Day 396 – Male Ego and the Fear Relationship Part 3.1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Make/create monuments out of moments within my head and to prey off the energetic experience of that to feel good about myself as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Define myself as who I am as the energetic experiences that make me feel good only, and to within this ignore and hide the bad experiences which is the originating place/source for wanting the good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Create a belief about myself that I must be a bad person and not good enough a person, and thus I must prove myself to others within doing things that are impressive or seemingly big, so that I can feel big and impressive about myself, seeing and realizing that if I am looking for a feeling of being big and impressive then it will only last a while as it isn’t real and based on actual self-definitions of who I decide I am in each and every breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as small and weak within my head and thus seek to be the opposite without through my actions and what I am doing, so that I may change how I am experiencing myself inside to feel big and impressive, seeing and realizing that within such a mental relationship with myself I will always go in circles as I have to decide who I am within words and to then live those words as me, as living words one and equal as that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my life about proving myself to others, yet through all the attempts of proving myself to others I have never been satisfied or passed the test within my head, as I see and realize that the test in my head simply changes all the time to make it more and more, the proof must be more next time because this time, this proof wasn’t good enough for them, to changestheir minds, yet seeing and realizing that I am never changing my mind, or stopping my mind, stopping the gossip and the back chat within my mind about me and about life, and to actually live something real for once that I need to prove only to myself within the principle of what is best for all life in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see or even admit to myself that I feel shit and useless about myself and instead I attempt to always hide it within impressing an Image of who I want to be onto others through seeking out opportunities/moments to do something out of the ordinary and to then creating monuments for myself in my head that I have to always check up on and keep in good shape and good condition through doing the same thing over and over or else it will fall and break and then the Image will be lost and I fear that if the image is lost I will be seen as nothing and thus be useless and have no purpose. – which is really just me fearing that my own belief/definition of myself will be validated/confirmed and has actually nothing to do with other people (interesting, it’s like we fear being right about ourselves hahahaha)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being right about myself, meaning fear of being right about that which I fear about myself or that I am perceiving others are thinking about me, which is just me thinking it about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that what I think about myself and who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and to define myself can/will be proven right and that it is so simply by getting feedback from someone else in a moment of ‘no notice’, and thus I will always try and change the Minds of others to change any given feedback to be that which I desire through making monuments out of moments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on the positive/negative energy feedback of what others have to say about me to determine if I will be positive or negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move and direct myself according to the feedback others give to me about me or on me or towards me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to decide anything and everything I do based on the feedback I get from others as feelings/emotions/experience within me about myself that is not related to actual facts but instead fiction as the imagination as the mind, seeing and realizing that when I rely on this that I will always only change the mind and never in fact change who I am, as who I am relies on physical feedback that is real and measurable in the physical which I can use to correct myself in fact and not to simply change my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not getting feedback from others to determine who I must be as a personality to feel “alive” and like I have purpose and to within that only move myself/direct myself when someone else is offering me positive feedback and to crawl away when it is a negative feedback.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear real physical feedback from others as I fear having to face me as who I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as within the mind as fear as a polarity construct that has two simple buttons to push and to give commands with, where I am subject to reactions as fear and reward to move


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having any purpose, and within this seek out purpose in doing meaningless things in moments that seem big and impressive just to be noticed and to be “kept in mind” by others to feel like I have purpose, seeing and realizing that within this I am accepting and allowing myself to be subject to others and in fear of what others are thinking and wanting/expecting the entire time, and to somehow connect that directly to myself personally and what I do and how I act and so forth, seeing and realizing that this is Not how I want to live my life and to be a puppet of my own fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subject to others and to be influenced by what others have to say or may think about me, and to within this create a fear within myself because I know I am accepting and allowing myself to subject to what others are thinking about me or have influence over me, seeing and realizing that when and as I walk as Principle and not as personal, this fear cannot exist as the principles that are what is best for all life in all ways and living this principle as me in fact (does not require personal concerns or issues or all the bullshit that comes with the fucking ego) as Life as the principle’s life is a living of breathe by breath within physical reality and not the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear PERSONAL.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the word personal and that it is BAD.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear that someone else will see me take something personal and thus it means I still exist as the mind and not as Life. Seeing and realizing that this is a fucking process and I will face the revenge of the ego as what I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as,. YET the point is to always make it a Point to walk as principle as that which is best for all life and when and as a personal point comes up to breathe and to self-forgive as that is what is best for all life as the walking breathing principle

Day 395 - Male Ego and the fear relationship Part 3

What is a Monument – a monument is something you built in honour/respect/glory for someone else for what they have achieved.

Dictionary definition: “A statue, building, or other structure erected to commemorate a famous or notable person or event.

What does “commemorate mean, Dictionary Definition: Recall and show respect for (someone or something) in a ceremony.

So how do I then Create Monuments out of Moments?

Let’s use a moment for instance - I am at the river, we need to get to the other side, everyone takes the bridge, I decide to jump over – so I run and I jump and I make it over, it was done form the starting point of EGO – I did it within disbelief of myself, I did it within fear of not making it, yet doing it, I did it just not to be “regular” – I did it to attempt to show and proof that I am better, I can achieve something everyone else that is there with me can’t do it, and the ego/mind gets such a nice kick out of it that the entire time that event will be what sticks with me, I feel good about myself, I feel like I have achieved glory, I deserve respect, I must be honored, and in that moment I would even not mind to have an actual monument made for me to show it off to everyone else that comes there (the river place)

for instance in history we will only recall the ‘great moments’ and the ‘heroes’ and we forget all about the hardship and sickness people went through. So here it is the same with you and the river, after the event takes place – all you remember is the positive side of the story as you being great, you don’t even remember the fear/negativity that was behind it, and so you change history/how things happened to just ‘you being great’ and forget about the part where you feel less than everyone else as the reason/motivation why you jumped in the first place)

This type of moments happens a lot, on a regular basis with small things that seems like it does not matter even, it even goes as far where I would do it just for myself and I would become my own crowd, cheering me on and so forth. By small I mean, I would play with a bottle and then flip it in the air and catch it perfectly again, then I would glorify myself just for that, but while doing it, the physical action, there is anxiety that it might go wrong any time, and then before I even did it I had fear that I am incapable of doing something such as that, even so small.

Ok so there is a few examples giving perspective – so now down to what are the initial points to look at within this, first of all, taking the point back to self, where I believe it is to prove something to someone else, it is actually to proof to myself. Because I have created a disbelief within myself. And through all those moments that I create monuments out of, I am enforcing the disbelief within myself no matter how much I do it and perfect it; it is the starting point of why I do it that is what matters.

The starting point as the ego/Mind is fearhere the fear is ‘fear not being able to’ and thus disbelief within myself. Which comes from ANYTHING within this world such as school/education/parents/friends/TV/Media MOVIES and so many other things that we accept and allow to influence us, we are always under an influence, that’s why flu exist, to get some of that (In Flu wins) Out – because we let the influence WIN, No integrity to stand within and as breath and decide for ourselves who we are, because we were never taught that we can make those decisions and that they must be what is best for all life – if who we are isn’t what is best for all life, which is also standing one and equal as life, then then we can only exist as a ego, because its self interest, not best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Make/create monuments out of moments within my head and to prey off the energetic experience of that to feel good about myself as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Create a belief about myself that I must be a bad person and not good enough a person, and thus I must prove myself to others within doing things that are impressive or seemingly big, so that I can feel big and impressive about myself, seeing and realizing that if I am looking for a feeling of being big and impressive then it will only last a while as it isn’t real and based on actual self-definitions of who I decide I am in each and every breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see or even admit to myself that I feel shit and useless about myself and instead I attempt to always hide it within impressing an Image of who I want to be onto others through seeking out opportunities/moments to do something out of the ordinary and to then creating monuments for myself in my head that I have to always check up on and keep in good shape and good condition through doing the same thing over and over or else it will fall and break and then the Image will be lost and I fear that if the image is lost I will be seen as nothing and thus be useless and have no purpose. – which is really just me fearing that my own belief/definition of myself will be validated/confirmed and has actually nothing to do with other people (interesting, it’s like we fear being right about ourselves hahahaha)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having any purpose, and within this seek out purpose in doing meaningless things in moments that seem big and impressive just to be noticed and to be “kept in mind” by others to feel like I have purpose, seeing and realizing that within this I am accepting and allowing myself to be subject to others and in fear of what others are thinking and wanting/expecting the entire time, and to somehow connect that directly to myself personally and what I do and how I act and so forth, seeing and realizing that this is Not how I want to live my life and to be a puppet of my own fears.


To be Continued.

Male Ego and the fear relationship SF - Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself only when there is energy moving me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that energy as the Ego which is from the mind as thought/feeling/emotion is required for me to move myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only move once I experience some form of energy as the ego which is at its foundation a fear energy/negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move as the ego as fear where fear is being the motivator for me moving.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I require fear to move, and that I must first experience this fear to be motivated to move, and then out of fear create an Ego which is a cycle of patterns that will always ensure fear to exist within my life so that I can always be motivated to move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as and participate within a polarity construct where I create the negative to achieve the positive and to always go back to the negative to motivate myself again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make this polarity construct a “norm” within my life, where I believe it is the only way I can move myself, and to within this always experience myself as fear as negativity, to then as the ego create positivity from using the negativity as a motivator to move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create fear within me as a constant experience as myself as a way to keep myself fueled and ready to act/move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build trust within fear as my motivator because of the perception that I have that it has always worked, because I am still here and breathing so fear must have helped me, seeing and realizing that when I look back, all that has ever happened was is that I kept myself in one place, I built a prison for myself to never truly live and to be life and to grow and move forwards, as the fear functions in a way where I have to fall back all the time to be able to re-create the fear to use it again as a motivator, no matter how many times I overcome it or walk through it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that Fear within itself is Nothing, it is a energy/experience and not an actal movement, and that the movement comes from me only, seeing and realizing that if I experience Fear and then move myself or don’t move myself, that it isnt the fear doing it, it is in fact the physical movements/actions, and that when fear is removed, then the actions can still remain, and then the actions isnt reactions which is a compromise, I can actually consider the next move or be clear within my movements.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see that fear is passive energy, and that it requires the physical to move, which means fear is really useless and only makes me feel shit the whole time, experience myself shit the whole time, which then leads to me physically moving myself either way into positive or negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make fear this big power within me and giving it this extraordinary power within my imagination, seeing and realizing that in reality fear has and is nothing unless the physical moves and follow on the fear, and even if the fear isn’t there, the physical can still move the same, and thus fear is only a Prison of self within the mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that when I use fear as the ego to move me to be my motivator, that I am conditioning myself within a vicious cycle of self-abuse, where I beat myself up within always scaring myself and literally bringing myself down within myself just so that I can get to a point of being motivated again and do it all over again and so the cycle continues.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to the experience of fear and how I use that fear to motivate me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and have defined myself as being “unable” to move myself without fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot exist without the ego, as I have defined everything about me as the ego as fear in every way of my being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear living without the ego/fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deem myself as unable to live without fear/ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I have no fear that I will not know how or when to move myself – seeing and realizing that I have always only moved myself within self-interest as the fear only existed for and as my self-interest and thus once I stop the fear, I will lose self-interest within fear and thus I can start moving myself within what is best for all life as myself and that requires common sense and not fear to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fear not being able to move myself from a starting point of self-direction in alignment to what is Best for All and within that fear of ‘not being able to’, allow myself to only move myself within and from fear – not seeing and realizing that within doing so I am already failing myself and thus really have nothing to lose and should just go ahead and take that step of letting go of the fear and unconditionally walk the process of aligning my self-movement and self-direction to that which is Best for All as I see, realize and understand that I have nothing to lose but only to gain

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that If I do not fear everything in my life that I will not be able to control my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I ever had any control of my life when fear – the ego - has always been in control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have been controlling my life with fear, not seeing and realizing that fear has been controlling EVERYTHING within my life and that I have always only been the puppet doing what the fears tell me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to do what my fear/ego tells me to do or I will face my fears coming true, not seeing and realizing that when I follow what my fear shows me or tells me that I am actually slowly creating and making my fears real, when all they ever did was exist within my mind and now I am actually playing out scenarios following the fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot exist without fear and that I will always have an energy experience within me, not seeing it possible to end EGO/fear and to live as the physical breathing one and equal moving self within self-honesty and common sense – seeing and realizing that this is yet again the ego creating a fearful cycle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not se that in the past there was moments/times that I did not have any fear and that this is proof to me that I can axist without fear and that fear isn’t necessary, seeing and realizing that fear is something that was taught to me and shown to me within how the world as a whole exists and within how I was raised and taight by those that has gone before me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition myself to fear, and to ignore the proof of the past that I do not need to be conditioned within fear as I have as a child lived without fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I am Fueling myself up with fear/ego as energy, that that fuel must come from somewhere – and just like how we are fucking up the earth body we live on through seeking out oil and all energy sources, so am I doing the same with my body, using real natural resources to create temporary fuel just to survive – live as fear.

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