Day 267 – Me Myself and African Grey Parrots Part 5

I commit myself to when and as I am moving around in my day to slow down and to be aware of what I am doing in all breathes here one and equal.

I commit myself to slow down no matter how much I feel the need to rush or to move fast in the fear of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush in the fear of missing out time somewhere.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not have TIME for myself and to through this rush myself within all other things I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from everything I do as if it isn’t Me being with me and thus have to rush to get t myself to my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself through separating myself from myself within everything I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my relationships with everything/everyone around me within rushing what I do to get to my time that I have for myself, not seeing and realizing that the fact is I am always with me and my time no matter what I do.

I commit myself to when and as I see I am rushing and wanting to get somewhere else where I am with myself with my time entertaining myself to stop and to breathe within the realization that I am always in fact here with myself and thus I do not need to go somewhere else separate for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and blame all and everything else in my life that isn’t ME TIME as things/people wasting my time and thus I rush and do not consider everything and what my actions of rushing will have as consequences such as the parrots freaking out or living in fear of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set my life up deliberately in such a way that I always have to apparently rush myself to get to things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set time in my mind that is always closer and faster within my mind then what it is in reality and to within this rush and not be aware as breathe in ALL moments.

I commit myself to when and as I am around the parrots to be aware of myself as the physical in each movement and to also be equally aware of what is still existent within me and to work through the movement within me as the thoughts/feelings/emotions and to stop them or to correct myself externally to change what’s inside to that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to approach the parrots from a mind idea/belief and to try and to create that instead of working with what is here one and equal.

I commit myself to stop any and all ideas/beliefs I have about the parrots through breathing and working with them and to as I work with them remove the thoughts of the beliefs/ideas through seeing what is here as the physical as the facts and to work from here.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am taking anything personal from the parrots to not take it personal to stop and to breathe and to not validate the energy reactions within me through physically acting out on them and to simply breathe through the energy experience till it is out and to then walk here clear to check and make sure there is nothing moving within me so that I can give a new clean slate to myself and the parrots to create the relationship in oneness and equality as that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a parrot character when and as I am around them that is always trying to pretend to be playful and smart when and as I can see that it isn’t working and just suppressing the actual experience that I have to walk through.

I commit myself to make an effort within this and that this commitment can obviously only be lived if I in fact make the effort and thus I will call myself out through saying yes when I want to say no, or to agree when I want to disagree with spending time with the parrots out loud so I can be heard by others.

I commit myself to stop the limitations and the fears and the beliefs and the ideas that I have every day and that I place onto myself through my actions to actually walk this commitment for myself because I can see that if I do not walk this commitments exactly what I am accepting and allowing to exist within and as me and that is not what I want for myself.

Day 266 – Me Myself and Parrots Part 4

Continuing from:
Day 263 Me Myself and Parrots Part 1
Day 264 Me Myself and Parrots Part  2
Day 26 5 – Me Myself and Parrots Part 3

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that for the “relationship” between me and the parrots can only work if there is trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “HOPE” that there will be trust in the future between me and the parrots.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not sea nd realize that to “hope” for trust will never built trust and only create expectations and disappointments that leads to anger and self hatred that leads to me reacting and in the end becoming harmful to others (parrots).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that Trust is something that is developed through MY living actions that is proven and consistent in time and space that is genuine as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the hope that one day there might be trust between me and the parrots instead of realizing that I must create that trust as Who I am, not as who I pretend to be as that will create real trust that will be able to stand the test of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be to lazy to make the effort to built real trust that is physical and not a dream world in y head of someday maybe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create pictures of me and what I want the parrots to be with me and to then try and attempt to place the parrots in this picture of my mind, not seeing and realizing that this will create conflict and is abuse as it requires force to get the parrots to submit into the picture that might never happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project a picture of what I desire for the relationship with the parrots to be from my mind into reality and to then attempt to play/create it as the picture, not seeing and realizing that the picture in my head is but only a picture and thus I will never succeed and always end up reacting and being angry and have a “bad” relationship with the parrots as I will even blame them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a thought picture within my mind where I see myself happy with the parrots and where I can lay with them and them with me all together and just being awesome together and to then react towards the parrots when this is not happening in reality and to then get angry and mean towards them, seeing and realizing how I have set myself up in a game of polarity with the parrots through living in my mind as a fantasy world and not considering EVERYTHING of and as the physical to be effective and in fact live in oneness and equality with what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Doubt myself to be able to stop the mind projections and all the beliefs/ideas and to stand here as the physical one and equal to move myself within creating a effective relationship with me and the parrots.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through so many “bad” experiences with the parrots to have judged myself as incapable of ever having a one and equal relationship with them that I not live in separation of them as fear and self self-judgment, seeing and realizing that I must stop the Bad energy connection I have made and to stop all positive future projections I have created of the parrots and to work with what is here as the physical and to give myself a new slate where I do not hold the past over my own head or block myself with a wall of a future projection from being effective here as breathe with the parrots.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the behavior of the parrots from the past against them and to already cast them into judgment for their past and to accordingly act and behave as if they have already done that which I expect from them, seeing and realizing how I in fact create the past again here in the present as the future.

To be continued.

Day 265 – Me Myself and Parrots Part 3

Continuing from

Day 263 Me Myself and Parrots Part 1
Day 264 Me Myself and Parrots Part  2

Working with the parrots is something that must be applied in my daily living, not just when I am with the parrots, this is how I deceive myself and also show that what/who I am when I am with them is but only temporarily and thus not real, it is still a pretentious point, because when I am not with them I am someone else, and when I am with them I am suddenly now being careful and caring and considerate and gentle and kind and name it, but as soon as they are back in their cages and I do not have to deal with them I am someone else, this is what they know, they can observe it and see what’s here, and it cannot be trusted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only apply myself when and as I am with the parrots instead of applying myself all the times as the correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be reckless during my day within participating within my physical reality and to only change to slowing down and breathing and being here once I am around the parrots.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if I do not apply slowing down and being aware of myself and my movements and actions ALL the time in each breathe but only do so once I am with the parrots, that I am in fact compromising myself to be set up to “react” as I am attempting to suddenly NOW be corrected and expecting it when all day I was practicing the opposite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize the consequences of my actions in each moment as who i am within applying myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I see the correction that I have to LIVE with the parrots to be effective such as slowing down and being aware of each and every moment and to be here as the physical in awareness to only apply it when I am with the parrots, not seeing and realizing that only applying it with the parrots isn’t enough and that I am setting myself up to fail and to only create more self hatred.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create self hatred through knowing what I have to do ALL the time and to Not apply it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my communication with the parrots through only practicing my communication with the parrots in the limited time I spend with them, seeing and realizing that I have to apply physical communication within and as my reality as the physical as awareness all the time in each breathe being aware of all my movements and slowing down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I slow down and focus on my movements more and being aware of my movements all the time that I will LOSE time and not get things done during my day, not seeing and realizing that by NOT doing so I am not getting anywhere anyway and actually only making the problems bigger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself believe that there inst time for awareness all day, LOL asking myself then how do I make it through the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that my actions that I do without awareness and slowing down around the parrots that causes them to see me as a threat and a danger and thus not save to be around with is a Habit I have become addicted to as my automatic robotic movements I do daily that is now Living for me and thus I am actually always a danger to myself as living in unawareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear slowing down and being aware of my movements as I have created the believe that being slow and aware in and as myself as my body is a weakness as if I am not busy and not doing anything and as if I haven’t mastered my own movements yet and that others will see me as weak if I have to move slow and in awareness every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my self-judgments as if they are other peoples judgments as a reason to justify why I am not applying myself ALL the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within perfecting myself as re-birthing myself as life, seeing and realizing that rebirth takes baby steps as I have to remove the old and then to Create the new as that which is best for all life as the parrots are showing me currently where I am still living within self interest.

To be continued.

Day 264 – Me Myself and Parrots Part 2

Continuing from Day 263 Me Myself and Parrots

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Blame the Parrots for Biting me and how I experience myself within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that Who I Am when approaching the parrots will have an effect on the parrots and their behavior towards me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach the parrots within superiority and dominance as to want to control them to not get bitten.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear getting bitten by the parrots and so when I approach them I take on characters of defense which will have certain characters to then such as dominance and superiority to impose upon the parrots so that I can control the parrots and to not get bitten, not seeing and realizing that this actually only motivates the parrots to bite more as Who I Am within approaching them is that of Fear and thus I am a threat to them, I am a danger to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that any fear I have when approaching the parrots is showing within me and as my behavior which will mostly be “harmful” as fear is reactive and reactive is of a mind demon possession as energy that can take over when the characters “feel” they have failed and thus the parrots will Bite to show that who I am isn’t best for all and that even they can see it and that they have to defend themselves from me already beforehand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at the parrots for not working with me, seeing and realizing that this is not the case, they are working with me showing me who I am and what I have accepted and allowed within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that my anger is in fact me being angry at myself for knowing who I am when approaching or working with the parrots yet I do not change and accept and allow the fear to direct me within my approach.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to “fix” the parrots as if they are broken because they Bite me, seeing and realizing that this is me attempting and trying to not to have to see who i am and to work with that as I know it will be “harder” and thus I rather try and change the parrots to fit my limitations/fears/comforts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my ego to take charge of the matter where I do not even look at myself in totality to see what it is I am accepting and allowing within me that provokes the parrots to Biting instead of working together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear standing as equals with the parrots in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I stand and walk as the parrots as their equals that they would take advantage of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the parrots my fear, instead of me facing me as the living fear that I have accepted and allowed myself to be as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that how the parrots respond to e when and as I have to work with them that it is feedback to me for what’s happening within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought of seeing a parrot biting me to exist within me mind before I even work with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the back chat of – If you bite me one more time then I am going to stop being nice to you” as the reaction towards the thought I had.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the thoughts and back chat that I have towards the parrots is that of justifying my fear that I have created within me from past experiences and that the backchat and thoughts are motivating violent behavior as the reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the parrots can see this within me as y thoughts/backchat will have a Physical effect as behavior that the parrots can read because that’s how they communicate and thus know the physical signs of danger and fear and will BITE to fend the danger off which is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a danger to the parrots within not looking and changing who I am within myself to what’s best for all and to stop the mind/thoughts/feelings/emotions and to Breathe and be here as the physical as the parrots equals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that only through controlling the parrots will I be able to establish team work between us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that through using control to establish teamwork in the group that I have/am actually showing that only through fear can there be order/teamwork and thus everyone is in fear of one another and that leads to stress and thus biting and hurting and fighting and conflict that is preventable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that there is another way that is not fear and control and dominance and that I must apply this as what is best for all life and o stop the ego from looking away and to take self responsibility.

To Be continued.

Day 263 – Me Myself and Parrots.

This Is Wings in the Picture with Me

We have five Parrots here at Desteni Farm, Me and my partner are the ones taking care of them, they live right in our room with us, we have five cages in our room and we let the parrots out for a hour or two a day if we have the time, most of the time either me or my Partner have the time to let them out.

Taking care of the Parrots is easy, it is basically giving them food three times a day, giving them clean water every morning and washing the bowls, it is keeping their cages clean which I do every Saturday, and then also part of taking care of them is to make sure they are good over all in health.

Then there is the one point that I am still not cool with, this is me with the Parrots, what I mean is that the relationship between me an the parrots must have a good relationship for this to work, because we need to literally live together and thus requires working together.

This isn’t always so, The first Parrot we got we called parrot, we have a great relationship and he is pretty cool over all with humans because we had him all alone for a while so he got human interaction for hours every day, then we got four more Parrots, this is where we had to start treating them equally to not create/cause problems between them, so we had to stop giving individual special attention.

This became a problem since we now only have one parrot that is cool with humans and lots of other things and four others parrots that is still half wild, because they went up in numbers so quick we never had the time to give each one individual attention and interaction.

So now working with the Parrots can be trouble as there are four of them that still gets frights for any out of the ordinary movements or sounds and sometimes even freak out for nothing, and they BITE.

The new four parrots have been Biting ever since they could, they never had that interaction with humans to be with us and to understand us and them together, like our fist parrot understand how saw he can bite and that the human skin is sensitive and can be damaged, so he does not bite and he gently nibbles or play with the Human skin equal and one, the others don't, and they seem to actually like to see how we react or get hurt when they bite us, this is causing problems with working together and thus creates conflict.

So the point I am facing within this is myself, facing the parrots everyday and them biting and not stopping it, even after a year by now, they just continue, I have tried to stop them through tapping them on the beak, like with dogs, I also tried approaching them differently and many other things, its not working, I feel like just giving up, the ones that still bite, Wings - one of the four has been working with me out of her own, she flies to my desk and sits on my lap and she does not bite anymore.

So I know it is to hang out with them more and to play with them and connect with them and communicate with them, or to establish communication, but the time to do this is something that I am struggling with, because I am already busy and already have all my time set out for specific daily commitments/tasks, and through seeing how effective the first parrot is through ALL the time we spend together I see it is what required, but there are four now.

Sp for this to work I have to work with my reactions first and my anger and everything else that I have now created already in myself as back chat towards/about the parrots, so that when I work with them I know I am clear and that I can direct it and express myself and not be in fear around them.
Self Forgiveness next.

Day 262 – The Pattern of Who I Am Every Day Part 10

Day 262 – The Pattern of Who I Am Every Day Part 10

“Every day I assume a Character that I expect everyone wants to see of me, I assume that this is the only character that is acceptable by everyone around me”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume a character everyday out of the believe that I have to or I will Die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that I have to assume a character everyday just to get around and survive the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Assume any and all characters necessary to survive the day, even if it means losing myself and my integrity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself To believe that I need to assume a character in order to live Life, not seeing and realizing that I can live Life anyway without characters/masks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself o go into characters that I created deliberately as a response to what I fear in live to hide the fear or to attempt to avoid the fear, never facing my fear within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create characters that I believe others want to see me as everyday that I play and pretend to be just to not to have to face points I fear from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that the characters/masks I wear play every day is for others, seeing and realizing that I put them on for myself to hide my insecurities/fears/judgments and everything about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear NOT going into character and playing the roles with the masks as I fear what might or might not happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what Might or might not happen when and as I do or do not play the characters I have made myself believe that others want to see me as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Live my Life according to what I fear or do not fear and to within this create characters/masks that I enslave myself to as a personality that is addicted to energy as thoughts/feelings/emotions to move and direct me and my life accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I have enslaved myself to the characters that I play every day as a personality suite that I wear as the WHO I AM everyday around people or even alone just to be save and to preserve my own self interest of fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that Who I Am as my personality that consists of many characters I play s a creation of and as fear and thue when and as I accept and allow myself to defend and define myself according to who I am currently that I am actually saying I am FEAR.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide in dishonesty towards myself as who I believe I have to be as the characters I play every day in front of everyone and or in different situations as I believe that it is what keeps me save and protected and that it is the only way, not seeing and realizing that I am actually just locking/enslaving myself to and as Fear as the mind as the thoughts/feelings/emotions I have created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can not change who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i must play the roles that I have played for so long everyday even if it compromises me and my world and everyone within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I can create who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear creating myself and to believe that it is wrong to change myself in the eyes of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing myself in the believe that the changes I have to make will weaken me and make my stand within this world weaker and that I will not be able to survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing who I am to that which is best for all in always in absolute certainty as myself within the fear that I might lose my ability to survive within this world, not seeing and realize than my change then is not what is best for all life but just a compromise and thus I am not yet self honest with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist and live as survival within all and any character I play and that all of Who I Am currently as my personality no matter how positive or negative it is, is all in the name of survival and fear.

To be Continued.