that I generated within my mind as the thoughts and back chat.


I forgive myself that i have not realized that when i experience a energetic vibrant feeling/emotion within my body when I talk to a certain girl that I am only experiencing my own generated energy that I build up within secret as my own back chat and thoughts that is built on my own self judgments and beliefs I created within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create feeling and emotions towards specific girls that I want/desire/fantasize about in order to make them more than me within my mind so that the relationship I create within my mind may feel special, as I now belief I am able to have a relationship with someone that I never thought could be possible in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire relationship to make me feel accepted and to through this desire create secret relationship within my mind where i am always accepted, realizing that it inst real and only a delusion that I am creating to hide from who I have accepted and allowed myself to be as self judgment.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that all secret relationships within my mind will always be perfect as they are designed and constructed to be in polarity with my own self judgments and beliefs and ideas about myself to make me feel better about myself, instead of realizing that I have to face who I am as who i have accepted and allowed myself to be and change to that which is best for all life and not on polarity and energy as they always run out and require new fulfillment instead of simply being here with in and as breath as life one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to idolize certain women within my mind, realizing that within idolizing certain women I am creating a inferiority complex towards them and thus sabotaging myself within my world as I can not communicate with them or be a equal as them in the flesh, and thus I see that within idolizing some women above others due to physical characteristics I am supporting the beauty industry that makes billions of me as I will buy their magazines to simply watch and idolize women in separation of myself and self judgments of myself, companies know this and they will abuse it to make profits.

To be continued...




Day – 48 – bad boy continued.


This is a continuation of Day 47 – loving the bad boy

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when someone judges me as bad that it does not mean I am bad and therefore must now live as being bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when I accept someone else calling me bad that I am actually not bad until I go out and do physical things in my life and create myself as bad deliberately within my actions, and thus it is not the other person to blame as I am clearly self responsible for my own actions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the bad boy personality is just another personality that I have created myself through my own self judgments and insecurities.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I went out and started living differently within acting out in life against the system as being bad within spitefulness that I was actually only harming myself as I set myself on the path of self destruction, instead of realizing that the system is fucked up and the current limited way of life where society imposes good and bad onto people through their own self created believes and idea on what is good and bad instead of living what is best for all life and thus instead realizing that I must be self honest and change the god damn system to what is best for all life and to not accept and allow a system that is fear based and judgmental towards life as normal.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the bad boy act/personality was part of my ticket to getting sex as I learned that girls like bad boys and so I pursuit in my journey of self destruction to fulfill one desire of obtaining sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that being a bad boy to spite others is actually me spiting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the bad boy live just happened to me, suppressing and denying all the actions I took within the physical as living and creating events situations to have certain experiences to upgrade myself to a bad boy as where I made it part of me, and thus it did not just happen to me, I am responsible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself believe I am a victim within who I am and become through my own actions that I take.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself within my actions as if I cannot stop myself as if I am forced to do the thing si do as the bad boy, realizing that I can simply stop and change as I am the one moving and directing myself to do the things I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to the excitement of being a bad boy, realizing that the energy as excitement that I get from doing the bad boy things will run out and that I will seek it like a drug addict seeking his next hit, and that this will lead to me doing more and more extreme things that would lead to consequences that will harm me and others.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider the physical consequences I am creating for myself and others within trying to be a bad boy in spitefulness towards those tat has judged me as bad, realizing that I am only harming myself in spite of the evidence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to break down relationships in my world and hurting others through my actions as being a bad boy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a asshole as the ad boy act personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  gossip about other people and being nasty to them just to keep up the bad boy act as being better more and less limited as a self created believe based on the idea I have created about myself as being a bad ass, realizing I am only placing my judgments as gossip and my insecurities on others and projecting myself on them to hide my own shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a jerk towards my fellow humans and animals and plants in the name of being s spiteful shit through not taking self responsibility for myself and who I am, and giving away myself responsibility to accept and allow others to influence me as who i am and live it out in blame and self pity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as spitefulness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately abuse girls as the excuse of I am a bad boy – you should have expected it from me, realizing that I am within this only creating more consequences for myself as I break people and relationship around me till I am all alone and fucked within this world, realizing I created it for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse my body through drinking and drugs and fighting and doing crazy stunts to show off in the name of being a bad boy, realizing the physical consequences has a high price and then the bad boy will be a useless bag of meat at a early age or older.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in secret as a pretentious bad boy and to be a pretentious ass in front of others never finding out who I really am, as I decide who I am and not giving myself this chance through constantly feeding polarities on both ends missing myself completely.

I commit myself to look within my life where I access the bad boy personality and to see why, to write and to self forgive myself and to stop, to end the abuse caused within my world through spitefulness and blame and to take self responsibility as myself and to bring about a world that is best for all life and not what is based on stupid made up rules of right and wrong, but rather what is practical and best for all life (plants, animals, humans etc) and to stop the creation of mental unstable humans that has split personalities in secret and in front of others and create mental disorders that the medical industries and psychologist make billions off.

I commit myself to expose the current believes and rules of the world as it exist now as not being what is best for all life or any individual as it is based on fear and right and wrong and not what is best for all life as common sense but on stupid make believe ideas/opinions that is based on self interest and imprinted into the children and then play out as mental disorders where the child is constantly in a fight for what is write and what is wrong instead of real values and principles that is best for all life in all ways, thus establishing the equal money system is the path as the common sense system.

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