I am NOT IMPORTANT - Day 655

I am NOT important

To think you are important can be the biggest thing that holds you back from living your fullest potential.

Here is my self-forgiveness on this topic of thinking I am important. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to THINK that I am important. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the idea as a thought within my mind that I am important.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to look at why and what I believe of myself to be important and where these believes come from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk and talk as if I am important and thus more than others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that to be important gives me value as a being, and so I value everything of everyone else except that of myself as principle as who I am and thus stand by as life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I am important t than I am destined of r great things that is better than other people’s destinies, thus not seeing and realizing that within this I will do and act in ways that PUSH others down just so that I can be important. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEEL and believe that IF I am not important in the eyes of others then I will have no value and meaning as a being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to WANT to be important as to be seen as MORE than others as to not have to live in FEAR f others as I believe that the idea of being important from others naturally takes away my own fears and insecurities of myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR not being important and thus irrelevant and useless to others and so myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be raised without question by my parents that I am important/special and so more than other people, where this was told to me as an insecurity from my parents of believes they already had of me as NOT being capable, as not surviving in this world and so I had to have an idea of myself as being MORE and so being important, yet accepting and allowing through this within me the polarity of intense fear of not being important and thus NOT surviving/living in this world and failing. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within myself the FEAR of that if I am not important then I do not exist and may as well then self-destruct and abuse, and so using the IDEA of I am important as a way to “motivate” myself to be better, to be more than what I believe of myself, SEEING and realizing that this is  a band aid that can be harshly ripped off if I suddenly do not feel important and go into all the point that I believe if myself negatively as the polarity playouts. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that how I LOOK makes me important and even so more important than others and how they look like in comparison. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to SEE my life story and what I have gone through and lived as SO fucking important and thus MORE than others that I hold onto this false Idea of what my life means, what it should mean, what it is going to mean, and in the meantime glorifying my own story and making it so important that I am bound to not be important as I disregard all other stories as equally important just to keep myself important to have value and meaning, even going to the lengths of making my story more than what it is just to get that attention of look how important I am. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within self-interest to the degree of selling myself out completely to FEAR just to be important and so give up my living, my expression and my natural breathing in the fear of it not being important enough and losing within this life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize how the idea of me being so fucking important has crippled me from actually being important to myself in a way that matters to me and to all life equally as who I am and standing as, where there is no fear and only self-honesty. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that as long as I believe that I a important with a special mission this life, I will always fail as the importance and specialness does not and never will match reality and only creates FEAR of failure and so losing importance and thus never actually being able to take the steps that is needed for change, but rather holding on to a fake state of importance and security as EGO/Illusion. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT seen and realized that as long as I trap myself within the idea/opinion and vision of myself as being important, or someone that will be important, that I trap myself in absolute anxiety and fear of LIVING as everything I do and say and live can always possibly be a failure and that an act of simply not existing or deserving to exist as a mind fuck. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that if I am No ONE then I have NOTHING to lose, to fear to be anxious about, and ONLY everything to GIVE as who I am standing within my principle as what is best for all LIFE. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse others within living in a state of self-importance as an imposed state of being within this reality onto others and so suffocating other people through my own self-importance. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself through living in an illusionary world of my ego as a believer of myself that I am somehow magically important, and thus more than others, where I destroy what is REAL for that which does not exist. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I speak/talk to other people to always have this stance within me of that I am the important person within the conversation and not the other person and so within this Gain nothing and Give nothing except keeping myself trapped in a bubble of illusion. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it HARD within myself to see myself as in fact equal to another human being/life, where I have accepted and allowed the judgment as back chat to exist within me of “ I am doing something different than the other person, I am doing things different,  am different, and this other person is just a normal person” and so I use this as I am more and important and this other normal person isn’t because they are normal, and so disconnect myself from reality here completely and distance myself from actually walking my process as myself real time with the other being and including them in my “different” and vice versa to come to a reality of what s best for all in fact. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to GIVE as little as possible through holding onto the idea/believe that I am important and so have to do less and give less. Thus seeing and realizing that I must be NOTHING and so I have everything to give as I have NOTHING to lose, as they believe and idea of I am important ONLY creates a fear of consistent loss on a physical and emotional level as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be as my value, and so my value is everything except one and equal as LIFE.

I fear that when I have nothing to lose, then there is nothing that can stop me from living fully as life (not the idea of life FYI) being careful here of ego again. 

I fear nothing when I have nothing to lose, and what I fear the most to lose is the idea of myself, the believe and these ideas and believes is what I value myself as through others, when my value is that of LIFE one and equal and walking in principle as who I am, then there is nothing to lose and only everything to give.

Bernard Poolman Quote Number 1 - Practical Application in Writing


First - Getting it, that thoughts are not normal. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to fully consider in all dimensions how the mind functions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the mind as just something that is here and that it needs no further attention from me as to research and study the functions within all of its dimensions of and as the mind to truly understand that which I use every day.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to consider truly what the mind is in fact as MYSELF as the creator and user of this tool that currently runs my life, my world and so all that is within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to THINK (using the mind) that it will be too much for me to handle to understand the mind within all its dimensions and how it functions through walking my process of writing, self-forgiveness, and breathing.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to be humble within learning about the mind, consciousness, thoughts, feelings, and emotions through taking on my process with Desteni/Eqafe and all the tools available to gain the access that is here of the research and investigations that have been done, to learn about the very thing I use daily, and that in fact at this moment has authority over me and my life yet have no understanding of how it works, and so no directive within my own life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that the MIND as the very thing I use daily that has control over me, evident by the fact that there is me talking to myself, a voice talking to me, thoughts coming up within me, feelings and emotions possessing me, without me knowing why or how and for what reasons and yet directing my life in every possible way, is the one thing that will also try every trick in the book to prevent me from gaining authority as LIFE, as the mind is an AI system that has taken charge of the body and wants to stay in control.

I forgive myself that I also have NOT seen and realized that the MINd is me and that I have given the mind permission through my acceptances and allowances of TIME to control, direct and enslave me to its designs of energy such as thoughts, feelings, and emotions, using my experiences against me to remain in control. and so WHEN I want to stand up, listen to Eqafe, write, apply self-forgiveness, the MIND who has my permission will inject me with any experience as to paralyze me to actually move myself, may it be with tiredness, lethargy, excitement, thoughts of entertainment, it knows me better than I know myself and so I can and will lead me into temptation, and so I see that I must WILL myself within this process to MOVE regardless of what the mind throws at me and BREATHE out of the thoughts, experiences and move to what I set myself out to do within my process.

I forgive myself that I have NOT seen and realized that what I am dealing with as me here currently is, in fact, YEARS of accumulated and layered thoughts within me, as memories, as experiences, as self-definitions, as self-values that I have to work through and move through within myself, and so I see and realize that I must not be hard on myself, yet disciplined, willed.

I forgive myself that I have NOT been self-honest about how thoughts come and accumulate if I do not forgive them effectively, and not come and go as I would like to think. Thus seeing and realizing that every single thought has a consequence within and as me and will reveal itself again to me after mutating, until I stop the thought, see the thought, understand the thought, where it comes from, what is it's purpose and playout consequences and so stand one4 and equal as the thought as me and thus not giving it power/authority over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify certain thoughts as needed and some thoughts as necessary based on an event that happened, or something that might happen, or how I feel, may it be happy or stressed, and so give way to thoughts to play and dance around in my mind, within my body and take control as MIND CONTROL of me as the being here as life.

I forgive myself that I have NOT seen and realized that any thought that I accept and allow gives acceptance and allowance to all thoughts, as a thought (negative or positive) is regarded as a thought by the mind and all the mind cares about is being FED energy as illusion as an addiction, and not what the thought represents, as the MIND cares for energy, does not matter the polarity of it, as long as there is polarity to keep creating and manifesting friction/stimulation to generate more energy as to prevent/stop me as the being from self-realizing as life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR truly stopping any and all thoughts and to live here directly within my reality within moments, as seeing directly, an ability that is natural, yet naturally not here due to no self-honesty and standing by principle, and thus thoughts have become what I trust even when they have proven time and time again that they can not be trusted, and so created a relationship of comfort with the mind as thoughts and so fear true content without thoughts/thinking and living here in and as breath as life considering all that is here as self within direct seeing.




A moment with myself - Day 653




Business, I am in a state of business.
Everything is moving within me, outside of me.
I am thinking.
I have emotions within me belly.
I am busy on my PC with work.
Children are screaming around me,
I am also in constant communication with my colleagues about arrangement, things that needs to happen, meetings, chats.
I am thinking about what I still need to do today for tomorrow, the day after, to have things run smooth.
I feel anxious, stressed.
I find a focussed point, to moderate social media platform.
I move on it.
I still feel this emotional business within my belly.
I know, I cannot go further with this in my belly.

Slow down, way down.

I focus on the emotions in my belly, I call the emotions up
See the emotion, recognise it, feel it to know it.
Stop rushing and being busy as to run away from it.
I see, this emotion shows to me "survival".
I am in a state of fear of survival, not as to be in the bush with wild animals.
The survival is of myself, my reality, who I am as surviving within myself.
I see, all my actions would have been contaminated within this fear, thus not pure as my expression.

I stop. 

I stop everything I am doing in an appropriate moment considering all.
I give to myself silence, I forgive, as I can see.
I breathe through my nose, I relax my body.
As my breath move through my belly it breaks apart the emotions, it purifies it, I allow myself to unconditionally let go of the emotions, I give to myself a new clean slate forward.
I know I can stand and move through what ever comes, is, will be. 
I embrace what comes up within the emotions, I see it, and I see who I am within the fears.
I change within myself what I see myself as within the fears to be that which is the best of me, walking in reality, stability, not as fear, anxiety and insecureties. 

I write, I forgive, and I breathe.

There is nothing that anyone can do to me – repeat this daily as suggested by Bernard Poolman.

I then see and realize that all that is done to me is because of me so I see that, I realize that, therefor I stop, embrace silence – let go of fear, anxiety, stress, hopes, desires, expectations. Be here as reality always within the consideration of all life. No emotion needed, no feelings needed, only expression as self, direct here.  


Day 652 – No one gives a fuck when you die


You have no idea what happens after death, and you are incapable of bridging that gap, because what happens after death is so much more, and so vastly more in every way possible that you are currently in this world that you are, simply in a wink of an eye disappear – you are in the context of the universe, which are supposed to be equal with, you are equal to only one thought that you are having in your head… Listen to the full interview by Bernard Poolman 



Breathe – ok, while listening to this interview, I was brought back to reality a lot more, in the sense of reality within and without, taking another look at life, a deep look. With the common sense presented within this interview, I simply cannot ignore the common sense and so the implications, and for me when something has an implication within common sense, I must investigate that implication and take what I see and apply it, make it real, LIVE the common sense practically and realistically. It sound easy, yet the mind is a fuckup/we are a fuckup, and what Bernard discussed proofs itself once again, we are fucked, unless we stand up as life/universe. 

If I had to die today, something happens and I die. People will not give a fuck, I mean, people will possibly feel a bit “sad” and then “morn” for a few days, but before you know it – nothing really changed, I am simply one less human on earth. Everyone else goes on with their lives, surviving, making money, chasing dreams and all the crap the system mislead people into chasing, and stress about emotional and mental problems and family issues, relationship issues, sexual issues, drug and alcohol issues, addictions, habits, patterns, people will simply fall into “life” again and forget. 

I can say this because this is my honest experience that I have had throughout time. When Bernard died, many people were sad, many cried, many felt a “loss” – Dozens of people wrote blogs of honoring Bernard and what he stood for and to honor that through their living/standing as he did. It did not take a lot of time and even such a commitment and honoring is lost, gone, as we can see throughout the years almost no one stood and lived as he did, even after writing blogs openly for all to see. I mention this point, because this point reveals a lot and just how fucked we are. 

When I look at family members or friend who have died, they have all left my memory, my life, they are gone, I barely consider them ever, it’s over, it is gone, LIFE as we call this mess of a world we have accepted and allowed and so our MIDS as the fuckup we need to end, simply takes over and nothing matters, and we are back into our own SELF-INTERESTS and putting faces on, playing games, fucking around and consider nothing really except a single thought that pops into our heads and give that attention. 

The point that came through for me within listening to this interview is – I have to care a fucking lot about myself as LIFE, as the UNIVERSE, end the thoughts, feelings and emotions and fucking get real with real implications of common sense. 

The point that hit a nail for me is where Bernard says, we are supposed to stand equal as the universe (here consider that implications in fact in practicality, not as a feeling) and yet we only stand equal to a fucking thought, so when we die, that’s all we exist as, and like a fly, we will simply be smacked and removed, as all we existed as was a nuisance, a pest, something that only cares for itself, and so no relevance.  

I write the way I do to keep it real for myself, real with myself, and so I can get to self-honesty, this process includes Self-forgiveness. My writings according to what came up for me listening to the interview is below. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to keep myself alive as a personality with a face that I present to the world outside of myself, as to uphold a face that “fits” in, where this face is only necessary within this system to a degree, yet selling myself out as LIFE in fact, not considering that when I DIE with eternity ahead of me, I will have fucked only myself through selling myself out to keep  face, thus showing me who I have accepted and allowed myself to become and so exposing my dishonesty as who I accept and allow myself to be for the sake of self-interest. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the faces I am paying, putting on now within this world is a reflection of who I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become over eons of time, and so to stop these faces and deception of SELF, I must face hard truths/realities of myself and this existence. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be trapped within this world design and so live a life where I trap myself within the games of this world design all for the sake of survival/fear, not considering that I will die, and so who the fuck am I then? 

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that as long as I stand as thoughts/feelings/emotions that I will not exist after death, as I can only be what I stand equal and one to, and thus I am not standing as LIFE/Universe and so I will simply be non-existent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the world system SO FUCKING IMPORTANT and my survival within it that I neglect myself and even abandon the fact and implications of LIFE itself as an eternal existence and so who I am as that in fact, and to rather make my MAIN focus on me standing and BIRTHING myself as life, instead of making money, surviving, caring only about my relationships, my emotions, feelings and thoughts that is limited and confined to a temporary system of enslavement. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that if I am only surviving within this temporary system and making that my focus as my life mission, and so Not make it my purpose to first and foremost rebirth myself as life, then at DEATH I would have achieved nothing but for a system to continue to exist that abuse and for myself to then NOT exist. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make survival more important than re-birthing myself as life, thus not seeing, opening up the points of I can survive with the intention of making that survival mean something that matters, where I survive to be able to have an opportunity to rebirth myself and so birth the possibility for others to also rebirth and so as more people rebirth the more we are able and capable of implementing a new world system that can give ALL life an equal and one opportunity. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT consider that when I die I have NO fucking clue what is after death, as I have not rebirth myself as LIFE as one and equal, and so death exists for me, where I simply end, thus not seeing and realizing that re-birthing self as life here is to be the universe, in living or in death. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to JUSTIFY the FACES I play of that having GOOD intentions, that thee faces I play will LATER bear benefits to life, and so in the meantime I must sacrifice myself and give myself up – not seeing and realizing that no one gives a fuck, no matter how good I think I am, when I die, people won’t care, and so I am still with me, and I did noting real and concrete for myself, so then I am fucked and fucked everything else by playing faces and deception to deceive and “survive” with good intentions. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sell myself, my own rebirth as life out to a justification of survival, for the system that is here within the starting point of self-interest, playing games of deceptions with others to see who likes who and who will benefit who and in the end, end up with death where I am all alone, all by myself and everyone else now do not give a fuck anymore, so all for nothing but temporary experiences of thoughts/characters that end. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue living as a character within the ignorance that death will not come for me, as if I have all the time in the world and can play just a little longer and then later change, yet death is sudden and out of one’s control, and one has to stand always regardless.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that petty things I am participating within my life is the small things that keep myself from re-birthing. 

I forgive myself that I have Not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that all the personal things such as entertainment, happiness, joy, purpose within this world system, goals of one’s own personal life only, and so on is that which keeps me occupied from focusing first and foremost on myself while living within this world.

I forgive myself that I have NOT seen and realize that re-birthing myself as life takes survival as an experience out of life, as I am already living, alive throughout eternity as the universe and so using the excuse of I must survive becomes an excuse and exposes it as just that, as one can survive yet does not have to fear it, or live in the stress of it, or fall in the trap of only focusing on that, as re-birthing mean one is HERE alive as Life for eternity. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live as less than life through the participation within thoughts. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT care for myself within the consideration of death and so the implications of death and who I am within and as LIFE here and hereafter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my life and who I am about and around other people as if what they think of me, or believe of me, or perceive of me as something that is going to rebirth me as life, when in fact literally has nothing to do with it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to CARE about what others think of me in the mislead idea that what others think of me define me and so will give me access to LIFE as eternity. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself within the false idea that hat others think of me will determine who I am, thus missing the point of I must rebirth myself as life as NO idea, no belief, or opinion and stand as eternity as who I am that stands as life as what is best for all life. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT honored myself through standing as LIFE as who I am, and so dishonor life and myself through standing as characters/faces and fake smiles that will end at death and only contributed to abuse and nothing of actual value. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dishonor myself through giving into the fake smiles, fake characters as if they will open the gates of heaven to me, and so deceive everyone and play games with everyone within and from a point of self-interest to be in the “good books” to make it to heaven, yes the truth of such acts are evil in nature, dishonesty and deception, and f that I what lets people into heaven, then heaven is full of devils. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize the common sense implications of that when I die and there is NO god, then I am fucked, as I am then all alone, and who I am will determine everything, not some entity made up in the minds of humans. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my “personal” and “petty” problems so fucking important that it consumes my life and swallows me into self-interest and so basically already make myself irrelevant and thus non-existent as all I care about is myself, my problems, how tired I am, how hard I work etc, and not give a second of my time to LIFE as who I am in fact. 

I will end here for today. As a reminder this is my blog, my writings (my points) anything that you misinterpret or take the wrong way, or even act in ways from reading this blog, that’s your points, so take it, write self-forgiveness and end the thinking, get physical and real in breath. Thank you.