Day 27 - I have to impress them.


meeting new people? Do you feel you have to impress them and that if you do not then they will think bad of you, ever felt like you have to hold onto this image and idea of yourself when meeting new people and that you have to maintain this idea and image, it is really tiring and drains you empty.

Be yourself is an option, Who are you as yourself? Well.. you decide!!

Self Forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to impress people that I meet for the first time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and sell myself as a good person to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as a bad person in other peoples eyes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as someone that is different from the rest and thus not being accepted.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to accept me as who I decide who I am as that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as less than in others eyes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as less than others in my own eyes through my own self judgments and comparisons towards others as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and fit in instead of being here in consideration of all as myself and to be self honest with myself in each breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being accepted by others, realizing that I do not exist to be accepted, I exist as life as that which is best for all life and thus Who I am is determined by me and thus no acceptance needed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget who I am when I meet new people and to allow a personality to take over as the mind as energetic experience that drains me and runs on feed back that has a polarized system as I will feel good one moment and them bad, sabotaging me and compromising my integrity, realizing that remaining in breath as who I am in each breath is much simpler and can stand the test of space and time as Life as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have to impress people as who I am in order for them to accept me as Who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I do not impress people that they will pick on me and abuse me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to impress people in order for my existence to have meaning and purpose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to impress people in order for me to feel that I am a whole being once the impression was a success.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that who I am isn't enough and that I have to add to who I am with in my presentation to people to make me seem more, realizing that this is a fals image and can not be sustained and that who I am I will always know as I will always be with me, thus the change must be with in and not how I impress others to simply feel better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that people will not accept me as who I am and thus I feel and believe that I have to impress them to hide who I am so that I may feel comfortable and better about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek acceptance from others through wanting to impress them as an idea and an image I have in my mind that I uphold as being acceptable with in my observations and judgments from my environment, thus manipulating the other beings and deceiving them as I deceive myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive others through giving a false impression of myself, instead of breathing and being here in consideration of all one and equal with in what is best for all life, true to myself, self honesty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to press me as a idea and imposed image onto others to feel accepted and comfortable around them, while I do not feel comfortable with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people will not accept me as who i am, and through this assumption compromise myself and sabotage myself completely.

I forgive myself that I assume people will not accept me as who i am through self judgment as not being good enough and fear of not being accepted and be seen as a outcast.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being an outcast.

II forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide my insecurities from other through imposing a impression of myself onto them so that I may seem stable, strong, friendly,

 forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and impress others that I meet through portraying myself as someone to be liked, as someone that is happy and friendly so that they may feel they can accept me and feel comfortable around me, just so that I can get a permission from them to be myself later on and be comfortable with myself and to be accepted.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being an outcast and that I am less than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with in the mind consciousness system of having to impress people and not being myself, and through this support the beauty industry and fashions that exist today that kills and tortured and abuse billions of animals and plant live just so that people can hide who they are and to impress others for the sake of it and not having to be themselves and comfortable in their own skins.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and allow a world of pretending people to exist and live with in through my own pretending and wanting ti impress people with in myself.

I commit myself to when I meet new people, to breathe and to not change, to remain here in self honesty and to test for myself self honestly what is real and what is not and to with in this change and live the application of self forgiveness. 

some cool interviews. - Fabric of society 
 

Day 26 - Don't interrupting my conversation


I hate it when I am speaking/talking and someone interrupts me and just go on talking with out caring if I was busy talking. And by the time they are dong everything I said simply is forgotten, and the whole conversation has turned and everyone Else's focused had shifted and do not care what I was busy saying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when someone else suddenly interrupts a conversation where I was saying something and simply starts talking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personal when I am interrupted while I am talking and having a conversation and the other person just goes at it with out caring.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel it is unfair that someone else can simply interrupt me while I was talking and that everyone else simply shifts their attention so easily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I have been betrayed by the other person that simply interrupts me as if I do not exist and they do not give a crap.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being little and not valid when someone else interrupts me while I was talking and simply ignores me as if I wasn't there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to want to physically hurt some when they do that just because I feel that they disrespected me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect disrespect to being interrupted,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if someone interrupts me that they disrespect me, realizing that it has nothing to do with disrespect, that it is simply a sign of the other being not being aware in consideration of their reality in the physical here, as they were boiling over with thoughts and back chat that just had to come out and could not direct themselves to wait and speak their turn, as I see that I have done this and this is how I have experienced it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek validation in people listening to me when I speak, and thus with in this I create it personal when I am interrupted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have back chat about the other person when they interrupt me, instead of breathing and remaining here till they are done and then continue.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be spiteful towards the other person after they interrupted me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get revenge towards the person that interrupted me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to make it personal with the person that interrupted me just so that I can feel better about myself if we have conflict and I can make the other person feel bad about themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the ego to exist with in conversations and so when I am interrupted I realize that only the ego can take it personal and make something out of it to regain its energy and not have to feel little and insecure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others and to judge them when they interrupt a conversation where I was speaking, realizing that I can only judge if I have judge myself first and so I must look into my life and see where I do similar things and judge myself for it and to first take self responsibility for myself as all life one and equal and so be the living example.

I commit myself to when I am interrupted in a conversation to stop any reaction and take a breath and to remain in breathe till I can speak again and simply continue.

I commit myself to to use the tools that I have such as writing, self forgiveness, self honesty, common sense and to apply them when I see the point coming up and to stop the ego as the mind consciousness system and to re-birth myself as life as that which is best for all life and be a living example.

Day 25 - Massaging someone


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist massaging another when I am asked to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when someone asks me to massage them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have back chat when someone asks me to massage them because I feel I am being used.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I am being used when someone asks me to massage them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to massage someone when they ask me in the believe that it isn't my job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within what I can and can not do according to what I identify as being my job and what is not my job to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make massaging someone a job as in taking effort, instead of me expressing my with out limits with in and as the physical in each breathe here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the mind to place limits on what I can and can not do through self created believes and ideas that I accept as my own limitations through back chat that I participate within my mind and make it real, thus building up a energetic response towards the idea of having to massage someone and that is it a job a effort, realizing that in fact in the physical it is simple and easy to give someone a massage and that I actually always end up enjoy doing it, but because of the mind and the back chat I create the opposite in my mind and so react and impose limitations onto myself that is unnecessary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that I am tired to not give someone a massage when I am asked, and so with in this accept and allow the self imposed limitation of myself and how I can and can not express myself according to a mind idea/believe that isn't real, as I have time and again proven to myself that once I start giving a massage even after the justification that I ended up not feeling tired anymore and actually awake and more relaxed myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the reason that I never get massages so why should I give any to anyone else as a reason that is valid, with in this I am actually only limiting myself and creating a experience of myself that I do not enjoy as I know it isn't valid because it isn't about what others do, it is about who I am that determines what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to use reasons and justification to defend my own limitations, instead of breathing and pushing myself with in and as the physical to move beyond my own accepted and allowed limitations and to change who I am as that which is best for all life. A being that can move with out limitations as the mind created believes and reasons and justification.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry when I am asked to massage someone because I feel that I have to take my time and spend it on someone else just so that they can feel better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as spitefulness and being a nasty fuck where I say fuck you to people in my mind and place judgments onto them as if I am a rightcious god that has the right to do so with his perfect reasons and justifications, realizing that with in this I am creating my own limitations and enslavement, because through this I am taking away my ability to ask for a massage and to receive one as I will only get what I give equally.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that "do onto another as you would like to be done onto yourself" is a statement that is actually lived and applied in this world currently, we are all living it in what is only best for ourselves and thus we are fucking up life and earth and that this needs to change through doing what is best for all life, as a massage is a point of giving, giving unconditionally with out expectation or wanting reward, but to give as who you are as life one and equal, and what you will receive will not be a "massage in return" but instead a world that is better for all life as who you are is what determines what you do will become the living expression as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I do not give good massages and with in this fear resist giving massages and always saying no, never training myself and bettering my skill and breaking the self accepted created limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not good enough to massage someone when they ask me and that when I do massage them they will only be disappointed and through this self judgment stop giving massages and react to everyone that asks just to avoid te self judgment becoming a reality.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be spontaneous when someone asks me to give them a massage and to simply say yes and do it.

I commit myself to give a massage to whim ever asks me to massage them to say yes and to do it, so that I may see that what ever I created in my mind as reasons and judgments and justifications aren't real at all as I just proved it wrong in the living application.

I commit myself to stop the self created limitations I place on myself through self created believes and ideas and to push through them through moving myself in and as the physical and to re-birth myself in each breath as that which is best for all life in all ways.

I commit myself to stop the reasons/justification with in my mind when asked to massage someone, and to always say yes to a massage if I react in the moment of being asked and to then so work through the reaction till there is only self movement and breathe and no other forced that decides for me as a energetic possession that is self created through participating in the mind as thoughts/back chat.
I

Day 24 - some Stress


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress about things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with in stressing about thing.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that being stressed about things does not help at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse my body and myself through stressing about things instead of breathing.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that stress is simply a way the mind reacts when participating in thoughts, projections and living in a fight or flight mode.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in stress of the future instead of living here in each breathe as all that is here, so that my actions here determines the future equally as here in the present and to not live dishonesty in the present that creates a fear for the future and thus creates stress and projections.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the thoughts i have in my mind and to move into an energetic experience as stress with in my body, instead of breathing and remaining here, relaxing my body and to direct myself in practicality here as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with in thoughts in my mind that create tension in my body as stress and so live in stress and actually harm my body, realizing that I create stress myself through deliberately participating in the mind as energy that then possesses the body as "stress"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and participate with in the mind as thoughts as energy, realizing that when I participate with in the mind as future projection thoughts/ideas/believes that I place my self and my body in a fight or flight mode in fear of the future and thus causes stress and tension to harm my body and to direct me. Instead of breathing here and remaining practical in the moment, so that my actions here is with in consideration of all time, past present and future with in the principal of what is best for all life in all ways, as this will not create any dishonesty with in self and all actions and so no stress.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that stress is normal, realizing it is all mind created and imposed onto the physical body, compromising self and self movement through participating in thoughts and the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to the energetic experience of being stressed, realizing that stress is actually harming my physical body, as I have seen for myself that when i am stresses I get sick more easily and my immune system is down, as I am moving in unawareness when stressed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that stress helps me, when the physical evidence clearly shows that stress in the long term harms the body and has many side effects that is abusive and self inflicted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself in future projections as fear and survival and with in this cause stress and tension on the body that limits and harm me with in an constant energetic experience as if I am tied and in a cooling room , instead of breathing and being relaxed and moving fluently in each moment as that which is best for all life.

I commit myself to when I see I go into thoughts and energy, to stop and breathe and to use the tools that I have as breathing, writing, self forgiveness, common sense and to stop the cause and affect of stress and to be self honest with myself.

It is like you are falling out of a plane with nothing on you, you will die, it is definite, you have a choice, either you stress the whole fall down and really make it suck ass and experience yourself as shit, or you can simply breathe, because you realize stress will not change anything in the moment, it is all about who you are. As life or not!

Day 23 - running out of energy


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within patterns of energy as moods, that is not best for me and not best for all, as moods and energy changes and determines who I am instead of me in each breathe as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with in a system of polarities such as energy where the one energy relies o the other to exist, thus going into good moods and then bad moods and so FUCK with myself and everyone around me that is unnecessary and not best for all life, as it only ends up in abuse and conflicts that has not value, no real matter with in what is here and best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that any energetic experience I have with in me is valid or real, I realize that what is real is here in the physical as that which we all equally share in all ways and that what is with in the mind or with in self as an energy is simply a self created feeling/emotion that occupies self to keep self enslaves to false gods as thoughts/pictures/memories as the mind consciousness system to feed of the real god as the physical, as LIFE here in the flesh for its own energetic experiences as negative or positive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give validation to any energetic feeling/emotion/experience I have with in me, blindly through the believe that if I can/am experiencing it with in me that it must be real, realizing that I am making it real and keeping it real only with in me through validating it as real with in me, realizing I can simply stop the connection I validate it with and the energy that directs me and that determines who I am through my acceptance and allowance and stop and start directing myself here in the physical one and equal as Life, as that which is best for all life as myself in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by energy as positive and negative.

I forgive myself that I have not considered before that I can stop all energy as polarities with in me and direct myself in the physical with in each breath and that no inner energetic experiences are needed for this simple self directive movement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  be addicted to energetic experiences I have with in me, if they are positive or negative and to be a slave to these energies through letting them move me as a slave with a invisible whip.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a slave to energy as positive or negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself in all ways through only move myself depending on how I feel as a negative or positive experiences, realizing that I can do and move myself so much more and effectively if I move as the physical instead of the mind as a limited confined space based on thoughts and energy that created boundaries and limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am what I experience with in me as a positive or negative energy, realizing that if I continue to live as an energy I will end up as one simply dying out once there is nothing to keep my energy going.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place some energies higher than others just because of how they feel to me, realizing that with in this I am creating the lows just so that I can experience the highs, and so create a life of self abuse and abusing others just so that I can have my energy hits as highs and lows to feel/believe I am alive while I was only existing as a light bold, switching on and off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to not see and realize that the energy addiction existent with in this world as moods/experiences as positive/negative is what is creating the world the way it is, where children has abusive homes depending on how daddy or mommy feels, and where wars break out and millions are killed, depends on how the countries feel, and that money is the ultimate HIGH in energy people can ask for, and thus everyone is doing their best to fuck up LIFE here on earth just so that they can have their HIT (energy) as happiness, neglecting LIFE as one thing and separating everything instead and thus creating/accepting/allowing extensive abuse/deception and inevitable consequences for all equally.

I commit myself to identify all energetic patterns with in my life where I have accepted and allowed energy to move me and to determine who I am and to stop the energy experience thought breathing and t see what I am doing, if it is practical or not if it is best for all life or not, is it common sense or not and to be self honest with myself and change, and to stop energy enslavement as the mind consciousness system.

I commit myself to stop all moods and to write, self forgive, be self honest with myself and to stop the moods, stop the roller-coaster of energy and to remain here in each breath as that which is best for all, so that I may be the same, stable and to be myself as a living expression and not an robotic energetic being moving and functioning only as he/she feels through data input output. 

Day 22 - walk alone as LIFE. (all as one)


I walk alone - this is not referring to actual walking but a walk with in LIFE.

Today the point opened up, No matter what I do, where I am, with who I ma or how I am, I am always alone with myself and Who I am.

Through out my life I have tried surrounding myself with what ever I could just not be alone, yet I always felt alone, the nights or days where I would be by myself in my room in front of the PC or where I am at party's, at school or in any public place or with any person in my life, I always had a experience of myself  being alone, no matter how much I made someone love me or loved someone else or no matter how much I tried keeping things close to me, I was always alone, because I realized that when the time comes - this time will be death - I will be all alone with myself as WHO I AM.

So Tonight I was standing outside to stretch my legs and as I was standing there I realized I was thinking, and not here at all, I was in my mind, I looked at a rock on the ground and I stopped thinking, I could see the rock, I noticed the rock, I then looked around me and I saw reality here, the physical, I then realized I am alone, no matter how many thoughts or feelings or emotions I fill myself up with to hide the fact that I am alone with myself - it is inevitable that I will at death, the same as everyone else face myself alone, I realized in that moment that all thoughts, all emotions, all memories will simply be gone, and who will I be by myself with out all the thoughts, emotions and feeling and memories that I used to hide and keep the truth from myself. 

Self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone with in my walk as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear walking alone as myself as who I am this life within re-birthing myself as LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give the word "alone" a negative energy charge through what I have seen in movies, magazines and that I have heard from others as their opinions believes and judgments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge "alone" as being a bad thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect being "alone" with a negative energy, realizing that as Life being alone or being with people must not change who I am as who I am as one and equal as all life, thus being one with all that is here alone as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a personality separate from me when I am alone that determines who I am, instead of being here in each breath equal and one with all that exist as life, with in this I am never alone but here as all life as myself as Who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain myself with thoughts and the mind  to hide from the fact that I am alone no matter what I do or where I am, because I will always be with me as one being facing myself in all ways with in what I accept and allow to exist as LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain myself with feeling and emotions as a way to run and hide from being alone with myself as Who I am, and to face myself as who i am within all self honesty and to correct myself with in re-birthing myself as life, so that when I am alone that I do not change but remain equal and one as all that is here in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create multiple personalities for myself with in my mind to talk to by myself where ever I am, just so that I should not be alone with myself here in the physical, as I have attached a negative emotional feeling with in being alone, realizing that no matter how much I try and hide that I am alone as all that is here one and equal as me, that I will face myself as all that is here one and equal at death for what I have accepted and allowed to exist with in the world as consequences as WHO I AM, either as life or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest and create a world of entertainment and abuse with in all relationships through the fear of loss through the fear of being alone, realizing that all I have ever done with in all relationships was only out of fear and not actual care for LIFE as myself, as I only wanted to hold on to everything just so that I should not be alone and facing myself as WHO I AM!!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act on the fear of being alone, and with in this enslave and manifest a world of slavery where I believe I can hold on to things as long as I can just so that I should not be alone, realizing that through these actions I have separated myself from all LIFE as that which is here and neglected life instead through becoming greedy with in holding onto things and exploiting things for my own self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and hide my oneness with all life though the fear of being alone with myself as who I am as all life as one in fact and to with in this fear act out and create the world that exist today with all other beings here, as I have accepted and allowed them as myself to continue living and acting out in fear of being alone, fear of death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking self responsibility for who I am as being alone, being one as all in fact and to stand up and take responsibility for what is here, as I realize that who I am all alone with myself is what is creating this world/reality and so as I change who I am with in each breathe, I change what is here as me as one as equals.

Commitments.

I commit myself to be with myself where ever I am as I rebirth myself, so that I will be certain and clear on WHO I AM alone with myself so that no one else may determine it but only me, and to write and apply self forgiveness and using the tools that is here to birth myself as life, as that which is best for all life in all ways.

I commit myself to stand alone, with in standing alone as me I take complete self responsibility for myself as WHO I AM, stopping all blame and projection and all judgments, thus I commit myself to when I see I go into blame, judgment, projection to write it out and to apply self forgiveness as I realize  that in those moments I am not standing alone as myself but instead of placing it on others as blame, judgment, projection in fear of being alone with myself stopping the lie that I have created myself as in the fear of being alone.

I commit myself to when ever I see I attach myself to someone/something to stop and to bring everything back to self where I can stand alone with myself in self honesty and to rebirth myself as life one and equal as all that is here, to stop all fear and separation and to stand as one as all (alone) as equals in each breath.

I commit myself to expose and stop all abuse with in myself where I have separated myself from life in fear of loss, being alone and where I have abused and manipulated to attache people/things to be to hide the fear, but to instead expose the fear, the lie and to face myself as WHO I AM alone and to re-birth myself as life one and equal as all that is here as Life as that which is best for all life as myself.

Understand walking alone, does not mean alone physically like leave everything and everyone and be alone, it is with in self, taking self responsibility for self and WHO I AM with in self to be able to stand alone at all times as LIFE as all is one, to end fear and separation that is manifesting this world the way it is in abuse and deception and suffering as the consequences.

identify brainwashing/viruses with - Bernard Poolman -Virus Free Mind

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Day 652 – No one gives a fuck when you die

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