Day 440 - waiting till the last minute Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait till the last minute to arrange meetings with people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait up until the last minute to re-arrange meetings or appointments with people.

I forgive myself, That I have accepted and allowed myself, to wait till the last minute to call people or to notify people about changes in plans.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to compromise myself and others, though NOT considering both ends equally and one, within the arrangements, or appointments that has been made, and when they are being changed, and to within this, create a constant anxiety within me, in relation to what I know I should have been doing, Yet I postponed till the last minute.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to postpone notifying others about appointment or meetings that has to be changed, In the fear, that if I notify them, that they will react, or take it personally, or that I will be questioned about why, and using not knowing how to explain myself to them, and my situation as an excuse, I then instead go into resistance of doing it now, and thus postpone it till the last minute, when I have no choice but to go there.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to NOT see and realize, that this is a point of choice, where I still believe that I have a choice, and to within this always postpone till the last minute, where there isn’t any choice anymore, when in fact, all that is being shown to me is that there never was any choice, I simply deluded myself, and to within this delusion of choice give away my authority, my power, within moving myself to do what needs to be done, and to then create dishonesty within me, where I then live within dishonesty, and thus create consequences of fear/anxiety and stress that then becomes my prison, where I am trapped within the experience of myself as it all being real, and to within this always repeat the pattern, never learning or changing for the best, to be my perfect self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude myself within believing I have choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within the illusion of choice.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that choice is a weakness within me, a trap that I fall for, a comfort zone that I do not realize as being a limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find comfort as a way of hiding from my fears within the illusions of choice.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize the truth of how I have deluded myself within choice, when, even in situation like where I have to call someone to tell them I can’t be there for a meeting, leave it till the last minute, as if I had a choice, when the truth and fact is I don’t – and thus now seeing the extend of how I have accepted and allowed myself to fool myself with choice.

To be continued.

Day 439 – Frustration, Communication and Words Part 4

Day 436 – Frustration, Communication and Words Part 1.
Day 437 – Frustration, Communication and Words Part 2.
Day 438 – Frustration, Communication and Words Part3.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the power words have for granted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge words as unimportant throughout my life and to thus never focus on developing my vocabulary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the vocabulary I do have as just not good enough for me to get round, never developing myself to be better and to be effective within the words I use and live.

When and as I see myself judging myself and my vocabulary as not being good enough for communicating, I stop, I breathe – I give myself a chance to explore myself and my vocabulary and to express myself as my vocabulary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my ego to run away from words and learning new words and to instead just rely on energy and focusing my words on jokes and talking bullshit and thus compromising effective communication.

When and as I see myself running away from learning new words/vocabulary, I stop, I breathe – I instead focus on what is here and to give it a try to push through the resistance and the self-limitations of what I have judged new vocabulary as.

When and as I see myself focusing using my words/vocabulary and my time and energy only on making jokes, as a way of avoiding using the words I know and can use but don’t want to just because my ego do not want to as a way of hiding my own potential from myself just to remain in my comfort zone, I stop I breathe – I give myself the time and breathing to put together my words/vocabulary and to speak them once I am clear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to undermine myself within learning new words and expanding my own vocabulary.

When and as I see myself undermining myself within learning new words/vocabulary – I stop, I breathe, instead I give myself the time and the breathes I have to go there and to learn new words/vocabulary and to stop the inferiority position I am creating and accepting and allowing within myself a the words I live as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me learning new words and vocabulary as my demise as it conflicts with my self-belief – and to within this never push myself to expand.

When and as I see myself learning new words and it meaning the end of myself as y ego as the limitations and inferiority position I have taken on within myself as my ego to have the ego as my personality where I use not knowing words as a personality trait that keeps me as the ego intact – I stop, I breathe - I see and realize the pattern/reasons/justification and why I have them as the ego, and thus I take self responsibility for myself and my own creation of who I am, and to within this not accept and allow myself to exist as the limited ego and all that keeps the ego in place and to push myself beyond and learn new words/vocabulary – as the words I know are the words I live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the self-belief I have of myself as who I am within not learning new words/vocabulary. Seeing and realizing the resistance I have towards learning new words/vocabulary is the mind protecting itself within the personality design.

When and as I see that I am resisting to learn new words/vocabulary – I stop, I breathe – I see and realize that it is the mind protecting itself through not wanting to go there, thus I Breathe and move myself regardless of the resistance that is here till I have proven to myself that the resistance is but a resistance and does not mean anything I would make myself belief.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am the personality that I have assumed since child where I belief that I am not capable of learning new words/vocabulary and to within this belief actually not learn new words/vocabulary – seeing and realizing that it’s not real but only me making/creating it to be real within my actions and attitude towards it.

When and as I see myself having an attitude of limitation within my actions towards learning new words/vocabulary, I stop, I breathe, I change my attitude to be that of expansion of self-perfection of not living as the limited me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall in the trap of personality designs of myself and to delude myself that they are real and Who I Am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear learning new words/vocabulary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief that even if I do learn of a new word that I will just forget it, and to within this already give up and not learn new words.

When and as I see myself being in fear when I have to learn new words/vocabulary, I stop, I breathe, I see and realize that being in fear towards the point is me as my being, being contaminated by a chemical reaction within my body that then overwrites the actual ability as the body as me as the physical to actually learn quantum time with no fear, no fear needed at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not push myself to learn new words/vocabulary based on the belief that it will just be a waste of time, because I will just not remember and forget, and thus it’s not worth me.

When and as I see myself in a mood or state of not pushing myself to learn new words/vocabulary based on a self-belief I have of myself as not being able/capable of learning new vocabulary, I stop, I breath, realizing that this self-belief that I am continuing to direct me is keeping me in a state of never going there, never even considering to push myself, not even seeing that vocabulary is important till it is to,late, and thus I move myself, I direct myself to deliberately expand and grow my words/vocabulary as a result of growing and expanding myself.