Day 507 – What I learned from Bernard Poolman – Lesson 6




In any moment on the Farm Bernard will surprise you, not daily per say, but at any time any day, it was always unpredictable, and what point he pushes will only then be known, so..


Once again, back in the day, as usual I am walking around the farm busy with some projects and hanging out with Destonians from all over the world. As I enter the kitchen for a coffee stop, Bernard is sitting there in the kitchen talking to other people.

I am just standing around listening to what Bernard is talking about with the other people, a quick distraction with a value bale reason for being distracted, I cannot miss out on what is being discussed lol, while I should be getting out to finding projects.

As I am in the kitchen now, listening to Bernard and all the other people, I am not really getting what is being talked about, because I obviously already missed more than half the conversation, but suddenly Bernard looks around at me and he says – Like Gian here, he has a GIFT, but he refuses to use it, because he enjoys living in fear so much.

Now everyone else is looking at me and Bernard is looking at me and he is saying stuff about me and I have no Idea what he is talking about – like it really took me by surprise, and then Bernard says: he has the gift to communicate with animals, He did it as a child, he played with snakes and spiders, but where is that now? He isn’t using it. But do not worry, Life gave him a gift and is he isn’t using it or abusing it, Life will take it away from him, or teaches him a lesson – because that’s the only way we learn. Perhaps one day he will get bitten by a snake and then it will be too late, because all he had to do was talk to it, but didn’t.

Then out of the group, Bernard looks at me with these really intimidating eyes – that when I looked into them I just felt shame and guilt/regret – because I knew what Bernard was saying was SOOO true, I used to play and communicate with ALL animals freely, none ever harmed me, and now I am just consumed with fear and thoughts and so many conditions/limitations – THE MIND.

And Bernard says: you better get your shit straight, develop your ability again and become worthy of life where Life can trust you again. And he moves on to talking to everyone else.

I walked away really facing my internal reality, facing my thoughts and what I have accepted and allowed of myself – I saw the journey ahead to regain my own trust within myself where I am worthy of life, to be trusted by life, as I was given this gift that others have to work so hard for to have, from birth and abused it, threw it away.

I remembered there was a time I lived without fear, and that for some odd reason I now fear living without fear – this journey of fearlessness and bringing myself HERE still continues to this day – But thank you Bernard for always showing and believing in everyone utmost potential and never accepting anything less.

Day 506 – What I learned from Bernard Poolman – Lesson 5

SLEEP – In the beginning of my Desteni Farm Life/process, I and just a handful of others used to do all the labor on the farm, in terms of developing the farm and maintaining the farm for what was yet to come in the future for Desteni and the world.

From my “normal” life – I used to wake up at seven/eight in the mornings and go sleep whenever I wanted to (after school days), I enjoyed MY sleep, I would for instance go to sleep straight after I came from the gym and wake up later for dinner and then do a few things and go back to sleep. Sleep was my way of just rushing my life, fast forwarding it. So I developed a very bad habit with sleep and conditioned my body – those were the reasons believed to be the reasons.

But don’t worry – this got sorted out quit quickly once I got to the Farm, BUT I NEVER expected how this change would come about.

Everyday single day in the beginning of my life here at Desteni, I would wake up REAL early, not by choice, Bernard would be walking around at 6/6:30am in the morning yelling out “ARE YOU AWAKE GIAN”, while I am sleeping I would just hear this yelling from outside, it would tremble through my core and I would have this slight anxiety running through my solar plexus, asking myself, am I awake? I would ask myself this question because Bernard didn’t just ask if I am awake in terms of my eyes being open and me being up, the sound within which he screamed it out was asking me as the being am I awake..

I would slowly start moving my body while still lying in bed and I would say, YES I am awake!! And then Bernard would ask me, are you sure? And I would say yes, BUT me saying yes only to me being physically awake, as the reaction that I had, that small amount of anxiety was still my self-honest part knowing that I am not awake as in HERE as LIFE alive and living in each and every breath, because waking up was such a struggle, which is an indicator of me still using sleep as a way to hide, not standing and taking full self-responsibility.

So I would then wake up and get dressed and move my ass outside, the morning is still fresh, I found the early morning to be very supportive in waking up with everything, like it is alive and just nice. I would get coffee and breakfast and then I would sit around for a bit till work time (no horse time yet for me at this stage)

After that I would start doing some Labor time, which I LOVE doing, we were building on many things, from housing to fencing to gardening and all kinds of things. Each day there was so many activities to participate within.

BUT – I would be working on something for a couple of hours and suddenly at some point I would just feel tired and like going to sleep, nesting somewhere and just SLEEP, and this is what I did, almost every afternoon around 12/1pm I would be on my bed sleeping/napping – or let me rephrase that, try sleeping/napping, because Bernard was in the area, and he was always aware of what is going on around the farm.

So Bernard would come and disturb my sleep deliberately, I would experience annoyance and some back chat within those moments, as I wanted to sleep, but now could not get what I wanted., there were some moments that I could get away with sleep, haha.

So this continued for a while, a couple of months, and in between all of this I would sometimes feel so desperate for sleep that I would go around the farm and find the weirdest places to lay my ass down and sleep, like a hay shed, or in a storage shed in between the shelves, or I would just find a location where people do not regularly go, this ended up in search parties looking for me, so I soon realized it wasn’t the best thing to do. Unless I tell someone “ hey I am going to go sleep in a hay shed so that Bernard can’t find me and disturb my sleep” haha – which would have led to the question, why do you want to sleep? And hide it from Bernard? And as I know within self-honesty, the answer isn’t because I am tired, why would I be THAT tired every single day, there is obviously a different reason for this tiredness and wanting to sleep, because Physically one get fit and used to the activities, so the tiredness was something more.

See Bernard didn’t just push my sleeping pattern, without him having to ask me why am I sleeping so much or wanting to sleep so much, he just had tp push my sleeping point through disturbing it when I didn’t expect it and to wake me up early and eventually I would face the points that I was running from by being awake, and the main point was always me running away from myself and who I have accepted and allowed myself to be.

Because I learned and saw, that through sleeping I am not busy in my MIND, there is no thoughts and no back chat’s or any feelings/emotions, so I don’t have to deal with them while sleeping, and thus the more I sleep the less I have to deal with them/myself – and when I wake up from sleep, I feel fresh and alive, but only for a while, till ALL my Mind bullshit has accumulated again to a certain point because I wasn’t breathing and forgiving myself and thus feeling burdened again – and then I would want to sleep again, but as long as Bernard disturbed my sleep, I was forced in a gentle way to deal with myself.

Thus the more effectively I walked my process, the less I want to sleep, because I am present, I am here, I am alive, sleep is then only required for the body to stabilize and heal itself, self-correct itself through a period of maximum 6 hours.

But I could ONLY walk through my sleeping point through writing and applying self-forgiveness and removing the thoughts and back chats. This period lasted for about 6 months, and Bernard was most consistent and supportive.

Day 505 – What I learned from Bernard – Lesson 4

The following lesson is quite interesting, it contains quite a few dimensions – I will tell the story, but it will be up to you to see the lesson.

Many years ago, just as me and my partner starting living together and sharing everything in our life with each other, it became a norm to just use each other’s things.

On this one specific day, a rainy day, I was digging something somewhere and borrowed my Partners rain jacket, because I didn’t have one yet, she lend it to me no questions asked, a mutual trust.

So while digging with the rain jacket on I started heating up from all the physical movement and the rain wasn’t coming in hard, just like drizzling, so I took the jacket off and placed it on the ground next to me where I was digging.

After a while I was exhausted and just wanted to get some water and food, so I left for the kitchen and made myself some food and got myself something to drink, My partner asked me to remember her rain jacket that I left outside, I said I will get it after my lunch. After my lunch I didn’t go back to fetch it, instead I started doing other things and getting busy, after a while my partner asked me again to remember to fetch her Jacket, it is a rain jacket that came all the way from another country – I said I wouldn’t forget, and continued with what I was doing.

It started getting later and dinner time was approaching, this meant everyone was kind of gathering in the kitchen slowly to prepare for food time. While in the kitchen my partner asked me again – did you get my rain Jacket, it is rainy and muddy and it can get damage outside just lying there, plus the dogs can get it and damage it.

Now as my Partner said this, the kitchen was filled with other people, specifically MEN – and Bernard, now the guys were like ooh, here comes trouble because of what my Partner is saying to me, and I said in a small sense of shame, NO I haven’t fetched the Jacket yet – Now Bernard sitting there start to talk.

Bernard looks at me and says: You must look at this point, it is exposing a point of disrespect towards your partner, and thus the respect you have for yourself – you must look your partner in the eyes and ask for forgiveness – BUT, the forgiveness you ask must be done unconditionally, you cannot expect anything back, it must be done unconditionally.

As I stand there and my internal reality being exposed and who I have accepted and allowed myself to be, the other males in the kitchen are kind of teasing me, saying in a joking manner, COME ON GIAN ask her for forgiveness!! But as they were Joking, I knew this is very real, I looked within myself while breathing and not listening to the other people, focusing on clearing the starting point within myself for what I was about to do for the first time in my life.

I looked up at my partner and I looked her in my eyes, even feeling awkward and a bit shy, I pushed through and said – Partner will you forgive me for disrespecting you, I did not expect any response, as I cleared the starting point to be unconditional, and I felt in that moment how I actually forgave me and corrected myself instead.

The other guys in the kitchen were saying out loud – WOW he did it?? GOOD BOY Gian (there males were friends visiting the farm, family members of Destonians) – basically seeing a Destonian in action and living what he stands for.

So I immediately went out to go fetch the Jacket, while doing this I saw so many dimensions of myself opening up within just that one point of disrespect that Bernard pointed out, the behavior and the thoughts and where else it is taking place within my reality, but now I had the opportunity to correct it and change.

Day 504 – what I learned from Bernard Poolman, Lesson 3



I used to walk with Bernard almost every day, we would either take a walk down to the river and just look around nature, or Bernard would be walking around the Orchard and I would join him, looking at the fruit trees and how they are doing. Sometimes a couple of us would go to town together and Bernard would also be going.

Obviously this lesson is I learned was about walking in the Moment – walking with Bernard is quite interesting, we would start walking from the same starting point, let’s say a gate that we had to go through, I would in my mind already be at the dam/river – where we are going to, and thus I would just follow the picture in my mind of the dam/river as the destination I want to reach, so I would walk my “normal phase, but after a few seconds of walking I would be looking for Bernard next to me and find that he is still way at the back, I felt awkward at times, like I wanted to ask Bernard, are you deliberately walking slow right now? I have other things to get to. But instead I would not ask that and just wait till Bernard is next to me, and as we start walking I would try and stay with Bernard to talk to him or just to walk with him in a group manner.

But I failed every single time to stay with Bernard and his walking, I was “naturally” just fast, or should I say automatically, I got to a point of frustration of not being able to walk Bernard’s phase, meaning slowing down.

Bernard was consistent with this pace, it never changed – but I was always in a internal conflict within myself from walking that slow, it felt like I was missing something out, like I was not getting to something, as if I am losing something within walking slow.

BUT the result was always the opposite, I didn’t miss out on something, I have NEVER been late for something, in fact I seemed to always arrive just on time/in time – in breathe lol.

So occasionally Bernard would check me while walking with him, as we walk he would for instance ask me did you see that fly over there, and I would be like – HUH?? Nooo, what fly, and then Bernard would say, you must be aware not self-aware, this requires breathing and moving oneself HERE, where I was walking next to him but in my mind I still thinking about we are going to the dam/river and that’s where I am and my awareness, thus NOT here, because you can decide on something, place your direct and go towards it, but it doesn’t mean that while you are going there you have to think about going there, you already made the decision and took the direction, so now you can simply breathe and walk in the moment and be aware. It is like a GPS, when you put in the your destination, it doesn’t show you the final destination the whole time, is shows you step by step how to get there, being aware of each and every step, and then you will reach the destination.

One day, Me and Bernard were walking in the Mall, I was way ahead of him again, BUT I wasn’t aware of it at all, till I stopped and looked for him, he was still walking, head forwards and just walking, and once he came to me he asked me, where are you going to in such a rush, and I said well to the shop, he said why in a rush? And I was thinking by myself, shit I have no reason, I wanted to say – to get this over with, to get home in time and to then do other things?, but even those reasons was all based on fear and hast, nothing real as a reason, I can go slow and breathe and rather walk in awareness and I can still get to all those things.

So once again, Bernard said, stop your thoughts, Breathe, Be here. I stood next to him, I took a deep breath and I focused on each foot, on each step, and I saw the thoughts coming in, I felt my body responding to each and ever thought, and each time I would have a thought I would slightly move faster or feel irritated with the slow walk, but I kept practicing this for many years and I am still doing this to this day. And I have never been late, and death will still be here for me in time.

Day 503 - What I learned from Bernard, Lesson 2



previous Lesson/Part 1

Physical capabilities

On a day We cut the grass of a couple of fields, but most of the grass wasn’t usable, due to all the weeds in between it, especially the lantana weed, so we gathered all the weeds into piles and started burning the weeds and grass.

The cutting down and piling up of all the weeds and grass was easy, and then of course burning it was the easiest part.

As the sun started going down I thought by myself ok, we are done soon, so we just have to put out the fire and leave.

Then Bernard came o the Fields to help a bit, there was a couple of us, we had the tractor with a water tank on it, so we used the water tank to spray the fire and put it out, but after a while the tank was empty – even though the fire looked out and like nothing will happen, Bernard said we cannot take ANY chances., as there was still smoke coming out of the heaps, thus there is still heat and fire.
 
I was justifying within myself that it is unnecessary, the fire is out, we do not need to do anything more – but Bernard Pushed all of us to do more, even though we were tired and worked out from the long day in the sun with all the work we have already done, because when I am tired I tend to let go of a lot of things. And just want to go lie down.

Since the water cart/tank was empty and it was getting dark, we didn’t have time to go fill it up and then come back and spray it. Bernard said, use the water canisters and just fill them up from the river – inside myself I was like NOOO!! So much work I really do not want to do it, but I could not ignore the common sense Bernard presented – which was, if we leave anything like smoke or burning amber and we are not there to control it, we do not know what can happen in our absence – such as the farm burning down in our sleep.

So we started walking with the Canisters toward the river, each one with two in their hands, each canister takes almost 10liters of water, and the distance from where the fire is to the river wasn’t close at all, but we could take immediate action while it is light outside, unlike filling a 1000liter tank from far away.

As we filled the canisters and started walking my body in its already tired/exhausted state did not want to it, or rather my mind, but I had NO choice, so I did it, BUT I dint breath doing it, I was thinking about random shit all the way, then Bernard saw this and he just said – stop the thoughts and Breathe, be aware of each step you take instead of the distance you still have to do, be aware of your body.

So I let go of ego of not wanting to do it and I started breathing and focusing on my every step and my body, instead of how much I still have to do, and how much I have already done – which was making me tired.

Two thing happened, I stopped noticing how much I have been doing and how much I still have to do, but I rather started focusing on what I am doing and removing the work much , and secondly I noticed the weight of the canisters became much lighter, because my mind was so much lighter, and after just a few more time I was completely awake and just moving with the canisters and water and completing the task before it got dark, and I felt physically good and alive, how is this possible? Starting out “physically tired” and have already done so much – but by doing something way more physically straining and harder afterwards makes me feel alive/awake/fresh – well it is simple – stop the thoughts which generates the feelings/emotions/back-chat and all the conditions of the mind that kind of chains down the physical and its utmost potential.

These small moments that Bernard just say something, are the moments that determine the BIG.

Day 502 – what Bernard taught me Part 1



I have decided to write up a couple of parts of my blog about Bernard Poolman and what I have learned from him, and what he has shown me – these are personal experiences and a very BIG part of who I am today.

As a young man, living with Bernard I had the opportunity to firsthand experience (with many other people) what the living embodiment is of the principles of LIFE is/mean, living what is best for all life in each and every breathe where nothing can move this stance.

one of the first things I learned from Bernard by just being around him, not even saying a word or being close to me, was that I exited as fear and nothing else, BUT that I can be anyone without fear, this is the part that Bernard would always embrace when he did talk to me, when he come close to me, the utmost potential, the point of empowerment.

For example – I was busy one day on the farm closing up the sewage tanks, after the trucks came and emptied them – to place the lid back onto the sewage tank is extremely difficult, as it has no handles and it is a perfect fit, meaning, if I do not drop the lid back on square, it falls into the hole.

I was resisting doing this; I stood by the tank for about 5min just postponing doing this simple task, because I feared dropping it in. Then Bernard came and he just stood there, he said: do not fear doing it, just do it, stop the thought, but the fear was so ingrained, that one thought had such a massive grip on my mind and letting it go seemed so impossible, because I have never before in my life considered that I can stop a thought and just not have it, and I now just relied on HOPE and luck to get it on, not on me doing it. So I picked the lid up, I stood over the hole and BOOM it fell into the stinking sewage tank; this meant I had to climb in and fetch it.

After coming out, Bernard said, what you fear is what you will create, and I just had real time evidence right there, because all that was in me was the thought the fear, and the fear was projecting what I might do or not do and that’s what I then lived, so Bernard walked away.

Now it was just me and this lid. I stood there for a couple of seconds just breathing and attempting to remove the fear, but I just suppressed it, so I placed one sentence of Self forgiveness for myself softly so I could hear myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot stop a thought – but really meaning it, really holding it within me when I said it.

And I picked the lid up, I felt light inside and no fear, but a bit nervous – and I just did it, NO thoughts, I didn’t think about it – as the thinking produced the fear, and I dropped the lid on perfectly, I was so happy that I did that.

I learned not only what Bernard told me, but also that it is within the small things where I justify FEAR for existing as being okay, that I am accepting and allowing myself to live as fear and that any form of fear, no matter how big or small and that it starts with the thoughts – I need to apply Self forgives and stop all fear so that I can be HERE and live my utmost potential.

Day 501 - The all-powerful system






We look at the world and we see a system, a system that we all live in, it is massive, it is strong, it is unstoppable, we have no power to do anything about the system, we can simply live in it and hope for the best, Ignore everything and everyone and hope we have a good life, and start focusing ONLY on our life’s, we will do this deliberately, in the believe that we cannot do anything. 

Well, we cannot do anything, we are sitting ducks, we are simply going to have to die in this world and who knows how our deaths will come, perhaps in peace, maybe we are lucky, maybe we will not be murdered, or drown or burn to death, maybe we won’t have to die in a war or something terrible, like going through cruel evil things before death – you know like what millions of others are experiencing, like dying just because there isn’t water, or being raped and abused and left for death just because some soldiers took over your town, or watching the ones you love being tortured and abused and die and then you, like how millions of others are experiencing it. 

You see – we become so obsessed with the IDEAL situation in our minds, that everything will be okay, JUST FOR US, and forget reality, what happens to others in this world is a possibility for anyone at any time, you will never expect it, you will never know when it can happen or how, but as long as it exist in this world for just one person, such cruelty, such abuse, such a life, it will speak, it isnt a maybe, it is a WILL, just like a virus attacking a body, sure it is hurting only one part of the body for now, but once it is done with that part of the body, it moves to the next ONLY available parts left, till the whole body is dead.

This is common sense.

And the sad thing is, this will happen to all of humanity till we change, and the only reason change will not happen is literally just because of a believe – a believe that the system is so big and unchangeable.

Day 500 – world change – Donate your click/like/share a day




There is only one way to change this world and to bring about real change. This change has to be what is best for all life, literally in reverse of what we are living now, not the opposite – In reverse. There is a major difference.

And there is only ONE group in this world that is promoting this change, there is only a few, literally a very small amount of people on this planet that is actually actively in awareness walking a personal process of change within them to bring about and promote this change., through designing and developing many systems/programs/courses/support/education and do much more to do exactly that, bring real change that is best for all.

To see more about this group check out Desteni,org and all the platforms that are available and that has been researched and developed over a very long period of time.

Now this group, the people and what we are promoting and living is available for ALL to see and participate within.

The bare minimum that a person can do to help motivate this change in the world is – first itrequires a person in front of a computer/smart-phone/tablet or any similar gaged with a mouse or a finger that clicks LIKE and SHARE (in other words anyone almost anywhere with internet lol)– this is what brings about change in the modern world, this is how the humans mind work currently and how information is “voted” for and what gets to be promoted (pro means FOR).

To do a little bit more is to participate within the DIP (Desteni I process) LITE course – which is an absolutely free course of self-development and understanding the surface, basics of this reality and how each one of us create our own realities and thus the whole – with another person giving their time to walk this with you for FREE, and it requires your time for literally 10min a day to do a lesson, depends on your typing skills of course, but ten to twenty minutes is nothing.

Then to do more – one can start participating on the Desteni Forums, reading the countless documents and writings/information that are available there, self-educate and self-introspect into one’s LIFE and reality,. This is till on bare minimum efforts to bring about change in this world (for those that has limited time), believe it or not, this is how it is done, small steps, small things, such as just a click of a mouse – voting and PRO – moting (not muting).

Imagine every single famous singer or actor or TV show or every billionaires or any government or movement that is abuse of LIFE is currently here because those that do not promote what is best for all life, is promoting all the abuse that is here by simply clicking and liking what is accepted by society, not nessasarely though a PC or with a mouse, but by turning on your Radio or TV, or buying a magazine, or a product, and they get so many clicks and likes and shares that finding anything relevant or of substance, that is best for all life, is almost impossible.

Can you donate your click/like/share a day to what is best for all life? No matter how busy you are. The few that is doing the work, will handle the work. We need thousands to push it and to make it viral. Let’s make what is best for all life viral, even if you can only donate clicks a day – those that can do more, do so – we welcome what is best for all LIFE anytime.

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