Day 107 – Survival Character Part 2 – social survivor

So this is a continuation of Day 106 –Survival Character Part 1 – social survivor.

I ended up in the last Blog with the main point of why I “had to survive socially”, the point was fear of not being accepted and thus the physical consequences of that such as, being bullied and abused, this comes from actual memories where I have made the connections in life through how other kids (either older or same age) would treat each-other, and obviously such behavior is taught at home or from any Adult/Parent/Sibling and passed on.

So it wasn’t a matter of out of the blue thanks to Natural instinct that I miraculously knew I must survive, it was through actual events in the past that imprinted and thus Programmed into me as a child, thus looking at the survival characters I can see they are all not Natural and actually taught/shown/programmed into me or by myself through competition and self interest..

The first character I am going to walk and see is the characteristics of the Social survivor character and what/how/why the character plays out its roles.

Social Survivor character.

How: How does the character come into play, first I look at when is the character not in play, this character is not in play when I am all alone with myself in my room/house/area and there is no need to survive.

So the character come out to play its role once someone enters my “space” or before I have to enter someone else s space.

So the character is dependent on other “beings” and me being in their presence and thus accordingly to who ever the person is - I have a character that will act/behave/speak and be a certain way to be Accepted by the other character and not be attacked/abused/misused/bullied and so that I can survive.

This can even go deeper, as the How’s has a memory attached to it, each and every single “how”, because in the past a certain event/situation happened and I experienced myself a certain way and in response to how I experienced myself and validated the experience as who I am, I either judged it as good or bad and accordingly either suppressed it or not. and then create a character for each one, thus the good experience will now have a character that acts out in that certain event/scenario when it plays out because I made the connection “it made me survive and I am alive, either because in the certain event people liked me for what I did or who I was etc, and so for the opposite as the bad energy experience, I create a character that will in such events play out to suppress the past experience of the memory and play out a response acceptable to the situation that is acceptable and thus suppressing the past/memory on which the character is created or try and prevent it.

It is interesting that there is this thing all over the world where people belief you have the right to be yourself and if people do not like it, it is their problem, Yet I can guarantee each and every human on earth. that no one is themselves, not even once a day, because we all know, if we had to be ourselves we would not have any friends, any job, anyone in our lives at all, and we would be abused and bullied all the time, characters do not like characters that isn’t acting to fit in and play their illusion role. Beat the shit out of that MOFO they say – its a real fucking Cult(ture)

So now I am going to apply Self Forgiveness on the physical How”s of when I go into social survival character and the fears connected to the hows that is triggered by thoughts that come up, that is/was created from a past memory/experience and now the thought is like a red button that I activate to kick in the character to play out and survive, so deleting the memory also deletes the thoughts that is bred from the memory as certain connections I made as the memory/experience was created/happened and obviously every-time I am the one that accepts and allows this to play out, it can never happen without my doing it.

Self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when someone enters my “space” to immediately go into survival mode as a character that is accepted by the specific person entering my space.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am about to enter anthers “space” to prepare and go into a character that I have created specifically to be accepted by the person(s).

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I actually prepare myself before hand in full awareness to enter other peoples space and for others to enter my space as the characters I create to act a certain way around the people to be accepted socially.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as someone knocks on my door and I ask who is it? That I am actually through asking who it is checking what Character I must take out of the closet to play and pretend in a certain role that is acceptable by the person at the door.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as someone is knocking at my door to first ask who is it? With full awareness that I am asking in a fear response of who it is, so that when the specific person answer I can check my memory data base for past experiences I had with the person and what I fear of the person/myself and how I must act accordingly as a certain character that is acceptable by the person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as someone is about to enter my space to go into fear of not being accepted by the person and to then when the thoughts come up in relation to the person of past experiences/memories where I see a situation/event/scenario/experience play out and to then immediately create a character that acts a certain way to avoid all the fears and to not have to face the fears and rather suppress it just to be accepted and not be abused or bullied.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that each and every thought is of memories/past/experiences that creates characters each and every-time to hide and not to have to face what I have accepted and allowed within this reality as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am about to go to a party/show/friends/family/mall etc. To go into thoughts that is of the past as memory and to check within the memory what character I must Create and act out to avoid all the negative experiences within the memories that is fear based and to literally dress myself up and walk a specific way and talk a specific way as a whole character that I created that is false and not real just so that when I enter other peoples environments/space to be accepted by them and to not be rejected and abused and bullied, realizing that all of this is my own mind interpretations that I created within my mind through certain events that happened in the past that I connected as negative or positive and then made judgements of myself and the world and now I am living a lie to protect the lie.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that every-time someone enters my presence or when I enter others presence I change characters to be socially accepted and thus I exist as thousands of characters as I have created a character for each and every person and event/situation and literally lost/forgot who I am as the physical being, as I spend so much time in my mind creating characters and playing them out that I totally missed the one REAL character that I use all the time to play out the fake ones as the Physical body/flesh as who i am and to neglect me and give power to the LIE in fear of not being accepted by the LIE as LIEf currently is in the SociaLIEfe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I/someone is about to enter my space or me their to define me according to the thoughts that come up within me that I accept and allow to move me and to then create characters in response to the thoughts. Not realizing that I am actually telling myself I am the thoughts, when it is as clear as day that I am the flesh here breathing and the thoughts is/are that which I accept and allow and decide what to do with, and thus within validating the thoughts I create my of fear all the time and thus manifest that which I fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I go into fear due to the thoughts that I gave power due to certain memories and experiences of the past to give it power over the present here and to live in a constant state of stress/fear/anxiety of this fear of not being socially being accepted, not realizing that all it takes is to stop one thought in one breathe and I can set myself free in the moment and not go into a false pretentious illusion character that is a lie to myself and the physical and only keeping the lie as LIEf currently exist aLIEve.

Social Survival Character to be continued.

Day 106 – Survival Characters Part 1, Social Survivor.

How did this survival character come into my life, what was it that made me realize in that one moment that O Fuck I have to survive or I will be fucked, what type of survival was this?

I can see that type of survival that this character comes from, it is the social survivor, I have to be socially accepted otherwise I will be fucked by everyone if they do not accept me, I will have no friends, I will be bullied and I will be abused and be the weakest link so to say, and as I have observed within my live what happens to the weakest links is they become punching bags for those that are the strong. 

I am looking back at Memory, as I see and realize that this character is based on fear and the fear must come from somewhere, where I made a connection in my life, thus a memory/experience in the past, It could also come from unconscious/sub conscious influences such as the environment, Parents speaking and the way they moved and acted/behaved that had the imprints, but I am looking for a memory where I clearly made the decision within myself, I have to survive.

My Memory.

I am seven years old, I invited a couple of friends (male friends) to come to my house to play some cricket. 

One of the male friends brought his sister along as he could not leave her alone at home; she was a year younger than us.

One of my siblings who was two years older than me wanted to play with, so we told him he can join in, everyone went to the field and started playing cricket, I stayed behind with the sister to keep her company, we played with teddies and had laughs and fun, I kept on looking out the window at my friends playing cricket, I kept on thinking I should probably join them, but I actually hated cricket and preferred playing with females, they were much more better company. 

I always enjoyed being friends more with girls than with guys, I just never told anyone, so After the cricket all my friends came to the house and asked me why did I not play with them? I was the one that invited them? I then did not know how to reply, they all looked disappointed and like I did something wrong.

brother then afterwards told me that what I did wasn’t right, If I invite friends I must play with them or I will lose my friends.

I then felt a bit bad for what I did, although i did enjoy playing with the girl with teddies, and cricket wasn’t my thing, I felt in that moment that I was now going to be forced to play with the “guys| and what they like, just to have friends and not be an outcast. 

I also then had a fear of losing my friends because without them I will be along at school.

The next Monday at school I got a bit teased for what I did and that I played with the girl instead of the boys and the cricket, I felt less than the other guys and as if I now was identified as a female, as weak and stupid and ugly and gooey, you know how kids are at young ages towards the opposite sex. 

So I definitely did not want to be a girl, I wanted to be a boy, so now I felt like I had to start acting and behaving more like a boy. This happens though observing other boys and their actions and how they are doing it to be accepted. 

This process took me a long time, it did not happen straight ahead in the same year, I had to switch schools the next year for grade two and there was new kids/boys and girls and I had to go through the whole process again of not interacting with the girls and rather with the guys.

I remember in grade two (age eight) I would stand on the side of the fields observing the guys/boys playing rugby and cricket and how they were being guys.

They all went through the same process as me, just sooner as their fathers was really into creating them a certain way, my father was mostly working and he left us to decide things for ourselves in a way.

So as I would stand on the sides and watch them, I was tempted to just go and hang out with the girls, it is so much easier to hang out with girls, you do not have to pretend that much and you do not have to have this male ego the whole time of I am tough and I am cool by being stupid.

But I did not, I had to hang out there, I did not want to be seen as a girly man, I did not want to be seen as weak and a wussy, because that is what I saw happened to other kids my age and younger, and they did not have the physical potential to present themselves differently and thus was immediately forced into a certain category because of that, I was like them but I had a more stable equal physical design at that age to the other guys, so I could still pretend and put masks on to be ‘like” them to not get teased and shunned out and be abused. 

I remember that I was stuck between worlds, I fitted in perfectly with the girls and with the so called losers, I did not fit in with the cool kids – (aged between 7-9) but yet I saw that if I do not fit in with the cool kids now I will suffer like the so called “losers”. This was my fear, not to be the loser, but to be abused emotionally/physically/mentally as I saw it happen. 

I walked in the school ground for years between groups, between the girls the losers and the cool guys and the nerds, I started creating so many characters because I could not make up my mind on which main character I was going to play (choosing a group – the loser one or the cool one because I kew one thing, as soon as I choose only one, the other one that I did not choose will hate me, be against me and I did not want that, so many time I just wished everyone got along with each other because it is/was SOO fucking possible and nothing really stopped it but Mind ideas/beliefs/opinions/judgments which is never real.

Evereytime I was seen with a “loser” I was called names and the kids that was with me was teased and called names and they were broken down, I remember I had a kind of a safety card of not being called that many names or being abuse physical because I also hanged out with the cool kids.

My personality was that of a poor person, of a loser of someone that does not fit in, but my “looks” physically and my hair and eyes etc was that of a cool kid, so I could easily blend and mix and use both. Girls like me because I was already easy around them – because I mostly grew up with my mother being around.

SO I continued to have this secret life in school, for half the day I hang out secretly with the cool kids, with a whole character that I designed with them to be accepted by them and to be awesome and so forth, and then the other half of the day I was hanging out with the losers – also the poorer kids with shitty cloths and smells a bit bad and that just physically also looked different with a character that would fit in completely with them. 

 

There was also the in-between groups that I hanged out with, the nerds, the silent kids, the other cool group just different interest, and then there was all the different girl groups, and I had to make up so many characters for all of them and in the end I created the Gian personality that I became known for in my school(s) and how I got known by everyone. 

Why did I do this is the other question – I had one fear, fear of not being accepted, this led to all groups and all the people, I seeked to be accepted and approved by all groups and types of people.

A major fear of rejection and what it implied – the system rejecting you, as if life was rejecting me.

The social survivor to be continued...

105 – I can Survive anywhere/anything Character.

This character basically leads my life, it always has, the I “can” survive anywhere in any situation with any or all people and types of things. 

Even if I have to Sell my soul I would do so just to survive. I would do what ever it takes, even if it means changing everything about me, changing my mind set, changing my characters, changing my personalities, changing how I look act behave and even speak. Just to survive anywhere and anything.

This came as far back as I can remember from school days and when I had to switch schools and friends and situations and where I had to fit in with the environment and the people to not be abused and kicked out and to be seen as an outcast. 

Within this I literally did anything I had to to survive, to fit in and to show that I can survive, I am a survivor.

So obviously looking at this point I can see that it isnt a natural way of Human nature, because I had to deliberately teach myself and transform myself and deceive myself and mold myself to become a survival machine, if it was Human nature to be like that from birth then I would have not had to do all that and simply fit in naturally. 

So this also shows me that school only teaches how to survive in a system that everyone knows is unfair and that everyone knows only a few will be able to get the good jobs as there is only so many good jobs and that the rest will have to be the people that suffer and work the hardest and do all the shitty jobs, this is actually made clear as school clearly consist out of winners and losers and that the winners and losers are actually promoted in front of the school through events that take place such as competitions on all levels, from friend groups and everything happening in the friend groups to sports and academical achievements. Showing kids that only some can make it as there can only be one winner and the rest is actually losers then and that is how the system works, a few thousands in the world have EVERYTHING and the rest have the shit and this also makes kids give up on themselves as being the losers and thus accepts and allows life to be so because there is no other way, and those that already have the advantages in school as the parents had more money already or so forth, they will always compete the most or not much at all and always seem to be the winners already and always get the prizes. So mysterious I always thought. 

So Here I am facing the character that I have created, actually this is many characters in one of the same – The survival character.

I will be going into this character into deep details and how and why I play this character out.

What is the fears, the insecurities, the ideas, beliefs, judgments and the opinions that formed and created this character and to then de-construct the character so that I can see how I have fucked myself, basically LOST myself within this character, I have manifested and created myself as this survival character to such and extend that I create and manifest all and everything about me just to survive, all the time. 

My every word, my every action, my every expression is moved and directed and comes from this character that must/want to survive any and all things at all times, its a vicious cycle.

So stay tuned as I go into the survival character.

Day 104 – Parents Held Accountable Part 3.

I commit myself to rebirth myself through writing/self forgiveness and to live the correction and as the physical and to become the living expression of/as life one and equal in all ways, so that when and as I bring a child into this world the child will not be nothing less than life as the physical as all that is here one and equal within full understanding of how everything here functions.

I commit myself to purify myself and to stop the mind as enslavement/limitation/mind control and to rebirth myself through writing/self-forgiveness and applying myself in and as the physical as that which is best for all life in all ways before I bring a child into this world.

I commit myself to educate myself effectively on what it actually in fact means to raise a child and what it actual implies in and as the physical and how raising a child is in fact, how the world will be as the result of the parent as the child.

I commit myself to show to parents that their children is but only products of who they are and that the world is an end result as the consequences of how the children was raised and that all parents is accountable for the way the world is.

I commit myself to investigate and to research how effective parenting must be applied to bring about a world that is best for all life and where each and every child is brought up/raised to be at their fullest potential as LIFE.

I commit myself to educate and inform all parents and soon to be parent that having a child isnt a right they have it is a responsibility they must prepare to take on as they must be prepared in all ways and only then through in fact being ready to have children that will be raised effectively and to their fullest potential and that will create and manifest a world that is best for all life in all ways and to show that any other way is abuse to the child and LIFE.

I commit myself to to show to all parents that children is a copy of who they are and that is the copy isnt what is best for all life then the world will only remain as hell and life as we know it will end.

I commit myself to show that all parents is accountable and that they are aware of what they are doing in their words and deeds.

I commit myself to show that parents that did not prepare for years on how to raise a child should never have a child unless they have gone through training and actually made a directive decision to have children within the starting point of what is best for all life as their self honesty.

I commit myself to educate myself on/in being an effective parent for when and as I have children within and as the principal of what is best for all life to create a child/adult that is a living custodian of earth and that is developed to his/her full potential in and as the physical.

Day 103 – Parents held Accountable Part 2.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when a child is born into this world that the child is an empty Vessel and that who/what the child becomes is determined on what is put into the child and that this is the responsibility of the parents and how they teach their children, and so I see and realize that all parents must be held accountable for what is here on earth as the end result of how they raised their children as children of the future.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the blatant truth in and as the physical as what is here as the parents being the ones that brings the future as the children into this world that as how they are taught and raised by the parents and their acceptances and allowances that the children will accordingly create the world, and that the evidence that is here in and as the physical shows clearly that what parents are teaching and how they are bringing up their children and what they accept and allow within the children as themselves is not what is best for all life and that it is in fact destroying life as we know it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I as the parents are equally responsible for what is here, as I am a copy of parents and thus I am the end result as the parents and thus I can see as who I am as the parents is not what is best for all life in all ways and thus I must change me, as I am the change and in so take responsibility to show the parents that the way of parenting was and is not best for the child and the world at all through my change and what is possible and how, and to in this hold the parents accountable as I hold myself accountable for what is here and to stand together and walk till a new way of parenting is here that is best for all life in and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold parents high and as if they are special and know what they do, not realizing that the world is created though parenting, and if all parents as they give themselves to be, were the good parents knowing what to do with their children that the world would have been heaven on earth and as the actual physical evidence is showing it is not heaven on earth and actually hell, thus confirming that parenting is currently only an idea people have in their minds that they try and force onto reality and not an actual consideration of the physical and the new born baby.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that there is no such thing as good parents or bad parents, but that all parents are ignorant and not informed on what parenting actually in fact mean, as each parent must be made aware that as they have a child they have the future of the world in their hands and what is here and exist here on earth and thus all parents must be informed that they will be held accountable as the responsibility they have as children determine the course of history for all life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that a child can only be who the parents are, and thus through this understanding I see and realize that who parents are when they have children must be that which is best for all life in all ways, if the parents have children and they are based in fear and self interest they will only create demons to roam earth and continue hell till all is burned down.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that Parenting isn’t a gift that one gets, it is in FACT something that must be taught to the couple that wants children before they have children to give principles and guidelines and thus when and as the child is born the parents will not have the child in fear of “what the fuck now” but they will know that they planned and it and with direction and a set of rules that will create a child that has no mental disorders, no physical disorders and to instead raise a child in full awareness of how the PHYSICAL body and mind function to raise and educate the child one and equal with what is here in understanding and direction so that the child WILL develop to its full potential.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that parenting happening out of emotion and feeling and from the starting point of self interest and love and ideas will not be successful as feelings/emotions and beliefs fade away and so the child will feel and manifest as the consequences of abuse either mentally/physically or emotionally and thus create a broken child that will never meet its full potential as the parents starting point was in fact all about themselves and how they feel and not what is best for all life in all ways as the child’s life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that parenting isn’t a gift but it is a skill that must be taught and given to those who want to have children and that to want to have children with blind faith is in fact abuse as you will create a child that is blind as your faith and that will be a manifestation of hope and feeling lost as there was no physical direction given to the child.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that Parents before they have children must proof that they are worthy of having children and they know and understand how to raise a child in and as the physical one and equal as the physical mind and body to raise a child to its fullest potential and not to create and manifest a child that is less than what they child could have, as this is a in fact a point that all parents must be held accountable for that they did deliberately through not preparing for a child physically and mentally within full understanding of how the physical functions of the mind ad body to only benefit a child and to create and manifest a world as the result of the child that id only at its fullest potential within that which is best for all life as the result of the child’s upbringing.

To be continued.

Day 102 – Parents held Accountable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that parents have ALL the right in the world to raise their children as they want to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Justify that Parents have ALL the right in the world to raise their children as they see fit/want to because it is THEIR child.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that Children does not belong to parents as each and every child is the future of all LIFE including me/animals/plants/earth even if it is someone else s child, if the child isn't raised within what is best for all life than the child will not be a child that considers all life which includes my life even if it isnt even my child, thus I am as everyone else equally responsible for the up bringing of all children and thus Parents can not have the right to raise their children as they see fit, as the child belongs to no one, as the child is everyone's future and not just the parents future, thus the child is of LIFE and the parents have the responsibility to teach this to their kids as what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief/see it as wrong when someone else tells parents how to raise their children, realizing that Parents have no fucking Idea how to raise children and yet they have children in the hope of knowing, thus teaching thechild everything they know in who knows what manners that is abusive, and obviously not creating a better world for all as the evidence is seen in how the world is currently now due to parents raising children, as the parents are the results of their parents (sins of the fathers)

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that Parents decide the future of the world in how they teach and bring up their kids, showing in clear evidence as the world exist currently that what children is/are being taught is pure evil and not what is best for all life and thus all Parents MUST/will be held accountable.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that Children that becomes adults is the product of the parents and thus the world is a end result of the children that the parents brought up and thus it is in clear evidence showing that how parents are teaching and bringing up children isn't effective at all or changing the world or in the best interest of all life, but in self interest that is evil and bringing the destruction of life as we know it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that Parents are responsible in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to question parents and how they raise children within the belief that how they bring up their child is holy and sacred and their right as GOD to create their child in their image and likeness as they please even if it brings a world of evil for all as the world currently is the evidence of how parents raise children.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that a child can only be that which the parents teach the child and how they raise the child in the physical.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that children can not be anything else than what parents are teaching and showing and thus the world can not be anything else than what parents are teaching the children that grow up and run the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear parents and questioning their parenting, realizing that as long as I do not stand up and question and say look at what you are doing look at the world it is the result of what you are doing that I am accepting and allowing the abuse equally and not allowing change to come to earth before it is to late. thus equally my self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to TRUST parents instead of trusting myself, and how they teach children and bring them up, realizing that the parents does not have a fucking clue what they are doing and thus can only teach the child what they have been taught and how they were taught and thus only creating copies, and so I see and realize that the parents that was and is part of the world and how it exist now and they they are the once that created it and kept it they way it is and did not being forth a better world for all life, that they will in their teaching only great children that turns into adults that will only continue the evil cycle that is destroying life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to respect parents and how they bring up children while the children they bring up does not even respect LIFE as a indication to who the parent is, realizing that Parents MUST be held accountable and they WILL be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Standing up to the parenting within this world in the fear of that all parents will take it personally and not be able to recognize the simple truth of that how they raise children is how the world is/will be and that the evidence is here that it is not effective at all and that parenting as we know it is evil, there is no other way of saying it. 

To be continued.

Day 101 – Fear of being Tired – its late I must sleep now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see myself looking at the time to go into the thought of seeing myself as “tomorrow I will be tired and not physically capable of doing work” this I can see comes from past experiences as memory/past where I have before went to bed late and thus woke up and feeling all tired and not “ready” for the day. And to then go into the back chat of “ If I do not go to bed in 10min when it is eleven o’clock I will only get 7 hours of sleep which is already less than 8 hours, as I was taught in school and by my parents that a person needs at least 8 hours of sleep to have a healthy body and mind to function” “ I have to go to sleep before 12 otherwise I will be a walking zombie tomorrow” – and thus I see and realize the brainwashing as knowledge and information taught to me by those that went before me, as thsi is a point of fear, where the parents and teachers taught me that I must get at least 8 hours of sleep a night or I will not have a healthy body and mind, as the parents and teachers have the fear of me not being healthy in my mind and body to function well enough to take in the information needed to be programmed me into an effective making for the system to make money and survive, thus I see and realize that as I have accepted and allowed this fear within me of not getting enough sleep I have within myself manifested the physical consequences within my daily living when I have not had enough sleep according to the knowledge and information given to me that I will actually use this knowledge and information to tell my body when it has not had 8 hours of sleep that I MUST be tired and that I can not function to my full potential, realizing that this is brainwashing and mind control, instead of breathing and being here in and as the physical where I walk as the actuality of the physical and not within thoughts/feelings/emotions/back chat based on knowledge and information of how I must apparently feel because I did not get 8 hours of sleep. 

I forgive myself that  have accepted and allowed myself to go to sleep in the fear of not getting enough sleep when and as I see the clock/time is already past 11 or 12 and that I have to wake up in 6 or 7 hours which is not 8 hours and to then already through going to sleep within and as this fear of tomorrow I will not be effective and my body and brain will not function correctly as I was told of How I should experience myself when the situation occurs and to the already determine how I will experience myself when I wake up, instead of realizing that it is only me that is keeping the knowledge and information within me of what should and should not happen that is giving actual signals to my body of how it should now be or not and thus I am within the back chat/thoughts/feelings/emotions creating my experience as such instead of breathing and being here where I give not signals to my body based on the knowledge and information taught to me and thus the physical will show me what is real and what is not as that which is here.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that if I was never taught about the “need” for 8 hours sleep and how I will or will not experience myself that It simply would have never existed for me and never effected me and that I would then only have learned the truth of what is here and not what is based on knowledge and information but as the physical and what the physical is showing me what is already here and is always here and does not require knowledge and information to tell me how I should or should not experience myself. 

I commit myself to when and as I see myself looking at the clock/time to breathe and to not connect any mind ideas/beliefs/opinions about what the time means in relation to how I should/should not experience myself and to instead breathe and see what is here one and equal as the physical and to move and direct myself according to breathe and not time, yet to use time to give me direction and indication of functioning within the current system to remain practical yet not to connect any thoughts/emotion/feeling/back chat to the time.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself connecting any thoughts/feelings/emotions/ideas/beliefs/opinions/memories/back-chat to the time to stop and to breathe and to remain here as breathe and to use and see as the physical what is here as me as breathe in fact and to move and direct myself as such and to not be limited or enslaved as time yet to move time as me one and equal as the breath.