Day 162 – Hurting my Back Self Forgiveness Part 2

 Continuing from Day 161

Quote: “I am walking outside – I just came form the dam, I am tired and hot, my body feels like a bag of sand that can just lay down – we have been laying bags of sand on the dam wall all morning, this is about 4 hours of working with heavy bags, moving them and picking them up and so forth. I just want to get to the house and take my gumboots off, my feet are boiling in them and it feels like the skin can tear off my toes – I get irritated by this and I am hungry.” Quote end.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am done with work such as lifting and moving bags all morning – to go into the mind as thoughts where I see/project myself into the future of a desired place I want to be after work, and to within this compromise myself here in the present to deal with what is here as I am now only moving myself in the present in no awareness only “locked on” to the desired place I want to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to no see and realize that when and as I go into or have thoughts of future projection where I see myself in my house taking my gumboots off and just sitting down and having a rest, that I am within this compromising myself within the present and what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I create future projections as thoughts as a desired moment in the future – that I will create conflict and reactions within the actual current present moments here as anything that comes up in the moment here will be a conflict of interest to what I have foreseen myself doing, and to within this “rush” and not do things properly in full consideration and awareness as for example if I am asked to take down a crate from a shelf while I am walking to/into my future projection that I will rush it and harm myself/my body as I reacted/resisted the task that was asked of me in the present moment – instead of breathing being here where I can consider what is here and accordingly move and direct myself effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when I am don with work such as lifting and moving heavy bags all morning and my feet are saw from wearing and tearing them in gumboots and thus feel like they are burning and is saw – to make and create it into a thought/feeling experience that leads to me rushing myself and not being aware of what is here, but that it is to BREATH and be here and to see what I can do in the present practically to solve the problem, as the present solution will be to see that I can take off my gumboots at the nearest area where it is “save” and thus do not have to wait till I only get to my house and in between still wear them the whole timeseeing and realizing that because I went into thought/projection instead of breathing I missed the obvious point/solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am done with heavy work – to use the Idea/belief that I have done heavy work as a reason excuse in my mind as back chat – for/when someone asks me to do something on my way back home, to be able to say NO I worked hard already and I am tired and want to get my gumboots off and eat – and where I use these points in back chat to generate a case in court where I can defend my justifications/reasons to not help or to why I am helping but that it is me being KIND as a way of threatening people, as if I am saying, If I wasn’t kind you would have been suffering now – instead of seeing and realizing that Breathing is the actual real solution where there is no reasons and justifications needed to what is here, so If I am breathing and someone asks me to do something for them such as lifting crates off a shelf, that I would not react and answer from a programmed response, but that I would be able to consider the physical which would be what is here, where I look at my body in the moment and if I am capable of helping or not – thus making it a yes or no answer and to direct the situation practically from here, this is ten time s simpler and better and no ego that can feel it got harmed or have to prove something etc.
To be Continued.

Day 161 – Hurting my Back Continued With Self Forgiveness

Quote: “I can see this one character that plays out of me being Kind to everyone that asks me to do something for them, and because I am being kind I belief I have to do it and thus I force myself to do whatever they ask of me and that it makes me feel useful and to not lose the usefulness I make it extra – like stuff that only I can do, or I make it so – read...” end quote...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Play the “kind” character that assumes the position of having to do what everyone asks of me, instead of seeing and realizing that when and as I play the Kind character that I will within this go into EGO as the mind as a energetic movement where I ACT out on the energy and move myself as a energy and thus not consider the physical and practical ways of doing things and the consequential outflows of my actions as my actions will only be that which supports and maintain the KIND character - even if it means compromising myself and harming my body within my actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Play the “kind” character that assumes the position of having to do what everyone asks of me to do, as I belief it is the appropriate way to behave when someone asks me to do something, instead of seeing and realizing that when I am asked to do something that it is not to immediately jump and do it, but to see what needs to be done practically and thus accordingly move and direct to get it done, this can mean I can either do it alone or direct myself to get help and get the job done, thus it is not a matter of I was asked and thus only I must do it, it is a point that requires direction that was given to me and thus I can direct it as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move and direct myself within and as EGO as a energetic movement where I compromise my body and harm my body as I see and realize that when and as I am within an energetic possession as the mind – I cannot consider that physical and all that is here in fact as the actuality of it, as the EGO energy is only acting out to maintain the character to maintain the act and thus to feel useful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as someone ask me to do something for them to have the belief that Only I must do it as I am asked. Thus within this belief that comes from the Character of being NICE - compromise myself in my actions such as Picking up a heavy crate all alone, instead of asking for help, believing that if I ask someone to help me with lifting the heavy crate that I will be a burden to them as I was the one that got asked and not them, and to within this instead suffer within myself as a form of “sacrificing” myself in the name of being kind lifting the heavy crate all along, harming my body which will in the long run have consequential outflows such as spine injuries and back spasms.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see ands realize that it is not about me not being able to life a heavy crate all along, it is about the starting point of wanting to do it all alone and that within the starting point being ego as an energetic movement that poses the body where the body moves as an energy, that I within this movement do not move my body one and equal to life the crate, but that I instead as the EGO move my body to only LOOK good as the Kind character that isn’t in support of hat I am doing as lifting the crate and thus harming my body and causing injuries and consequences that can in the long run be permanent such as spinal injuries where I use only my back to lift things up instead of using my legs more and supporting the whole body, as this movement requires one to be here in breathe in full awareness and not a energetic movement as the mind as EGO.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to do whatever someone asked of me to do such as Lifting a heavy crate all by myself, so that I may feel Useful and that the person who asked me to do the thing for them will find me useful as they now know they do not have to bother anyone else to do such a job as many other people, but that they only have to ask me as I can do the job all alone when I am asked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly make myself useful in the eyes of others through compromising and harming my body in doing the heavy lifting all alone by myself and to “show” that others are not required for the job as I can do it all alone, thus creating and making myself an exception from the rest as making myself a commodity for others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that what I am doing is possible and that it is simply to change the starting point and to within that still do what I know I can do where it does not harm my body, and to when and as I see that what is asked of me may harm my body to stop and breathe and ask for more help.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Act as the Kind character within the fear of that if I am not kind that I will render myself useless to everyone else around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I do not act kindly to others that I will not be seen as useful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to be Kind to others out of the fear of not having value in their eyes, not seeing and realizing that I do not value myself and thus seek it within others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek value within others and what I can do for them, and thus within this seek thing that only I can do to sustain the value I belief I am receiving from them, not seeing and realizing that within this I make my own self worth/value nothing as I will go into the polarity of this point if no one has anything for me to do, seeing and realizing that self worth/value comes from who I am as Life as the physical as all that is here one and equal and thus not from anything outside of myself, and that Who I am determines what I do.

To be Continued..

Day 160 – Hurting my Back and Uselessness – Continued.

In yesterdays Blog I gave a few updates on the situation with my back and how I have created/manifested the consequences in a few examples, yet there are thousands.

So Today I am going to walk a scenario of such event where this character plays out.
What is the character that i Play in front of everyone. I red my blog from yesterday again and I saw a very interesting spelling mistake.

Here it is.
“I can now see how many excuse and reasons and justifications I have made up in my kind”

Notice the word KIND that was supposed to be Mind, this I saw as very specific – because I can see this one character that plays out of me being Kind to everyone that asks me to do something for them, and because I am being kind I belief I have to do it and thus I force myself to do what ever they ask of me and that is makes me feel useful and to not lose the usefulness I make it extra – like stuff that only I can do, or I make it so – read...

So here is the scenario.

I am walking outside – I just came form the dam, I am tired and hot, my body feels like a bag of sand that can just lay down – we have been laying bags of sand on the dam wall all morning, this is about 4 hours of working with heavy bags, moving them and picking them up and so forth. I just want to get to the house and take my gumboots off, my feet are boiling in them and it feels like the skin can tear off my toes – I get irritated by this and I am hungry.

As I am walking by the house I hear someone calling me “Gian” – I know within myself they will want me to do something for them – I think “ what is it they want, I am tired, I really do not want to talk and do something for them” – it is a girl calling my name so I know it can only be one of two things I can do for them, either lifting or doing something heavy or fixing/building something for them – I say yes what is it – the girl comes up to me and say, can you help me? I reply back – depends with what and how long it will take. I am already resisting a bit because I am tired and irritated by the gumboots,

I really just want to get them off and in my mind as back chat I am say to myself – I have already been working hard all morning, don't make me work hard again, I am hungry and tired and my body is saw” kind of like already creating statements that I can use for when I am asked to something I don't want to, to use them to get out of it.

I take a deep breathe and tell myself – Ok I can do this – the girl asks me to take down the big black container in the bathroom, it is full of bedding stuff, someone new is coming to the farm so they are preparing the beds and so forth, I say okay – Back chat -> “ I have no choice, no one else is going to take that off, this needs to be done now because the people are busy with it now, and the new people are coming tomorrow” I walk to the bathroom, I know the black box is heavy and very uncomfortable to take off, I really physically have no problem taking it off, the only difficulty it the location it is in (the amount of space to work with to take it off)

So I grab a chair and I get on the chair and I grab the box where ever I can, I start pulling the box and I secretly think -> “ shit it is heavier then last time, but! because I could do it last time I have to show that I can do it this time, otherwise the girls will not be able to rely on me anymore to do this job for them and they will always see it as a burden to ask me”... this triggers a ego point within me – Backchat ->I must do this and I must do it alone. So I pull the box and I lift it up, I realize there is no where to go with the box once it is in the air, the limited space around me to work with this box is compromising my actions, I force my body to bend weird and hurt it a little bit, the girls are at the bottom asking me, are you alright? I reply every time yes!, I say okay take the box once it is low enough for you guys, as I lower the box I feel the muscles in my arms going powerless and I think –> the box might fall SHIT!!” I do not say anything and instead compromise my body once again, I hurt my back a bit putting that extra muscle into it to contain the box.

I get down and make everything seem okay – the girls ask me – will you just wait and then when we are done put it back – I say yes sure thing. I wait and they are done and I put the box back up, backchat - > “putting the box back isnt that hard.”

I walk away and feel that I have served well today – I helped someone today with something they can not do themselves. I was kind and I wasn’t useless, I am needed.

To be continued with Self forgiveness.

Day 159 – Hurting my Back Muscle and Uselessness.

Yesterday I hurt my back – my right muscle that runs along my spine went in a Spasm, this is when the muscle contracts and causes extreme pain due to Spinal injuries, search it up.
I have had this pain for almost a year, if not longer.

I refused to check it out with a doctor, because the pain would come for a day and it would be fine the next day, every time I had the pain I would not tell anyone. as the day goes by I massage it here and there by myself. I was able to “get away” with it because it wasn’t that bad yet.

I thought it was my kidneys due to the location I was feeling the pain at. So I did not even consider it could be a muscle that got ripped and isn’t healing because I just kept on working.

So why did I not STOP and take a real look at what is going on and just assumed and continued compromising myself and in the end my entire body and life. When I look at the point and every time I had the pain and what I used to justify why it isn’t that bad or why I do not need a doctor I see the following.


First of all I did not want to take a look at the pain or mention it to anyone because I Feared that if there is something wrong with my back then that will mean I cannot do work, I cannot get stuff done on the farm and thus everyone that relies on me to do Things for them will have to suddenly now wait for me, and with things like horse and other duties - other people will have to work extra on my behalf, so I feared that I will become a burden, or a problem for others as I cannot fulfill their needs/requests.
So now in the current situation this is exactly what manifested – that which I fear, if I went earlier I might not have had to face the point as I do now.

I hurt my back two days ago when I had to refill the chicken seed in one of the chicken camps – I was asked the day before by a girl as she cannot do it, thus she relied on me to do it so she can continue with her daily duty, If I could not do it no one else could (I assumed), the day before I had the extreme pain in my back already, but as always I ignored it and believed it will go away as usual. This did not happen, as I picked up the 50kg bag everything was fine, I was carrying the bag for about 30 meters already and then, when I got to the second gate I wanted to change the position the bag was on my shoulders to open the gate easier, as I twisted the bag, something terrible happened in my back, it was extremely painful. I breathed and said (backchat) “it will go away, just get the bag to the chickens and then it is over” - once I was done with the chicken feed I walked around with extreme pain in my back, I could not bend my back, I struggled breathing and my back was pulling to the one side and I could not stop it. I did not tell anyone again – as I feared that as soon as I tell anyone I have to stop working and rest, now if I stop working and rest a lot of things on the farm that involves a lot of people also stops, this is an inconvenience for them.

I hate being a inconvenience to people as I fear they will hate me for it and judge me for it and actually start fighting me for it, and I see this is what I do in secret towards others when they are sick or got hurt and eel that they are not placing more work/pressure on me and so I fear becoming what I judge.
So the last two days I haven’t been working or doing my other duties as I went to a Chiropractor and found not just a Muscle that is going into spasms – My right Hip bone has been out for a long time which cause the muscle to pull more which then placed pleasure on my entire spine which cause two bones in my spine to slide out of place which in the end cause my muscle to tear and thus I ended up where I am now with the extreme spasms, It could have been worse if I waited longer the chiropractisioner said, I could have fractured a bone in my spine If I did not come and thus I would have required surgery.

So I see here how my back chat and secret mind fucked with my entire body over space and time.

I can now see how many excuse and reasons and justifications I have made up in my kind just not to mention the pain or the problem or to get help, one main Belief I entertained about myself was that I might be indestructible LOL – sounds funny but it is true, I believed that I could not get hurt or that if I do get pain I can simply quickly heal and it is over, and that I can do with my body just what I want and nothing will happen, and this belief is/was created to justify why I do not need help or why I do not need to tell anyone or get a doctor to look at it.

Till that one day – BAM the manifested consequences fucks me over as the result of participating in the mind as thoughts, back chat and all the other shit in there instead of stopping it and following common sense and the Physical.

To be continued.




Day 158 – When The Starting Point is Self – Judgment Continued.

Day 158 – When The Starting Point is Self – Judgment Continued.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I have to do something new within my day such as Planting a tree or Building a desk to do the task from the starting point of Judging myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less then the new activity such as planting a tree od building a desk where I will have back chat within the judgment of “ Ok I Have never done this before and thus it means I will be bad at it” and to the when and as I am doing the activity I constantly have the belief and thinking that I ma doing it wrong and not right, and so I create stress and anxiety for myself while I work where I feel self conscious about myself within doing the activity and that someone will come along and “attack” me. Saying I am doing it wrong and why and that I am bad for doing it so.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself that when and as there is a new activity that I have to do, that I judge myself as less than the activity to create competition within myself to be motivated to do the activity just to proof to myself and others that I am not less than the activity within the fear of being less then the activity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself within my mind small, and to within this try and be Bigger and better in what I do, not seeing and realizing that I am trying to disproof something in my head through my actions and thus contaminate everything I do with ego instead of common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be incapable of doing a certain task in my life within the prominent judgment within myself where the back chat always is – “ people do not expect this from me, they all judge me as weak and not able to, I must proof them wrong” and so force things in my life just to disproof people based on what I have in my mind (thus not real) and to within this harm my body such as picking up heavy bags and carrying them around forcefully – as this actions is reaction to the self judgment I have of myself based on the fear of being less then the job/task and that others will see me as weak for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear if other people will see me as weak just because I can for instance not pick up a fifty kilogram bag.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be judged as weak by others when and if I ask for help from another to pick up for instance a fifty kilogram bag and to through this instead pick up the fifty kilogram bag myself and force it onto my body and case harm such as muscle spasms/torn muscles that can lead to fracturing the spine and a lot of self harm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that me not accepting and allowing myself to work within equality and oneness with my body creates insecurities as I compare what I want to be able to do within my mind to what is possible in and as the physical with the body I have and to then force the mind ideas/belief onto the body and cause harm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate and move myself as the mind within and as the beliefs/judgments of the mind in a attempt to disprove the body and to say – look the mind was right I could do it and therefore I am strong and not weak and I can do things, and to within this process break the body as I want to place/impose that which is not real onto that which is real.

I commit myself to when and as I have to do a task/activity/work to work with my body one and equal in and as the physical and to use my body in oneness and equality in my movement and considerations to not give into the ideas and the wants/needs/desires of the mind that is always made greater and better in the mind then what it really is and that will cause harm and to not participate within such behaviors as the ego through forcing myself to do the opposite of what the mind wants to do, as everything works in reverse and at the same time walk through the self judgments and ego points in physical breathing space time and to write and self forgive when and as I see points coming up that needs direction.

Day 157 – When the starting Point is Self – Judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within activities in my daily live from the starting point of self judgment, and to within judging myself within the particular activities I do as not being good enough, or not being able to do it, or that I am less than the activity I am doing and to within this go into a competition with myself where I compete with myself to prove my self – judgment right or wrong so that the mind as the Ego can get an energetic kick out of it, does not matter if it is good or bad.
Example – I have to built a new Desk for someone. Before I start I have the thoughts of - “ me making the desk and finishing it and it looks crap and not “perfect” and not stable or nice” – and to then have the back chat of – “Ok so I am not supposed to be able to do this Nice of Good as I have always or never in my life perfected anything” as the self judgment – and to then within this have fear/anxiety/stress the whole time while doing the job, the fears are that someone will Judge my work and tell me where I am doing it wrong or not good enough, or that I will finish the desk and the persons who’s desk it is will be disappointing and thus only confirm my self judgment and beliefs about myself – and this stresses me out as I work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge myself as less than the Job/work that I have to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not being the “guy” for the job, thus I will still do it but I will just not be able to do it perfect, seeing and realizing that I limit myself within this judgment and thus compromise myself from perfecting myself as the “guy” for the job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself To fail myself for every job I have to do before I even do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am asked to do s Job such as building a new desk for someone to go into the mind as thoughts such as “ seeing myself already fucking up the desk” and to within that have back chat of “ Oh fuck I hope I do not fuck this up” within the fear of that if I fuck it up I will get punished and that I have wasted someones money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Learning something new within the already created expectation of myself of fucking up from the judgment of I am not able to do work that needs specificity and patience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making mistakes to perfect myself in any and all kinds of jobs within the fear of wasting someone else money, not seeing and realizing that as I have the fear/reaction within me of already fucking up that when I am actually doing the work, that I will be in constant anxiety/stress that takes away my focus here as breathe in each touch that gives away self direction and where I am then directed by UN-seen forces such as thoughts/feelings/emotions that will direct me and thus cause fuckups – seeing and realizing that the self judgment and fear is actually in fact only creating it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Identify myself as a failure in anything I do due to past mistakes where I did not correct myself, and to have not identified myself as being unable to correct myself and only being able to make mistakes, not seeing and realizing that I never gave myself the chance to fix my mistakes and to learn from them without any judgment and to breathe and walk the correction, seeing and realizing that this is the solution and the way to self perfection in each breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I MUST make mistakes to learn and self perfect myself, not seeing and realizing that mistakes is simply a second chance and not a MUST, and thus it is possible to self perfect the first time through breathing and being here in each touch in and as the physical focused in and as one dimension and not multiple dimensions that will cause dimension shifts that causes one to “fuckup”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self – perfection as it will show to me that I am able and capable and that all self judgments and beliefs and all the fears I have accustomed to was BIG fucking LIE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear Losing my Fears and self judgments and Beliefs in the fear of losing my comfort zone as all my limitations that I have enslaved myself to – That I simply got accustomed to and never considered anything beyond them such as self perfection and just kept on living the Lies about myself I kept on telling myself.
To be Continued.

Day 156 - I can do This Continued.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I have to do something new such as a JOB in my life to think " I can not do this I am not mature enough" and to react to such thinking in a fearful way where I have the thought of " I see myself doing the new "job" and not being respected by the other people I work with and even get abused physically or emotionally" and to respond to the though within starting to create a new character that I belief will be "fit for the Job" where I will take on certain features and behaviors in defense of what I fear can/might happen such as changing my voice to a more deep manly voice, or start working out and pumping up my muscles to look stronger, or attempt to grow a beard to look older and tougher or to start wearing cloths that I belief will make me seem more rough and like I have had a tough life and know how to handle myself and situations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a slave to the thought of "seeing myself doing the new job and not being respected or being abused emotionally or physical" and to go into survival mode to prepare myself for fight or flight, not seeing and realizing that I am actually the one creating and making myself the danger to others and that is why they would want to harm me as to protect themselves as I would have created this image/Idea that imposes and threatens others, which creates fear in others and as they would do the same as me. And in the end we have both sides living in fear of each other and thus have more of a probability of someone hurting someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the idea/thought of being abused physically by other people I do not know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create thoughts of fighting and dying and abuse within my mind, just because I have a fear of strangers and that they are always the evil ones, never looking at myself and my actions and seeing how I am actually making myself the evil one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make other people as "always being the evil people" and that I am always the one that must defend myself against them.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that if I always see/create/make everyone out there as the "evil people" and that I am the good one that must prepare myself to fight and defend myself not seeing and realizing that the other people are doing and thinking the same as me, and thus that is what creates the evil from fear as thoughts, two "good" sides believing the other side is evil and thus both prepare to harm one another out of the Made up fear of one another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that we live in a world system called capitalism that is based on the principal of some have and some does not have, and thus the whole world is turned against each-other in their minds in the fear of being the one that does not have, like billions of others around us, and thus everyone that does have - will fight each other and scheme against each other in order to win and not lose so that they can continue feeding themselves and their families, seeing and realizing that the thought patter I have and the fear is but a creation of a world that does not support people but leaves people to suffer and survive at any cost, and that how the Capitalistic system take "good" people and turn all into evil as humans that only know self interest - as if it is the only way to survive and live in this world and will die for self interest, as there is no other way to live currently, this is why the equal money system is the solution.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear others humans through projecting what I know I am willing to do in the name of self interest and survival onto them and to within this continue the evil within, instead of stopping and living here physically within common sense and practicality and not thoughts/feeling/emotions and so Step by step change who I am and so change the world as who I am determines what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the future in my mind within thoughts where I can only project my fears as becoming real in my future and thus only live in fear and create fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that what I fear and project into the future as my fears is me laying out a path for myself that I am telling myself I will walk and thus will create the fear to become real, seeing and realizing that this is really stupid and self abuse, instead of being here as all life in each breathe in consideration of all that is here within common sense and self honesty and to direct myself in each moment in consideration of all that is here, and not a a future projection that is actually just me projecting my fear that is a very limited and enslaved path to a certain idea/belief and not what is here in fact.

I commit myself to when and as I see the fear coming up towards other humans/people to take a deep breath and to real(eyes) the reality here and to not give the mind that is literally not real in any way any attention and to breathe and forgive myself and to participate in reality with what I can see here and touch here and interact with here.

I commit myself to when and as I am faced with seeking employment with an employee to breathe and stop the mind and to not give the mind any attention and to focus on the physical here as the truth and to direct and communicate accordingly and not to give into any feelings/emotions/thoughts that will sabotage and compromise me in achieving what needs to be done.

I commit myself to when and as I am faced with an employee and any self judgment comes up such as me feeling insecure or not mature enough or to young or not capable to stop and breathe and realize it is all in my mind literally, as I have proven to myself for years now that I can handle everything I have dealt with without ever really being prepared but to trust myself in the moment and to focus on the physical and not the limitations of the mind.

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