My first point on this topic took place on Day 10
It has been Five Days since I write a Blog, I have been busy and I have been tired, Yet I have had MORE than enough time after getting some rest, to write a blog.
The secret reason for not writing or that I have been postponing writing for the past five days, Is because I had a moment with Leila where we were doing word re-definition on the word Yes.
I have come to some REAL feedback within where I stand within writing and how I have pushed myself within writing.
And doing the Writing and the Self forgiveness and the commitment statements with Leila I was able to see how awesome Leila is within her word placement, and being specific and following structure within how she places the words, and what hit me the most was That Leila could see what I could not see. This ended up being the obvious.
Within that moment of that observation, I Judged myself as being less then, and within this I have placed myself back two steps within myself, instead of breathing and taking one step forward through learning and correcting myself.
I was also hit hard by how way more specific Leila was within her words because she actually knew many words to describe for instance one thing but with different angels to it, where I had only that one word dimension.
I felt down and heavy, like pressure on my chest, I also within this judge every single thing have ever written as NOT good enough, because of what I have seen now that could be possible through simple things such as writing and actually looking/seeing what I am writing and focusing on all dimensions on what I am writing.
So I have been not writing for the past five days and I have been postponing facing ME/Myself within my writing, because now that I have seen what is possible, I know I cannot go back to how I did writing, and the resistance is to actually push myself within my writing to go there, to be that, to live that has to be walked through.
One of my Ego problems is that I do not like to ask for help, so I have been looping within this exact same point within writing for a very long time.
I told Leila about this point within writing and what I am facing, and we discussed the point, we came to an agreement that I write my Blog every day and send it to her for a check.
I am also not disregarding my improvements, I have definitely improved within writing and within reading and I have definitely changed a lot within and through writing. I am now at the next step that needs to be taken which I have been postponing because of a Ego point, a fear of asking for help and admitting I am stuck.
I have been stuck for a long time and I knew that by asking for help I would not be stuck, but instead I as the ego pretended to be okay and to continue on the same path.
So My writing within my Journey to Life Blogs has been a success, I have through every day writing and placing myself in words visible to all, exposed myself day after day, I have written proof that I cannot hide from that I have been accepting and allowing as the ego. And here I have had enough.
I am ready to help myself through asking and accepting and allowing help to be given.