Day 120 – Being Skinny – The Machine Within Part 6

Continuing from Day 115 Part 1 taking quotes and applying Self Forgiveness accordingly.

Quote 5: “the belief I see within myself where I have to keep the fire alive within myself to keep these scary heavy metals moving up and down to keep the wheels spinning to keep moving and to keep going forwards.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief that I need a Fire as a energetic experience of myself to physically keep me moving, through the self judgment of being skinny I have to compensate for it by being extra energetic to have the same level of power as those with physical bodies that is physically bigger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the mind through imposing Ideas/beliefs/opinions about myself onto myself as a alternate self to generate an energetic experience within myself to force my body to do more – realizing that this leads to tiredness and the body requiring more physical energy to burn into nothingness, and thus eventually take all the fat from the body and even from the muscles to generate energy to power to mind so that the mind can force the body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I have to within being skinny prove myself as still being equally strong as those that isn’t skinny.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I must be equally strong as all others within my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I must proof to others that my skinny body has hidden powers in strength and durability through pushing my body as the mind with and as energy of the mind burning the physical bodies energy to stimulate the minds energy to force the physical till exhaustion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I must keep going and gaining more and more strength, realizing that within this behavior/movement I am creating physical consequences for myself as my body through exhausting my body and its natural resources and so create and manifest a metabolism that also just keep going and going that burns all my physical energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I must keep going forwards the whole time within pushing my body till I reach the Idea/belief/opinion within my mind of what I must achieve, realizing that even if I do achieve the Idea/belief/opinion I will simply change it and the chase will continue and never end and within this only trap and enslave myself to the same patterns for a life time till I realize that I am here in and as the physical breathing and moving as the physical and that is what is relevant and living life and not chasing castles in the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that if I push myself to achieve the expectations of the mind through keeping ongoing that I will achieve my desires, realizing that the mind is constantly changing and thus I set myself up for a life time of chasing, thus I realize it is best to be self honest and to stop and breathe and be here in and as the physical in each moment and to accordingly life one and equal as my body as the physical as a achievement in itself of myself as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief I must use the mind/Machine to achieve physical goals, realizing that the mind that is of alternate realities cannot be trusted, as the mind is not in consideration of the physical in fact but only based on pictures and memories and thoughts/feelings/emotions that is constantly changing and giving different inputs to fuck with oneself and to enslave and limit and thus I realize that the goals I want to achieve physically will always appear more and not achieved within the mind and thus is really useless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to SCARE my body through imposing the ideas/pictures/beliefs/opinions onto the body and to within this create and manifest anxiety/stress within myself during my daily living and applications as I have scared my body into not looking as the picture in my mind and live in self hatred/judgment/abuse

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief instead of live here in and as the physical.

To be continued

Day 119 – Being Skinny – The Machine Within Part 5




Continuing from Day 115 Part 1 taking quotes and applying Self Forgiveness accordingly.

Quote 4: “ I weigh 65kg and I am 22 and 1.77m high, this is according to “professionals” underweight and I agree. Even when I remove the Idea of how I must “look” physically according to pictures, the physical reality is I am under weight and my body is not gaining weight that is seen as healthy.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust professionals of a system that is not built on what is best for all life and within the consideration of the physical, but that is built on consumerism where profit is the driving force of each and every word spoken by any professional, yet considering what they say and to analyze the practicality and common sense within it is trusting myself and seeing what is real and what is only being said to make profit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to agree with professionals just because they are apparently professional, yet when I ask them questions that seem obvious such as what would have caused the problem in the first place they will not be able to give me and answer but only force solutions based on their perceptions of the situation onto me which costs money and so they make money, realizing that I must investigate the “problem” myself with the info they gave me with self honesty and common sense and my own research where I can and to apply corrections accordingly or not – self honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear of being Skinny because someone labeled with professional said so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the words of a professional words that must be taken seriously and not lightly and to within this go into fear of having to much or lack of something such in my case “weight” and since a professional said so, it must be serious, realizing that a professional is only professional within what he is taught to know to make capital/profit in a profit driven system and thus all and any info a professional gives that comes from a system designed to suck money out of people, I must be self honest with myself and the info and to trust myself to not trust all I hear or read and rather apply my own research as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Make my skinniness a problem just because a “professional” said so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the professional and what he said as the statistics as my reasons, excuses for abusing my body with Protein shakes, mass muscle gaining shakes and heavy gym and putting pressure on my body, joints, bones, muscles.

I forgive myself that I have made a problem out of my body at looking at how my body looks physically and to accept and allow professional info that looks at what healthy is also according to picture perfect bodies and NOT at all at what and how the physical functions/works in practicality in and as the physical.

I asked a guy ones at a sport shop at the weights and exercising equipment section what Can I do to gain weight – I then told him my history and what the “problem is” he suggested everything he had to me, I told him I already tried everything except steroids, he looked at me and he said – OK here is what you must do – for a couple of months you must work as little as possible and only work at the gym, and you must eat Macdonals three times a day.

I looked at him and I said, No thanks, and then walked away.

So here a professional told me to basically go and destroy my body and to compromise and create problems for my body that will manifest in the long run, yet he did not consider that point at all and he just looked at my body and how my body looked like from the outside and gave me solutions according to that, now if you ever ask a professional for help and he looks at your body as a picture that needs fixing, know any help you will get from that will not be what is Best.

I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR being unhealthy due to how my body looks like according to the bodies that is being advertised on TV and magazines as being healthy – realizing I will probably die unhealthy then as the healthy pictures portrayed by the media is always un achievable for most people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR being unhealthy due to opinions from others and the media about how I am not looking and to within this Judge my body as being un healthy and actually move and direct myself within and as fear of being unhealthy and go out and abuse my body at the gym, doing hard core sports, using chemicals, and torturing myself in my mind the whole time about how I look, realizing that this is exactly what Capitalism as the consumerism society wants to exist within me so that I will spend my money and they will make money within using what I fear or what they create within me to fear to drive me as my secret mind/intentions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am unhealthy because of what the Media says Healthy is and must look like through creating fear messages to brainwash the masses to feel shit about themselves and to then go out to find the solutions in all the traps Capitalism set up just before sending out the Bait as the fear.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that If I was never told I am skinny or unhealthy according to how my body looks I would never have had a problem with it and would actually have focused on how I live as me my body and actually be effective in living as the physical body, not chasing pictures in my head the whole time every day in fear of not looking a certain way in fear of not being accepted and being judged and in the end in fear of not being loved, instead of seeing how I am within my body as the physical experience and functions of the body, as such I am quite effective.

To Be Continued.

Day 118 – Being Skinny – The Machine Within Part 4.

Continuing from Day 117 that is a follow up from Day 116 and Day 115 where I take Quotes from the Day 115 Blog and apply Self Forgiveness on each point.

Quote 3: “I have made the skinny “problem” a big problem, I actually made it my mission to gain weight and to do this before I reach the middle ages because I do not want to look like a skinny boy all my life, never getting that “full body” look – interesting how I first talk about the physical problem but then it ends up being all about “looks” again”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get possessed by the Idea/self-belief/opinions/self-judgments of the mind as energy and to within this possession live it out as my “LIFE” mission to gain weight at all costs, even if it means abusing my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse my body physically as who I am as the flesh in the pursuit of happiness that I am following according to pictures in my mind that isn’t even based on the actual physical reality of all things here as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear remaining skinny even when I am in my middle ages. and within and as this “thought”- seeing myself being old and skinny And that I have wasted my Life away within the pursuit of gaining weight and living in regret and never lived life, to rush myself in great fear/anxiety/stress to gain weight before then, not realizing and seeing that I have already wasted six years of my Life only trying to gain weight and muscles and a different body look/appearance according to pictures in my mind and that in this rush I lose track of time as I exist in the mind as energy, and to realize that before I know it I will be in my middle ages still skinny still chasing, and within this actually manifesting my fear through my actions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that being skinny (not anorexic) isn’t wrong and inst unhealthy, it is but how my body is designed through DNA I inherited from my parents and that I have no real choice to change it, yet I do have the point of making a decision within myself to stop the chase and to stop the mission and to except myself as I am here in and as the physical after I have tried everything I can to change it practically and to live my life here in and as the physical one and equal and to use my body with what I have to do what is best for all life in all ways in all possible practical ways.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be patient with myself and to want to rush myself and how I grow and how my body is designed and to within this rushing I am compromising and actually changing the direction my body is growing according to the signals I give my body.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that if I tell myself every day I am skinny and that if I do this for years and already have, that I am giving my body the signals that I am skinny and thus I will remain skinny no matter how much I work out or eat as that which I am telling myself is what I create myself as.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that participating in the mind as that which gives electrical signals to my body and organs that I am daily through my own self judgements/beliefs/ideas/opinions constantly giving the signal of I am skinny and thus it will counter act what I do as eating a lot or working out because The mind will simply tell my metabolism I am skinny and thus it must burn all fat that comes in to keep me skinny. Also realizing that going into the polarity point of now wanting to tell myself I am fat everyday will not work as the fear that motivates it is still based on fear of being skinny and thus the message remains the same to the body, realizing it is to stop all self judgments/beliefs/ideas/opinions and fear and to stop the participation in the mind as this will stop all conscious/sub-conscious/un-conscious signals the body is receiving and the body will not be under constant attack as the electrical signals the mind is sending out and the body as me as who I am can grow or not within and as the physical as the physical expression here as Life one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make everything about me about how I LOOK – realizing that this is completely fucking around with the body as the physical as the body isn’t designed to look good or bad, as the body is designed to function in oneness and equality within and as the physical here as LIFE. And so realizing that as long as I give the body electrical Bombing sessions of how the body must look through forcing and reflecting pictures in my mind onto all my cells the whole time, the cells that has a specific function within the body will not be confused As the cells are receiving messages from the mind that does not comply with what its practical function is and thus the cells will be compromised and eventually cause harm to the body such as cancer – realizing that if I continue to tell my body anything else other than what they do that they are open for malfunctioning and bearing consequences.

It is like telling a banana through electrical impulses to become a apple because it looks better, what will happen? It will obviously have physical dysfunctions and who knows what else might come out of it.
 
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that all that I require to give my body is BREATH as that is all they require from my head to function, and that anything else such as the mind with multibillions of dimensions sending millions of more signals to the body will compromise the body and how the body functions and LIMIT the body completely within its true actual physical expression as LIFE.

To be Continued.

Day 117 – Being Skinny – The Machine within Part 3

I am continuing from Day 116 where I take quotes from the first Blog Day 115 and applying Self Forgiveness.

Quote 2: “This is bothering me a lot, since I am skinny and in need of some fat, Why? Because my bones are literally sticking out at places such as my hip bones, this is really uncomfortable when I lay down, any way any position, when I lay on my stomach it feels like the bones are peeling through my skin, when I lay on my back it feels like my stomach is laying on my back bone and my hip bones are sticking out and uncomfortable.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be bothered with my skinniness from and as the MIND within thoughts/feelings/emotions based on Ideas/beliefs/opinions/judgments that occupy my mind and so put stress on my body which takes more energy from my physical body to sustain all the mental activities, instead of realizing that breathing and be here in and as the physical will stop all the energy my mind is harvesting from and as my body that actually takes physical energy such as fat and turn it into mental energy that then is “lost and so only adding to the weight loss or not gaining weight and to breathe and move here will support and assist me as the body in stabilizing itself and only using energy from and as the body to actually support what it is meant to support as the body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect being skinny to the word bothered and that when and as I see any sign of being skinny I immediately go into stress and fear of being skinny. and within this being bothered by it all day and existing within the mind as fear/stress about me being skinny and how I look as being skinny and how sick I might look being skinny and to then go into a state of polarity where I will eat and eat and eat till I feel I have gained some weight and might look a little bit fatter just to not be bothered by it, realizing that when I go into such pattern of being bothered by it and physically living the actions driven by fear/stress in my day where I tend to move the whole time and try and do things to prevent me from going skinnier I am actually through my actions of fear/stress as eating more training my body and my metabolism to work faster as I eat more and more and move more and more in the hope to prevent weight loss I am actually causing it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the physical actions that I take of and as a pattern that is reactive based on a thought that is motivated by fear from and as past memories/experiences and that this is actually only creating the problem as it is not based within and as the actuality of the physical but of a mind picture Idea/belief/judgment that is based on energy that does not consider how the physical functions in fact and so within the energetic movements as a pre-programmed robot I am actually only causing what I am trying to prevent as the prevention is based on illusions of the mind such as pictures memories Ideas/beliefs/opinions/judgments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as the pattern of fear of being skinny within the fear of not being loved by beautiful women that I belief will only lover men with full built bodies such as seen and advertised on TV and magazines as brainwashing to create a society of kids/men that is insecure and that will spend Billions of corporations such as Gym’s and Gaining Muscle protein shakes and even end up using steroids, as the children is never taught about how the human physical body in fact works and looks naturally and what it is capable of in its actual form and that size has nothing to do with anything but Looks, leaving generations of kids chasing pictures/castles in the sky of Ideas/beliefs/opinions/judgment and that is all they ever will do never reaching that picture and always be in a depression and self judgment mentality that corporations will take and use to make billions advertising the few successful ones to lure in the millions – it is all for capitalism, even if it means breaking people deliberately to give a beforehand created solution. Its like creating a virus when you know only u have the anti-virus deliberately.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that if I had to grow up in a jungle all alone by myself, I would not have had any Idea/belief/judgment/opinion about how my body looks as being skinny/fat/muscular/just okay etc, and that all that would have mattered would have been the function of my body to do practical activities daily to have all my basic needs met and to life comfortably with and as my body in and as the physical and how the physical functions.
Point.

We all know Chimpanzees, they are monkeys that are quite intelligent if you compare them to the Idea of what intelligent is of the human “the human can’t even look after his own world and even seeing that he is Fucking it up, he continues, so I would not agree with the idea that Humans are intelligent, any way – Chimps are smaller than Humans, they have the body built/structure very close to a human, Chimps do not look like body builders, in fact you can hardly see any “big” muscles, it all looks straight and normal so to say – yet a full grown Chimpanzee male that is still smaller than a full grown human and is EIGHT TIMES stronger than a Full grown Man – so does the size of how your body looks like have anything to do with what your body is capable of in and as the physical.

Consideration - as the chimps do not have any Judgments/beliefs/ideas/opinions about their bodies as the human do – they are not limited as we are limiting ourselves to it or causing any harm to their bodies through the mind as the Ideas/Beliefs/Judgments/opinions. They simply live as the physical here.

To be continued…

Day 116 – Being Skinny – The Machine Within Part 2

Here I am going to Quote from my Part 1 Blog Day 115 and Apply Self Forgiveness underneath each Quote.

The nice thing about writing in a ranting and raving style is, one exposes himself without even noticing it within the words and the way the words are used, so from my previous Blog day 115 I can see now going back where I have exposed myself and now I can apply Self Forgiveness on all the points.

Quote 1: “Ok so my “problem”, I cannot gain weight, so far not ever. “

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my body as a problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my body a problem through the judgment I place onto my body through imposing Ideas/beliefs/opinions onto my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my body a problem through focusing on my body as being imperfect according to and in comparison to other bodies that I have seen and judged.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the Belief of “I cannot gain weight” as a fact within myself within my mind as a point of judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the point of “I cannot gain weight” as a reason/justification/excuse within myself for why I am skinny not to have to face the real point within myself as Who I am as my relationship towards myself as me as the flesh/body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the belief/judgment of “I cannot gain weight” as a Characteristic I have created of the Skinny guy Character and to within this justify why I just accept and allow it to be as it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeat “I cannot gain weight” to myself almost every day as a reason for why I am skinny, and to tell this excuse as my words that I live to others to not have to feel insecure for being skinny and to manipulate others to accept me also as being skinny with giving them all my reasons/excuses/justification of why I can gain skinny.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give praise to the self belief of “I cannot gain weight” as if it is special and unique and that I have something many others would love to have and thus within the statement of “I cannot gain weight” feel proud.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pride the Idea/belief that “I cannot gain weight” as to having something others want to have.

 I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to look at the point of pride within my secret mind as to why I would want to hold onto such a point of imposing Ideas/beliefs onto the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to boost my ego as the mind consciousness systems within giving pride to my Idea/belief of “I cannot gain weight” while the rest of the world is getting obese.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge obese people as being unlucky. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Pride my apparent luck of not gaining weight, realizing that I was but only lucky by chance that I got specific DNA from my Parents and to pride my Parents DNA as Me, I am only enslaving myself to and as their DNA and all that comes with it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that within my belief/Idea of “I cannot gain weight” I have given into the system of Pride of that which is of the Mind consciousness system to keep me trapped within the mind as energy enslavement to never realize myself as life one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to within looking at this point consider the polarity play out as energy to see the hidden secret mind that create this world as that which I move and direct myself as secretly in/of the mind to create characters to walk among characters to survive and in the name of fear of not being loved.

To be continues…..

Day 115 – Being Skinny – the machine within Part 1


Ok so my “problem”, I cannot gain weight, so far not ever. 

This is bothering me a lot, since I am skinny and in need of some fat, Why?  Because my bones are literally sticking out at places such as my hip bones, this is really uncomfortable when I lay down, any way any position, when I lay on my stomach it feels like the bones are peeling through my skin, when I lay on my back it feels like my stomach is laying on my back bone and my hip bones are sticking out and uncomfortable.

I have made the skinny “problem” a big problem, I actually made it my mission to gain weight and to do this before I reach the middle ages because I do not want to look like a skinny boy all my life, never getting that “full body” look – interesting how I first talk about the physical problem but then it ends up being all about “looks” again – so is this uncomfortably really a physical point, or is it because I judge myself so much for being skinny that my mind is concentrated on it the WHOLE time and thus that is what causes the uncomfortablitity – (yes that is the reason).

I weigh 65kg and I am 22 and 1.77m high, this is according to “professionals” underweight and I agree. Even when I remove the Idea of how I must “look” physically according to pictures, the physical reality is I am under weight and my body is not gaining weight that is seen as healthy.

My skinniness can be a problem, if I get Ill I am fucked, I looks weight like it is nothing, I lost 9kg in 3 days the one time I was Ill. This is actually life threatening for when I do get Ill. My body basically has no back up supplies. 

I eat about 8 meals a day, three main course and lots of vegetables and sandwiches in between, people ask me – where the fuck does it go?

I did some research and it all comes back to me having a fast metabolism – so why do I have a fast metabolism? Why is my body burning food/energy as if there is a fire that needs to be kept alive in my stomach!

So I am now going to look at the point of why, because it is my body and I am aware of who I am and my behaviors and living patterns and through investigating myself and my life, I can see why I have designed myself to how I have lived in such a way that my body needs to burn energy constantly the whole time.

When I look at the whole metabolism point within myself and I have to spontaneously explain how I see it within myself as How I experience it, it will go as follow – I see my body as a steam train from back in the old days – where there is a fire in the train that is kept alive with coal, and the fire can only keep going as long as it is fed with coal, if the coal runs out the fire dies and the train stops, and I also see these metal objects that move up and down as the fire burn that keeps the wheels spinning, and this is the belief I see within myself where I have to keep the fire alive within myself to keep these scary heavy metals moving up and down to keep the wheels spinning to keep moving and to keep going forwards. 

Well there I have my answer – as I described the Picture idea/belief that I see within myself I can see where and how I am living my life as that.

So now I am looking at the belief that I have to always keep moving, I have to always be looking Alive” and moving forwards and that I have to keep strong within doing so, and I can see within living out such a belief I am burning myself up, I am depleting my body of energy to just do that all day every day, it is all coming from the Idea of having to please everyone, because if the train stands still everyone will moan and say stuff.

Here is another interesting point that I just now saw, why do I see it as a train – a train symbolizes an object that moves on tracks, a set path and that this object (train) carries lots of people or a delivery load – this is why I see it shows the symbolism of me believing I have to keep moving for others to keep moving in the fear of that if I stop moving others will stop moving because I belief I am responsible for dragging them and also keeping them going. 

No wonder I burn all my energy, living in such a way in the mind in following beliefs/ideas the whole time that isn’t even real, it is but an idea I have of myself.

So looking back at the point I mentioned of losing 9kg in 3 days I can see why I lost so much weight in such a short time, because While I was sick and could not move or do anything, basically feeling useless – I still kept my mind running, keeping burning the energy as I was in the fear of not moving, fear of not pleasing and fear of not being relevant.

I have red once that the mind uses 80% more energy than the body, so one will be more tired thinking all day them working all day.

Now I am doing both, working physically all day plus existing in my mind, burning all that energy, because if I move myself in and as an Idea/belief/judgment of myself then I am actually moving myself as a mind in the physical, thus I am at once burning twice the amount of physical energy from my body to sustain what I am doing – instead of living here as Breathe in and as the physical – NO MIND no thinking no feelings or emotions, those things takes Physical energy to sustain itself and to exist, and burns the physical energy into nothing, it is  wasting. 

So over all I am looking here at what is the belief of myself that I am imposing/trying to live out that takes all my energy, instead of living here in breathe as the physical.

 
To be continued.

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