I am in an interesting position within myself, in relation to the world. Specifically within my own country and what is going on here.
South - Africa is in a technical recession, our real estate has dropped by 32% - unemployment has gone up by 5%, politically everything is pointing negative, people are as I speak here striking on the roads, burning tires and branches, closing access for drivers/movement, this is but one of many from the last few days alone in my near environment. It is nothing new, but it all adds up, VAT has increased by 1% , now at 15% VAT on anything you buy, fuel is about to increase by another R1,20 according to predictions - where it is already at a very high price now of R15,60 a litre - thus EVERYTHING in prices increase, from bread and milk to water and electricity - with a country of 56 million (counted for) people, and 30,2 million already in poverty, with all these prices and recession going on, it is putting a lot of pressure on things, especially when in this climate your politicians are openly and freely with ease promoting racism and the murdering of one race and calling the one race rapists and murderers and thieves and that this one race is to blame for everything, it does not matter if you are the new generation after apartheid, which I am part of this one race due to my skin colour, it makes things even worse, especially when policies are created against this one race, and when this one race is specifically targeted to pay for the past through taking land, changing the law and constitution to make it legal, any actions to do so is thus legal, even evicting by force and murder. Parliament hearing on land expropriation was a massive fail and waste of time, most if not all MP"|(Members of Parliament|)s only got more motivated and angry, so it seems expropriation based on emotional outbursts will be happening.
I have now had an interesting point arise within me for the past two months and I am now opening it up for myself (and you reading this), my focus has been on politics, it has been watching each and every video of politicians, parliament meetings, the news, newspapers, and being alert to every actual event happening in my environment, and seeing the negative, the bad and ugly, nothing good to see really. Things are increasing, getting more and more, besides the general 57 murders a day in our country and the chaos of poverty around the country, violence, and crime, businesses collapsing. I have within all of this entered a space within myself of waiting, not moving much, not living much, just sitting still and waiting, as the impression my country is giving me through news and articles and videos and meetings is that we are living on a time bomb that can go off at any time. I feel like I have to be quiet, to hear the ticking of the bomb, to be ready to respond, to avoid being part of the initial explosion.
But, WHY? This is the question that keeps on coming up, why do I want to respond to not be within the initial explosion? it sounds reasonable and logically so that I may live, so that I may survive, not to be abused, not to be in the abuse, then my Desteni teachings come in, to go even deeper, to question this even more, because WHY as logic only takes one as far as self-interest go, because, within the consideration of when this ticking time bomb goes off, millions will suffer in poverty even more, in raids, in extreme violence and even civil war, as our parliament members have spoken about openly in parliament just last week, saying there will be a civil war, and many other ethnical groups literally in the hundreds of thousand preparing for civil war. So, why do I need to be saved and be safe? because I am human and need to live, just like anybody else, when my life has no more worth than anyone else, when my breath is equal to those that cannot respond to this time bomb that cannot get away, that will be stuck in it.
I take a deep breath.... I look within myself and who I am and what I stand for and why I stand for what I stand for, I stand for life - I stand for a life here on earth that is best for all life, this is my stance, I stand to change myself, to change me for me absolutely, I stand to be an example naturally through my change, and so when I look at my why, why save my own ass out of this while others cannot, while other might not want too, when others choose not to and fight, kill, murder and suffer, I see within who I am and my stance that I cannot and have no effect YET on what is happening, and me staying here will not have an effect at all, I could be the one dying first at the moment of explosion, at least then I have already saved myself through self-forgiveness to a degree, yet there are billions on earth in other places, and I still have (if life allows), many years to live if things go naturally, and within that time I can have an actual effect and change within this world, so I will only save my ass as to stand and be the example for others to save their own assess and so stand together to save the ass of this world, this is my purpose for this life as life. There is no need to stand on the bomb and die when I can move my ass to be effective for much longer and support and assist more and more people where possible within the Desteni message and way of life.
I am learning that I am important, and thus I should import myself where needed and where I am effective, and do not remain within an idea of being a saviour, a hero, even if it means leaving many behind for now, I trust myself to move and to grow and to expand as the time I have here as to be that which is best for all life all ways and so place myself where I can have the most effect and to be effective, to not compromise based on ideas and believes, on emotional points.
This post comes from me having to look at possibly having to move my ass if shit gets out of hand in my country, and should I move my ass before, or only as it happens, sharing this also to share where I am at within myself and with what, as these points are happening now, taking place and reality is showing that this needs to be considered - I never in my life had to think or look at these things, I always had the idea that everything will just go smooth and be okay as it was for me to be able to change myself and the world from here for all, and so it will be, but reality outside of me, my home, has other things happening, and even if I want to ignore them, or hope they go away, I can't, as they are affecting me and will one way or the other, and what I do/live, and stand for, and to keep moving and standing this life as much as possible, and I will not compromise that from my part and side.
Why do people die when hurricanes hit their homes, even though they were warned a week before to leave? What mentality is that? an economical hurricane or political one must be foreseen by self, no one can forecast what is going to happen, self can only follow the words and see the side effects/actions and based on that see if the storm is going to hit, and this storm has been brewing here in SA for years now, it is getting more intense, gusts of wind is hitting, at what point does the storm become real, or do we hope for the storm to die out and things settle? The most difficult part is to trust self with self-assessment and what if it is wrong? Or one was right? Then trusting others and their assessment, when it is emotionally based on fear, when is it a stable and direct decision and action? These are the points and challenges I am facing right now.
The biggest point I guess that fucks me over is, even with all the things going on, I have this believe that there is time, that I can wait a bit longer, that I can hope for the best, that nothing will happen to me, and then living within that and do nothing, and so the other side of things is, If I do do something and move my ass, then nothing happens, and so I did everything for nothing and was unnecessary, so my time was wasted.
I see here, that what needs to happen is, I have to remove all the knowledge and information within me of projection as could, could not, should, should not, to consider things practically and make a decision/a choice based on it being my choice to move my ass, regardless if anything is going to happen or not, but to rather work only with what is here, and so even if something does happen or does not happen I can still stand by the decision I made and LIVE it as me. So not justifying my actions based on possibilities, but rather have a choice based on what is here and not what is going to happen or not.
Self-forgiveness will follow on all points above.