Day 466 - DO IT, trying sounds like lying.

Continuing from - I am trying so hard.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist just doing something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be lazy about doing something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself incapable of just doing it, to get up and to do it full hardheartedly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not being capable of just doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the judgment of myself as not being capable of doing it within me as real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the judgment of myself not being capable of doing it as I am comfortable within not doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be comfortable with myself not doing anything as I have this believe that if I do not do anything then I simply do not have to face myself, not seeing and realizing that the judgment I create/have of myself is me beating myself down anyway.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to be comfortable with myself not doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an already awaiting expectation of myself and the physical for what is to come for me if I do do it, and to within this fear who I will be within that new reality, and only seeing the negative always.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I start doing all the things that I know I must do in every single moment and to never stop but to just move within breathe and to not be determined my energy as the moods and thoughts that I will never sit still and live my life and always just be busy with all the thing that NEEDS to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge me DOING what needs to be done in each and every moment and to not postpone as me not living, not seeing and realizing that it is actually the opposite and that if I do everything that is HERE in the moment that needs to be done that I am actually then in fact living, directing reality and creating, instead of waiting and being lazy and wasting time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not do it, just because I have an idea in my head that if I do that then I will not be able to do other things, not even knowing what the other things are, yet just making it up in my head as a mysterious reason for not doing this or that, yet seeing that I do this for this image in my head of seeing myself just doing nothing and just living in self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live every day for the achievement of having to do nothing. And thus doing as little as possible just to have that time to do nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire my live to be a big nothing through working hard every day with the intention in mind soul and resonance of in the end of the day to do nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to work hard and to do all the effort I can do with the actions of wanting to do nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push myself and my limits everyday within the intention of having to do nothing in the end of the day, basically to become zombie.

I forgive myself for that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize this point of desiring to do nothing existing within me at all times and to within this making work and any action I have to do tiring and heavy, and thus no matter how hard I work or push myself everyday ends up with a collapse of doing nothing and being tired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live with intent, seeing and realizing that intent does not mean shit if the actions isn’t aligned, and also seeing and realizing I cannot rely on intent as it changes all the time, and thus I must rely on my breathing and DO it in the moment and not to postpone for one second, working with what is here and not with what is within me as that is limited and deceptive and cannot be trusted at all.

Day 465 - I am Trying so hard

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Try and do something instead of doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the living expression of DO IT, and to within this hide within the trying point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide within the reasoning point of “I am trying”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the Do it point a point of over assessing the point at hand and to within this move into the trying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be that trying guy, the guy that always tries but never succeed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being the fool in being the doing guy and to within this move into the trying mode where I can still have the reason/justification of “but I am just trying” or I just tried and to have an scape goat for why I am not doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that when and as I am DOING, DO it, that I will be seen as a fool for just doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being the fool.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to contaminate the word fool with a negative experience of how other have defined it, instead of investigating for myself the word fool and to see what has the system defined as fool and why the system would define fool the way it is currently, what is the key within the fool.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back within being the fool, the DOER, as the fool trust unconditionally and as the fool takes that step no one else would take, as the fool isn’t afraid and lives in the moment here as the expression of here, as the fool does not care what others think about him but is set on his path and determined within it.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to embrace the fool as myself within the principles of what is best for all life and to life this foolishly to the utmost in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by energy reactions towards my own actions and what they might be/expose about myself and within this live in a controlled limited way defined within a systematic definition of morality within my mind and to behave in a way that isn’t foolishly to others/the system and to fall in line with the system, and thus becoming a trying guy, accepting and allowing myself to remain within always trying and never succeeding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of the control systems that I have placed within myself in relation to me expressing myself within DOING, DO IT without thinking but simply acting in the moment within common sense and what is here – letting go of the mind and the thinking and the fighting with myself and my mind and the experiences that is within me as the fears/anxieties/stress and the thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself within the morality of the system within my own mind as the systems I use within GOOD and BAD to determine what I can and cannot do and to within this always walk within those two lines and to then not move beyond the BAD defined in my head and to now only remain in trying to do something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that thoughts that is within my head an to believe that instead that I have been taught about right and wrong and to keep them alive within myself through thinking about them the whole time and to validate them with system reasoning implanted by the system to keep itself save = the mind, to never push beyond and to push into the physical living of what is here but to keep a evil cycle alive of self-abuse.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that if I do not live HERE in and as the physical with the physical in full awareness of who I am as the physical as a living expression then I am living within the mind a divide and conquer battle with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to TRY SO HARD to be the fucking right guy for everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to TRY SO HARD to be the GOOD guy for everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to TRY SO HARD to be the perfect guy for everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have this idea in everyone’s heads about me that I am the right guy and thus I go into this consistent TRYING and TRYING an d adjusting myself to every person I meet to be the right guy, and then I end up in this trying cycle or what is right and what is wrong and I just cannot seem to find myself within it all and not be here stable breathing as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to ACCEPT me and to be me here as the physical as NO fear as no anxiety as me directing reality in each breathe and to have no limits but those set by reality as the physical as the principal I walk as what’s best for all and what isn’t.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be the Be the best guy for myself, and to stop trying to be someone else in every moment of everyday as the right guy for everything and everyone and to lose myself within this energy experience of myself.

I have noticed there is an awesome reference point that exist within me, it is this spike of an energy reaction within my solar plexus, every time it occurs I am moving within energy and thus the pattern and thus just moving the same as always, so I must breath and forgive myself for this creation point and face the reality of breathing and what is here.

To be continued.