Day 648 - There is Nothing that Anyone can do to me

Today, as I was browsing through FaceBook to find Desteni related posts and sharing of Destonians to like and share (as my only reason for existing on FB) I came across a post of a quote of Bernard Poolman that once again brought peace to me. Below is the post/quote that I found and so now I will do my Self-forgiveness writings on the points that came up for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the point within the quote of repeating the words "There is Nothing that anyone can do to me" as I reacted within a judgement of "but am I not deluding myself by saying this", and so build up a slight resistance to take the advice and applying it, as and for myself, I do see and realize that I reacted due not fully having context/understanding within the statement of "there is nothing that anyone can do to me" and so I am here writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I read the words "there is nothing that anyone can do to me" to jump immediately into FEARS I have within me of being physically harmed, attacked, abused or tortured, and so going into the back-chat of " but this quote is untrue, there is so many things that other people can do to me" and so missing the point of - There is nothing anyone can do to ME - ME referring to the eternal being that is here as life, and so there is literally within the consideration of eternity nothing anyone can ever do to ME, unless I accept and allow it within me as my being.

I forgive myself for going into immediate thinking and back-chat as the mind after reading those words and having a sense of peace within me, and so contaminate the expression the quote gave me to LIVE through fears, and thinking, and projecting, and over calculating and analyzing every word and every single dimension of it as knowledge and information to keep me from being here, and to remain trapped in the mind as energy/fears.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge having inner peace as wrong. 

I forgive myself that I have not seen and realized by denying myself inner peace I am denying peace within this world, and for me to peacefully walk and bring about what is best for all life, practically without fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must always be in conflict within myself to be able to keep up with the world and the conflict within the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep myself hurt, broken, and effected by this world within the believe that I must be that to be able to be real, to bring change to this world as what is best for all, not seeing and realizing that I can only create what I am, who I am as my acceptances and allowances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself inner peace as to always be on guard, to be ready for the worst case scenario's as to NOT be harmed physically, thus always living in fear and anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in fear and anxiety of being harmed, hurt or anything else being done to me, within the believe that someone or anyone can do something to me as ME the being, yes physical pain is real, yet it ends and I continue.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as the form of the flesh that I am walking within currently, and so develop fears in relation to the form as the flesh that also control and enslave me as the BEING as long as I accept that - and so have chains on me that keeps me limited and in place to not move and direct myself as effective as possible within this world, as I am trapped in fear of a moment, the moment being this life, one life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize the benefits of having inner peace within me within the words of " there is Nothing that anyone can do to me" as this removes the fears of, and in relation to people, and so I can walk as LIFE, fearless, and stand as life fearlessly to bring about what is best for all life within the consideration of eternity as all life as me.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to be self-honest with myself to what extent I am controlled within the fear of others doing something to me, may it be physical, mental or emotional, and where I will experience myself as negative/bad WITHIN me, and so I see I fear experiencing myself as bad/negative within ME, and thus I fear that this badness/negativity defines me, and so I see and realize that within understanding that everything that effects me as the being, is through me accepting and allowing things to define me within me through what happens outside of me, and thus not yet knowing who I am and standing as who I am as LIFE in fact, which can never be effected by anything in fact within the consideration of eternity as the true consideration of all life as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed experiences that are induced through the physical to define me/who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that experiences that are induced through physical events HAS to and MUST define me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that how others react to me, talk to me, defines me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that how others behave towards me MUST define me, MUST mean something about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe how people respond/comment or give opinions towards me must define me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed ANYONE to be able to do ANYTHING to me through taking everything personally, through existing as a personality character based on energy, believes and opinions, that isn't real as WHO I AM, and thus can be destroyed in a single moment, and thus I see and realize that each and every-time someone is able to effect me, I must end that part of me and so end all parts of me that is of personality till only LIFE as who I am stands for eternity and thus "there is nothing that anyone can do to me" through ending what isn't real and standing as what is real. to be the change to end the cycles of repeated history.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to THINK instead of breathing here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to JUSTIFY, instead of breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to BLAME instead of breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to VICTIMIZE, instead of breathing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make everything HARDER than what it is, instead of breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT breathe in simplicity, here as life.

I commit myself to when and as I see I am going into the mind, as thinking, as analyzing, instead of being here, to STOP, to BREATHE and to move as what is real/eternal as who I am as LIFE,  and so LIVE " there is Nothing that anyone can do to me" in fact.

I commit myself to repeat this statement to myself as much as possible daily, and specifically when I feel someone is doing something to me, till I am living this statement in fact and so enable myself to walk fearlessly as LIFE as that which is real. '

Day 647 – Debates are for those that want to MASTURBATE!

 Debates are the BAIT for those that want to masturbate – Take a listen to this recording of Bernard Poolman on the topic of debates, what are the simple and direct design of debates – and the see in my writings of self-forgiveness the points I am now taking on in relation to this topic. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall for the trap of debates with other people, where an argument around a certain topic simply goes round and round, where opinions keep on playing out, where each person is seeking to win, to get ON TOP (dominate like in sex) the other person as to have a money shot to feel good about themselves, even if it was only an opinion in play, nothing real, nothing based on common sense, on what is best for all life, on how actual reality functions. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT seen and realized that the same way self can start with watching porn, then within self, start an internal debate about what one is watching, and somehow the debate will always follow the energy, where it feels good, and not actually what is good, and so one will start masturbating to the porn, as the debate has now been concluded, there was a winner, and it was/is the mind for energy, for feelings, for experiences, even when one know one is doing something that isn’t best for self, that is an addiction, that isn’t healthy in the sense of watching porn and in one’s mind playing out dark and secret thoughts while masturbating to porn that then becomes ones character in life, the same way debates in “normal” conversations start and follow through – till the mind has won, taken the conversation in the direction of energy and not what is real, practical. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to SEE and REALIZE that the energy underlying in masturbating and within any other interactions within this reality that is within the form of debates as opinions/ideas/beliefs are literally jerking off session between people and the one that win will have a similar experience as if they just ejaculated and so dominated and over powered others, and thus feel like a MASTER and so a masturbater. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react and get angry when and as I find someone is arguing or attempting to argue with me over common sense, principles of life and to start a debate on the subject of Equal Money System, or all life is equal as life, or all humans need a living income, or animals and plants are equal to us, or that the earth is literally our mother, points that are common sense, such as those examples, and so want to simply blast such a person away or put them out like a fly, not feeling like spending my time in this debate of mental masturbation of energy through words. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as someone starts a debate with me, may it be in a comment section somewhere, or in real life, to get angry and to lose all morality and time for such a person and so become harsh and shot with them, as to not masturbate them, jerk them off with energy and words, to not give them the satisfaction of friction that can lead to a certain ejaculation of release, as this irritates me and gets me annoyed. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the energy of annoyance to come up within me when and a someone starts or attempts to debate with me, and so to a degree give into the debate and to make myself part f the masturbating session, where I truly do not want to be or be part of, seeing and realizing that I must stop the energy of annoyance and so stop me from falling into the trap of participating in the debate at all, to give it energy, attention, friction, because that’s all that is needed to get someone started, to get them excited and hyped, a little rub. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge debaters as annoying and time wasting and so create a certain judgement within me that creates and automated response to people I judge as debaters/ attention seekers, and so my response is to be short and mean with such people almost immediately, even before giving someone a proper chance to possibly move from a debater stance to someone that stops the masturbating game of debates and to actually see and level with reality. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within reacting to debaters, miss the point of why they are actually debating, why they are seeking attention, and so missing the point within myself to SEE direct and beyond the debate and debater, and to actually see the being/person and to move directly with the being to the direct point that is actually bothering them, steering them, the same reason as to why porn and masturbation is an outflow of some other misalignment's within the being, that can be supported to be corrected and bring a being back to life and out of the realm of illusion/ego and some find fuck place. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the reactions within me to direct and steer me within and when I am faced with a debater/debate through my reactions, where I react to where I see the debating as the BAIT to get me isn’t truly the real season as the debate, but that the person is actually placing a BAIT like a signal for - help me, I need a reality check, I need something real, I need support and assistance within something else, and this debate, debating is a distraction, a defense mechanism to hide the real issues that requires support and assistance within me/the person debating me, and so I see that I must stop my reaction, and be true to what I see and direct and move with that direct here as I see it and not let the reaction cloud my seeing. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build a wall of resistance and pre-determined responses towards people that SEEM like they are only out to debate, and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FALL for debates based on being nice. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny my direct seeing of a point, a person or what is truly here within a debate even if it seems way off topic and so participate within the debate instead of getting to the points I see directly either with the person as an underlying point playing out or a resonant pint playing out, or as a back chat point playing out, and so linger in the debate and masturbating with words and not really getting to anything substantial that matters as matter. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that debates takes two to tango, and so I must also make sure that y words are not within friction/energy as to cause a temptation for those that seek to debate and become masters of others to then come at me to get themselves off. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the IDEA construct of if I do not participate in a debate then I am weak, the same as when I stopped masturbating I believed that I am now not a man, yet what I have learned is that I am defined by who I am as who I stand as and not as the actions/words that I live to define myself through – and so I am defined by who I am as LIFE not as my debates of empty words and seeking dominance to define myself through outside forces as a fear/separation design. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that to participate in a debate even when it is clearly NOT common sense being presented or any self-honesty that I do not have integrity, yet it take s REAL INNERtegrity to NOT give INTO the reactions/temptations and to keep breathing and standing and to let the desire and want flow through me to participate, the same way one faces actual moments of wanting to give into porn and masturbation. Breathe and do not follow the thoughts feelings or emotions and back chat. 

I commit myself to stop debates, within and without, to stop following the design of debates in my actions and words, to specify myself to Direct myself within my direct seeing, moving directly to the point if it is here, or to be still and to not be led into temptations. 

I commit myself to when and as I see someone commenting, making remarks to start a debate to stop all movement within me, to see direct, to move with what is here directly and not the energy temptation, and so not take part in a debate, but rather in self-movement as what is best for all as the physical.

 

Day 646 – Family is the cause of Pornography

listen to the interview in this blog, then you will see the writing I do below it in relation to what I got from the interview within walking my process of self-honesty through self-forgiveness. You must undertake your own in writings, what is here for you to stop blame and to stand up for and as yourself as life.

Ok, I listened to the recording, at first I did not completely get it, it is a short video/recording, so I know Bernard does not spoon feed, he gives points and then it is up to self to self-investigate, get to self-honesty and to self-realization, and it gave me a clue in the recording when Bernard said, secrets and agendas within the family structure as it currently exists, and so how is Pornography an outflow from the Family design/construct. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT question the family structure that exists within this world.

I forgive myself that I have NOT seen and realized that the family structure within this world is a TAUGHT structure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT be Honest about the family structure and setup within this world where it is most of the time if not all the time abuse, may it be mental, emotional or physical.

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the family structure that exists within this world only exists as it does due to FEAR and Survival, and thus does not represent a true structure of natural forces, but rather a structure that manifested due to a system that exist within this world created by man and his agendas/secrets for power/control and self-interest, and so the family structure can only be the same structure one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the family construct even when I knew there was always something off, not right, secrets and agendas that is running in the back ground.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on a role within the family construct as if it is simply my place/play and that I have no choice to take that play/place and so participated within it as normal, as usual, even when there was emotional abuse, mental abuse going on.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the world if fucked, and so the current family construct as it exist is also fucked, as the world is a reflection of the family construct, as within so without.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blindly follow what I was born into as normal, as good, as how things should be, even when I could see that it isn’t working, it never worked and the world is a result, and so looking at how I turned out myself coming from the family construct, I was/am pretty fucked, mentally and emotionally.

I forgive myself that I have not seen and realized through suppression and deliberate denials of what is here, that the family construct is an incubator for children born into a family, and so what the child becomes, who the child is, was literally and very specifically incubated into the child, and so the world and within myself, the results is that of sex/porn addictions, mental problems, physical problems, drug addictions and so many many others more points, as what is born from the families of the world is what end up creating the world, and the world seems to be run by demons/monsters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny the emotional abuse that happened, took place within my family – even when that emotional abuse felt good, such as manipulation, love, or a sense of care and specialness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the two people that are my parents as special and unique and that I am their property, and so whatever they do or go through or take out on me, may it be deliberate or indirect, as acceptable, as simply how a family works and functions, even when those moment left scars of emotional and mental experiences that I could not explain yet acted on, as if they are normal and simply part of how I as a family member as the child should act and behave, never questioning truly why it is playing out the way it is, such as the actual structure of the family design within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the family member that causes disruptions, emotional instabilities and expected everyone else to simply take it, as I was part of the family construct, and so anything can go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play on my family members emotions and feelings, their weaknesses and strengths to get what I wanted, and so in return allowed and accepted them to do the same, and so anything goes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take advantage of the people I was calling family and to justify my actions and words and all that I accepted and allowed of me, to simply being part of the family and what it means, and so in return accepted and allowed the same form other members, even when it all added up to living a lie, to living in an illusion, a secret reality that is different in the home of the family versus who the family is outside of the home.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a secret agent for my family, where I would keep the family and what happens at home a secret and to so present a different family outside, and so seeing and realizing that as a family we could together lie, present a lie and live a lie, I realized that I could lie and get away with anything and many things, as I would expect my family to simply keep quit and go along with it with me, and so do the same for them, thus creating a living of dishonesty and corruption.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the construct of dishonesty within the family, as to lie, cheat, misuse and play games that served only me and so use others for that purpose.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I learned how to be “intimate” through my family, and so whatever that was in my family is what I accepted as the way it is and works, ad so be that way within and towards myself and so the world, KNOWING is was/is corrupted, not effective, not working, due to how the inner relationships functioned within the family.

I forgive myself that I have not seen and realized that I have learned through my family how to “care” and so, whatever that may have been, taken it with me as me into this world, my life, KNOWING is was/is corrupted, not effective, not working, due to how the inner relationships functioned within the family.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed the truth to sink in for me that all the addictions, habits that served no one, and thus PORNOGROPHY and sexual problems and relationship problems was/is a direct result of what I learned, observed, imprinted and taken from my family, or never received in fact and so seeked what I was missing within me outside of me in everything and everyone else, and so always ended up abusing.