Day 174 – Postponing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I have something to do such as replying to an email that I just got, to within my mind think “ I will attend this email later with a proper reply” as a justification to why I am not breathing and doing immediately just because I do not feel like it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I receive an email to postpone the email within using the justification of “ I will attend this email later with a proper reply” just because I do not feel like it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I receive an email to postpone the email just because I do not feel like it right now and to within this forget about the email and later on when I am reminded of the email again have the justification of “ It is to late now I will respond to the email tomorrow as there is still enough time” .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I postpone the first time that I have accepted and allowed within myself to see it as justifiable to postpone the email again and again and that my justification will seem only reasonable within and a my mind to fit how I feel, not considering everyone equally involved within the email and how it will affect them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to train myself to not be able to immediately act and direct a point in the moment through postponement and where I tend to forget as the justifications become more and more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that postponing my emails is but one point that is visible within my world, and that this one point is only showing me that I am accepting and allowing it to exist within all areas of my life as self sabotage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself within postponing things within my life through dragging it out and causing more stress and anxiety within myself through holding onto one point all day and for even many day that i must still get to it and that never get to it and thus create more thoughts and feeling that I am slipping away from the point.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when and as I get an email and reply to the email through breathing and being here that it is over and done and the point is directed and that is the end of the story.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize how I create extra tension and stress for myself through postponement and how I PILE things up in my life where something become neglected and comes back to kick me in the ass with consequences that I have to face and walk that takes even more time and effort, where it could have only been a few minutes long if I did not postpone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make postponement acceptable within and as me, not seeing and realizing that I am not just postponing myself, I am in fact postponing everything that it effects and LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear acting in the moment and to within the fear rather postpone till I feel ready, not seeing and realizing that depending on how I feel can take up to a billion years, and thus it is to move and direct myself in and as breathe here and get it done and to prevent any consequences that is possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do things dependent on how I feel, not seeing and realizing that if I rely on a feeling to move and direct me that I will and might never get anywhere.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I accept and allow postponement within and as me and for me to be directed by how I feel that I am accepting and allowing it within others, not seeing and realizing that consequences of my actions and others, as I see that what if a doctor had to do surgery and me and he suddenly feels like not doing it and postpones rather – how would I like that?

I commit myself to when and as I see myself postponing to consider any and all outflows that is possible within my actions and to within that make a decision to direct and move myself that is not based on a feeling or fear or insecurity but to move and direct myself as that which is best for all life in all ways.