Day 86 – deliberate self dishonety Part 1.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and hide my inner world from myself to pretend in character that I am fine, I have no problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character a face that hides what is going on inside of me just so that others may not see it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide what I know of myself as my current truth from myself through pretending and playing many characters and roles daily just not to face who I have accepted and allowed myself to be/exist as, as the mind as energy as feelings as emotions as thoughts that are within self interest and not what is best for all life in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge emotions as bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as bad when I have emotions, realizing that it is not to judge but to be self honest within what I am experiencing and to look is what I am experiencing real or not is it what is best for all life or not, and to take self responsibility for what I experience and allow to influence my life and so all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge feelings as bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge having feelings as bad, realizing that it is not to judge but to be self honest within what I am experiencing and to look is what I am experiencing real or not, is it what is vest for all life in all ways or not, and to take self responsibility for what I experience and allow to influence my life and so all life one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am a bad person for what goes on within me, realizing that I am only compromising myself to face the point and letting go and to rebirth myself as life as that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being exposed as bad, realizing that as long as I judge myself as bad in life, in the things I am capable of doing and not that I will always remain within my own judgment and thus live it as that and that I am responsible for myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I can stop what I experience in breathe, as breathe is real as the physical as the flesh.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide all that I experience from myself and also to hope to hide what I experience within me from others to not be questioned what goes on in my inner reality as I know that once I have to admit what I accept and allow to exist within my world is not necessary and that I am dishonest with myself within change and applying myself, and thus I try and hide to not to have to face what I already know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create many/multiple characters that smile and wave and that play a role during the day that pretend everything will just go away just not to face myself, my inner reality that is not equal and one with the real reality as the physical as my body the flesh.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on, to create many characters for myself that I act within and play out in certain roles just to not to have to face the actual reality as the mess that I have created for myself and the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear walking as no character as this will reveal to me what has always been here as the physical as reality and that I must take self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide in self dishonesty within putting on many characters during my days as if I am fine, I am good, I am working on myself face, yet knowing I know what I must work and yet do not do it, creating many excuses to why and how, thus I play the many characters because I know when I am questioned I will only face myself and what I am doing that I know I should not be doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play characters everyday as if I am fine, I am fucking amazing, I am so busy, I can not get to everything, I am doing my best, yet I know when I have the time and the money I do not what I know I must do, and thus I pretend so that I do not have to show my evil actions of being deliberate in what I am not doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be deliberately dishonest with myself and life within my application in doing what is best for all life though making deliberate decisions to not do certain things in my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that what I hide as the fear within me to be exposed, it that created of being deliberately dishonest within my life, where I know I am not applying myself and yet not doing anything, knowing my weaknesses and not strengthening them for what is best for all life, knowing what I must do and how and yet I do not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create deliberate consequences that I know will come and that I can see how I am creating them within my life and all life and yet I deliberately decide to not change and not do it, or do anything about it, knowing it will take time patience and consistency and yet not starting, not applying, and thus sabotaging myself completely.

To be continued.

Day 85 – Personal Army of Characters – Loser

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on a character of being a loser when I have lost/lose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a role of myself in my life where I play out a character that is a loser in everyone else eyes, realizing that it is an illusion and only self abusive to live my life in such a way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful towards others because I have judged myself within my own mind as being a loser according to what they aid or that I have lost and to then live my life as if I am a loser just to try and spite them to show them what they have done to me, realizing that I only did it to myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I feel like a loser and that I have accepted myself as a loser to judge myself and the world in such a way that I always make everything and everyone look dummer than myself just to feel better about myself, realizing that only I am the one constantly telling myself in my head I am a loser. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a loser when I did not win in something/or win something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a loser and thus through this create a character for myself that act as a loser.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I feel and act like a loser that I am simply playing a character as a role that I belief I must play in the event of losing according to what others judge as a loser.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a loser and that I do not have the right to win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear winning as I have already created a character for myself of a loser and thus I feel and belief that I can not break character and thus must remain in character as the loser. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a character that is a loser and that isnt allowed to win as this will be seen as unacceptable in my won eyes and that of others, realizing that I am only limiting myself playing this role in society that isnt necessary and that I can decide to change. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear breaking the loser character and to be a winner within that which is best for all life, and to be certain and to know that I will this time in my life be a winner for life one and equal and stand up and do what is best for all life in all ways as I will prove this to myself in my living application, and to stop the loser character that I have familiarized myself with myself and others. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be a winner for what is best for all life in all ways and to proud of it as a winner should be that is living a life and changing self to that which is best for all life and to birth self as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a loser.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through my past where I have lost or feel like I have lost to identify myself as that and to within that create an actual character for myself as a loser that i will play out as who I am as my personality and accordingly create my life and act in behave and talk in certain ways to keep the loser character as the loser character is designed to keep me save and in place to not to have to face more losing events in life, realizing that win or lose as long as what I do is always within the best interest of life, I am winning for all.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that only I can accept and allow myself to be a loser as I am the one that decides always.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that winners need losers to be winners and losers needs winners to be losers and thus both are equally fucked and thus the only lose and win can be either doing what is best for all life in all ways as winning as all life wins together, and losing as doing what is only within self interest as the characters playing delusional roles in the mind that will consequentially be the lost of all.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that that as long as I accept myself as a loser, as a nobody that can not do anything that I will remain as that, and thus it is me who has to stand up and change as Life though a process of rebirth with Desteni ad the Desteni I process and to support life in all ways as I re create myself as life as the winning solution for all and sp the world as myself, where no losers or winners as characters can exist that only causes harm to life.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself going into thoughts of I am a loser I can not win, I can not do this, I am not good enough, to stop and breathe and realize that I am playing a character that is designed by me through memories and past experiences to keep me limited and to not face the points within my life within me that I know will be tough and that I have to push through and thus.

I commit myself to stop and breathe and walk and to be here in and as the physical as the real character as the flesh body and to walk and live that which is best for all life in all ways as a real winner through writing and self forgiveness and establishing an equal money system and to do what ever is required. 

Day 84 – My Personal Army of Characters – Mean character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be mean towards someone or something just because I feel they are being stupid.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a mean character that blames and gives fault to others when I know I am the broken one. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a mean character that chases other people away or other living beings just so that I do not have to face myself as a broken character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a mean character that will step in and take action when I feel I am being attacked or personally invaded to defend what I a hiding within myself as a broken character.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I have created an army of characters to defend a character that is hiding from facing myself as being broken and not whole.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attack others when they are pushing the right buttons where the weak/broken character is revealed and so the mean character steps in to avoid and defend the weak point. Thus accepting and allowing the weakness to remain and thus the character.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the mean character requires the weak and broken character to exist as it gives the mean character purpose and energy to exist, realizing that as long as I give into the mean character to defend my self interest and weak points I can never grow and strengthen my weaknesses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be mean to other people just to make them seem like the problem, when it is obvious to myself that I am the problem as I reacted and had to use a mean character to handle the situation instead of me self honestly facing the point in breathe as change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as the mean character give power to the mean character to play out in my life where I as the character keep myself enslaved to beliefs of myself as being weak or broken and thus never changing for what is best for all life as myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I am mean I am acting in the moment in character as a response to defend something within me and that it has nothing to do with the other person, and thus I only create more regret and shame for myself as I was playing a role within my mind as a fake character that does not consider LIFE or other beings. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the role of the character of meanness within ignorance to what is behind the role and the character and not considering the physical play-outs of such character that is only defending self interest and not standing as what is best for all life in all ways. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I am the creator of such character that will go to war to protect it’s self interest for no real good reason but a experience of self based on judgments of self and opinions that self has accepted and allowed to influence self, and thus it is to take self responsibility for myself within self honesty as that which is best for all life in all ways. 

I commit myself to when and as I see myself playing a role and not breathing and and as the physical, to stop and breathe and to direct myself as what is best for all life in all ways and let no self interest come out and play as it isn't real.

I commit myself to write and explore this point of playing roles and multiple characters of illusions and to take it apart as the creator of it. 

I commit myself to when and as I see myself playing a character to remind myself it isnt real and I can simply stop and breathe and realize what is real here in and as the physical one and equal as me.

Day 83 – my own personal Army of Character Part 1 - Irritation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get Irritated when someone reminds me of things I have to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character for when I am irritated to defend my self interest as a personal soldier for my army of multiple characters, giving away my power and ability to handle and deal with myself and what I have created within and as me and this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated with myself when someone reminds me of something I have to do or forgot.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when someone is reminding me of something I have to do I am in fact only irritated with myself for not breathing, for not being here and participating within and as the physical/the real reality within the flesh.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I have created a character that acts a certain way when someone reminds me of something I have to do or forgot to do and that this character is only to defend my self interest and limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a character that defend my limitation and self interest  just not to seem/show that I do forget things as If I am incapable of forgetting. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I have created a character of being irritated when someone reminds me of something I have forgotten or forgot to do based on a self judgment of myself as being incapable of remembering to do things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being incapable of being here in the present as breath within and as the flesh where no memory is needed to do things as only characters rely on memory and the past to exist as the personality.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I react to someone reminding me of something I forgot to do or forgot that I activate the character of being irritated within self righteousness to play the role to defend the personality as self interest to not change and take self responsibility in and as the flesh.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I created characters to only defend my own self interest and limitations and to never change, within the belief that I can not change, not realizing that it is the character that keeps me from changing in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to not see and recognize characters when they come into play as I have accepted and allowed myself to see characters as being normal and part of life – realizing that characters are not life but an illusion defending self interest and limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create multiple characters as me as having my own army that will always defend me and my self interest all ways even in the face of world destruction. Realizing the stupidity.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I play the character of being irritated I am accessing memory of the past where the character was created from the experience to defend itself, realizing that when I do this I place the past on the present and thus never really living life but only repeating the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am only existing as multiple characters that exist as memory and that each character has its own memories and thoughts ad that it is all based, created of the past and that each and every time I access a character I am only reliving the past, unable to create a new future that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that my characters are activated with opinions as opinions are that which feeds the character and gives it purpose to exist and that it is acceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to opinionated my own characters within my mind as back chat to keep them alive, realizing that as long as I participate within back chat and thoughts I am only keeping the illusion of myself as characters alive never seeing Who I am as the flesh and only time looping living in the past as opinionated characters.

To be continued. ....

Day 82 – My precious Money Character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto money for the experience of having money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be possessed with the powerful experience of having money that is mine.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the current money that exist all belongs to the banks and as long ass I hold onto my ass as the money experience I have when i have money I am a slave to the banks and will only spend money within self interest where I get the powerful experience of having the right to do things with money, as the banks want to me do to keep the enslavement of mankind in place for their profit gain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and exist within fear of losing the EXPERIENCE of having money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that if I give up my money that I will lose out on life as some magical experience that awaits me as part of the money enslavement system.

I forgive myself that I have  not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I hold onto my money out of fear of losing the experience I have of having money I am making the decision not to change and to remain a fucking slave to money and that I want all the consequences that will follow to come as long as I have my experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide the money I have in secret even if it is just a little bit, just so that I may have the experience as having money/power/control.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that all that money is, is a point of exchange, where I use money to exchange it for basic needs as I require to live within this world, and that when I use money for anything more that I am actually adding the experience and giving money power over my life and my free choice to chose to be at peace with myself without fearing to miss out on any experience that only money can buy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to add value to money over life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make an addiction out of money over the simplistic point of its practicality within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make money a problem within my back chat for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to my ego that is always in fear of the future and to hold onto money in a possessive way that allows no movement within my life but only me possessed by money.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I go out to town to use my money for special experiences that I enjoy instead of what is best for all life, that I am possessed and a money slave as I cannot even choose for myself where I will spend my money for real. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that as long as I hold onto money as the money system is collapsing and not using the money to do something that I will be the end of myself as my money anyway with consequences. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that my money isn’t my money ever, it is only temporarily in my hand so that I may be controlled as the experience I add to it for the system of abuse that exist currently. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be satisfied with myself with being here with myself and all basic needs breathing and rather seeking amazing experiences that cause everything else to look more dull and boring and yet it is not so. 

I commit myself to when and as I see I am hiding/holding onto money that I have no real actual practical purpose for to use the money in a way that can and will support all life in all ways and to not be a slave to the experience of money and having money, as I realize that I have to be able to stand as the point of not needing money and having fear of losing money if I am expecting others to do the same for a world that is best for all life within the equal Money system that will come.