Day 322 – Money is a Dictator.

Here is the dictionary Definition of the word Dictator.

1. A ruler with total power over a country, typically one who has obtained power by force.
2. A person who tells people what to do in an autocratic way or who determines behavior in a particular sphere.

Money dictates everything I do on a daily basis, I am forced every day to work at a job that I have no interest in to make money, and with the Job comes more than just the job, I have to obey the boss, I have to obey the managers, I have to agree with co – workers even when I do not want to, even when I know that what I am doing is purposeless and has nothing to do with Life itself, but I have to do it to get the money that comes in on the end of the month.

Money forces people to do whatever there is to do, at work I have encountered a lot of people from the streets that ask me if there is a job for them at my work place, I tell them they must go ask the boss, they say they will do anything that needs to be done, they tell me they will mop, they will clean they will do whatever there is to do for a bit of money to feed themselves.

I have to wear the most uncomfortable cloths I can wear, tight pants that has delicate fabric that can’t touch anything rough or it gets damaged, it shows any form of dirt or hair on it, I wear white shirts with a tie, I have to wear shoes that are designed to literally just look good, it has no grip, it has no physical support in terms of the physical reality, all they do is shine and be bright, I have to wear deodorant that stinks and builds up sinuses, I have to clip my nails every weak for in-case it might be just a little bit too long according to what’s professional or not, I have to shave my face every morning for in-case there is some beard that might make me look dirty instead of sexy, I have to look clean and like a doll, for me to be able to keep my job so that I can have money.

I have to do whatever is asked of me in the work place from the boss, not because the boss is my boss, but because the money I get from my boss decides if I will do it or not, even when I am asked to go on runs for personal reasons for the boss, I do it, and I lose out on my working time where I can make money, but I can’t say no, the boss can start to dislike me and end up losing my job and have no money.

I have to Change my behavior at work completely to satisfy others so that I can make money, the behavior ends up becoming like every ones else’s behavior, it’s like an automatic thing that takes place, like no one notices it but everyone at work are exact copies of each other there, because it is that specific behaviors that is acceptable and brings in money lol. So much for freedom.

I wake up in the morning at six and I immediately start preparing myself for work, I do not wake up for myself, I wake up for the money, I wake up an hour before work to prepare for work to then go to work and then work all day for money, I drive hours a day in traffic and dealing with will I be late or not, for money.

I get home from work to only then rest and relax not for myself but for work again tomorrow, so that I can be effective while I work and do things properly so that I can earn my money.

I started this job two months ago and in that time I have lived and breathed only for money, there is no space for anything else, I have NO choice, I have no freedom, I have nothing of myself as everything is done for money, everything I say and do becomes about and for my job for the money.

We all believe we are so fucking free, yet no one has sat down and written down a entire day and what happens in a entire day in their life’s, and then a week – because if that has to happen we will all see a scary thing, it’s all the same, we are being forced and dictated by money to do what we do, but Most will delude themselves to believe that it is for freedom, it is for the weekend baby, but then the weekend is also used to forget and to party and to suppress, again for money, because people do that so that they can continue another week.

So the difference between capitalism and communism is, in capitalism you are given the Idea/believe that you are making the choice to be forced into doing certain things and in communism you are simple forced, but either way, you are forced and by the exact same thing, for money in both the ISMS.

I definitely vote for a entire new world system - were I can do work that isn't purposeless and wasteful and wasting my time just for money, but where work can be a way of LIFE a living a fun joyful act of self as it must be something that actually matters and not be a force just for survival, and survival for money, what the fuck is up with that - www.equalmoney.org

Day 321 – Falling behind on daily Blogging, getting up, moving forward

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall behind on blogs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself, to brainwash myself that it is okay even when all evidence show there is no excuse but the mind making me its bitch.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my Day and what happened during my day and all together as an excuse to not blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the mind as a excuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and to deceive myself into believing that process stops whenever I think it does lol, seeing and realizing that process is always here in each and every moment and I can either support myself or not within re-birthing myself as life and standing one and equal as that which is here as Life as that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall behind on daily blogs for not prioritizing what matters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prioritize small points of entertainment above what matters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself Believe that after a full day of work I deserve to have small points of entertainment as a reward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a Mind slave to rewards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be a mind slave to small rewards as entertainment so that I do not have to feel like I am responsible, seeing and realizing that within that I know I am responsible for what is here and that I must act and move accordingly on it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not take self-responsibility for what is here through giving into the mind as entertainment and postponing and worsening the situation not just for myself but the entire world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge myself for this point and to feel guilty, seeing and realizing that I must actually feel shame which I fear as I do not want to face the actual facts of reality and myself within this reality as the direct equal participant of what exist in and as the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to defend myself against shame, seeing and realizing that shame is what I must feel to realize my actual responsibility within and as this world and to see myself and how I create and manifest what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear shame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear all of me as shame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to see that participating in entertainment while I know what needs to be done to end what is here is a deliberate act of spitefulness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing true shame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will and cannot see shame as I have numbed myself from shame through layering the shame with countless ways of entertainment as a distraction to reality which is a extreme reality of shame and disgrace of the entire human race which is me and all of it in my face.

I commit myself to when and as I am home and I see that I do have time, to take that time to do what matters and to do it till it is done.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am using the mind as an excuse to stop and to breathe and to direct myself within and as the physical real time within what is here in fact to do what needs to be done.

I commit myself to when and as I get home to not waist time on entertainment points that are irrelevant and have not matter to it, and to go and write my blog instead.

I commit myself to only have my entertainment time once I have done what needs to be done for the day within and as walking MY process for Myself as I really want t.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I have made walking my process a JOB to stop and to breathe within the realization that it is the mind really fucking me over, as the fact is that I enjoy writing my blogs and learning to know myself and to go to the points of Self support and assistance and where I can learn and actually see how I create my days and myself to within that have corrections to live and to challenge myself to change within each breathe to rebirth myself as Life as all that is here one and equal.

Day 320 – Tired Character the road to success Part 6

Day 318 - Reactive Character
Day 319 - Insecure Character

Fear Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other people asking me to move when and as I am tired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will have to Not be tired to do my job.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that when and as I am tired that I will miss out on what’s happening.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that people will think I am weak when and as I am tired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others will think of me when and as I am tired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to appear as lazy when and as I am tired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear tiredness in itself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the weakness in my body that I experience when I am tired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing time when and as I am tired and moving slow and siting down for long periods.

Thought Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought where I see what I have to do to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought “where I doing something I do not look forward to” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought of “seeing myself doing the same stuff again for the day ahead” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought of “seeing myself having to deal with the same people again and taking what they are giving” to exist within and as me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought of “seeing myself falling in the exact same routine as the day before and nothing changing” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought of “seeing myself NOT getting to the things I want to because I will be so busy with the other stuff all day” to exist within and as me.

Imagination Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself sitting and doing nothing” while I am busy with work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Imagine myself resting from working or doing what I am doing and that within this I might enjoy myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine the opposite of what I am doing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself Not dealing with any people for the entire day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine the ideal way of spending my day where I am not working to much or where I am not dealing with people all the time when and as I am doing that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am asked to do something for someone to imagine myself not having to do anything for anyone for the entire day and how I would enjoy that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Imagine change during my day where I do not have to do the same things over and over again, seeing and realizing how this creates a tiredness within me as I am in conflict with myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself going to bed early and that I will then not be tired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself sleeping less and less and still Not being tired and how I do all the same things during my day and even better sometimes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Imagine How I have already Done all the things I wanted to do for the day and to then not have to rush or get stressed and can go to sleep without ever having a bit of tiredness and waking up feeling refreshed.
Internal conversations/backchat/voices
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “I must be coming forth as being lazy because I am tired” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the back chat of “I don’t want this day to be the same as every other day’ to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the internal conversation within me of “If I have to do the same shit again today I will be exhausted.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the internal conversation of “ If I keep on doing this same work every day over and over I will get burned out and it will be the people giving me the works fault if I am tired and unable to work” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “ fuck I have to do this again” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the Voice in my head telling me “this isn’t your job, you should not do this, it is someone else’s job” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the voice within me saying “if the fuckers give my THEIR work to do again today I will go nuts’ to exist within and as me,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when my day does not go according to how I wanted it to be as I imagined it to have the back chat of “ I am not getting anywhere, this is pointless” to exits within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I have to do the same shit over and over every day that is asked of me by someone else when it isn’t my job, to have the internal conversation of “this isn’t my work, why the fuck am I asked o do this, I will never be able to learn or to get somewhere with my own work if this continues, to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I Feel that everything I do isn’t my work to do, to have the internal conversation of ‘ This isn’t my work to do, so therefore I must be getting tired when I do this” to exist within and as me.

Reaction Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I am asked to do things that isn’t mine to do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I am asked to do the same stuff over and over again every day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the reaction of feeling like I am going to explode to exist within and as me when and as the same stuff is asked of me to do over and over again as if it is a favor, like I want to do it, as if I am that kind of guy that leaves everything I have to do behind to do a favor for someone else.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I am asked to do someone else a favor, seeing and realizing how I have made it a believe within my mind that the more favors I have to do the more I will get tired, because favors have nothing to do with work but for someone personal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the word favor and like it will be something that will tire me out.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as my day isn’t going as I have imagined it to go and as I was intended to make it go.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I am asked of a favor by the tenth person for the day as if I am a favor machine and that isn’t allowed to say NO. and to accumulate this anger I create of feeling abused and to eventually wanting to burst and instead keep it all in and becoming emotional and wanting to hide which then makes me tired and so I will hide within tiredness.

Behaviour Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become defensive within my words and actions when and as I am asked of a favor.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look down and to start making up excuses to why I can’t do the favor.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself in a way to avoid specific people so that I cannot be asked to do something such as a favor.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to avoid people that I know will ask of me to do thing that I did not imagine to do for the day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am given a task to do to rush myself as being a good boy that does what is asked, instead of breathing and moving within each breathe and so I see and realize that through pretending to be all good boy soldier doing what’s asked of him and rushing to do it as the polarity of what’s going on within me, is what makes me do thing Physically that tires me out and thus compromise myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become aggressive when and as I am pushed out of my imagination world into having to do things, even if it is for others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry within myself and so move and behave in a way that isn’t pleasant for me or others as I look like someone you want to avoid.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself unnecessary just to look busy so that I cannot be asked to do something for someone else.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk a lot around in a rushing manner to give the impression that I am busy and cannot be asked to do anything, seeing and realizing how I am tiring myself out through following the mind as the wants and needs and desires instead of actually doing what required of me which will be a lot less then what I am doing just to avoid the work lol.

Day 319 – Insecure Character – Road to Success Part 5

Day 318 - Reactive Character, Road to success Part 4

Day 319 – Insecure Character – Road To Success Part 5

Fear Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking stupid in front of other people
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sounding stupid in front of other people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I have said the wrong things in front of others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking like a child when I am doing a man’s work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being taken seriously by others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being physically inferior to others and for my age and design as being a male.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be seen as an equal in a group.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear smelling dirty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my voice does not sound man enough
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not seem tough enough.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as weak.

Thought Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a picture in my head where I have already compared and judged myself to others and placed myself within a specific light as being insecure about myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of me not being accepted by others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of someone I am interacting with seeing me as less then them and making fun of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of me being rejected by others as not seeming to have enough knowledge and information with me as they want to have from me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of me being objectified by others for the way I speak.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of seeing myself being laughed at by others that are physically bigger than me and have real manly voices when I do not.

Imagination Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Imagine myself getting bullied by others that are Physically more than me in size and in manliness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself getting laughed at by the people I am communicating with about how I communicate and sound while doing so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself getting frowned upon by others because of how I might smell.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself being rejected by others for the way I look today as how I dress.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself being belittled by others for being skinny.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself being questioned by others for how old I am as I still look sixteen but am doing real man work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself being teased by girls for the way I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself standing all alone while all the girls is grouped together looking at me and laughing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself getting in a fight because of other males finding me weak and pathetic and thus making me an easy target and so abuse me.

Internal conversations/Back-chat/voices
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “ Fuck that guy is Big” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “ God dammed I don’t have the info on that” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “ I hope I don’t sound stupid right now” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “dame I smell myself, please don’t let the girl’s smell me” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “I am so skinny and Thin, it must make me look weak’ to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “this person looks like everything I feel inferior to” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “I look like a sixteen year old when I am twenty three” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “why the fuck can’t I just look better and gain some weight” to exist within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “I must gain muscles and beard and a manlier voice to have confidence to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “I am stupid and must too stupid to’ to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “No one can take me seriously as long as I do not look my age’ to exist within and as me.

Reaction Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I am feeling stupid within a conversation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone comments on me being skinny.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone else comments on my body image.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I struggle to read something.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone else is behaving in a way that makes me feel small.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I stand on a scale and see I haven’t gained any weight in 4 years.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone else comments on how I smell.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as girls say I am skinny.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone else tells me I am stupid.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I have to interact with someone I have compared myself to as me being the inferior one.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I do not have vocabulary that seems like it should be known by all already.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my own Image in the mirror.

Behaviour Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I feel insecure to fold my arms.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I feel insecure about my body image to stand straighter and puff out my shoulders as an attempt to hide what I am experiencing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I feel insecure about how old I look to attempt to look older through facial expressions that is intimidating.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I feel insecure about how smart I am or what knowledge and information I have to speak about thing I know more and more just to give a different impression.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to clamp my arms down when and as I feel insecure about how I smell.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk with my head down and my shoulders bulged in when and as I feel insecure about myself in general.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to make my voice deeper and more manly when and as I feel insecure about how I sound.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use laughter a lot and smiling a lot when and as I feel insecure about what is being discussed or talked about.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind my smile when and as I am insecure about who I am in the moment and whatever is being discussed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use a lot of physical movements when and as I am insecure about who I am within a discussion or a situation.