Day 94 – The Fearful Character sits and waits P4


I commit myself to when and as I see a situation.scenario play out in front of me and/or somewhere else in the world, to take action in the moment to move and direct myself and to not give in to the thoughts of what I could be doing instead of take responsibility for the world and myself such as me instead watching TV or going out to the movies, or partying with friends or playing a PC game, and to not fall for my OWN trap within my back chat that of “ I do not need to do this, there are other people taking care of earth and me” or “I don't have to do anything, it is my choice” and to realize that this is the mind attempting to keep me enslaved and to not stand up, and to keep the fear/anxiety alive, just so that the mind can feel it is save and in control and okay, while the physical reality is clearly showing me that there is problems and needs attendance instantly and thus realizing that any form of postponement will only accumulate the problems/consequences that I will face equally with all life here on earth, and thus my fear/anxiety will in the end not at all be of any excuse in the face of life as I will be AWARE of every-time I deliberately made the decisions to rather go watch movies or party or TV and to not take self responsibility using fear/anxiety as an excuse and that I do not know how to do anything any ways – and thus realizing that I could/can use all the time I spend doing something else instead of taking responsibility to find out HOW in FACT I can change the world through starting with myself and investigating how the world and everything works so that I can change it as myself. 

I commit myself to when and as I see/find myself participating within back-chat of “ this is to much” I can not do this – to stop and realize that I am only talking to myself that way because of thoughts that I have of what else I could still be doing – such as seeing myself having a fun time laughing instead” or “playing video games all day long and not having a care in the world” – and to realize that it is in fact not to much, it is only through the mind participating in thoughts that is not HERE in the present moment and within back-chat that is internal Conversations CONning me with temptation and cunning words of deceptive reason and Justifications that is purely based on an energy feeling/emotion experience of the mind all based on SELF interest and NOT what is best for all LIFE and thus it is not real but an illusion that I desire to rather have, to not have to face the physical reality that is here in the present as the future I decide I create that includes all life all ways– realizing that the thoughts/feelings/emotions and back chat is but all pre-programmed in me of the past as experiences/memories and thus it is not real but the past, it is over, and if I want to relive the past over and over through not taking self responsibility for the future to come I will face great consequences that I created for myself, it is like driving for a cliff and you can see it but you enjoy driving fast to much to slow down And stop. Its all an energetic drive/experience and not what is real as LIFE as that which is currently being destroyed/mutilated/neglected/fucked up for consumerism and making money and thus I realize that it is this act of not taking self responsibility for myself but rather stay in fear/anxiety that all humans do with their own justifications and reasons that fucking up LIFE and thus I have to start with myself as I realize everyone has to start with themselves if we want to see any change before it is to late.

Day – 93 – The Fearful Character sits and waits P3

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am in a situation/scenario where I have to take responsibility, and the thought comes up of me rather being somewhere else where I do not have to face this situation, and to allow the back chat of “I can not do this, I have to much fear”- to not realize that I have to face the fear as what I have created myself as, as the character that plays out within the certain situations/scenarios through taking a stand through not giving into the thoughts/back chat that keeps the fear alive and validated, and to take responsibility in the moment, realizing that if it does not happen here and now I am giving the fear/anxiety power/permission to direct and control my life, where as I take self responsibility in the moment that is presented to me. I have the one opportunity to face myself as the character and to stop the fear and set myself free from the mind enslavement I have created for myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to when I am faced with certain events/scenarios in my life that I have judged as fearful/stressful in/as the past as memory, to decide to  direct me in/as my actions and ability to take self responsibility in the moment --  where I instead will bring up thoughts as pictures of the past as memories where I have preferred situations/scenarios and distract myself with a differentcharacter I can play instead as the fearful one, and then not take self responsibility and rather run and hide towards the memories/pictures/thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I have to take self responsibility for an event happening in my life to rather give into the thoughts of – I would rather be doing that followed by the back chat – “I do not like doing this, I do not have to do this, I have choice, this is my free will to not have to do this” and to realize that the moment that is here is also my free will/choice to take self responsibility and to not take self responsibility for the moment that is here and to rather give into the thoughts/back chat I am actually submitting myself to the past as the mind and to neglect the physical reality that is real and to instead give power to the illusion as the mind, proving that I do not yet have free will/choice as I could not make the free choice with my free will to take responsibility for the physical reality and what I/we have created and accepted and allowed to exist for all life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when a situation is “here” in the moment to want/desire to give into the thoughts of escaping the situation/scenario where the thoughts would present a false image to me of/from the past as a preferred situation/scenario where I could rather be watching a movie or be laying on my bed, with Back-chat of false reason and justification in the attempt to manipulate me/myself why I do not have to take self responsibility for the scenario to not have to face the fear/anxiety as the character I exist as, and to rebirth myself in breath -- where the back chat will be that of leading me into temptation such as – “I could be outside sitting on the porch drinking coffee” – “I could rather be entertained with something/someone else rather than facing what is going on in reality” – and to realize that this pattern of thought/behavior is the behavior and thought pattern of the consumerism industry that exist today that is neglecting earth and all the inhabitants and only abusing life and why nothing is changing and only getting worse, and to stop and breathe and to face my reality in the moment of the scenario/event and to not postpone and take self responsibility and live the correction as that which is best for all life and to stop living as a character that only plays illusional roles in the mind and to instead breathe and face reality to fix what i/we have created as hell for all to a place that is best for all life – Equal Money for all.
To Be continued – Self commitment

Day 92 – The Fearful Character sits and waits P 2


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow patterns in my life as normal and acceptable, realizing that it is to stop all patterns that isn’t best for all life as myself and to create new patterns in awareness that is best for all life in all ways, thus I am aware of the patterns and who I am within the patterns and thus I can direct and not be directed, and so manifest a world that is best for all life in all ways as myself.

I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the pattern of when I experience fear/anxiety as a negative energy built up as emotions within me, that was created/accepted/allowed from/through past experiences as memory to control and decide for me as the past as the emotional experience that I have connected to the certain events/scenarios how I will act and WHO I AM within such events situations and to not move/direct myself but to remain trapped within the emotional/negative energy charged experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself within self created patterns of negative energetic emotional experiences of fear/anxiety through validating the experience through using past memories/experiences as the reasons/justifications to why I am trapped within my own fear/anxiety and not moving/directing myself and taking self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use memory as past experiences as pictures within my mind trapped in time, as thoughts, to activate certain characters within me -  that I defined according to the past and created according to the events/scenarios and to take on the role of the characters and play out the character in the event/scenario as the past in the belief that the character is the only way of handling such events/scenarios, realizing that this is limited and part of the mind consciousness enslavement for me to not move and direct and take self responsibility for and as the physical and what I/we are creating on earth, realizing that as I accept and allow such patterns of when and as I see/am in events where I need to take action but instead play a character of being fearful/anxious as being overwhelmed by emotion within the justification of I do not know what to do as this is a “new” event/scenario happening, that I am giving permission to the rest of all human being to use such excuses/justification to not change the world with common sense as this acceptance and allowance is showing that we apparently need to be toughs/shows what common sense is, yet it is what is common to all life in all ways in the physical and thus the solution is the opposite of the problem, as the problem is not seeing/taking care of all life and the common interest of all life to live. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I give permission to characters such as the fearful/anxious character that I justify with/though saying that I did not know how to I did not have the knowledge and information to act and take self responsibility, that I am actually in fact saying to myself that with earth having more then half the planet with no education and even more then the half with no proper education that the earth and human race have no chance, I realize that I must stand as the solution as the living evidence that knowledge and information isn't needed to change self and or the world and that fear of changing the world is but a character we play to hide the fact that we can see with out having the “education” on the subject to change the world – what the problem is and if we can see the problem we obviously know the solution, and thus no education needed but people taking the steps of self responsibility and ending the character of fear/anxiety that only sits and waits, so we can get up and move and change ourselves and the world to that which is best for all life.

To Be Continued.

Day 91 – The fearful character sits and waits. P 1


I have this interesting pattern that I have accepted and allowed to exist within my world, and interestingly enough I have made this pattern justifiable, as if it makes common sense, yet it does not.

The pattern is  that when ever I experience fear or anxiety within me I tell myself, OK I am experiencing fear and thus I must not do this/that.

This came from previous past experiences where I would for instance have to do new things, like performing in a concert, as I perform in the concert I experience fear/anxiety, and so I feel that I fucked up, yes I dd make mistakes but I did not really fuck up as I made it sound in my head.

So I have connect this Idea/opinion/belief that when ever I experience fear towards something/doing something I must not/I can not take part because I have fear and the fear will only compromise and create fuck ups and me making mistakes, thus I can not be trusted because there is fear. 

So Now in my reality I have created this character as an illusion that when I see something needs to be said/done and I experience fear/anxiety I say to myself, ok I cant do anything I am in fear/anxiety and then I just sit there and wait till someone else do something because I am fearful/anxious and so if I had to help I would probably make it worse, I would only fuck things up.

And now today a situation came up where one of the dogs was experiencing some pain and weird behavior, I saw this happening and I just sat there, I did not move, I saw other people trying to help and do stuff But I could see even they needed help and support. And I just sat there.

I looked at the dog in pain and I saw within myself what I must do, but I experienced fear/anxiety – I had a thought coming up where I saw myself helping the dog and then only making it worse, either making the dog angry and I get bitten or I actually hurt the dog by accident trying to help – then the little character’s voice came in play in my mind talking and saying things, You are fearful, I am fearful and all my fears might come true if I help, it is best if I do not help because I have fear and my fear can come true. 

Then I realized this point I am writing about now, I stood up and I fucking moved myself, I was experiencing fear and anxiety still, but I did not allow it to direct me, I stood up in the fear and I walked through the fear through practically applying myself. 

The character that played out was pretty clear, the character used the point of not having knowledge and information on how to help a dog in the moment of need to submit me into - fear of helping, this is how this character plays its roles in all scenarios, using my own weakness against me to keep me weak, to not change, as I know myself and that I do not have a lot of knowledge and information on stuff in this world and as I accept and allow it as a weakness the character will continue to use it to get me to stay the same.

The Character is obviously me and I created the character for myself to protect my own self interest, staying save and not being the responsible one, not being the one fucking up, not being the one to blame, not being the one that made things worse, so I basically deliberately kept myself stupid all my life with all the opportunities in my world to read a book, to learn and to get informed, just so that I can always say, I did not know what to do so I did nothing.

and behind that there is a secret agenda, this is simply to protect self and self's own interests, and so we are all doing this daily and nothing is changing and just getting worse, because we fear making things worse that will have an influence on our own self interest - thus it is to realize we must move and direct ourselves to do what will benefit all self interest at the same time - and everyone's basic self interest is basic living needs, it is really simple so do not fear to take that step that will make you face fear, that will make you not wanting to do anything and just move and breathe. this is the equal money system as best for all life all self interest at the same time.

YET I am smart enough to see the problem and thus I am already equally responsible as everyone else on earth, because everyone can see the problems on earth, we all decide to not take responsibility for the points through educating ourselfs on all points so we can change it, but to choose to remain ignorant so that we can experience fear and use that as why we did not do anything. 

I am now faced with this character as me, as what I have created and accepted and allowed and I know it exist and why and how so I am not innocent and so no one else is innocent because as me everyone knows what they are doing. 

The problems are in our faces, just like with the dog situation, the dog was right in-front of me in pain and I sat and did nothing just because I experienced fear, and when I investigated the fear I realized I created it myself for a purpose – to not have to take responsibility because that will mean I admit I am responsible.

And I am responsible "even If I do not want to admit it", I am always responsible. And so are we ALL.
thus keeping ourselves in fear and paralyzed isn't going to help anyone or anything, it only makes it worse.  

To Be Continued..

Day 90 – Anger and Me – Fairness Game Part 3. Commitments


I realize that when ans as I experience unfairness that it is a character that I have created to defend my personality as the mind based on certain beliefs/ideas/opinions/judgment I have accepted/allowed about myself.

I realize that when and as I experience feeling things are unfair that it is a character designed to play/act out on the beliefs/ideas/judgment/opinions I have about myself as self interest within my mind to defend my own created limitations.

I realize that when and as I experience things are unfair that I am only reacting within myself as I am facing my own self created limitations of myself that is based on past experiences as memories as self judgment/beliefs/ideas/opinions and that it is not Who I am within and as the physical but only my mind as energy as an illusion.

I realize that when and as I have any movement within me of fairness/unfairness that it is a character playing out defending my own self created limitations and that is defending the limitations to keep me limited and to not break through the mind barrier that is keeping me enslaved in the cycles of energy.

I realize that when and as I experience unfairness/fairness that it is an experience of the past as a memory, and that what I am experiencing is in fact only a memory as another character of the past and that it is not real within what is actually in fact happening in real time in and as the physical.

I realize that when and as I experience fairness/unfairness that it is a decision I make within me to experience.

I realize that when and as I experience fairness/unfairness that it is a experience that I already decided beforehand before the event happened based on my back chat/comparisons within my reality to have, realizing that I deliberate created the experience for myself and how I am going to experience myself in the future in certain events.

Thus I realize that I am not living in the present as breathe but as the mind within and as memory as characters that only exist to defend the past, never allowing me to change and to birth myself as life, as the characters only want to keep the energy experience they gain from the anger/self righteousness and the fairness and unfairness. 

I commit myself to when and as I see myself experiencing unfairness to stop and to breathe and to realize that what I am experiencing as unfair is but only an idea/belief/perception/opinion/judgment of myself and that it is not in fact so and that I can stop and re-birth myself in the breath as a new to live differently as that which is best for all life.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into a mindset of back chat about fairness and unfairness that generates anger within me, to stop and realize that I am literally creating the anger within myself by myself through thinking and gossiping about fairness/unfairness within my mind, and to stop and breathe and move myself within and as the physical, as that which is best for all life. 

I commit myself to when and as I see myself react when someone asks me to do something for them to stop and to breathe and to look within myself and why I am reacting, to realize that the reaction is only within my mind within me, thus it is indicating to me that I have participated in back chat as the mind within comparison within my world within self interest, only defending my own limitations.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself participating within the emotion of feeling that things in my world is unfair, to stop and breathe and to realize that it isnt helping me or changing what I am doing at all, and to realize that it is in fact only compromising me and creating an experience for myself that is not enjoyable.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself participating within a experience of energy of fairness/unfairness to stop and to bring myself back to the physical experience as breathe as that which is real and to not give into the thoughts/back chat that I create and to move4 myself within and as the physical as being fair myself to change and live what is best for all life and stop all self imposed limitations and enslavement as the mind/past/memories

Day 89 – Anger and Me – Fairness Game part 2.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek fairness within what I do and what is done towards me, instead of realizing that Who I am determines what I do, thus seeking fairness is showing me that I am an unfair person.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that if I seek fairness within what I do or what is done towards me I will always end up angry at myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a scenario within my day/life through always seeking fairness, that it is set up in such a way that there will always be unfairness and thus me being angry.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the fairness I seek and judge within my life is only based on MY Idea of fairness and not actual fairness in fact, as fairness can only exist once all has it equally on earth, until then fairness is to take self responsibility for those that can not because I have the opportunity and the ability, and thus it is only fair that I do what can be done till equality for all life exist in all ways, it simply is fair.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I see something as unfair and react and have a energy movement within me towards the “unfairness” based on my idea of fairness, that it will only be fair that I face the point of unfairness till I can stand in and as the physical one and equal as the creator with no limitation and enslavement of any energy/mind possession such as fairness and to simple be a living being as who I am as life one and equal as that which is best for all life in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that fairness is what I create within my mind as Ideas/beliefs/opinions towards things in my life, and that this is not based on the actual physical reality of how things work, and so I react and get angry when I feel reality isnt matching up with my mind as a alternate reality not one and equal as the physical. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I experience something not being fair and getting angry, that I am actually only reacting toward my own mind as I have already planned my future in my mind according to my “like” and “dislikes” and when the physical reality isnt moving according to my mind I experience unfairness – which isnt real but only me experiencing my own fuck up of participating in the mind instead of the actual world as the physical one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a “save” folder within my mind of all the things I have done during my day and to store all the things I have done during the day within this folder, and so when I see my folder looks full I cna say I did a lot, and as soon as I judge I already did a lot according to my save folder anything else that is asked of me seems unfair toward me, realizing that only I am aware of this unfairness as only I created it within my mind – thus it is proof that it isnt real, if the unfairness was real then everyone would have known it to be so without me having to convince anyone, as we all can see – what starving children is going through and people in poverty and all of NATURE – that is fucking unfair and they do not have to convince anyone, it is in our faces.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a folder within my mind of the future – where I look at what I have to do in the future such as in an hour, in a day or a week, and to then save and store all I still have to do within this folder and then judge it as being full, and that what I still have to do seems so unfair that I have to do all these things, and so when someone asks me something more to do, I react, I get angry, because I have already in my mind (not real) filled myself up with stuff to do making it seem a lot, not living in each breathe!! And to overwhelm myself with things that isnt here yet and then blame and feel like everything is unfair as soon as I am asked to do more. Realizing it isnt real, it is all compounded in my mind into one folder, yet when the time comes I will see I have more than enough time as in the physical things move a lot slower than in the mind and thus more time, yet it is to move as breathe and not time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the past and the future in a constant comparison of each other to see when things isnt fair, realizing that within this I am constantly making thing unfair for myself as I place the past and the future in the present and giving it power over what is here and actually possible for me to do and how to apply myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep and eye on people in my environment, to see what they are doing... and through this compare what they are doing with what I am doing, and within this I will deliberately make myself try and look better just not to be the unfair point, thus obviously making them the unfair point, and so live in a constant reaction towards all the people in my environment as a judgement of unfairness – not realizing that I made it all unfair though my deliberate actions to just not be the unfair point but not reacting towards everyone else as being the unfair point. 

To be continued.

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