Day 127 – Being Skinny – The machine Within Part 13.

This is a continuation of day 126 on the point of looking at all the points that I can see within myself that is Still Here as what I am holding onto and applying Self Forgiveness. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the body, as if the body isn’t me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to fully consider that I am in fact the body and what that implies.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that as I am the body in fact, I decide what is happening to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in and as the belief that everything that is happening to my body I ca not prevent or change.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I am existing as the mind as energy and thus as the mind I influence the body through that which I resonate myself with, and through this resonance as the thoughts/feelings/emotions and back chat I am creating my body and influencing my body, realizing that as I do not understand the physical or the body or how the mind functions I have no directive principal over what is happening yet I am doing it, thus I see and realize that I have to learn and educate myself on how the mind works and the body and to within this take self responsibility equally for both, and to rebirth myself as life as that which is here as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the body/flesh through existing as the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as the mind through the body which leads to physical consequences that I can not understand as I have separated myself from the body to exist as the mind and thus anything that is happening with the body is always a “mystery” to me, realizing that the mystery is solved once I look at Who I am as existing as the mind instead of as the body as the flesh that which is real and which is being abused for the entertainment of the mind as self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the mind in separation of the body/flesh without considering that there will be consequences living in separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself as the flesh as the body as who I am in fact as Life one and equal., and as long as I exist as the mind as energy I will only manifest consequences that will be bared on the flesh to show to me what I am doing as who I am.

Ito be Continued with Commitment Statements.

Day 126 – Being Skinny – The Machine Within Part 12

Continuing from Day 115 Part 1 taking quotes and applying Self Forgiveness accordingly.

Self Forgiveness – this I will apply through looking at all the points that I can see within myself that is Still Here as what I am holding onto.

I approach this through breathing and looking at myself and as I breathe I speak the word Skinny – and withing this I see what is here – for instance as I say Skinny I have a reaction towards it, a fear, now what is the fear the fear I see is “lack” – fear that I am lacking something, either within my body that I get in through foods, or through a Belief/idea/opinion and so forth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and idea about skinny being bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the word skinny that I have judged as bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within self judgment within being skinny and that other will see me as less than.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being less than other being skinny and being a male.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure when someone says I am skinny within the self judgment of “I am small and weak and the skinniness conforms it”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge being a male and being skinny as being weak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being weak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to be strong and not weak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value in strength, realizing that strength is to take what your weakness is and to make it a strength.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to feel vulnerable being a male and being skinny as we live in a world of where the belief exist that the strongest survive, realizing that as long as I belief and live out that being skinny is weak I am supporting such a world where only the strong survive and where the weak is cast out, instead of creating a world where the strong supports the weak and the weak supports the strong to be supportive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being weak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear strong people and that they will take advantage of me as bullying me or wanting to fight me or wanting to harm me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being harmed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being physically harmed in a situation where someone physically bigger than me can easily over power me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being physically over powered by another human due to having a reasonable bigger size body then me and that I will be harmed and can not do anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the fear of being harmed physically by another human created and made myself a weapon within and as the mind in such a way that I will harm others first before they can harm me, realizing that within my fear I am actually the only harm around.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to other males just because they are bigger than me in their physical designs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to other males and to within the comparison within my mind belittle myself and make myself feel less than, realizing that in fact I am not less than them or more but that I am only creating it so within my mind and becoming/living the manifestation of my thoughts/judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to walk this earth as the earth as who i am as the flesh, and to instead search for an image/idea that I preferred all my life befor4e I can walk and breathe, realizing that I do not know the future and that I can for all I know waist my entire life searching and trying to achieve this image before I start to live life as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I will only get rid of the fear I have towards other human being once I achieve the body I belief will give me the confidence I require.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from and as confidence and to seek it outside of myself in a future projection, instead of realizing that I can bring confidence here as WHO I decide to be in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when and as I see/observe other ,ales with well built bodies, that I am not desiring the type of bodies they have for myself, but that I am desiring what they present as having confidence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect confidence to what type of body I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being confident with myself because of the self judgments I have about myself and my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I do not have the right to be confident with myself because of being skinny, realizing that this is a typical pre-programmed design and a result of a consumerism society where the media portray that only “healthy LOOKING” people can be confident and have self trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall for the trap of consumerism where it is presented to the people that only healthy LOOKING people can be confident, creating a world of people that is insecure and do not trust themselves all based on how they look and so Capitalism has created the perfect conditions for consumerism as people will now do anything to look good and healthy to only then have confidence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FALL for the beliefs/ideas/opinions that are portrayed by the media based on a profit driven society where anything and everything will and can be used against you to make profit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach an idea of being skinny as being bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attache a negative feeling/emotion to the idea I have about being skinny.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge being a skinny male as being bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge skinny males as being less than and inferior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being skinny as being a bad thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad about being skinny due to the ideas I have created about being skinny.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the idea I have created about being skinny comes from memories and past experiences that I have identified as myself and so created a character for myself as being skinny.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shit for being skinny.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself for being skinny.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate me as the body for being skinny.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself for not gaining weight no matter what I have tried.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have tried everything yet as there is one more option and thta is to make peace with myself as the body and to focus on living as that which is best for all life and to instead be here as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when and as I hate myself or being skinny I am actually only feeling powerless to change myself and within feeling powerless I become angry and depressed, instead of breathing and to stop the mind fuck that does not do anything practical for me and only compromises my life as proven through space and time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the feeling of being powerless to change my body and to thus give into depression and anger.

To be continued...

Day 125 – Being Skinny – The Machine Within Part 11.

Continuing from Day 115 Part 1 taking quotes and applying Self Forgiveness accordingly.

Quote 9: “what is the belief of myself that I am imposing/trying to live out that takes all my energy, instead of living here in breathe as the physical.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I must be muscular.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief of myself of that I must be muscular to be a man.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define being a man according to how big and how much muscles a man has.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define being a man according to muscles.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief that I must be muscular to be respected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect respect with how big and how much muscles I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a Belief a religion of myself that I must always be ABLE to do anything at anytime and thus I must always physically be ready – thus I belief to always be physically ready my body must be in a certain shape that reflects that I am always ready.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place being always ready to work/act and taking self responsibility in, that I must be physically built for such things, realizing that I have already proven to myself over time and a lot of work in my life even while being skinny that how big and how my muscles look had nothing to do with any of that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in fear of the unknown as to when something MIGHT happen and to within this fear want/desire to prepare my body to the ultimate to always be ready just in case, realizing and understanding that living in this behavior I am actually only creating my fear through my actions/behaviors.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I must be ready to physically fight and kill other humans just in case with my body and so within this fear of physically having to fight someone and that I might die, excessive and break my body in the preparation of the fear manifesting, realizing that within such behavior I am killing myself and harming myself and thus I do not need another human to beat me up as I am doing it myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief that my body is useless and through this PUNISH my body physically through the way I move and push my body constantly telling my body – you are not good, you such, you are a bad body, I hate you for the way you are and that I will only love you if you change.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how I am abusing my body and that the signals I am giving my body daily through my actions and what those actions are signaling/telling my body and that my body will respond in return.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I have to work with my body in oneness and equality to have actual effect – as it is all about the starting point as LIFE and what is best for all LIFE in all ways and as this is only a matter of WHO I am.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that as long as I force anything onto my body or into my body I am in FACT giving my body the judgment signals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my body and to within this force my body within physical actions to change to the other “good” judgment as the Love in my mind, not realizing within these actions I am only hating and punishing and being nasty to my body in my actions as I might as well just say to my body all day Long – I hate you- I fucking hate you, You are useless and that is why I am making you do all these things, like crucifying the flesh for a false image/God in my mind.

To be continued

Day 124 – Being Skinny – The Machine Within Part 10

Continuing from Day 115 Part 1 taking quotes and applying Self Forgiveness accordingly.

Quote 8 Part 2: “basically feeling useless – I still kept my mind running, keeping burning the energy as I was in the fear of not moving, fear of not pleasing and fear of not being relevant.”

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect being muscular as being pleasing to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I will only be pleased with myself once I am muscular and not skinny.

I forgive myself that I have not realize that what I do and how I look will not change who I am and thus it is to change who I am as the starting point and removing the problem from the roots down to be okay with myself as I am and to from there on see what is practical and best for all life in and as the physical and to apply myself accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to gain weight and muscles based on the Idea I have about muscles that was brainwashed into me as a kid and the made up beliefs of what having muscles mean such as strength, confidence, meaning, usefulness, and the guy that does not get fucked with and gets all the girls.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be brainwashed by society and to within this kept on brainwashing myself within my mind with constant thoughts/pictures/ideas/beliefs/opinions and back chat of what I am supposed to look like and within this only create self hatred towards myself and to separate myself from myself as my body in the resentment I have created towards my body for not being the apparent right body and to neglect my body and abuse my body through the mind trying to impose pictures onto the body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place self confidence within a picture of how I should look and that once I look like the picture only then can I be self confident.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place strength within a idea/opinion/belief within my mind connected to a certain picture that I have made myself belief that only once I achieve the picture in my mind, only then can I have strength.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place “self value” within a picture within my mind as to how I should look and that only once I look like the picture in my mind can I value myself, realizing how absurd this is and how I have abused myself mentally/emotionally and physically in the past within not valuing myself as LIFE waiting for me to first look like a certain picture that was brainwashed into me by society and the media and that I accepted and allowed as truth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place “usefulness” within a certain mind created picture of how I should look like before I can have any usefulness within this world, realizing that I have been making myself useless within this belief and wasted my life waiting and waiting for my body to become a certain picture before I acted and lived, realizing that what I do does not determine who I am, but that who I am determines what I do and sow within this understanding I see and realize that my body and how I looked had nothing to do with what I was doing and not doing but that it was a reflection of who I am that accepted and allowed such bullshit and so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Blame my body for certain points in my life where I used my body as an excuse for not doing something or for why certain things never happened or worked out, realizing that the excuse within itself was the limitation and a result of who I am as what I accepted and allowed myself to exist as.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to care and nourish my body properly within self movement and nutrition but instead forced it to become and do what it isn’t meant to do or become such as the excessive working out and drinking shakes and supplements while my body was/is still developing and that I have compromised and confused my body and so only created consequences for myself/body.

To be Continued.

Day 123 – Being Skinny – The Machine Within Part 9.

 

Continuing from Day 115 Part 1 taking quotes and applying Self Forgiveness accordingly.

Quote 8: “basically feeling useless – I still kept my mind running, keeping burning the energy as I was in the fear of not moving, fear of not pleasing and fear of not being relevant.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that when I am not moving that I will become useless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place usefulness within how much I move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself in and as the fear of being useless within what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place the value of my usefulness within how much I move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear of not being useful and thus becoming useless when I do not move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Move myself emotionally within fear as to having to move a lot and to push my body into exhaustion just not to be seen as being useless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect me being skinny as not moving enough and as not physically doing enough and so I have created the idea that I will never be satisfied with my self-movement until I have gained weight/muscles.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a goal for myself based on Ideas/beliefs/opinions of the mind that I can only be satisfied with my self-movement until I have gained weight, as I have created the connection of – if I gain weight I will have the physical evidence to show to everyone that I move/work a lot and thus I am not useless.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I seek confirmation from others if I have/am moving enough/working enough, and thus not realizing that self-movement is in each breathe as who I am and thus it is not determined by what others think, as I am always with myself in self honesty and thus it I to be able to trust my self-movement as who I am as that which is best for all life in all ways, even if I had to live on my own planet for eternity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek my usefulness within what others have to say about me, and thus I see and realize I have created the MUST gain muscles point as a physical point within myself to be able to manipulate what others think about me to think only “that guy must be working hard, look at his muscles”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the amount/size of muscles a person/me have to the meaning of “that must be how hard the person work and thus that must mean the person is useful”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being useless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being useless because I am not gaining weight as muscles to prove to others that I do move myself and work hard.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to prove to others I work hard through having the amount of muscles and the body to show others physically I do work hard.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that my want/need/desire for approval from others to confirm that I do work hard because of my body that I have comes from a point of self judgement that I have of myself and not what others judge of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not being good enough to work hard because of my physical body that I am cursed with as being skinny.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sure myself through judging my skinny body, instead of remaining here in each breathe in and as the physical with that which works practically best for all in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself not being capable withing doing all physical work due to my skinniness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not being able/capable of defending myself against other human beings in this world as it currently exist as because I am skinny.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to gain a muscular body that can work as a weapon to harm Life just to not to have to feel insecure about my skinniness.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize the danger I am to myself and others within the point of feeling insecure about my body and to what lengthiness I will go to “make-up” for my skinniness in other areas in my life to hide and suppress the skinniness that I judge as weakness – such as getting into fights or becoming an emotional bomb of anger and that can lead to the type of stories you hear about in the news and always wonder, how did this guy do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure about myself being skinny and as if I am always open for attacks and abuse from others because of this, and so I create a defense for myself within myself to not be a bitch for others where I would take extra precautions such as taking karate classes or carry a knife on me or a gun or I would always be busy in my mind thinking of the next moment and how I can harm someone just to prove my skinniness isnt useless but has power all based on beliefs/opinions/ideas in the mind created in secret, all in the name of FEAR and feeling insecure about my body.

To Be Continued.

Day 122 – Being Skinny – The Machine Within Part 8.

Continuing from Day 115 Part 1 taking quotes and applying Self Forgiveness accordingly.

Quote 7: “No wonder I burn all my energy, living in such a way in the mind in following beliefs/ideas the whole time that isn’t even real, it is but an idea I have of myself.”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it a wonder of myself for why I do not gain weight and thus leaving it all up to the wondrous imagination of the mind to have assumptions and all the Ideas/beliefs/perceptions about why my body does not gain weight, instead of realizing that I am my body and that I can as my body check why I am not gaining weight and what the cause is, and so I can change it and work with it from there on all levels such as the mind and the body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use wondering about myself and why I do not gain weight as a means to have many excuses and reasons that I build up through the wondering just not to have to actually investigate the point for myself within the starting point of fear of what I m=will find as to the real cause, as me permitting it within who I am as my participation and that I am actually in fact responsible and the cause.
I forgive myself that I Have accepted and allowed myself to live and exist within and as the mind, neglecting the physical body and as the results have a skinny body to show that I am not properly looking and caring for myself as myself as the body but that I am trying to fix my body as Who I am through a mind that is not the body and thus imposing all these solutions based on assumptions and ideas/beliefs that came from a place of wondering instead of actual self investigation and taking self responsibility as the physical.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that as I exist within and as the mind the body will manifest in such a way as if the body is fading away, thus being skinny and remaining skinny and now growing, as I am only growing in my mind as thoughts and back chat and feelings/emotions which requires physical energy from the flesh.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when and as I try to change the physical within anything else but the physical such as the mind, I am only imposing Beliefs/ideas/opinions onto the body and not actual physical facts that is in consideration of the physical and how the physical works and functions and thus I am only abusing my body and using my body as a punching bag from the mind to blow the body with punches of beliefs/ideas/opinions and thus trying to change the body from the outside only as appearances instead of changing the body from the foundations at cellular levels outwards.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Have an Idea about myself that I am weak if I am skinny.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an idea of myself that I am incapable within and as the physical when I am skinny.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief the idea I have Justified within my mind as that I can never gain weight, realizing that as long as I belief the Idea I am creating it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief that it is impossible to change the Belief I have about the Idea I have of myself to that which is physically practically best for all as myself within and as the physical.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that it is impossible to change Ideas one has of oneself as an Idea must be true, why else would I have it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that any idea I have of myself as multiple opinions put together by myself/others/society must be real and true, realizing that as long as I belief it I am the only one making it true.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the Idea I have of myself as never being able to gain weight as being true just because the mind thinks so and makes it so, realizing That I am the one participating within such Ideas/beliefs/opinions and thus only I decide in the end what is possible and what is not.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that everything happening to my body is happening to my body – not realizing that I am my body and that as me as Body is the only one that can in fact decide.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I can change myself as the physical as I decide ad move myself and create myself in and as the physical one and equal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust what is in my head as thoughts/feelings/emotions as if they are real, realizing that the physical is real and that the thoughts/feelings/emotions is dependent on the physical and thus it is me as the physical that decides what signals the body gets through my own self created and accepted and allowed beliefs/opinions/ideas/judgments’ and that I must stop the abuse from both sides and end the polarity game equally and remain here as that which is best for all life in all ways as the flesh one and equal.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize as the body I decide as the body one and equal.
To be continued..