Day 499 - My the force of resistance be with you

the force of resistance is always against oneself, it is always as if the wind is blowing exactly in the opposite way of where you are walking, no matter which direction you turn too to avoid the force of the wind. 

walking with resistance is like climbing a mountain barefoot, placing your feet on the sharp stone corners, as it cut your feet little by little, till eventually you just stop climbing and decide to not continue anymore.

But, if you had shoes on, if you prepared for the trip, if you took into consideration the practicality of what is required to climb the mountain, then climbing the mountain would still have been hard, it would still have made you tired, but those are the things you can handle, it actually makes it more fun, feeling your body and your breathing, pushing through your limitations and boundaries and reaching for the top, instead of recklessly stumbling into a journey.

The problem is, one do not always know what the journey might require, one can thus not possibly prepare for the journey in any aspect, more specifically an internal journey, a point you are facing, yet there is always another way, instead of continuing climbing the mountain barefoot, one can develop a new skill, the skill of being patient, to not rush, to first climb down the mountain from the first cut on your feet, and to go find your shoes, and then continue the journey, and if one finds again that shoes wasn't the only thing required to climb the mountain, but something else, such as water, one do not continue climbing in the hope that you will reach the top fast enough to not need water, you again breathe and climb down, go fetch water and then continue climbing again, otherwise the resistance is always a choice within a point of ego, wanting to be more than reality, not actually having to change but to only reach the image, idea of change, standing on the top, but no one ever reached the top this way, as the ego always goes when reality gets though.

in this case - comparing the climbing of a mountain journey to the journey of a person walking their own personal process of change, of changing self into the living expression of LIFE, as that what is best for all life, with all the tools provided, such as Breathing, self forgiveness, developing self honesty and common sense. a person will climb many mountains within themselves, and climbing the mountain will be seen as "strong" and "good" but is it done with resistance continuously, instead of each point of resistance being investigated and taken on to a point of self support, this will mean climbing down, but most judge climbing back down as falling, most will deem it "bad, and thus rather keep on walking with the resistance, till their feet are sore and they are drained from water, the substance of LIFE and actually fail, quit, stop their process, instead of climbing the mountain till there is clarity and everything is seen and thus lived of/as each and every part of how the top was reached and understanding the journey.

see this is what the person that stops at the first point of resistance do, he climbs down to prepare to fetch the shoes, to then again go up again,  and then down again and fetch the water once he sees water is needed, and the go back up, every-time a little bit higher, and this person comes to the top stronger, he comes to the top understanding every dimension of the bottom, every level of the mountain and what is required to climb it, he/she has truly learned, he/she has truly developed self trust, confidence, he has truly built humility with himself, patience, he has developed so much of himself, that he can help the next person climbing the mountain either preparing for it or even prevent each level/each point within climbing the mountain, and thus bring forth change to himself and others much quicker, even though his process took much much longer, he can not climb the mountain for anyone, as everyone must still climb the mountain themselves to reach the top the same, but the journeys will be walked slightly different.

I myself have found through my journey, than when there is a point of resistance within me, that is it something from the past, a point I did not consider even though it bothered me, like a cut in my foot from climbing the mountain, but ignored it - and that it is accumulating more and more, I can handle the pain/resistance on a daily point, but the outcome of doing it this way will and can only lead to one thing, stopping, and thus every time I have a point of resistance within me, even if there are hundreds a day, I take on point of resistance and I climb back within myself, I check what it is that I have ignored, or not taken into consideration, what is it that is causing the resistance and to correct the point, because like walking against a strong wind, you can not see in-front of you, you have to consistently block and shad your eyes from the strong wind, the resistance, and you get irritated and feel like just sitting down somewhere, hoping the wind will calm down to make your journey calmed, but the wind, the force is this time within you.

Day 498 – slowing down – the way of the turtle

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider slowing down during my day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up in the morning with a rush inside of me, a rush in the fear of not getting to everything that I need to do, or believe I need to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use energy to manipulate myself into movement to get to everything that I need to do, or believe that I need to do.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I use energy to create a rush within me to manipulate me to move myself to get things done, seeing and realizing that this manipulation that is driven by fear is a form of resistance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that when I am within energy that is of fear/anxiety/stress that I am using these energies to manipulate me into moving and doing what I need to do.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the reason for this energy manipulation is because I have a resistance to what I need to do, and thus I use force such as fear to rush me to do it, NOT seeing and realizing that the rush within me to move me is showing me a point where I haven’t corrected my relationship towards something within my reality within me, the nature of the relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush myself within all the points in my reality where I have established a relationship within me of a “need to do it” – and thus the relationship is against me and what I want to do, and so create friction, where I have made it about what I do instead of who I am within what I do, thus using energy as a force to force me to do it, creating a rush, so that I can rush through it and just get it over with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Keep myself within this rush mode, never slowing down to actually have time, or a moment to check myself, who I am within the moment and why I am experiencing myself the way I am in each breath and to re align it, to change my relationships in my reality within me.

I thus forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that within slowing down I am able to actually see what is here within using breathing as a grounding tool/earthing myself, where I can slow everything down and catch the thoughts and energies that is directing me, and to take direction/authority of me and change my relationship within myself within/towards what I am doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear slowing down will make me lose time and not get to everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect slowing down within and without in my reality that I will not be productive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect negative opinions/believes/ideas to slowing down and being slow within my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I slow down I will be late for something,, seeing and realizing that this is an irrational fear as all fear is irrational, as slowing down within me can be present at all times, even if I am running, and that is the point of slowing down I need to focus on, and to not miss inform myself based on ideas/opinions/believes but to remain practical in a living manner, but to always check that I am quit within me and still like water.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear facing myself when moving slow as who I am within all relationships within me and thus my reality, as I know moving slow will give me time to see and to get real and make real changes that are being avoided within myself and outside of myself by moving fast within me and thus outside of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to run away from myself and my reality by living fast, I commit myself to always check myself and to slow down and take a breath and keep breathing, to take a slow phase within me and to stop the abusive patterns that isn’t best for me or for all, and to change these patterns by bringing my awareness to them and to be direct with myself.

Day 497 – be visible - no more fear

I have recently realized that fEAR is what keeps me invisible, fear of living and expressing myself in the small moments that present themselves with opportunity, but instead I will fEAR – Fuck HERE, I am in my mind, I want to remain save, I do not want to do something that can expose me and make my fear invalid. I want to rather remain within the Fear of what is here, and what is here is POTENTIAL, and I fear potential, I do not fear the actual change, I fear admitting to myself that I haven’t been living my utmost potential deliberalty, I fear that I will have to face myself in shame and humility.

Have you ever noticed, when the moment is here, that slight “feeling” inside of you that is ready to just come out and live what is best for all , to go beyond the annoying frustrating you that you have been accepting and allowing to control you every moment, to spoil your every moment, and then the moment passes, and you know that this moment will present itself again in the future, you motivate yourself, you say NEXT time I wILL do it, but next time comes and FEAR stands in your way – the fear that is you do this now, then you are proving to yourself that you could have done it last time, then you prove to the world that you could have done this a long time ago, but never didn’t, fear of exposing yourself, fear of actually taking your potential that is always here and living it.

But I have realized that this only happens, this fear of that change in the moment, as long as the starting point of change is coming from outside, it is really simple, just move that starting point to self, doing it for self, and do it, self as LIFE, self as the utmost potential, Not because of others or someone else that will see it, if you do it for you, it is amazing, it is real, it is something that does not hold guilt or regret, it does not come with external expectations, just self-living the potential that is here, and this potential is still the learning phase, as you have never really lived it, so it takes time to perfect it, but as long as self’s starting point is doing it for self as LIFE as what is best for all life, then the practice will be here, it isn’t coming, it is HERE, it is the moment, take it, do the little bit of extra effort that is required and push the point that s here for YOU, because in the end we will all face LIFE and we all have to stand, if the world makes it or not, each person living and standing up for LIFE in oneness and equality as what is best for all life, is doing so FOR LIFE as self. In death or in life we must remain the same, to change this world and to change this existence we need to stand, no matter what.

So the point is to become visible for self as self and those with ears will hear, those with eyes will see, those who are ready will not follow but stand with – Being visible within standing for what is best for all life isn’t something that is forced, it isn’t stuffed down other peoples thoughts, it is YOU living the example in moment, small moments, who you are, the defining moments, the moments we take for granted, it isn’t standing in front of masses and preaching, it isn’t screaming out something and hoping people will follow, it is for self to first become visible to self, be self-honest, make that visibility you and for you first to live what is best for all life, and this visibility will make self-visible for all to see.

Be like water, purified water, it is visible and transparent, it flows where ever it can go, it does not stop for anything in its path, it finds a way around, it keeps moving to find the end result that is best for all.
Remember to relax and breathe, write and forgive yourself, embrace best for all in each and every moment and let that be your starting point, live without fear, when you embrace living what’s best for all in common sense and practicality and self-honesty – suddenly fear becomes so small and even disappear, and embracing self becomes the new experience, as self then decide, have you ever imagined how you will live if fear dint exist within you, in no corner of your beingness.

Join the Detseni Forums and stand.

Listen to Eqafe and learn and gain understanding and much more.

Day 495 – Bare Foot - Earthing

This seems like a simple topic to write about and to apply self-forgiveness on, yet when I embrace the point within me, I find that there are a lot of points connected in relation to this bare foot point. I am deliberately embracing a point that I have been taking for granted, blindly living a certain pattern within the believe that it means nothing, this is exactly why I must question this point, what is the mind hiding behind this seemingly small and insignificant point.

Let me start.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget my feet and the earth that my feet stand on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget my feet and the earth underneath my feet due to the mind that has created ideas/believes/opinions around being barefoot.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subconsciously influenced by society and the general idea society has created around people that are barefoot.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall for the Ideas/believes/opinions society has created around being barefoot.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move my beingness from being earthed and barefoot to the mind up high where I am concerned about thoughts of judgment and fitting in into society, where the image and likeness is that of ideas/believes/opinions – which keeps me enslaved to the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on the Idea from the general society that being barefoot isn’t decent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on the believe from the general society as my own that if one exposes their feet for everyone to see that it must be an association of to being poor.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as poor within society.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the judgment from society that I might be poor if I had to show my feet.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to apply self-honesty and common sense in regards to the point of walking barefoot, whereas self-honestly within common sense I see walking barefoot can be done in my own private time and or in public places where everyone is doing it, and that I do not need to compromise myself within going against society.

Thus back to self – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge barefoot as being a poormans way of walking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by opinions from others/media/gossip that barefoot is disgusting and showing your toe nails to everyone is ugly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always hide my feet from the idea that others will compare their feet to mine and judge mine as inferior or not as good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide my feet within shoes that project money and everything that is the opposite of what I think about feet and exposing them, and to within this create/make a complete mind idea out of this that subconsciously influence my everyday life, as my feet are always with me and thus these secret thoughts/beliefs/ideas/opinions to influence my actions and what I do, instead of me being the one making each moment a decision, thus leading to my always just wearing shoes with no real reason – but minor justification that the mind create to wear shoes to hide the real mind pattern.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the justification for irrationally just putting on shoes that my feet are safer, even when at home and I can walk barefoot, to feel the earth and to eart myself and to keep contact and awareness of my feet and the surroundings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the justification for putting shoes on irrationally that my feet will be warm for in case it gets cold.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the irrational justification for putting shoes on even when I can walk barefoot that I might walk into a nail at any time and thus preventing walking into a nail by just wearing shoes all day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the justification of my feet being to soft to walk barefoot and thus I might as well just always wear shoes, seeing and realizing that all of this is from the subconscious point of fearing being judged for being barefoot and being seen as indecent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Forget my earthling, my feet and to instead entertain the mind at all costs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from LIFE as my feet as the earthling of me here with the soil, and to rather give precedence over to the mind and the system and participate within unconscious energy designs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question my every action and who I am within each and every action and re aligning my starting point with LIFE, and to instead remain aligned with and as the mind as the enslavement of myself.

Day 494 - My weirdest love fantasy story Part 3

From PART 2: So now I was letting go of all the girls I liked at school, and now I was starting to look for very very specific girls before I even started liking them or creating a relationship within my mind – they had to at least resemble something from an Anime character from the stories and also have the same kind of personalities/character to them – how they dress, look, speak, act, and their looks obviously – I set up an ultimate love fantasy relationship for myself to find, but what do you know. Something happened that fit exactly that description.

Part 3

Do not worry, there is a point that I am making within all these blogs about my weirdest Love story, but first these few points needs to be explained to understand a bit more.

So while at school now after creating this whole mind relationship with myself and girls and now attaching this to something completely out of reach by connecting it to anime character, to make the search way more difficult just so that I can compromise in my mind why I am not doing anything about liking certain girls/girl in real time/life – to be able to now say “this girl that I like just does not fit the picture in my mind” which again is a anime picture in my mind, where will I find such a girl? It was the perfect excuse and way to hide.

Well surprisingly a girl showed up, she was out of this world so to say, because she wasn’t from my country (South Africa), she was from Holland, and thus she didn’t act or dress like girls in my school at all, she had the physical design, the hair, the eyes, the character – everything was different about her, from the first day I saw her – my eyes locked and was like ‘wow”, my heart started raising and I was excited.

So I started doing the same things I usually did, interacting with this girl, getting to know her a bit, she was shy yet cute and she was willing to talk to me and sit next to me and she had no feeling about her of the girls from my country, I could not place it, but I was really liking her.
But not long after she left, back to her country. And I had no chance at all. But one thing was now confirmed, the type of girls I created in my mind as what I desire now, exists, just not in my country or where I am from.

So years started passing, and I finally got a girlfriend at 16, but not what I desired at heart as the picture that I created in my mind about the perfect girl I wanted I kept going for girls that could, might be the same – but the relationships didn’t last long, I started running after quit a bit of girls and starting relationships. And this fantasy relationship that I have created within my mind as the perfect relationship girl started being suppressed and ignored, even later on forgotten and just went away as Life continued.

But surprise surprise, YEARS later something weird happens, after being in a long lasting relationship, being married with a child and life has moved on for many years, the point visits me in the most unexpected way, I mean, I did create a entity in the past, and all entities at some point needs to reveal themselves.

At present, I was walking around in town getting some things from town for home, and at one of the counters, waiting in line, a women walked pass, she looked at me, and like not just a quick look, but with a smile she made at me, I breathed and stood stable, yes there was this emotional attraction that came up, and a sensation, I didn’t allow it to consume me as I was breathing and simply looking at the points coming up to work with them and not suppress them. And this is where the whole point came from, I found what came up within me at that moment was something familiar from a very long time ago, and it felt like what I was experiencing was only the MIND and nothing real physical, no actual indicators, just a blind emotion that opened up thought patterns, memories, emotions/feelings – which all led to fantasy thinking/longing – and I realized in that moment, I am not aware f what in any given moment might come up due to my past and environment triggering points,

And this is why it is so important to self-investigate and to take self-responsibility for myself completely and not wait for reality to force certain points out of me, as this was a point I could easily work with in the moment, but there are others points that I am not aware of yet.

Writing and walking my DIP, my mind constructs, and really become free within who I am as my own creator, as long as anything in my reality can suddenly direct me and push me a certain direction, I am a slave to the mind and its creations from the past as the past, a slave to the past, and not yet standing as life one and equal.