Day 339 - Self-Interest is Ignorant to consideration Part 4

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I walk/move/participate within my day to be in my mind, to focus on my thoughts and create feelings/emotions within me and to be focused on the feeling and emotions as being real, and to within this have no actual consideration possible within my physical reality and how I move and participate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge myself for not being focused and in full consideration of my physical reality as I participate within and as my mind instead.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my thoughts/feeling/emotions real within me through giving them attention, seeing and realizing that when and as I do not give my thoughts/feelings/emotions attention that they suddenly stop and have no more source of energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my energy to my thoughts/feelings/emotions and to within this have no physical energy during the day and thus get tired and so start to lose focus and not being able to consider everything within and as how my physical reality functions/Works and thus make mistakes that is unnecessary and that bears consequences unwanted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not act and to not move within and as the physical when and as I see I can and to instead give value to how I feel and to let that direct me, seeing and realizing that within this I am making and defining the feelings/emotions/thoughts to be my creator, when in fact I am the creator of them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create thoughts/feelings/emotions and to then make myself believe that they came to me and that it must mean something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give meaning and purpose to my thoughts/feelings/emotions as the mind as energy as a way/justification to not take full responsibility for myself and my physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my ability that I know I have if I take full self-responsibility for my reality and when and as I then have full consideration within and as the physical as myself, because I know that if I have full consideration at all times as myself as the physical that I have to act/take responsibility for all the points I see.

To be continued.

Day 338 Self Interest is Ignorant to consideration. Part 3


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself within my mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions where I lose myself and create all these different experiences for myself during my day that only compromises.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unable to consider that I am the problem participating within my mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions when and as I am blaming and pointing fingers at others for being the problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame other people for how I experience myself within and as situations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create situation for myself within my actions/words/behaviors of blaming other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see that what is going on within me internally will have an effect within my world and how I participate and do things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that when and as I blame others for what is happening within me as my experiences as my thoughts/feelings/emotions that I am giving them power over me, as they apparently have power to create me and thus what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within me within seeing and realizing that I have been all along creating my reality within how I participate within my internal reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that even now after seeing and realizing this point for myself actually that I will forget and then it will just continue as before, and thus nothing change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe as my stabilizer and to always stop the mind no matter what.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “forget” to stop my thoughts/feelings/emotions when and as they are here and consuming me within self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use “forgetting” as an excuse to the actual truth, that I enjoy having thoughts within my mind where I can just blame others for how I experience myself , because I know that I in fact have to take self-responsibility for the thoughts/feeling and emotions within me and that it requires walking the talking which takes effort.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy blaming others and to enjoy the self-righteousness energy feeling that I gain from within blaming and how I feel that I am empowering myself from a mind perspective, meanwhile I am actually in fact giving away all my actual physical power to move and direct myself effectively within reality and only compromise ALL my relationships.

To be continued.

Day 337 – Self-interest is ignorant to Consideration Part 2


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I am within self-interest I narrow myself down to not be able to consider anything besides my self-interest and thus limited myself within my actual physical participation within reality and my effectiveness within applying myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within self-interest as the INNER world of me and to focus on only my inner world and what I am experiencing, seeing and realizing that when and as I give my focus to my inner world as myself self-interest then I can obviously not focus on the physical actual reality/world and be effective within applying the physical as myself, and thus have consequences that flow out from my actions such as forgetting or missing out key points/steps within doing/fulfilling a task.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my INNER world so important and what I experience that it controls everything I do and even who I am, and thus accordingly control my every move and how I do things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that whe4n and as I focus on my internal reality that is of multiple dimensions at all times as feelings/emotions/thoughts/back-chat etc. that I will miss the obvious within my physical reality and thus continue to make mistakes instead of learning from them and correcting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for making the same mistake over and over again, seeing and realizing that I have to stop all forms of the mind that will attempt to keep me in the mind such as self-judgment to be able to stop the mind and to breathe and focus my abilities within and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see within the common sense that when and as I am not within and as the physical one and equal within my participation that I will not learn to understand the physical effectively, as I do see and realize that the physical functions in actual physical steps within physical processes that take place such as the equality equation of 1+1=2 and that to see the actuality of this I must actually live and breathe in and as my body one and equal within and as the physical where I can take in all that is here in consideration in and as the physical and accordingly take physical actions as required, and not skip steps and ignore certain steps that is vital because I will for instance be in the mind as self-interest and only be focused on what I FEEL like doing or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that when and as I am in the mind participating within and as energy as thoughts as memories that I will only be able to see the mind and not the physical as the real actual participant.
To be continued.

Day 336 – self-interest is ignorant to consideration Part 1




Today was “workers Day” which is a public holiday, so I had a off day, I did not have to do anything, yet I did some stuff on the farm. I had this entire day ahead of me to do anything I set myself to.
I decided to take down a fence, this fence formed part of an old chicken camp, it is quite big, and all the chickens that was in there has been chased out to the Bigger camp next to this camp, the purpose is to extend our Yard which is pretty small at the moment.

So I had the day off and I saw that I can use the time to be practical and get things done, within myself I saw that taking the fence down was what I wanted to do, so let me do it.

I first went to a couple of people to discuss what I want to do just to be clear on the points involved, so when I spoke to people, the point that came up was – where is the chickens that used to be in that camp, and do they have a new home.

The common sense points that was revealed to me that I did not see myself as I was in the sight of self-interest as to what I wanted to do, instead of what needs to be done, was that it is fucking WINTER, how did I not miss that obvious consideration, and the chickens that was chased from their homes do not have a new place to stay, so 1+1=2 chickens outside chased from home in the middle of winter with temperatures of minus four coming, they will die, or have a great possibility of dying.

I was given the common sense that it is NO different from taking humans from their homes and chasing them outside, the first and most important point is to GIVE shelter/safety the humans/chickens and then to only afterwards pursue on the mission.

how did I not take in consideration the chickens as myself, as living beings, and equally consider for them what i would consider for myself and to implement it, to create it, to do it as I would have done for myself, wanted for myself. 

The points I saw within my self-interest was, I can take the fence down today, it will be quick and then it will be done, that I the time I have for today to do something.

BUT that whole statement was a Justification, it was self-interest.

If I did not use the sight of self-interest but instead of seeing what is here within the physical, then I would have seen the following, which is stating the obvious.

Here is a camp; there were chickens within this camp, where are the chickens now? Do the chickens have a new cam?, does the new camp have food and water? Does the new cam have a HOME/shelter, for safety, IT is winter, it is getting cold, does the chickens have a home that will protect them from the cold/frost, and accordingly I should have taken self-directive steps to secure the obvious common sense points, and only then proceed to taking off the fence, because then I would have known, I can do this, it is now the right time to do it.

So, after the obvious was made clear to me, I felt like shit, because I saw who I was within wanting o do something, I only wanted to do something that would fit my self-interest, I only wanted to what I felt like doing, I only wanted to make myself feel good for doing something.

I felt stupid, because when the obvious was made clear to me, it was so fucking obvious I could not believe that I could not have seen it myself, how in the world did I miss it all… I then had back chat that was attempting to secure myself self-interest, but I know better, I stopped and I breathed and I instead moved myself to the other points.

I went to the new camp the chickens were in, I looked around to see what I can do, what IS here and what requires to happen, I saw that they do have one new cage, But it was pretty small, So I looked at the other obvious points, I wasn’t going to build an entire new cage today in one day, so I looked at what is here already and can be used, it is turning winter and the chickens will not breed, and we have quite a big broiler room, where we usually put new born babies to keep them warm, which hasn’t been used for a long time, So I cleaned it out and I started creating a new room for the chickens, it can take at least fifty chickens, to sleep in and be warm, and after I completed that, I then went on to taking down the fence, I did not finish that, but I did start.

So now the next step is to start a new cage ANYWAY, I will when I have the time start, and little by little I will complete a new cage and then we can be sure to also have a broiler room again.
And I will as I have time continue taking down the fence.

I have learned a lot once again on Desteni farm, after not working on the farm for almost three months now as I am in car sales now working in town, I learned a ton more in a matter of one day, about myself and how shit works.
To be continued on SF.



Making Vlogs Day 335




I have been making vlogs in my room for the last three days, I make them so that I can upload them, I find that through speaking in the vlogs and posting vlogs I built self-confidence, and I get feedback on it, which is a great way of self-support in this process of creating myself one and equal within all that is here.

The Philosophy that I had was, I have my phone next to me at all times, and when I have a point that comes up, I make a video immediately, so I have been doing that.

BUT – (here comes the shit) – when I turn the camera on, and I start speaking, I find that what I had in mind, what I had as realization within me, a point that I could see, I am now completely unable to communicate the same way. It is like it changed and all the information just pooped out of my head, or scattered everywhere. And also It never sounds the same LOL.

Here I am, I am getting really tired of this shit, so to say, I want to turn on the camera and I want to speak the realization as I had it within me, the information must come out as it is here, but man, it never happens, I go of topic in the first two minutes, I lose the LINE of information, and I start grabbing other lines and pull them in and in the end I have a knot.

I see that within my writing I create lines, lines that flow as I write, it comes HERE, I am not looking at what I want to write, ot what I have to write or how I must write, it comes as I type each word, this I find is really cool, because I am writing in the moment.

I am mentioning this because I am looking at it and why it is this way within writing but not within my vlogs, what is the difference.

I see the difference is that within writing I will see a point, Let’s say I faced Fear of rejection today, then I make that my topic, and bam there I go, I write it out, with the vlogs I actually see a whole construct and all the connections and how vast things can be, and then I see I have a nice line of information here that I can voice out in a vlog to bring the point across, I know this because I have voiced it in my head already, there is sounds good and all.

So here I turn the camera on and bam, I fucking get lost, I see that within the writing I have already done a shit load of self-writing for the past couple of years and specifically within the JTL blogs the past 335 days lol, the vlogs part isn’t consistent.

So I haven’t developed myself/programmed myself to yet work with information in such a way. Speaking it as I see it, I have only learned to type it, not voice it, same with when I tried to learn zulu, It was easy to learn it, but when I had to speak it I even lost what I learned from reading, it got lost, because the sounding is a completely different dimensions from just storing it in my head and speaking it there.

So basically, I must keep on keeping on practicing till it is concrete as me and the information s aligned within the physical and the sound. Meaning it is one and equal and not based on the mind but actual physicality.

Day 334 – Projecting me into tomorrow.




I see that I have this tendency of already looking at tomorrow, and what is/might happen, and that isn’t all, I already see myself as who I am within tomorrow from who I was today and yesterday, this includes everything of me such as my fears/insecurities/judgments/Resistances/reactions/backchat and so forth.

Which is a bitch to be straight, because what’s the use of tomorrow if I am just making it today and yesterday anyway.

I am in this process taking on me, who I am… I am compromising me from changing, from taking new direction and moving forward through already thinking about tomorrow, I am not talking about the practical things, I am talking about the mind shit, the likes and dislikes, the thing’s that makes the up’s and down in a day, and the more ups there is the more I want to go, the less ups there is the less I want to go, and since there are more down’s existing NO one fucking likes a Monday, but it isn’t the Monday I do not like, Monday’s have no problem, it is WHO I AM within Monday. Facing me all over again within everything, all of myself, all my shit, being with myself within everything on a Monday, because I know the Monday will show me what’s next for the rest of the week.

And it is fascinating, there is a statement I make within myself, this statement is like a capsule that contains everything within me to repeat the past again and again and to not change in the points in relation to myself and work, the statement is “tomorrow is Monday again” the energy connection within it is already determining my entire week that still has to happen/exist and come, yet here I am creating it all already just within that statement and what I have connected to it within memories as past experiences, where I want breathing but instead participated within limitations as what I like and dislike.

Because that energy connection has a reason for being there, or let me be self-honest, a justification, a excuse, it is backed up with memories/experiences where I had self-interest.

These points will be such as having to do my JOB lol, that in itself is already a negative connection, who wants to do their job, and then making doing your job feel like a burden already makes everything that comes extra feel like UNFAIR, yet it isn’t extra, it is part of the job, then within this unfair point ALL the different reactions/defenses/anger/frustration/anxiety/tensions come up, as it is now a battle to do as less as possible, to only do MY job and not more.

There are many dimensions to expand on here, for now I am focusing on the first one, stopping the phrase of “tomorrow is work again”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the phrase “tomorrow is work again” to charge me with negative and or positive energy, seeing and realizing that within such statement I am already creating tomorrow within limitations of the mind from and as past experiences, seeing and realizing that I am thus creating my experience for tomorrow already without tomorrow even being here yet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see that within the Phrase ‘tomorrow is work again’ I am creating that statement from the past as a reference, seeing and realizing that within that I am referencing my entire past and all the experiences connected to “tomorrow is work again” already within how tomorrow will apparently be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resonate myself within the phrase “tomorrow is work again; within and as the believe that when and as I say “tomorrow is work again” that I will not be able to prepare myself for tomorrow and how tomorrow will be such as all the other tomorrows from the past, seeing and realizing that within this I am the one in fact re-creating the past’s tomorrows as tomorrow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the phrase “tomorrow is work again” as a way of putting on a suite to ready myself for survival for tomorrow to protect my own self-interest within who I have accepted and allowed myself to be, instead of NOT doing that and to instead create myself within tomorrow when tomorrow is here and to be one and equal to all situations and not be in a pre-determined energy reaction state that creates the past within the present.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself tomorrow when and as tomorrow come as HOW I experience myself within all that is here, to keep the practical none energetic points in place for tomorrow which is practical as a way of directing myself such as setting an alarm, getting my working cloths ready, getting lunch ready, preparing work that still needs to be done for tomorrow, and to stop all the experiences that I am attaching to tomorrow and to breathe and direct myself within each moment as what’s best for all.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am thinking and creating tomorrow from and as my past experie4nces to stop and to breathe within the realization that I am in this moment already fucking up tomorrow for myself and pre-determining everything for myself instead of making sure one thing is certain, that I am directing me and creating my day and not the past.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am connecting any feeling or emotion in relation to any day to stop and to breathe within the realization that I am here in this moment and that I must Live this moment to the fullest still, and to occupy this moment with self-interest for what Might or might not happen tomorrow is pointless and a waist of my time here in this moment.

I see/realize and understand that we exist in a world where we MUST always prepare and take care of today and tomorrow and the future within our actions in the moment as it is practical and best for all life and it is Physical things, as I understand that there is a difference between practical as best for all and then self-interest, as self-interest is to exist in an internal existence within energy/thoughts/feelings/emotions that Limit our every action/movement to only preserve self-interest, and that is what I must stop so that I can grow and move forward within the physical reality to be effective as the physical and what’s here to get things done.

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