Day 168 – I need a Hero 2.

Read Day 167  – I need a Hero and the rest will make sense. 

So here I bring the point of wanting to be a hero back to self, because it is always self.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on the role of having to be a Hero for others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see/feel that someone else needs saving to make it my Duty to be the one to save them and be the hero, when and as it is always only about self interest where I am making myself feel better about myself, where I am accepted and valued and special.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be special through being other people/animals hero as a way of valuing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Value myself according to other peoples acceptance of me, and to thus create a point/character such as the Hero Character to gain the acceptance so that I can assure my self-value, not seeing and realizing that this way I am always dependent on others acceptance of me before I can value myself, and that whenever I am not accepted that I do not value myself and within this act out in disrespect and no honor of myself in many parts of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am the one that decides my own value always – as I am the one that must accept and allow it, and thus I see and realize that it is self-sabotaging and self compromising of me to reLIE on other peoples acceptance before I value myself, and thus I see and realize that when and as I stop all value systems that is dependent on energy input/output and what remains here as the physical as LIFE is the value of all life in fact, and thus I am the value of Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that as long as I rely on the acceptance of others which I gain through being a hero, that I in fact rely on others to have a fucked up life so that I can be a hero and be accepted and value myself, and thus I am supporting abuse of all LIFE through my acceptance and allowances of energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that a Hero needs/requires a Broken world to be a hero, and thus I see and realize that I have to stop the want/need/desire to be a hero to value myself through the acceptance of others as being their hero so that everyone can take self responsibility for their actions and life’s so that we can stop all the abuse that is here and kill all heroes and valiance as energetic characters feeding off each other just to have so self value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I rely on the acceptance of others of me which I gain through playing the hero role that it will always only a temporary before I go into the opposite of not valuing myself and that I require someone else life to be fucked up so that I may be a hero again just to get the energy boost to feel that I am accepted and thus value myself, seeing the abuse in this kind of questions superman.

I commit myself to when and as I see someone in need a a hero, to stop and breathe and to look within myself of what the starting point is, is it to make me feel better or to end the abuse and to change the world to a better place for all in all ways where the value of all is LIFE as it is, and to correct my starting point and then see what is here and direct myself accordingly.

Day 167 – I need a Hero.

When I was about sixteen years old I was walking in the house one day and I heard Music playing in the kitchen area, I walked into the room and I heard the song “I need a Hero” playing. I enjoyed the sound of the song, then I saw on the couch my mother was sitting there, I looked at her and she looked at me, I saw there was tears in her eyes, she was sobbing/crying – Immediately I had a bad reaction of – “there is something wrong with my mother”, and I asked my mother – what is wrong, she said nothing is wrong, it just reminds me of the old days – I immediately took the words from the song and placed it into context of what was here – my mom was older with a husband and three kids, and she probably did not want her life to be this way – so she looks back into the past and what she had and now in the present it feel like she needs Saving from her current life – obviously this was a bit personal for me – because here I am enjoying my life and being young and doing what I wanted while my mom gave all of that up so that I can be here – almost like I was forced into her life and not she is in a forced situation. Obviously all of this took place internally and from my own assumptions, but it left a emotional scar – I kind of made a deal with myself to one day “save: my mother form her life so she can live again.

So after a couple of years I moved away to the farm here, going on with my life – and one day I walked into the Lounge in the main house and there was loud music playing – the song that was playing was “I need a Hero” – the song hit me immediately and I started crying, I kept the crying to myself as I felt ashamed of it and suppressed it – At the moment I had no fucking clue why I was crying, it only hit me later on when I was breathing and clear and the memory came to me, I only now remember it again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that it is my Job to save people from the lives they have/are creating for themselves – seeing and realizing that it is not to save someone from their life’s as it is their responsibility – I can only show them the way after I have walked it myself first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it my personal mission to save my mother from the life she is trapped in.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume my mother is trapped in the life she is living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I was only projecting at that moment my own fears/thoughts/emotions onto my mother.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to save my mother just to feel better about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that if I change my mother’s life that only then can my life change and through that create the Idea that I have to make it my Job to try and save her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I saw my mother in the kitchen area crying that the reaction/emotions/thoughts/back chat that I was experiencing was all about me as they all were existing within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I feel guilty for existing and being here as I have made myself feel like I am the reason and cause my mother had to stop living and start being a slave.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when I was conceived that I did not plan for it and that I wasn’t there making the decisions and thus I a simply here and responsible for myself and everything that is here as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself in that moment that Isaw my mother crying to the song “I need a Hero” for being the cause/reason that she needs a hero.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that what I blamed/judged myself for in that moment was about things I have already judged and blamed myself for in the past and thus was already existent within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk this live with the constant feeling that I am a burden only and not worthy of being here as others had to Give up their life’s to raise me, not seeing and realizing that such blame/judgment is completely useless with me being here right now as it have no purpose or value or relevance to what is here and is only self sabotage and compromise.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see my mother in an emotional state to immediately assume that I must be the cause for it and thus it is my responsibility to fix it, not seeing and realizing that I am within that as the sins of the fathers just doing the same, giving up my life in the attempt to save someone else’s life, instead of focusing on a solution that will save all life's at the same time and better all life’s and give “living Life” back to all equally as that will and can only be a real solution in fact as money is the point deciding everything currently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I have to be emotionally Strong” and never show any feelings or emotions for the sake of my mother and to be the one that can save her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be a Hero in my mother’s eyes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that being a hero in my mother’s eyes will be all I need this life to feel validated and accepted and loved, not seeing and realizing that it will be a endless cycle of abuse unless the entire system that keeps it all together first change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to design and create characters for myself specifically according to what I believed my mother needed to feel that she is being saved.
To be continued.

Day 166 – Can you do this for ME!! - The Dishes

I forgive myself that when and as a Person asks me to wash their dishes for them to react within the Idea/belief that they are only taking advantage of me and my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I react to when someone asks me to do THEIR dishes for them to react to the though of – seeing myself do dishes while the person who asked me sits somewhere else doing nothing” and to within this have the back chat of “why can you not do it yourself” and to then instead of breathing and realizing that I am reacting and thus it is a sign that I am existing as the mind as energy movement like a robot, instead of self movement and thus it is not about what the other person is asking me or what they are doing instead of!! It is about Who I am and what I accept and allow myself to be limited by and a slave to it and if I am going to accept and allow it or not – Thus I see and realize that as it is about WHO I AM and not the other person, that I must move myself, and as long as there is a energy movement within me to that moves me, to WILL myself to do the dishes for Myself to break the enslavement of energy movement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as someone else asks me to do dishes for them to Make it about them, not seeing and realizing that it is always about me and who I am that determines what I do, thus when and as I see that who I am is but a energy movement/reaction as the mind that only exist in self interest and limitation, to stop and breathe and to correct myself in and as breathe to do what is best for all life as Who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am asked to do the dishes to reflect my reaction onto another in the fear of doing something that I know is not within my pre-programming as a slave to the mind and that I will Change and that the change will be seen as weakness and that other will take advantage of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the real weakness is me reacting and not WILLING myself to do the dishes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that doing the dishes reveals a strength that is not of power or dominance or self interest – It is the strength of me Willing myself to do what is best for all life and set aside my self interest and ego and to be humble to another as I would in fact like them to be towards me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I am asked to do the dishes for someone else to first want to know the reason WHY? And if the reason isnt valid in my opinion to act in spitefulness towards the other being as a way of gaining some weird sort of power/authority and diminishing the other person and to make them feel bad for asking me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize the evil within my actions towards my fellow beings through my words and deeds in self interest where I defend my own limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am asked to do dishes for someone else to be more concerned about what they are going to do instead of doing their own dishes and to feel that I ma being abused for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am asked to do dishes for someone else to first check in my secret mind what else I could do in that time instead and if it is worth it or not, and to accordingly have a reaction that will not reflect what I secretly want to do instead but twist the whole point instead, just s that I do not have to feel guilty for saying NO in a mean way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the Character that comes out to play when and as I am asked to do dishes for someone else - comes from a stage/memory from a long time ago where I was a kid that had to do the dishes while mom and dad was just sitting around or watching T.V and I was left with no reason/understanding but simply a Order/duty forced upon me and left alone to have thoughts/feeling/emotions un watched and running wild, and as I grew older the memory became a living expression of the hidden thoughts/feelings/emotions I pondered on as a kid, and now I an automated reactive robot simply responding to a experience, with no self will or movement, and thus I see and realize that it is but a character and not real, I do not have to play this character, I can let it go and create myself a new, as that which is best for all life where I am life a self moving being with the will of Life one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am asked to do the dishes for someone else – to react to my own back chat of “ but it is your dishes, you used it and did not wash it and now the burden is asked of me to do them, you are being selfish and lazy” – Not seeing and realize that my inner words are but revealing my own actions in the moment that I reflect upon another as to not to have to look as self and correct myself and take self responsibility for myself and stop all internal chattering and imagination and to focus on what is here as the physical as that which is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize than when I am asked to do someone else dishes and there is/are NO thoughts/feelings/emotions as reactions that doing dishes will simply be an act of doing it.

I commit myself to when and as I am asked of another to do their dishes, to take a deep breathe before I say anything, and to be self honest with myself and ask myself a honest question, am I reacting? and to be strict with myself and DO the dishes if there is any energy movement within me, till I am clear and not moved by any energy – where I then rebirth myself as a self willed self moving being that can only move myself as LIFE as that which is best for all LIFE in all ways and nothing else can move me – and the dishes will get done.

Day 165 – Justifying is Fighting for Limitation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am confronted by someone where my actions/words are questioned and points pointed out to Instead of Breathing and Correcting myself “feel” that I have to explain my actions/words in the fear that if I do not explain myself that I will be seen as less than the person confronting my words/actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as a Person points out something I have done or am doing in the moment to react and Try and explain myself To justify why I did not see/do the obvious thing – seeing and realizing that as soon as I want to justify myself that I am in fact dishonest because to attempt to justify implies that I knew what I was doing and what I was not doing Instead.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that Justification is a deliberate act as to why I did not correct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that Justification is only MIND as I try and attempt to explain my back chat and thoughts and thinking processes – and that justification is a outflow of feeling guilty as I know that I could have instead of having backchat or thoughts have Changed and corrected myself Physically i the moment and thus I know I did not do this and thus the Justification process starts of fighting for my own limitations.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that Justifying myself is only me Fighting for my own limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Justify my actions/words when someone points them out to me in the attempt to spite the other person just so that They may not win in showing me how it is possible for me to self perfecting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I justify my actions and words is when I still believe that the mind has power of me as the knowledge and information I hold as all the excuses and reasons that the mind made up for why I did not change/correct myself in and as Breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as someone else is showing me a Better way of doing something to Justify why I did not do it as such to sound smart and clever and that I was considering it BUT instead took it the other way just to not having to listen and learn and grow from the other person and to instead fight for my limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that Justification is always justification and isnt a reason in fact. A real reason for why I did not correct myself in breathe in the moment would be when for instance a meteor falls out of the sky and kill me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to glorify my own justifications as being special and full of reason and common sense, not seeing that it is me fighting for my own fears/limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that Justification is but a fiction of my imagination and not reality in fact but a compilation of self made up ideas/belief/perspectives limited to my own knowledge and information that is rooted in fear and thus can never be trusted.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself wanting to justify to Stop the words that want to fall onto my tongue and to take the Air of Life into my lungs and Bring myself here and to Correct myself as the flesh and bones that I am as Life.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I want to defend my limitations/fears (EGO) through the reasons/excuses to stop and take a breathe and to instead correct myself and to realize that when someone is helping me and it makes sense within and as the physical that is here that it does not mean I have to speak, it means I can correct and breathe.

I commit myself to when and as I Feel the storms of fears arise within me of when someone else shows me what I have already known but did not act/correct, and the urges and temptations of my fears come to defend them, to stop and breath and to realize I am not the inner red flames of fear and to take a deep breathe to cool the flames and to realize myself here as the breath and to correct myself - instead of fighting a battle that is always only against myself where I defend my own limitations only and to learn from another in humbleness.

Day 164 – Let me Explain as Justifying myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I want to explain myself to attempt to manipulate myself and what I see I have to explain as a way of justifying myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am faced with having to explain myself in situations of confrontation to instead of Breathing and correcting myself to instead try and explain myself as a way to Justify myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use circumstances as a reason to justify my actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use Blame as a way to reason and Justification.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always Look at everything outside of myself as reasons and ways to justify my decisions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I am looking at everything out there for the cause/reason for my actions that I am not self honest and not looking at me as the one making the decisions in fact in the end always.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I use and look at everything out there as reasons/excuses to Justify my actions that I am only justifying instead of correcting myself and perfecting myself as Life as that which is best for all life in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Through justifying my decisions/actions teach myself that it is impossible to correct myself instantly as Breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use Justifications as reasons and excuses to not correct myself instantly in breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Justify my actions/decision as a way to not face Instant correction/change as breathe as a way to hold onto that which I know and feel save with, not seeing and realizing that I am in fact holding onto my own limitations and enslaving myself to the mind with all the reasoning and justifying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entangle myself in and as the mind through reason/excuses and justifying my actions and creating layers of knowledge and information within and as myself as I have to hold onto the justification to always be able to tell the same Lie?justification to anyone who asks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear instant correction in and as breathe as LIFE as that which is best for all life in the fear of losing my limitations I have known for years and have become a slave to, seeing and realizing that it is not best for all and not myself as I am part of ALL, and thus it is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be used to justifying myself in explaining myself that I never considered correcting myself instead.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that as and when I use reason and excuses to justify my actions/decisions hat I will always only live a life where I am in the boundaries of those reasons/excuses and thus will never be able to see what is here in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when I justify my actions/decisions that I have in that moment of justifying created a Bubble that consist of all the reasons/excuses as the justifications and that I am now Bound to this bubble and having to live in this bubble and keeping it alive, because I know that when the bubble pops I will be revealed as one big LIE and so within this I will always do things and make decisions that Limit me from my Past decisions to sustain the bubble, even though I know I can change my decisions and actions I make but then that will show everyone that I was LYING to them within my reasoning and all the excuses I made out to be so REAL.

To be Continued

Day 163 – Hurting My Back Final.

I hurt my back a couple of days ago – and I started writing in my Journey to Life blog on the point of hurting my back. Day

I have been writing about how it happened and then I went into the past into how I saw it all manifested and so forth, what I did not see was, that the moment I took the point of hurting my back and I started stretching it over space and time laying out all the points is that I was justifying how I hurt my back and why I was/am in the current situation I am in as being useless.

Let me explain – when I hurt my back – IN that moment I was faced with a decision and I was aware of this decision, the decision I had to make in the moment was if I am going to breathe or go into the mind about the point, I decided in the moment to go into the mind and thus FEAR – instead of breathing.

What happened when I went into fear – I had backchat and thoughts, the back chat was “Oh shit what if this is serious and my back is damaged” and the thoughts was -> “seeing a picture of me unable to move or do things as I was paralyzed or something like that” then I had Fear – the fear was a reaction and thus all my movements/actions was to prevent the fear from coming real, BUT what also was happening in that moment was me giving signals to my body that there is something TERRIBLY wrong with my Back, and thus I started experiencing something terribly wrong with my back.

How Do I know this – if you read my first blog you will see I say in there that I have been having this pain for almost a year now – every single time I had the pain before - I breathed and moved on, this pain occurred in specific moments where I picked something heavy up with my back – so the pain kept on occurring and I healed my back ALL the other times through breathing and moving my body into Correction – and it was corrected every time, it did not have any effects on my Life at all except for the few minutes every time it occurred – I was able to continue doing heavy work and lifting heavy things and being a working guy.

This particular day when I lifted the back of chicken feed up I had the back pain again – I re-created it in that moment – it wasn’t a re-occurring pain from previous times – I literally hurt my back every time newly. So this time I Felt the pain more because of How I moved the bag over my neck (different from all the other times)– which was a different movement and thus a different pain – All I had to do was to in that moment breathe and correct myself in the moment – believe it or not it is possible to correct your body yourself – we as humans have limited ourselves completely out of fear.

So as I hurt my back on that particular day I accepted and allowed FEAR – where previous times I did not have fear but I just breathed and moved my body to correct my body and continued working and lifting and doing the hard farm work. Some of the previous time the pain was worse than this time I got it.

So what is it that I see happened– after it happened I was thinking about it – instead of correcting it physically – and because I was thinking, my mind was jumping to every single fear and conclusion and whatever else could go wrong, I was thinking shit what if this is because of accumulation from all the other times and now it is time to pay, what if this is a point of neglecting my body because I did not do anything all the previous time, Oh crap I am in deep shit, I will face the consequences of thinking I can handle this myself every time It happened, - SEE how I gave away all Self trust as the physical to the mind – and what was the obvious next thing to come up – I NEED a doctor – Motivated by Fear.

The doctor was purely needed just to ease down my fears and to make me feel save again – not even fixing my back as the main point – and when I was at the doctor that doctor gave me all of this information about my back and what was Out of place and how it could have happened and so forth and then there was even more fear and thinking and thoughts and I just kept on giving all these signals to my body, almost like this --> BODY!!! There is something terrible wrong with you, you are HARMED and have been ABUSED and you must FEAR this because it can mean DANGEROUS things for you and YOU MUST now act accordingly and feel the pain accordingly and you now must be BROKEN – OH my god body you can be paralyzed and you must be in so much pain right now, and you must be feeling crap right now, and you must be tired right now etc etc etc. – this is all the signals I was sending my body through participating in Backchat and thoughts, Instead of breathing.

This is the signals I would have given my Body if I was breathing --> ( ) Nothing no signals. And within giving my body no signals I could have actually literally PHYSICALLY corrected myself as all the other times

How much credit do we humans give our own bodies – we ARE our bodies – so why can we not AS our Bodies move a bone back into place that went out, why do we need surgery and doctors for everything – why can we not simply when we have a virus move the virus out of our bodies as or bodies – Because we are not aware of our bodies and we exist as only as our MINDs as complete limitation and that is why we now suddenly require outside forces to fix us that “study” our bodies – why do we need someone to study What we are in fact – because we are not aware of anything as our bodies.

So after I had a chat with another persona and these points were brought o my attention I was kind of knocked over – I asked the person – So wait a minute, it is possible to correct ourselves even with something such as a spasm in a single moment?? (search up what a spasm is), and the other person replied – well not instantly maybe in about 15min or so because the correction is You moving yourself into correction as the body as the physical, and the other person said – I cracked my back once and corrected myself – I found this unbelievable and kind of impossible – and there was my problem, I tried to understand it with my mind and how it can be possible, because I was raised with FEAR and that doctors is always needed for everything and that without doctors you can’t do anything.

So I was still in pain when I heard about this, I was still in the “healing” process – then the other person said – you have to trust it absolutely = no thoughts about it, thoughts are doubt. And no back chat, as back chat is uncertainty. And then I said fuck it and I breathed and I started moving myself into correction and not continue on the path I was on for the last couple of days with healing myself in justification.

Within a couple of Minutes my back pain was gone, I went back to doing horses and everything else I always do as normal work. NO PAIN. I breathed and stopped any and all mind related Bullshit, I moved my body in correction as the muscle and as the whole body breathing. No thinking. I failed this days ago when the pain and the “damage was still extensive, I will walk this point again and I will correct myself in the moment and then I will write about it..

Now I am not saying do not go to a doctor if you hurt your back, I am not saying when you break something of your body to not go to a doctor, we as a human race is quite far from learning this in full context – I would suggest to anyone to walk the 7 year Journey To Life blogs/writing where we rebirth ourselves as LIFE as the physical and to stop the mind so that we can get to the stage of healing our own bodies and correcting it as ourselves.

As I have given quite a nice example of how the mind over takes the physical and fuckes with us and everything if we accept and allow it.

But while we all are still fucked by the mind and cannot yet comprehend the physical and what exactly is possible a doctor will be needed (chiropractor) and in the mean time learn to heal ourselves.

Are you aware of every cell in your body? – Imagine you are and what can be possible as the physical, this requires no mind no thoughts/feelings/emotions/backchat.

Investigate Desteni and rebirth yourself as Life.

This blog is of my own process and I am still within “theory” of it all as I am walking it. This is me laying it all out within seeing the mind and the physical and debunking some beliefs for myself that I had.