OH no, Coldness is touching me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as just a tiny litte bit of cold air or wind touches my body to immediately want to get a jacket on or something warmer just not to experience the coldness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR shiffering and being cold when and as cold air or wind touches my skin. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike even a little bit of cold ait touching my skin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that coldness is bad for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that cold air or wind touching my body is a bad sign and thus I want to get warm as fast as possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I experience myself as cold then I can get sick or ill, or even not be able to move or do anything properly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that coldness Is something that is against me, that wants to harm me, that wants to put me to sleep or out of action, to not work and be effective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a negative state of mind when and as I experience just a little bit of cold air on my skin or a cold breeze passing by where I then thing, OH no, It I cold, I am not going to be able to move and work outside effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to HATE the physical experience I go into when and as a cold breeze or wind is passing by and touches my skin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike and have a negative mind set about my fingers and body feeling stiff and cold when and as it I cold, where I think thing and blame the cold for me not being able to effectively use my body or do things, such as typing or working with tools and to within this go into a giving up mode of rather not wanting to do anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see it as too much work to breathe and to relax my body when and as it is cold and I am experiencing myself as cold, to relax my body and to focus on the breathing and to not let my body tense up within the experience of coldness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to JUDGE coldness as BAD and negative based on how I experience myself within the cold, seeing and realizing that cold is here is it an expression of life it isn’t good or bad, it is something I can also enjoy if I drop the brainwashing and conditioning that I as the mind have placed on the cold as a way to attempt to manipulate myself and my environment to get things to be my way.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accept and allowed myself to see and realize fully my responsibility within my experience that happens within me as my thoughts, my emotional state when and as there is cold, and thus how I as my internal experience effects how I as the body experience the cold one and equal, and thus I see and realize that I can actually learn from the cold as the cold exposes ME and different parts of me and what emotional states I exist as hidden, that comes out when it is cold.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just accept the experiences within me when it is cold as it is cold, and to not investigate what is coming up within me that determines my experience within coldness, where coldness has now become this whole thing instead of just cold, and expression of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not challenge who I am within cold and to just run with it a normal, because everyone else seems to also find it normal and have the same and similar experiences and thus mine must be real and true and valid, never challenging every part of ME that comes up and exposes itself with different weather.

I commit myself to check myself and who I am and the experiences I have when and as I am cold.

I commit myself to breathe and to walk through and understand the emotional experiences that comes up when and as I am cold.

I commit myself to challenge the back chat that comes up as my living and behaviour when and as it is cold and to check what is real as ME and what is a design to further control me as the mind energy slave to consciousness where apparently the physical is the problem and causes me to experience myself certain ways within me.

Even Teachers knew we are Organic Robots that’s programmable

I got punished at school sometimes through doing certain things, I have a specific memory of speaking back at the teacher, not accepting and allowing her behaviour towards us as the students, which I took as diminishing us, seeing us as less, and I said something back, the teacher didn’t like it, and she reacted badly towards what I did.

As punishment, the teacher instructed me to write down on paper with a pen 100 times “to speak back to a teacher is wrong” and as I write it I had to speak it LOUD and CLEAR – and only once I completed writing that out 100 times and speaking it out loud and clear could I leave the classroom.

I eventually wrote out all 100 lines as I wanted to get out of the class, and to not be in the presence of this teacher. In my mind I laughed at the punishment, I thought it was stupid and useless, I thought this will not change anything within me, But, afterwards there was a scar within me, I tried to avoid it, but it was there, I could not pinpoint it as to what it was or remove it, but from that day I have not spoken up to a teacher in the way I did before, I had more fear, I had more self-judgment, I felt insecure to speak to people that has titles of “authority “and facing the consequences, I had a massive judgement within me of it being WRONG to speak back at someone, speaking up and being heard especially if they are seen as authority within me.

So, this worked? Even when I believed and thought it didn’t, that I was too strong for it to have any effect, yet, sitting there for a while writing out that sentence 100 times with my hand cramping and my brain hurting and my voice getting dry from saying it out loud and clear 100 times it had an effect.

Did the teacher know that it would work? Was the teacher aware of what she was doing to me? Did the teacher do this knowing how to program children? And that we are programmable and that’s how it is done?

I mean, since my process with Desteni, the key to deprogramming ourselves and to change and stand as LIFE is through writing, through applying self-forgiveness and then adding self-corrective statements as our living/correction, and within thus breathe and walk within practically applying ourselves daily, stopping the mind, thoughts and feelings and emotions.

At Desteni, this is done because we understand and see that we are programmable, and thus our nature can change, and thus we are able to create ourselves with the right tools, so here comes a teacher that Believes in God and that God is the creator of all things and that god is divine and all powerful and that free will exists and all that, yet this very same person used this technique on me that defies everything they believe in and it worked.

So – I can now also say that writing and speaking words truly is the key, now see and understand the power of the tools when it is applied in self-forgiveness, and we write and write and write in self-forgiveness and creating ourselves as LIVING words, as the living word as LIFE, if only a small moment of writing something out 100 times and speaking it loud and clear could have such an effect on me for a life-time, then now we can see how applying the tools of Desteni and how it is used as suggested DOES in fact have an effect, if we like it or not. It is a matter of consistency and to do it 100 times or more an every single point within ourselves or more till it is done.

This brought me to a very interesting statement that Jesus said in the bible about forgiveness, that we must forgive 70 times 7 a day, each and every day, which is 490 times of forgiveness a day, and this is and was even understood by Jesus and what we must apply more than 2000 years ago. No one has or is living this, not to mention for ourselves, not to mention on a daily basis, now you might ask, what am I going to forgive every day that much? Well, it is going to be yourself, your every thought, feeling or emotion, it is going to be YOU forgiving existence as yourself, thus all that is here to stand as life, one and equal, to drop all knowledge and information as the mind as consciousness as the false Idol/god, and to unveil what is here to be able to pass through the eye of the needle.

I will for myself as a test do here what I have done in that classroom, for myself, to forgive myself 100 times for one thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

(Middle lower back pain, to the right, muscle) (Shoulder pain, right side, and front, down to the elbow and into the forearm, muscle pain with bone tension)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

(Thoughts popping up, unconscious mind, agitation from others in my environment, projection, as I am getting agitated as I judge what the others are going through isn’t directed as I would have directed it)

(my body getting tense, as I feel I am wasting time, nothing is happening, nothing magical = mind protection mechanism, where the mind is addictive to experiences and thus not not feeling anything, and thus if the mind isn’t experiencing anything then it must mean nothing is happening, yet the physical is darkness, still, quiet, here)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

(left hand is warming up, while right hand is still cold, my left hand is specifically heating up from the small finger, where the hear is flowing up until the ring finger, then gradual heat is flowing all over my hand but not as warm as the small and ring finger, thus flowing is happening within those two areas)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that separation exists.

(tension all over my body now, as TIME has shown its face and thus I started rushing, as I am now running out of time to apply myself within this, the tension begins in the back, runs into my shoulders at the back and then restricts and tense up my entire chest area all the way down to my sixpack, thus the back tensing upwards and the front tensing as in cramping inwards)

Interesting.

I must suffer and overcome mountains before I can change

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to suffer before I can change, that something must happen to me or that I must go through something in my life for me to change and for my change to be able to be justified and have reason to why I changed, instead of changing here in each and every breath. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my change has to be justifiable through things or something that happens to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must go through a lot of conflict with others to FIND the points I must change within me as to be able to state that I have changed because of all the conflict I have faced and thus I actually create conflict deliberately within my reality to create the points of justification that I need to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must go through a complex process of experiences and situations before I can change and stand as life, where I still believe that life requires a reason and justification to change and stand as itself, as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that me here isn’t enough to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to become more to be able to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am currently as all of isn’t enough to stand as life, and thus place me as life out there as something I must reach, not seeing and realizing that this cycle will never end as I will always place I am not enough in front of me and thus have a never ending story.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that LIFE is here, I am here, that I must stop my thoughts, feelings and emotions and be here as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see myself as worthy of life and thus I have created this process of change in my head that I must go through before I can become worthy of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that LIFE as the other parts of me wants me as this part of life to suffer and punish me before I can stand one and equal with all life as all parts of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that LIFE has abandoned me and that I have abandoned myself as life and within believing this I have created an Idea in my head that I must suffer and walk a process of suffering before I can be allowed back to life, as a point of redeeming myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself form life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my life and life hard on myself through the idea nd believe I have about LIFE within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it hard t in fact see and realize that I am life and that I as life do not want me as life to suffer and wlak a long hard process, that I as life welcomes me as life to life any moment, I must simply stop my thoughts feelings and emotions and thus honour myself as life and stand as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the mind as my thoughts feelings and emotions is a fun place to be within and that life as all of me isn’t a fun place to be within as I have valued my mind so much that I actually fear losing my mind, stopping my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project me changing and when I change into the future after some time, after I have walked a process first according to what I believe I must face and go through and thus create it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that the journey I believe I must first walk before I can change is the journey I create for myself, even when that journey is based on a belief and not what is real, as here in each breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ENJOY some parts of the mind too much to give up that I would rather create a massive process and journey for myself that includes suffering and pain and hardship, just to not give up the mind, my thoughts, my feelings and emotions, and habits and patterns that I have laid down to control and manipulate my reality and control my reality within self-interest and thus not give that up but rather blame life as being hard and that I will someday maybe change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on future change outside of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up my breath for indulging in the mind consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forsaken life and to within this blame life for making things so hard on me, yet life is Here as me as I am life I am simply not taking my throne.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it weird to say the word throne that came so naturally to me, where a throne is simply a seat of a kind, and thus I can see that finding that weird in itself shows to what level I have degraded myself from life as a seat to take with and as life as a king, as a throne has become awkward and weird instead of natural and normal, as I have contaminated the word with kind on humans of earth as the mind instead of it as standing as life in oneness and equality as all, as a co-creator.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see myself worthy of GOD, being god, that I am god.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by stories and myths and books on what it means to be god and actually stand as god where it is all magical and mysterious and BIG and amazing shit, when in fact I do not know, and thus I can drop all expectation, all projections, all ideas and opinions and simply breathe and be here, be still and know.

I commit myself to focus on breathing and to when and as I go into the mind, a thought, a feeling or emotion, a mood or an experience, to give myself a moment to focus and stabilize as breathe till nothing is moving within me and to move and direct myself from that points, even when there is a little bit of resistance, to push myself and to push through and create myself.