You have tried many times to change your life, you have tried many times to change yourself, but the patterns seem to just be stronger, it seems impossible to change who you are, you know you NEED to change, you know your situation needs to change, you know that this change is literally just in front of you, and that is probably what is the most frustrating part about the story of change, it is always RIGHT here, you can feel it, you know it is here, yet there is something else that just isn’t here to take that one step, from a limited victimized self to a self that is living their utmost potential.
Sometimes you might just feel like screaming and to get it out of the way, to just let it all go, to just say - till here and no further, but even that scream, you hold it back. Because you realize it won’t change anything but maybe hurt your vocal cords, or perhaps because you know the scream inside of you isn’t possible to be screamed.
You have a job, you have to earn money, you have a family, either your own or the one you come from, you have fun moments and you have things that you do sometimes that you enjoy, but when you are alone by yourself, that is when the real shit comes through, the part that no one knows, the part that is hidden, it is your burden to carry (you tell yourself).
Life is one big mess, we have political problems, we have economic problems, we have global environmental problems, we have so many problems in this world that needs to be sorted out, but it is all too much, because you, just like me, have to deal at the same time with where we are stuck, where we were born and our own life’s, you know you need to work and earn money and you know this is taking most of your living of your LIFE and you know that the job you have isn’t secure because the system we live in is the most unstable system we could have ever build a society on and make people dependent on it.
You see your planet being destroyed piece by piece and yet you know there is nothing you individually can do right now to change it, so you continue your days as all ways, just go to work, survive and earn money. Then spend the money you earn to make your part as your life in this world not so shitty as much as possible, to buy a chocolate or have a cuppachino, because you know having the money to buy something like that in a moment when you want to is a comfort, as 75% of the other people on earth do not have that luxury, I mean only 1,5 billion people have access to the internet, well can afford to be on it. So even just switching on the WIFI and browsing useless sites is like a confirmation to yourself that all is still okay (for you that is).
Yes I understand, what else is there to do, what else can you possibly spend your time on and your money, it isn’t like the world is going to change tomorrow by doing something different now and for the next ten years, so instead you will do nothing, or try and do something, but only bare minimal, because the idea is in your head, that maybe something will change, or maybe not, and give the maybe not a bigger chance inside yourself, and because of that do as little as possible for in-case nothing changes you didn’t waste your time on doing all the things that you did do, to maybe change the world. But who knows. You know.
And here you are again, a time loop, each year after year after year, standing in front the mirror of self-reflection, having to make that one decision to change, yet year after year the pattern has already been patterned through your own behavior to do the same thing as the year before, halfhearted, a big disbelief that guides the decision, a disbelief patterned only by yourself through your own actions, not realizing that all the evidence of no change is directly leading back to your own actions, the bread crumbs lay in a circle, like a snake eating its own tail, senseless isn’t it?
Do you see now why you always know that the moment for change is right here, it is as if it is just in front of you, you just have to make that one different move or decision and to live it, but you don’t, but you know you can do it NOW right here, you know you have that power, you know inside of yourself that it is the most possible thing ever, and the sad part is, because you know it is right here and that you know you can do it here in the breath that is present, you have simply created another belief, I can or might as well do it tomorrow then, why not? I know I can – so why now, what is one more day to wait. This is where the scary honest part comes in, you realize that you actually have come to find comfort in your limited version of yourself, you have actually come to enjoy the abuse of life of yourself onto yourself, you actually enjoy all the limitations, the FEAR has become the beacon of trust, as soon as fear arise, you rather follow that, you have learned to trust the fear.
And so your days continue day after day the same, even when you participate in movements for change, you know it will soon just become part of your daily routine of comfort, you know that soon this movement of change is still within your comfort zone, your boarders of comfort lined out inside of your own mind through society and all the systems that is here as the very things you want to change you find comfort within, you know that soon this movement of change that you are participating within will simply remain the same movement, the movement won’t change, it won’t really do anything in this world and soon you will just participate within this movement for change as if it is an activity, nothing real, nothing substantial, not pushing it as far you can push yourself, because you aren’t pushing yourself, that maybe of it won’t change anything and half-heartedness got the bigger chance inside of yourself, now minimal movement becomes the goal within the movement for change, it is like laying in hospital on life support, instead of supporting LIFE.
And now, if you can see what I am saying, if you can relate to what I am saying, you will understand the heading of this post, it isn’t about forgiving ME the writer of this post, as everything in the Universe leads back to who you are in reverse, we must change the heading of Forgive me, to self-forgiveness, you must forgive yourself. Because in each and every moment that you know you have the opportunity to change, to change the moment to bring forth that utmost potential in yourself, where you know you can do it now but instead do not, and you feel that there is just something missing, then here I am saying, that something that is missing is you forgiving yourself, you can feel these word in your core, you just want to scream it, but you know that is just an accumulation.
Instead take a practical step, take a breathe and make the change, forgive yourself for whatever reason in that moment is already pre decided in your mind, in the moment that you are going to use to justify your change and the change to this world and instead let go of fear, let go of the sadness that keeps accumulating inside yourself for not standing for yourself, and live. Be alive.
There is a very fine line between actual change and just change, see the difference is in the words, just change is Justified change, where one can still justify their change to others as a reason/way for an excuse to remain in a comfort zone in alignments with the abuse of the world that exist here, to not seem that far out, yet isn’t that what is required to bring actual change to a world that if literally fucked, change that is far out from this current world, isn’t that the only real indication that there is real change, what is scientific proof if it isn’t first met with research and proof that seems or is far out, and then proven correct over time, and soon implemented. But fear takes the cake. And to clarify, do not confuse actual change with irrational change, irrational change is when it isn’t in alignment with all that is here, it is a change that isn’t best for all. I mean changing self in a manner of living what is best for all should bring all people together, it should bring realness to life, it should bring real joy to life, and it should bring a change forth in others as you. Not fear and irrationality and discord.
Perhaps the fear for actual change is the misunderstanding or what actual change is, the fear of the unknown, would we prefer a world that gets fucked by war and famine and bloodshed and tears, or rather a world that is shaken by some real common sense and self-honesty and new messages and ways to life that can bring resolve to the problems we have personally and on a global scale where NONE of the bloodshed and tears is required. Which fear wins, most people prefer war and death over having a bad social status. How messed up is that.
I forgive Myself..