Day 190 – Anger misplaced towards Animals Part 1

Me with Baby Birdie PUF.

Recently me and my partner got a new birdie in our room, the birdie at first was awesome, she ate the food we gave her immediately and she ate a lot of it, she screamed and ate the food and it was all good.

I have no problem with the screaming as I have worked through sounds with the parrots a lot that we have in our room, five of them lol.

So after a day, not that long, the birdie already started changing quite quickly, I can understand as the birdie is small and the growth of the birdie happens much faster than human growth so over night change is possible – but now the feeding of the birdie has become really difficult, just like that.

So I see I have created a desired way of dealing with animals and working with them a positive way, this must be easy and co–operative and teamwork. because I am helping the birdie and thus the birdie must be grateful and show the gratefulness within working with me (this is obviously a mindfuck and self righteous within the religion of self)

So when the next day came and the birdie was asking for the food with the regular screaming she makes – I was already ready with the food as I wake up early to get it all ready and have the food still warm for her – so I wen to her with the food and I was talking to her and making noises as I know she responds to the sounds I make.

When I took the food out and she was opening her mouth and ready to receive the food. I took the food to her mouth and she suddenly closed her mouth, this was different behavior from the previous day, so I asked her what is it, here is the food eat it. This is where the opposite outcome takes play in what I desired as the negative.

She refused and I saw I had to improvise, I started making more sounds and more movements as I was trying to mimic how a bird might look like when coming in to feed the baby.

As all of this was happening I saw within my mind as a thought how she does not eat and dies suddenly or reject the food and die from starvation or even how the food we are giving her was causing her death slowly and she was trying to tell us, I became concerned about this as I now have the fear of losing the birdie while I am in direct responsibility of caring for the bird and the bird trust me with her life and I do not have a clue what is wrong and how to help her.

So as I was holding the birdie on my hand and trying to feed her, she just kept on doing the same movements, she would scream for food and she would every time move her head away from the food that I bring her and look downwards – this started to piss me off – I asked her why she is screaming for food but not taking it, it is warm and it is food that I know supports her body because we have raised a previous birdie just like her with the same food. Obviously I was only getting angry at myself because I have created an expectation of a desired outcome of how I wanted thing to be like and now it isnt as that.

So the back chat started coming up after I had the thought and the reactions to the thought – as the back chat was in response to the thoughts and emotions feeling coming from the thoughts.

The back chat was angry and reactive – I would take a deep breathe as I know that the anger isn’t real or has anything to do with her as I am the one experiencing it within me, and I am aware of the thoughts and the emotions and feelings and that they are all coming from past memories/experiences that I have had with birdies and how they all died. now I fear this happening again so I get angry at MYSELF for feeling that I might be powerless to do anything – so I went to the other option that we have used a few times that kept the birds alive.. definitely – and that is to force feed the baby birdie.
Now force feeding isnt harsh or abusive – it is simply where you take the birdie in your hands and hold her and then open her mouth and place the food in – from there she swallows the food herself.

I have been doing this now the the last few days and I am still getting angry and having back chat coming up that is self righteous and that wants to inflict punishment on the birdie for not working together – that is how I was taught in school how to deal with situations where people do not work together – Punish them with abuse and physical harm till they submit and give in.

I also see this is a pattern that plays out in my life in many other places. I also noticed that this is the exact same behavior and thoughts/backchat that takes place in all the people in the world that abuses animals in Zoo’s and in reserves and in circuses and all over the world all the time, some simply have the privacy and time and resources and authority to abuse animals extensively because such thoughts/backchat re-occur all the time and takes hold of people and possesses them even thought they started out with Good positive intentions. It is really easy if one does not have tools such as self forgiveness and daily writing and Breathing and basic understanding how how thoughts/feelings/emotions work and come from. Investigate Desteni - Join us if you dare and support and assist yourself with Eqafe Products

To be continued with self forgiveness