Continuing from previous Blog - Day 467 - What have I been doing, while trying to reach my true potential?
"From previous Blog: Yet with every breathe I take there is a reaction, the reaction sets off motion’s within me, these motions become emotions, motions of energy, the moment of content is lost and the breathing is shallow and has no flow. The essence of the present as self as the here is now everywhere undirected, following an irrational influence of some energy brought up by a single thought, a single memory bred from the past and brought into the present only to contaminate the moment, the simplicity of living has now been made complicated."
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow the slightest reaction/s within me as normal and that I just have to live with it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight the reaction/s that come up within me and to within this fighting have an outcome of win or lose, where I end up losing as the fighting only creates more energy and thus more reactions.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see any reaction that comes up within me as separate from me, and thus give away my authority to direct and to within this accept and allow the reaction within me to contaminate my direction.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be at peace with the reaction and to within this work with the reaction as myself to deal with the reaction when the reaction is here/presented in the moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the reaction that is within me, and to within this have a reaction upon a reaction that simply does not stop.
I forgive myself for that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I have been approaching facing my reaction from the starting point of trying, seeing and realizing that trying is a construct of “I don’t really want to” – and thus within this not actually doing anything but just pretending to look like I am doing something.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide my self-honesty from myself and to within this react towards everything I have to do and face in reality, even though the reaction isn’t visible it is slight, like a candle burning in the far distance, as the reaction is showing my self-dishonesty – where I am hiding what I know about myself and to live the opposite of the self-honesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live my self-honesty in each and every moment, and to fear my self-honesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my self-honesty and to question my self-honesty from the starting point of morality and to within this walk honesty instead within morality and to within this create friction within myself and my reality and thus a consistent reaction within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live anything less than my self- honesty in each and every moment, and to within this accepting and allowing the lesser me of my true potential to move and direct my reality and to within this know I am living in self-dishonesty and so create a consistent reaction within me of what I am doing or not doing and what I am supposed to do or not do and yet not trusting my self-honesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust my self-honesty and to live my self-honesty and to apply myself within self-honesty as I know I should yet I do the morality magic trick in the believe that it is the right way of deceiving others through morality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself, to fear who I know I can be in my full/true potential and to hold back because of the morality that I have within me and through what I am judging reality and living within this reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself within believing that morality exist and for me to follow morality within this world through living honestly in others eyes is but me deceiving myself, never being self-honest with myself and what is here and to instead attempt/TRY to find a way around reality through making all my actions that of trying instead of doing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone living my full and utmost potential in every breath within self-honesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can do without self-honesty and to hide my self-honesty and to not work with my self-honesty and to instead take the path of trying/attempting to live within the limitations of my own mind set out by my own morality within my own mind. Instead of sticking to reality and what is here taking all into consideration and not just myself.
To be really honest with myself, I can see that when I am honest with myself in each moment that I have a reaction or where I am facing a fear or where I am anxious or where I am finding a limitation within myself or reality, that the real truth that I am hiding from myself through the TRYING character is that in reality I personally do not have a fear or anxiety or stress or a limitation for what is ahead of me, it is what OTHERS will perceive of me that I believe will care so I MAKE myself have this anxiety/reaction/stress within me through the trying character – because if you look at it, the trying character is designed to create energy/friction and thus to have emotional problems, where the doing living being has none of that, and that is the self-honest being, the being that is here – and that is what I self honestly will do/see in those moments – DOING it, breathing and directing reality.
So now I must come back to reality, I have now in self-dishonesty created this character of trying and I have designed many systems around it and I have lived this trying character into all my behaviors and patterns for the sake of others seeing me living, which ends up back to self with the point of self-interest, it is self-interest that cares what others think about self, for the sake of self-survival and comforts and not having to face reality, the reality of things, not the opposite, just reality.
So the trying character is a character whose role is that of self-enslavement,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in such a way in self-interest that I am attempting to serve all other humans interest of what I believe is expected from me to be a good and obedient citizen that remains enslaved and controlled by the mind just like everyone else, and to within this never step out of character, and just like placing a shock collar around a dogs neck for whenever the dog is DOING something he isn’t supposed to do according to the moralities/believes that humans has placed – I have placed a trying character within me to create a consistent reaction within me to SHOCK me whenever I am DOING something that according to MY own morality/beliefs from society is seen as not right to stop me from DOING and to scare me back into just trying and attempting – terrorizing myself with my own mind to stay in my place.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that someone with a lot of confidence is seen as arrogant and having a big ego.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see people with a lot of confidence as being arrogant and having a big ego, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other people with high confidence as being arrogant and having a big ego and to within this create a point of morality within me of what is accepted and allowed from me within society placed by my own judgment.
To be continued.