I just don’t FEEL like it – that’s all, Day 8 of 21 – Day 593

I just don’t feel like it = confirmation of mind-control, what is this FEELing? (the only things we should be feeling with is the physical, like our hands) where does it come from? And how can it decide for you what to do or not to do? How can this “I just don’t feel like it” even make you NOT act and live what is presented to you in common sense and what’s best for all LIFE?
Let me go a bit deeper, more personal.

Have you ever seen a healthy person, they are Fit and young and it looks like they have all the energy in the world to do whatever they want – but as soon as they need to do anything that isn’t for themselves, they will state “I just don’t feel like it” – not per say in those exact way, in fact they will say “I just don’t feel like it” in every possible way they can except that direct. Because what will happen if this person had to directly say to your face “ I just don’t feel like it” – especially if you just asked them to help you carry a heavy cupboard and you have an injured back from previously lifting something heavy all alone. Such a person will then have to face themselves, their utter dishonesty and abuse of the physical, where their body, their being everything is ONLY for themselves, which will directly confirm why the world is fucked, how can such a person live – love thy neighbor as thy self, give as you would like to receive, do onto another as you would like to be done onto – when a feeling decides everything, how YOU feel about it. Shame, poor you. The luxury to participate in the “I just don’t feel like it” – while 25 000 children die of starvation a day, maybe they wanted to say, you know what, today I just don’t feel like it, to starve, let’s give it a break, how about children Dying in war right now? How about the ocean and air and forests and well, basically the entire earth that is raped and fucked, could just say, HEY, you know what, I just don’t feel like it” let’s stop existing, let’s stop giving air to all living things on earth, just for today. Fuck it, because we just don’t feel like it, let’s at least make up a damn good reason why we aren’t able to do anything, lets at least give a super duper good reason that makes sense, that sounds logical, that sounds like a line of good words, just to east the minds of why we just don’t give a fuck.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not do something just because I do not feel like it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question where this feeling comes from that feels like it has taken control over my entire body to just not feel like doing anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give the resistance I experience to move myself from the feeling of “I just do not feel like it” power over my common sense and self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that just like trinity in the matrix movie number one where she jumped through the window and fell on the floor with her guns pointed at the window waiting for the agent to get her, she has to remind herself to MOVE, to get up and move, to not give the time for the agent to get to that point where it is too late and to then face the consequences, but to get myself OUT of the feeling, the wanting to wait rather than moving myself, wanting to just lay and do nothing based on a feeling, than stand UP and move myself to be the one directing, to take action, to live what is best for all and not give time to the agents of the system as my thoughts, as my MIND to take me over.

21 Days Self Forgiveness Challenge Day 1 (day 586) - Money

I am going to do a 21 Day self-forgiveness challenge, where I write a Blog every single day specifically with self-forgiveness. I encourage you to Join me on this 21 Days, I will be taking on all the Main topics and who I am currently within these Topics, this is Money, sex, relationships, work and so on.

Take Note, I do this Self Forgiveness not just on points of what is HERE but also what I have walked or from way back in the past. Yet everything remains relevant.

Day 1 – Money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to GIVE money power over who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge money as good or bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that money is the problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other people and their relationship towards money, with money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny that I like money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny that I want money.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that it is the reasons for why I want or desire money that matters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear saying I want money and lots of it to change this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being direct with working with money within my purpose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as BAD for wanting money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others as bad for wanting money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build morality around money as if it defines who I am, yet I must define money around who I am, and as long as I stand for life, as that which is best for all life, then money can never define me, but only aid in my purpose to being about equality on earth for ALL life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR the system and how the system will view me as the people if I am openly saying I need Billions to change this world and I need to people to do so, and I thus need to money to make shit move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that the system has programmed me to Fear making money openly, and having lots of it openly for the right reasons, as the system wants to keep it secret, where only those that makes Billions can do so in secret and get away with greed and self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear that if I have a lot of money that the system will judge me, seeing and realizing that it is only me judging me based on my believes that I have created towards money and those that have it, seeing and realizing that I am not judging money, I am judging what others with LOTS of money has done with that money and it has never been what is best for all life, and so I have confused money with Evil and missed the point of who is making the money do what it is doing, the human, and thus I see and realize this is how the system scares people away from money, so that only the evil remains in control of the money pot, and not those that actually care about LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have denied myself the facts of who I am with money and when I have money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted MONEY as something that is PERSONAL between a person and themselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make money a touchy subject in LIFE with myself and with other people’s money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to SEE the money people have and what I have as MINE or THEIRS and thus it is very personal to talk about, in fact something to avoid, something to help others keep secret, and this only comes from my secret relationship that I have created with money and know that I cannot speak openly about MY money matters and thus must “respect” other people’s money matters as well, in other words, other people’s secrets., thus only respecting money control, money enslavement, secret mind shit, dishonesty, evil.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will make enemies when and as I speak and talk about other people’s money or question them about their money, as I see and realize that this is only my fear and how I will react to others if they had to question my money spending, and what I do with my money, while I claim a GOOD soul, that I am a good person, yet my bank account will only show that I care about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to HIDE my money reasoning within me as a secret, how much money I truly have, how I actually spend my money, where my money actually goes, as I know my relationship towards money is deceptive and dishonest and will never be able to stand in front of LIFE and say, this is how I spend my money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take QUICKLY advantage of the money that I do have while I have it, knowing Billions does not have the money, and to indulge in MY own life, and to only quickly, just for now enjoy my money, to fuck around with the money I have, as the system knows, every man is only in it for himself, and that’s why money can never be used or directed to change a better world, because no one will be able to give up his secret ways of how he is spending money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have choice as long as I have money YET I can never make the choice of spending my money to bring about a world that is best for all life, that I will only care about my own self-interest, my own personal life and improvement, yet my money must only remain with me, it is mine, yet claim I am not greedy, that those other people are greedy, yet I am living like a little roach, in secret collecting my own shit to stock up my own life, equally the same, and Place blame and judgement to those that do the same but only with MORE and bigger amounts of money, thus still blaming the money instead of seeing that the nature within me that I accept and allow is within all, and thus I cannot cast a stone, as I am equally as guilty as any other man/women that I say is evil, that I say is greedy, because our natures are the same and as long as I accept and allow this nature within me, then I in their shoes would do exactly the same.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to HIDE away from my responsibility towards LIFE behind money, in fear of having to GIVEUP my money to support life, to support what is best for all life, and to within this only give as little as possible to make myself feel good, through charities, through NPO’s and through all the ways the system is giving false outlets to make one feel good to where change is happening, yet nothing is changing as the giving isn’t real, it is feeling based, and nothing will change, because as self is the direct reflection of not wanting to actually change and give up all your money to bring about a world that is best for all life, so why would charities of NPO’s change the world? They are only as good and strong and genuine as I/you are, and that’s currently really weak, because weakness is supporting weakness and thus supporting each others abuse, as long as YOU/I can feel good and the charities and NPO’s religions, name them all are making you feel good, then well, mission accomplished. Because it is always minimal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give money power over LIFE, over my beingness, over my Authority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by money, the picture of money, the numbers that resemble money and to be consumed by the energy within me created through that stimulation in that moment of seeing money, where this energy takes over any awareness point within me and my life starts revolving around money, what I can do with the money, how I will spend the money, how my life suddenly have a relieve.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to money, where if I receive my pay check – that moment is the same as me receiving a needle in my arm, where I feel good for a moment, even though I had to sell my body and soul all month to receive this money, and to in that moment of being high forget everything, where I will now gladly move again within the same routine for the next month just to receive that cash injection, that security, and as I go along with the month and I spend my money out of fear of not having money, besides on basic needs, just so that I can feel I had money, I could spend money, even if it means having that one take away meal, and as the money run dry during the month, I go into a total polarity, where anxiety and fears are once again revealed, as if I am withdrawing from the high and going into the low, working harder, and wishing the month will end now just so that I can get that high again, that cash injection and so repeat, seeing and realizing that I am an addict to money, I am a slave to money as long as I continue this mind relationship within energy towards money. Instead of doing the same, but not for the pay-check living, but instead directing each month as practical as I can and to not go into the junky mode and spend my money of what I know can bring change, or create it as what’s best for all LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be blind to this relationship that I have created towards money within myself, where I am actually a junky, a capitalist junky that enjoys an unequal system, even though it is abusive to me and towards everyone else.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that this relationship of a junky that I have created towards and with money is exactly how the system has designed the money system, as the system was designed by US/HUMANS and that we as humans know that we actually have no clue who we are and thus we can give into energy and enjoy the ride of a junky, as long as it gives us a “purpose” and meaning in this life, running from pay check to pay check, getting high for a while, does not matter how long it lasts, a homeless man receiving even a few coins a month and barely feeding himself is still, equally trapped by this money junky system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to BLAME money for the relationship I have created and accepted and allowed towards and with it, and to within this Blame become lame, and so I play innocent as if I am trapped in this fear, this survival, this point of struggling, yet it is my addiction to money that is the real problem, the money going in and out, and how my relationship changes as my survival is challenged every single time, yet doing nothing to change this system, as the junky is addicted and only cares for the injections and to survive as long as possible to have this high till death.

I forgive myself that I haven’t seen and realized that it is my relationship that I have towards money that is my problem and not money in itself, and as soon as I change the relationship I have towards money, can I actually start working with money properly, as money must have NO control over me, no matter how the mind wants to rationalize it, no matter how the minds want to induce fear for me to fall a slave to an energy system of enslavement, I must stand and I must breathe and I must move and direct myself with money always as what is best for all life and NOT just for myself, or I am simply supporting my addiction, and we know how clever an addict is to keep on having his high.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate the fact that my life is in controlled by and through money and how much money I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame money for how I am experiencing myself as, and within survival within this world, and that my life is constantly threatened.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate money and the money system when I do not have money, when there is a lack of money and to only want to change the world and want a different world when I do not have money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to love money when I have money, when I can do what I want to do, and to forget about the world and everyone else when I have money and to completely forget about all my problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a love/hate relationship within and towards this world system of money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by money through having a love/hate relationship towards money and the world system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have developed a polarity based relationship towards money within myself, where I fear for money and indulge within money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a secret mind relationship with and towards money within myself, where I feel in control and powerful when and as I do have money, but as soon as the money runs out, I feel powerless and weak and like everything is out of control, unpredictable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that I have directly created who I am as my relationship with myself with money, where who I am changes as money in my reality changes, depending on how much or little I have.

Day 544 – the fake Free Mind, reactive mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by events within my reality, instead of directing myself within the events that occur.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react towards a person suddenly asking me to help them with doing something, and to within this sudden moment find myself within my mind where I am wanting to say NO, because I believe I have limited time right in that moment as I have to get to do something else in that moment, YET when I look within my mind at what this something else is I have to get to doing, I cannot think of it, and thus I say YES to helping the person, and then after helping the person I find that I missed getting to a certain responsibility and to within this place the blame onto the other person, where I see within the “sudden” moment being asked for help, I should have slowed down and before saying yes out of being polite, I find out first what is in my schedule and to within this make a decision that is best for myself and the other person, such as helping them in the moment of making a time to help them out later.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself from responsibilities/commitments through living in a state of kind where I am “always available” as to be a good person, yet within this I am not being good to myself within developing trust and consistency within myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that by being “good” to others wherein I compromise myself I create blame towards everyone in my reality and thus later on develop self-hatred, as the self-hatred comes from me not honoring myself and taking care of myself and to rush into the mind as energy within moment of doing things, instead of slowing down and assessing within practicality and self-honestly the moment within ALL of my day that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear directing my day within things that I need to get done and do as I fear I will let others down who might have needed me or appreciated me helping them out, but instead I am helping myself, seeing and realizing that I have judged helping myself as a bad things, as being self-fish, yet the evidence is clear within the physical that if I do not help myself and take care of myself that in the long run what I do isn’t sustainable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate self-honest self-movement commitments/responsibly that is outside of the normal things of doing which is usually for “survival” and that is for world change through living in a state of mind during my day where I just react to my reality within doing things to be a “good “person for others just to feel good for a moment, seeing and realizing that if I remove the reactive state of mind within how I respond to people and my environment, then I can slow down and breathe and prioritize what I need to do and check myself self-honestly, if I have time to now or later to help someone and to first get that what I have to move and direct and to then make time to help the other person, thus removing the mind driven reactive moment and grounding it with slowing down and first checking, being okay with checking – unless it is an emergency moment, then I simply respond.

Thus where does it come from – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make changing the world within my personal capacity and within my expression at a global level through vlogging, blogging, socializing, writing, commenting, sharing, creating content, researching, educating, developing and more, as less important than the systematized enslavement designs that is in place and to within this always prioritize only what secures my survival and making that “important”, which means working daily for money and then in my free time do nothing to much but just enough to be “good”, and to within this create the state of a “free mind” that knows it should be doing other things that isn’t pre-programmed but can only happen through self-movement and giving time and direction to CREATE it but isn’t a MUST in my mind as there is still “choice” and to within this easily compromise myself through just reacting to my environment that works as a distraction from what needs to be done and placed into this world as a correction.

Day 542 – Money relationship, Life relationship Part 1

Do you remember when you were small, like really small and young, before you knew anything about money, before you even knew that money played a part in your LIFE, in your expression, in what you can and cannot do?

I do, I remember when I was small and young and I could just play my days away, explore my home and the garden, make friends and play with friends, where I could just sit in my room for hours doing my own thing – I remember when I could just pack a back pack full of toys or things and pretend that I am going on a journey through our garden.

Not everyone had the same childhood experiences of course, I also had the bad moments, those moments where I got yelled at or spanked for doing something I wasn’t supposed to do or that was wrong., and where me and my siblings would fight and not get along, or with friends, or any other form of conflict that could possibly have taken place, and of course in some families far worse.

The point I am bring in here is, can you really remember those moments of when you were young and small, where you were along with yourself and your mind was still quit empty, not as much BS as there is now, where you could still be in touch with you when you are with yourself, in your moment, I would like you to find those moments or even just one moment if you can, those moments where you are you regardless of who is around you or your circumstances, if you had money or not.

Because at some point in all our lives, when we were young and small, we weren’t aware that MONEY was a factor in our lives, we weren’t aware that money deiced anything and everything of our environments and how the adults are around us, and yet in this point of innocence we were still HERE, we were still ourselves as an expression.

So find that moment in your life before you had any relationship with money, and see who you were, now look at who you are and how your entire life, every action is based on money and around money and for money or in fear of no money.

Bring back that self, that child that can be here, stand as LIFE as an expression of LIFE regardless of what ones current money situation is, do not live for money, live with money, change the relationship where money is just a tool, like a hammer, yes it can do a LOT more than a hammer, it can make sure hammers are being build, but I am simply using the hammer example as a reference to what money and our relationship toward it must be, once we see money as a tool, we will much more easily deal with money, and who we are as our expression as LIFE isn’t dependent on money and how we feel or what we do as who we are, sure money can limit what we physically can do OUT there, but we are always with ourselves here and money cannot decide that relationship. even if a bag of a billion dollars falls from the sky, who you are must not change.

Just as a side note - do not misinterpret this blog, this is about my/our relationshop towards money within us that needs to be first cleared, money on the outside world as it currently exists, control every aspect of our lives and what is happening on this planet, and we can only stand in absolute clarity within changing this world with money and what we have if we stand no matter what within ourselves in clarity as WHO we are and all our relationships towards money and how we have defined ourselves as money and with money and stop that, and thus also laying out the solutions needed in this world more clearly and how to stand as examples for those that takes this path now.

In a follow up blog, I am exploring my own relationship towards money and my relationship with myself as LIFE and doing so within self-forgiveness, the above blog is simply a realization and insight I have placed for myself.

Day 528 - We live in a system that is out of service

 

We live in a system that is out of service. It isn't serving us. In fact we are serving the system even when it cons us into believing it is here to serve us. For example a Bank. I work all month for the end result to receive money. My money goes into a bank where it is kept save. Yet the bank steals little by little of my money every time I want to use some, besides already paying monthly banking fees. And in the other hand even if I do not want a bank account the system is forcing me to have one. All I am saying is take a moment to consider what service means and see how the system manipulates and cons everyone to pay for something that claims to serve us. Without money you are fucked by this system. Yet we all seem.to be okay with the idea that if you have no money you are fucked. No service

Day 425 – I am breaking a habit tonight

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Justify not doing my responsibilities through saying I was/am too busy without even taking the time to consider my time and my priorities and to see if I really am busy or not or if it’s all just here in the mind at the moment.

When and as I see myself wanting to justify why I haven’t been doing my responsibilities through saying I am too busy – I stop, I breathe and I take a moment o consider myself here in the moment and what I am doing and what I have planned to do and to actually check and see if I am too busy or not and to then move and direct myself accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be occupied with the mind and to keep myself busy with the mind within thinking and planning and worrying and building fear and anxiety and back chat and to miss out on the real time I have here to do things and to then claim I was busy, seeing and realizing that being busy in the mind isn’t being busy, it is a distractions from what is here that needs to get done.

When and as I see myself Believing that I am busy where I am only busy within thought/mind I stop, I breathe and I look at what I am busy with, am I creating limitation as energy/mind as the fears/worrying or am I actually busy using my body and my hands and my words and all that is here that matters and actually doing something real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use casual things that I do as a way of keeping me busy through repeating doing them over and over such as having a coffee or quickly checking up on something or watching one episode casually to much or talking to other people casually too much and to use this as a way of saying I was busy as an excuse for me to get to actual things that require to get done.

When and as I see myself doing something that is seen as casual “to much” as a way of distractions for myself and to have a justification/reason for why I did not attend my responsibilities – I stop, I breathe and I get my ass out of the Casual routine before I become a casualty of my own self sabotaging patterns and to move myself to do what’s needed to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself “just this one more” before I get to my responsibilities as a way of repeating the same pattern over again such as having another coffee/drink/food etc and to postpone getting to the duties because I have created an Idea of getting to them and that they are difficult things to do while these small minute patterns are easy and better and thus lose all my time that I had through repeating the small easy patterns over and over and not getting to the realness of the other duties, and thus the Idea of the other duties grow bigger and bigger in my head and thus I get stuck in the small patterns more and more and never really seeing what’s real or not anymore, and that the only way out in the end is to simply move myself to see/find out for myself the reality.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself repeating the small patterns over and over where I will do small minded things like having three coffees in a row and talk small pity things with others that’s useless, or spend my time just sitting on the stoop as If I just came from working hard and I am resting as a way/reason for why I am sitting there and not moving myself to do things that matter and that’s is of moving forward, I STOP, I BREATHE and I stand up from the pattern and I go to that point of resistance and I push myself to breathe and do it, and to stop wasting time where I keep myself busy with mind/minute things and to actually do things that matter and that’s best for all.

Day 262 – The Pattern of Who I Am Every Day Part 10

Day 262 – The Pattern of Who I Am Every Day Part 10

“Every day I assume a Character that I expect everyone wants to see of me, I assume that this is the only character that is acceptable by everyone around me”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume a character everyday out of the believe that I have to or I will Die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that I have to assume a character everyday just to get around and survive the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Assume any and all characters necessary to survive the day, even if it means losing myself and my integrity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself To believe that I need to assume a character in order to live Life, not seeing and realizing that I can live Life anyway without characters/masks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself o go into characters that I created deliberately as a response to what I fear in live to hide the fear or to attempt to avoid the fear, never facing my fear within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create characters that I believe others want to see me as everyday that I play and pretend to be just to not to have to face points I fear from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that the characters/masks I wear play every day is for others, seeing and realizing that I put them on for myself to hide my insecurities/fears/judgments and everything about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear NOT going into character and playing the roles with the masks as I fear what might or might not happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what Might or might not happen when and as I do or do not play the characters I have made myself believe that others want to see me as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Live my Life according to what I fear or do not fear and to within this create characters/masks that I enslave myself to as a personality that is addicted to energy as thoughts/feelings/emotions to move and direct me and my life accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I have enslaved myself to the characters that I play every day as a personality suite that I wear as the WHO I AM everyday around people or even alone just to be save and to preserve my own self interest of fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that Who I Am as my personality that consists of many characters I play s a creation of and as fear and thue when and as I accept and allow myself to defend and define myself according to who I am currently that I am actually saying I am FEAR.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide in dishonesty towards myself as who I believe I have to be as the characters I play every day in front of everyone and or in different situations as I believe that it is what keeps me save and protected and that it is the only way, not seeing and realizing that I am actually just locking/enslaving myself to and as Fear as the mind as the thoughts/feelings/emotions I have created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can not change who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i must play the roles that I have played for so long everyday even if it compromises me and my world and everyone within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I can create who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear creating myself and to believe that it is wrong to change myself in the eyes of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing myself in the believe that the changes I have to make will weaken me and make my stand within this world weaker and that I will not be able to survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing who I am to that which is best for all in always in absolute certainty as myself within the fear that I might lose my ability to survive within this world, not seeing and realize than my change then is not what is best for all life but just a compromise and thus I am not yet self honest with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist and live as survival within all and any character I play and that all of Who I Am currently as my personality no matter how positive or negative it is, is all in the name of survival and fear.

To be Continued.

Day 261 – The Pattern of Who I Am Part 9

Continuing from Part 1 till here and more.

Taking the Parts from Part 1 to 3 and applying Self Forgiveness on them one at a time, each point.

Today’s Point: “see how I have used the back chat within my mind as a way to reason and make it all seem so True and real and that it is so tempting to just use that as a weapon to burst out at someone when they ask me to do something for them, so that they can feel bad and shit”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate/use back chat within my mind in secret to reason with myself as a way to create reason/opinions that I can use towards/against others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a evil professor sitting in the back of my head talking to myself and making options and poisons up inside my head as the backchat and the gossip and the thinking as weapons to attack and harm and WIN against others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the secret mind as back chat where I sit in the dark in my head by myself talking to myself and having conversations with myself where I actually argue and reason with myself and even play scenarios where I win against myself as a way to test my secret weapons I am creating with the words I use and place as a way to win even if it means I have to use nuclear words against others as any means to win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I participate within back chat and gossip within my mind where I am all by myself that I am actually having no cross-reference at all what so ever and that such bullshit can never be trusted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that when and as I reason with myself within my mind where I pretend in my mind that it is actually reasoning, LOL seeing and realizing that it is just me fucking with myself as reasoning requires two people talking for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that any kind/type of reason I come to within my mind is actually valid, as the reason I create within my mind with myself cannot be reasoning as it was created from me talking to myself??? Mental problem it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the difference between any “normal” person and a mentally ill person is that the mentally ill person simply say what’s in their head out loud and thus they are actually more honest then any normal person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can reason and create reasoning skills and create “new” reasoning skills within my mind talking to myself in secret where I will play out scenarios where I always win arguments and fights and so forth as a way to prepare myself for the real thing, not seeing and realizing that this is always in my disadvantage as it always gives me a false everything of reality as it was/is constructed within a alternate reality that is of energy and fuzzy logic and not the facts in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accept and allowed myself to have back chat when and as someone asks me to do something for them and to within this back chat always first defend my limitations and to then quickly look for ways to fight with my words to Win even if it means I limit myself and enslave myself to the limitations of the minds reasoning of weird logic based on self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react when someone asks me to do something for them to Immediately create of bring up the “reasoning” I prepared within my mind as a weapon to attack someone that I deliberately tested and tried within my mind to see if it will hurt the other person or make them feel shit/bad and like crap for asking just to feel that I have a sense of power back where I am not a slave that simply do what I am asked and to feel that I have no authority to decide if I will do what I am asked or not, not seeing and realizing that I am abusing other people and myself and that in fact all that is required of me in situations such as this is for me to breathe and to consider what is here in and as the physical and make a decision of yes or no accordingly and do it or not or arrange other time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the evil within me that I have created myself as when and as I sit by myself back-chatting gossiping by myself where I deliberately test and try out reasoning skills towards/about/against another being to deliberately with the intention to harm them when and as I use the reasoning I create within my mind just to win or have some sick self interest feeling/emotion to be fulfilled as energy rush of winning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately want to make others feel shit/bad just for asking me a simple things such as doing something for them just because I have some personal issues I have to sort out within myself as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be bad to create myself as, as it all exist within me all the time and thus I am always responsible and cannot take it out on others or myself but that I must forgive myself and see what I am doing in the moment and to breathe and to then take a deep breath and decide based on the principal of what is best for all in all ways.

To be continued

Day 260 – The Pattern Of Who I Am Every Day Part 8

I have in my Mind only defended and fought for my own limitations just for the sake of proving my Fear was right?? What’s that all about??

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a fear within me that I might be asked to do something for someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this fear within me that I might be misused or abused by others for my abilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my abilities special and unique within my mind, seeing and realizing that as I have made my abilities special I fear that others will abuse it and use it only because they can.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that when and as I have abilities that I can apply where others cannot and that when they ask me for help to feel like I am being abused and used, not seeing and realizing the fact as the physical that I am capable and able to do certain things others can yet what they need to get done still remains and that it is my responsibility as the one with the abilities to help them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this fear of maybe they will/are abusing me for what I can do just so that they do not have to train and learn how to do the things by themselves as I did.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the back chat of “ if I could do it with hard work and training so can they” to exist within me, not seeing and realizing that everyone had different physical bodies that is specific and also a result of genetics that they cannot always help for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to others when they ask me to do something for them within the fear of that they might now just be taking advantage, seeing and realizing that I am the only one not taking advantage of myself to test and upgrade my abilities in that moment to push myself beyond my own limitations of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I fear others will take advantage/abuse my abilities because I fear pushing myself and getting out of my comfort zone within my mind where I have this abilities but never use them to bring myself to my full potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I only fear myself and that I might abuse myself when and as I use my abilities to their fullest as I know myself and that I can never stop even when it is required as my ego kicks in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself as my abilities through only wanting to limit them within not applying myself as my abilities equally for all when and where it is possible and to only remain a slave to my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that it is abusing myself when and as I am not using my abilities that others do not equally have as the physical points through trying and attempting to hold myself/abilities from others as a way of spite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful towards others when and as they ask me for help through reacting and wanting to make myself un available to them as to achieve a goal where I can say look what I have and you can’t have it just to feel more special.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that my behavior as the result of my back-cat and inner gossip is a result of me attempting to be spiteful which is always self abusing within holding myself back and limiting myself and remaining a slave to energy as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it makes me powerful and strong to have abilities others need/want and that I can withhold it from them if I feel like it, not seeing and realizing that what I do onto another is what I want to be done onto me will be in play at all times.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I live in fear of others asking me to do something for them as I have already judged that others will not do anything for me within my mind through gossip and back chat from once upon a time in the past where it was done so onto me and now I place this judgment onto all.

To be continued.

Day 259 – The Pattern of Who I Am Every Day Part 7

Here I continue with the last Blogs I stopped at just before the power went off here for three days and two nights – thanks for understanding if you are a reader of this blog.

Last time I was doing Self forgiveness on the points I discussed in Part 1 and Part two.
“I believe that in my mind I can prepare myself to face this fear.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that I can prepare myself within my mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions to Face my Fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that it is within the Mind that I create Fear in the first place, as I always take things from reality as the physical and place it into a energy experience through the mind through how I perceive/judge reality which then turns into a reaction and fear as the mind tends to always make something more then what it is in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I have a fear and that I am trying/attempting to “prepare” myself to face this fear that I am actually just keeping the fear alive within me as I am giving it recognition and validation as if it requires special attention and thus it must be real, making it real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I have fear within me towards/about others/things that it is always about me as it is only within me and not about the others/things as I am the one creating the fear within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create fear within me towards about others/things through the back chat and judgments and gossip I have with myself in my own mind where I generate energy which usually ends up as fear as it is dishonest because I know I am doing it all in secret in the dark and that what goes on in my mind I do not dare expose or live because I know it is all lies and only abusive in its nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dishonest with myself about the fears I have through believing that it is created within me through what others do and say and think when and as I can see that I am the one with the fear and that when and as I participate within secret as back-chat and gossip in my mind that I am creating the fears and the energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for the fear that I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make others responsible for the fear that I have within me, seeing and realizing that I fear admitting that I am the one that created the fear and that I can thus stop it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to take responsibility for my fears as the creator of my fears, seeing and realizing that I have created the fears as a way to not to have to take responsibility for myself as Who I Am within and as myself and what I accept and allow within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create fears within me as a way to excuse myself from having to take responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create fears within me as a way to justify and reason my way out of having to take self responsibility for myself and this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self honest with myself about my fears and why I have created them and that I have created them myself through participating within the mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions and as all the Back-chat and gossip I do in secret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that all fear is from existing within self interest and the believe/idea that I am separate from everything else.

To be continued.

Day 257 – The Pattern of Who I Am Every Day Part 6

Day 257 – The Pattern of Who I Am Every Day Part 6

I see within this one point that I do it again out of fear, I have back chat and gossip and thoughts in my mind about other people because I fear something and within my mind I believe I am building a case to defend myself, I believe that in my mind I am setting things right, I believe that in my mind I can prepare myself to face this fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the gossip/back-chat within my mind that I create and participate within is from fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I fear others gossiping about me, so I gossip about them first to make myself feel better just in case they are gossiping about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that what I fear others gossiping about me is my own insecurities and self-judgments that I have about myself that I project onto others as if they are talking about the judgments and fears I have of myself and so within this fear I start to gossip about others within my mind to make myself feel better and to prepare myself just for incase the gossip is real and I need something to defend myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gossip about others/things within my mind without seeing and realizing that simple truth that it is me that is gossiping and judging and having back chat about myself first that I then create into insecurities and fears that I now project onto others as gossiping about them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I gossip about others within my mind within secret that the gossip coming out within me about others is actually the things I fear others might be gossiping about me and so I start this game of gossiping to see who wins and who loses as the best gossipers in secret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I have back-chat within me that it is within me and thus it is always about me and that I am attempting to separate it from and as me through projecting the back-chat onto and towards others within me mind in secret just to create a energy experience that can make me feel better about myself though making shit up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when and as I gossip/back-chat within me mind that I am setting things straight within me as that which I always believe to be the convenient truth where I always win and seem so good and right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am always deceiving myself within my mind through participating within secret as gossip/back-chat about myself/others/things as it is always based on assumption and my own limited interpretation of the physical reality and what i observe within the frame of my limited knowledge and information about things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am always deceiving only myself through participating within the mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions that is always in my self interest and thus can never make a real valid calculation of reality as it is always based on me and only me winning and not having to feel bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I participate within my mind as gossip/back-chat and having thoughts about others that it is from fear and nothing else and that I am always trying to built cases within my mind towards LIFE and all that is here to defend only myself interest which in itself is utterly stupid and limited as it is never real or truth, it is simply made up crap in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that anything going on in my head is real or valid, when I do not even know how the mind in fact works or how energy and resonances work or how the Quantum Mind works.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe anything I make up or believe to be real within my mind, seeing and realizing that I will always make anything in my mind only in my favor and that it is obvious that if everything must always be in my favor that it cannot be trusted. Its a obvious sign of malfunctioning and thus must not be used as it will only been abused.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I have gossip/back-chat about others that it is always to bring them down and make them less and to be nasty and judgmental and spiteful and simply put evil and that within this I can see that it is obvious that I do this in defense of something I fear of myself and am trying to hide of myself as I am clearly attempting to avoid looking at myself and am only trying to place myself in the good light so no one can see me and only focus on others and that this is always only me defending my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that in my mind I am always defending fear no matter how good or evil things are in my head.

To be Continued

Day 256 – The Patterns of Who I am Every Day Part 5

Why do I take the time and spend the time in my head in secret to talk about other people, to judge other people and to categorize other people and to label other people and to place things on and over other people in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste my Time in my head gossiping/back-chatting about others, seeing and realizing that I am actually giving time to be evil.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize the Evil within actually gicing time inside my head to gossip and have back-chat about others/things within my mind in secret.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that within the act of gossiping having back-chat about others in my mind in secret is deceptive and dishonest and nasty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to literally “spend” physical resources of my body as the physical energy resources my body has to transform that energy into “mind” energy through gossiping and having back chat about others/things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am abusing my body and the resources my body has and have made within participating within my mind in secret as gossip and back chat towards/about others/things just to be nasty/spiteful/evil/cruel all in the name of ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that what I gossip and have back chat about within my mind in secret towards/about others is in fact me projecting things I Judge/gossip and have back-chat about myself onto others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that what I fear within me as my insecurities and self judgments is the things I project onto others and then have gossip/back-chat about it in my mind to make it all seem real and separate from me just so that I can feel better about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gossip and to have back-chat about others within my mind in secret just to always end up making myself feel better about myself even if it means always being nasty/spiteful/mean/judgmental/evil/cruel within my mind about others/things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the seeking and wanting for happiness comes at the cost of me being evil towards others just so that I may always seem like the better person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I am existing within self interest as always only wanting to be happy and have a positive experience that I will even sell myself for it through being evil/nasty/spiteful/mean within my mind in secret towards others/thing just to make myself seem better as I cast the light onto others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others/things, not seeing and realizing that judgment is always from self interest as judgment is in itself as its meaning/purpose is to rather look at others and not to look at self as it is a way of placing everything on something out there away from me, seeing and realizing that I do this because I know that it is with me that the judgment starts first and thus I am the one that must correct myself first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I judge myself as I have judges others and as I have been judge by those that has gone before me and that judgment is always of the mind as a interpretation of reality and not reality in fact, as reality as the physical with no mind never judge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not se and realize that what I judge of others is what I judge of myself first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge myself and to within this judgment feel bad and as if I am sinful and not good enough and through this fear these things and feel insecure about it and to within that try and do start to place judgment onto others in secret in my mind as a way to take the attention I have given the self judgment to someone else so that I may feel good again, instead of seeing and realizing that I have to stop the self judgment as the solution instead of projecting/casting it onto others and through this create a world/reality of abuse as gossip/back-chat and evil in secrets in dark places.

To be continued.

Day 255 - The Pattern of Who I Am Every Day Part 4

Day 255 - The Pattern of Who I Am Every Day Part 4

So why do I create nasty stuff in secret about others and about certain points? Why do I take the time and spend the time in my head in secret to talk about other people, to judge other people and to categorize other people and to label other people and to place things on and over other people in my mind.

Well that is the point where I face who I have accepted and allowed myself to be, because it is who I am that decides what I do.

Self Forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create nasty stuff in secret within my mind about other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the imagination as the mind as NOT reality where I judge and gossip and do all kinds of nasty in my head about others and everything that is always secret, not seeing and realizing that the fact that it is happening in my mind is already all the proof I need to show me that I am making it all up and that it is never real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that anything going on in my head that isn’t darkness and emptiness is nasty, even if it seems positive or negative, the fact that its happening in secret shows that is itself interest and dishonest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within secret in my mind as gossip as back-chat and thoughts towards and about others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have conversations in my mind about other people and or things, seeing and realizing how I create my own beliefs/ideas/opinions within my mind which is always made up and not real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from others and to within this create and make gossip within my mind towards them as if they are always on the wrong and where i am always right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other people and that they might abuse me or misuse me or take advantage of me and to within this create separation within my mind through gossiping and having back chat and nasty thought about them to make the separation seem real to validate the fear I have, not seeing and realizing that the separation in reality in seeing with my real eyes is and can never be real and that it is only a illusion kept alive in the mind through the constant gossip/back-chat in the mind.

I forgive myself that i have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I am the one creating what I fear of other humans through the act of participating in my mind as back-chat and gossip towards them and about them, making things up in my mind based on assumptions and mind interpreting observations which is always limited to my own Mind and what in there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that what I fear of others within my mind as abusing me or misusing me or taking advantage of me is exactly what i am doing onto them first through participating in my mind in gossip and back-chat about them, seeing and realizing what a hypocrite I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within secret thoughts towards other people or things in my world as a way of always defending my own fears, not seeing and realizing that I am the problem and the creator of my own fear and that it isn’t the other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am responsible for how i experience myself through what I accept and allow within me and that I can always only be the one responsible for what’s inside of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I react towards other people when they ask me something or talk to me that it is not them creating the reaction but that it is all my secret thoughts/back-chat/gossip that I have had in my mind previously that now comes to surface, seeing and realizing how I have created the reaction and the fear and the anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when I react when someone asks of me something to do for them that they are not abusing me or misusing me or taking advantage of me for simply asking something of me, but that it is the mind that will feel this way to fight for limitations and fears and to always be the winner to do the least work as a way to fuel the mind with more back chat and gossip and thoughts that keeps the enslavement of energy going.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question why is it that the mind wants to react and defend and fight for limitations and to always want to win and confirm the fears that I have as being real, and that i simply accepted and allowed it as normal behavior without any questioning and Why.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the mind does not need any specific reason to win that makes sense, as all that mind wants is energy to feel something, either good or bad as it is a addiction the physical body has been forced to be addicted to through acceptances and allowances and thus the back chat and gossip and thought that happen in secret is like building secret weapons to fight for anything to win to get a rush or energy even if it is for one’s own limitation and enslavement to energy as the mind.

To be continued.

Day 254 - The Pattern of Who I Am Every Day Part 3

Who am I every day, there are so many characters and then there is the personality – the baseline so to say of who I have accepted and allowed myself to become.

This baseline is what I am looking at, the general “me” that I have defined myself as and have lived, the characters that I play come from this baseline/foundation.

I will now take a closer look at this baseline of who I have accepted and allowed myself to be as through taking myself and looking at myself when I am all alone.

They say you can learn to know a person and who they really are through getting them angry, because then their real face shows, well all that is showing when you make someone angry is their back chat, their thoughts that they have in secret.

And this is what I am looking at without having to become angry first to see it, or to react or whatever, I take myself and I place myself alone in the dark, and I see what is here as that which I have accepted and allowed myself to be through investigating myself as who I am in secret, seeing the thoughts and seeing the secret mind.

Because it is as we all fear to admit within the mind that we think and talk to ourselfs about others and things and then make decisions, and we all know how limited it is for every human to do decision making this way, because we are all limited to ONLY the judgments of our knowledge and information we have in our minds about stuff that we got from those that has gone before us, and this is why we all Fear so much what other think of us for instance, and why it is a problem, because it is always dishonest, it is always happening in secret in the mind as thinking and having thoughts and chatting/gossip to ourselves in our minds.

We can change this world if we all stop the mind, stop living in two worlds while we all clearly share one, to stop living in secret thoughts and back chat about others and ourselves and everything, it is called opinions for a reason, it is a opinion and not a fact, it is something made up within a person’s own mind within the limits of their own knowledge and information stored within them that was taught to them and repeated over and over till it sank in and then eventually the person believe the opinion is their own free speech.

So I am saying out a pretty simple example of what I am walking here as me in secret as the baseline of who I am every day, it is those repetitive thoughts and back chat that comes up every day, they might seem a bit different at times but yet it is really all the same.

So who am I in general every day, looking at the points where I repeat myself everyday regardless of what I do or try and act out these points keep coming up.

I am now looking at a very prominent point which is me reacting when someone is asking me to do something for them.

I face this point daily living in a community, we all live in a Big community called earth, we only like to care for only a certain part of the community that we call family, while the rest is neglected, here where I live there is no family, we are all people equally made of flesh and bone and mostly water and so we recognize the basics needs of each being and how we all can live together functioning in harmony, this requires a lot of communication and considering things and really facing yourself in those moments.

So when someone asks me to do something for them I react, this isn’t normal because the reaction shows to me that I had secret thoughts and back chat previously about this point, and now that the point is here in the present I react to it as all the past back chat and thoughts come in rushing, the past flooding the present.

So what is it I talk to about myself in secret so that when I am asked to so something I react instead of simply seeing t for what it is as someone asking me to do something for them, I see that the back chat and thoughts come in and make it a WHOLE other point and takes a simple asking to do something for someone and place it out of context within me which creates a lot of energy friction that then builds up, If I am not breathing some nasty stuff can come out, because it is this nasty stuff that I created in secret.

So why do I create nasty stuff in secret about others and about certain points? Why do I take the time and spend the time in my head in secret to talk about other people, to judge other people and to categorize other people and to label other people and to place things on and over other people in my mind.

Well that is the point where I face who I have accepted and allowed myself to be, because it is who I am that decides what I do.

I see within this one point that I do it again out of fear, I have back chat and gossip and thoughts in my mind about other people because I fear something and within my mind I believe I am building a case to defend myself, I believe that in my mind I am setting things right, I believe that in my mind I can prepare myself to face this fear.

So in relation to this Point I see the fears, the fear is being used, abused and that it is all unfair that someone is asking me to do something for THEM – I highlight THEM because that is the separation point I see in my mind.

Now I am going to look at the inner conversations/back-chat that takes place within me as a response to the fear I have which originated from the believe that I am separate from Them. Separation is always fear.

Back-Chat points.
Them being out there, them being the other people, them being the people that want to abuse and use me and that want to only sit back and do nothing, them being the people thinking they are more than me, them being the people that is lazy and wanting to use my hard labor/work for their own purposes while they can if they want to, really do it themselves, or at least try before asking. Why do they always just jump to asking first instead of trying to do it themselves, that’s what I always do first, so why can’t they, they always thing I have so much spare time on my hands to do everything they ask, I am already so busy why do they not consider that, I have other things to do that is more important then their little requests. Cant they consider it.

See the back chat, see how I have used the back chat within my mind as a way to reason and make it all seem so True and real and that it is so tempting to just use that as a weapon to burst out at someone when they ask me to do something for them, so that they can feel bad and shit for only abusing me and using me and that they are not willing to do so themselves, proving that they are only abusing, haha I am so cleaver, look at how I figured this out, I saw their game, I can now play them back.

Ok so realize that everything I wrote from Back-Chat till here is always the mind fucking with you, it is never real, it is always based on pure assumption and interpretation and beliefs of self and others and self judgments and judging others, it is always not real, so Breathe and walk through the resistances, stop that shit, stop that limitations, because in the back-chat points I gave one should and must clearly see how I have in my Mind only defended and fought for my own limitations just for the sake of proving my Fear was right?? What’s that all about??

So here it is to now look deeper, what happened in my Life that I created such a big point in relation to this point of being asked to do something for someone else and reacting to it every-time – everyday I walk around in this anxiety/fear that someone will suddenly ask me to do something for them.

I have written about this point before, I have walked it as many words, for instance the one old blog I wrote was called “ fear of unfairness” which is this exact point, and another one was on reacting when I am asked to do something” and the other one is “fear of being misused/abused” so it is showing me that I am still walking this point, it’s like ruling my every day and my every movement and it is going to stop, because it is abusive and not best for all life quite obviously.

Here is a lot of cool point I will walk in self forgiveness and corrective statements next.

Next up self forgiveness. .