Day 472 - Anxiety before Interactions on topics

Why do I have anxiety just before I interact with another being, to be more specific, a stranger? And to be even more specific. When I am interacting with a stranger about a specific topic.

The answer is simple – now they self, and within this specific topic I can say that if one does not know oneself then there are some parts of self that one is leaving up to random events to direct, this direction will come from the input from others and what feelings/emotions/reaction the input is creating and then one will react on that – and this is the part of self that self-know about and that have an anxiety about it.

Why does this exist, yet again simple and direct, because if it is topic related and one is proclaiming a stance within the certain topic and one isn’t fully informed on the topic one is proclaiming a certain stance within, then one will always be anxious talking to others about it because it’s a defense mode, where one is already in the expectation of having to face self within a certain question that might come up and then not standing within and as the stance one is proclaiming within the certain topic.

If that isn’t simple and direct enough – here is another explanation – if you are a Christian or a Car sales man or a waiter or if you are whatever you claim and you are standing as such a point, But you have not investigated and researched and explored and red everything and anything you can about it and all that consists of it in self-honesty and common sense, then you will always be anxious before talking to a stranger on the topic at hand as you know you are standing as something but are not living it in fact as the facts.

This counts for anything in life – preaching and speaking does not mean anything, as long as there are anxiety it is revealing a pattern of self, the pattern is created specifically to avoid the areas in one’s life that one has not perfected yet, the anxiety is a mechanism that self has put into place to generate fear as to jump-start the pattern that has worked successfully as a COPING mechanism, if one is in fact living the certain topic at hand, no coping mechanism is required as it is who you are as a living example, in the facts.

So what have I come to do for myself – with everything I am currently participating within my life, where ever I see I am within anxiety – I stop myself and I realize I am not going into a pattern, I take a breather to look at the pattern and what it is – I find the point for why I created the specific pattern in the moment, I forgive myself and I correct myself, I do this till I see there is no more anxiety.

There are layers of this and one has to be patient and slowing down is a key.

So now I can take this a more recent event – I am a friend to many families, helping them within their lives with and giving families the opportunity of a life time, so I am in a family’s home, there is NO anxiety because I am one hundred percent certain of what I do as I have been doing it for a long time, not helping families, but what I am presenting to them I have used and done myself WAY before I ever entered a home, so I know I have lived it and I have seen the result and I am still living it, so I am not preaching, I am sharing I am giving them facts and result and I am enjoying it, but as I go on within helping the families, I will face one moment of anxiety, the anxiety might come just before finances are discussed.

This is already giving me an indication that I am falling into a pattern, the pattern is revealed through the anxiety being like a red light going off, showing a weakness within me.

My weakness is that ALL my life I have helped people in my life for free – with extreme points in other peoples live, never expecting anything, so I am not obviously a grown man with my own family, and now Like the system demands I have to have money, I took my passion for helping people into making it my LIFE, but now I have to ask for money in return because I need bread on the table and to take care of my family.

But my weakness if Feeling bad when I ask for money for my service and product, because in my heart I feel it must be for free, yet nothing in this world is for free, otherwise I would be a beggar with my family on the street helping no one.

Now I feel insecure about working with finances with a family within helping the family, and thus when It comes to the point of money I am anxious, as I know I am going to present the finance part as being a “dislike” and thus they will also dislike it and end up saying they LOVE it but will not take it.
Thus here I got anxious and communicated in anxiety to the people, and thus I fell into the same pattern and made the same mistake, because I am not yet LIVING the money part as me as being comfortable within me

Thus it’s a weakness of mine that I need to work on and make it strength for example. So how do I do this, as you can see the help I am presenting to the family I am way confident and comfortable with because I have in fact lived it and done it myself, before ever presenting it to anyone else, But the one part I have never done before is still the anxiety part, a weakness, I have not yet lived it and expressed it as me as fact as the other part.

And how do I get to doing it, through ding it, and making mistakes as soon as possible so that I can find my point of expression and live it, fearing making the mistakes to learn is a waste of time, because the mistake will bring forth what one needs to learn and learn it and then LIVE it. Become one with it. But the anxiety will make one run and hide from making such simple decisions of doing/living and learning and correcting and thus perfecting.

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