Day 418 - Word Beleif Lived/created Part 6

NOW – I have re-enforced this belief with self-created Physical evidence, this mean it will be WAY harder for me to gain weight with my next attempt, I just now proofed to myself and everyone in my environment that I can’t gain weight no matter what I eat or drink.

So now I can even go deeper – where did I create the Belief that I need to gain weight, why has this become a problem for me, why do I have this urgent need to want to gain weight – where does this belief come from that I must gain weight before a certain age and time in my life – weight being muscles, looking physically healthy and not skinny and weak/sick.

I was fine with my Physical body/weight up until I went to my second primary school in grade two – when there was more Boys and more other children and people – I noticed that I was physically smaller than the other boys, and this meant they had an advantage over me physically, which made me feel insecure and vulnerable.

Which was the case, the smaller I was in comparison to the other boys the more I would be pushed around and get bullied and all those kind of stuff, I am an easier target.

Yet here I was young, I saw within the years to come that all the other boys was growing bigger and getting more muscles and stronger, when I was basically still skinny and smaller and could not play for instance Rugby, as they would just crush me with their bodies. But I was amazing in athletics.

So I had the Belief that my time will come, I will catch up with the other boys, just wait, you know how we change with time and age, my Mother especially always said, just give it time, your body will develop in your teenage years. When my teenage years came and I was in high school with even more people around from all over the town in one place, with guys that look like muscle builders and that is strong and tall and that have everything we call a real man, I still remained this fucking skinny guy.

While my best friend was shorter than me by at least four inches, he at least weighed sixty six Kilograms at the age of sixteen. And he looked skinny to me – I who was taller and who was also sixteen only weighed fifty five kilograms. WTF. When is this fucking change coming my mother talked about? Why am I not growing up, why am I not maturing, why am I not becoming a man.

So within ALL this time that has passed, I had to create a reason a excuse for other people in my environment why I am not becoming a man, why I am not changing and maturing and getting bigger and gaining weight/muscles – so I turned to Knowledge and information to give me explanation within this time, I used excuses like it’s in my DNA, its my GENETICS, it is my physical design, yes sure it is, but I made a Belief out of it, I used this Belief and I sold it to everyone, so that I could feel better about myself, I used this Belief that it’s my physical design, look I am skinny but check how strong I am, I was strong and I won’t deny it.

So now I made up within all this time a belief about myself – I belief it’s my DNA and my genetics and it runs in the family and within this its unchangeable, it is set in stone, I am sorry ladies but this is my design and I am stuck within it., the design is slim but with strong toned muscles inside, because I was able to do everything everyone else did only weighing fifty six kilograms at the age of eighteen. Se how I re-enforced the belief by making it into something special, I made my limitation special, I accepted it as fact and I made it special to feel special so that I don’t have to feel inferior or left out or less than.

To be continued on Self forgiveness.

Day 417 – Word Belief lived/created Part 5

How does Belief have an actual effect on the Physical – Since belief is something that exists just in our minds how can Belief have an actual physical effect on Us and the world.

It is simple – when I belief something within me I am giving the belief permission to direct me and my actions and thus what I physically do and say - then as I am doing this and Billions of others - we all create physical consequences that are created from beliefs/mind through the actions and words we live.

Then how is belief created – where does the Idea come from that to believe something is enough, to have a belief is good, to live by beliefs is cool. How did I create Beliefs within myself/about myself and how did I actually manifest the belief to make it a fact, where I can say SEE here is the evidence the facts of my belief is real. It is true, look as I said what I believed before about myself or something or anything.

I have a cool point of how I have created a Belief in my life, in my world and with my body that I am still working on. I have been working on this Belief about myself for at least eleven years.

This belief is the Belief that I cannot gain weight, I cannot change my physical weight at all, no matter how much I eat or drink no matter what weight/muscle mass gaining proteins I take, I can’t gain weight. I have twelve years behind me where I have been DOING it, eating and drinking shakes and all that crap to gain weight/mass.

I CAN gain weight, it isn’t magical or impossible, it isn’t a set fact that I can’t gain weight/mass – I have over many many years created and engrained within myself the Belief that I cannot gain weight, and while I do whatever I can I don’t gain weight. Because while I drink that protein shake or eat three steaks and a big plate of food eight times a day, I go inside myself, this isn’t going to work, my body will just burn this away, I can’t gain weight from this, I probably will never gain weight with this, this is just my physical design, I am limited within my physical design, My mother and my cousins and all my friends keep on saying I am skinny – even though I eat more than them and eat “healthier than them, they keep saying I am skinny.

There is a quick example of what supports the Belief – so how does it make a difference within me gaining weight or not – if I am going to eat a lot of food for the next three months to see if the Diet works so I can gain weight and I go full on into this diet with the predetermined expectation that it will not work, then it will not work. Because I am giving my body the input/belief that it will not work, basically saying DON’T work. So now as I eat this new diet and I do it for three months and I check on the scale and I was consistent and I did everything I can to support the diet. I see I did not gain any weight, whala – my belief that I have about myself not being able to gain weight is real.

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