Day 504 – what I learned from Bernard Poolman, Lesson 3

I used to walk with Bernard almost every day, we would either take a walk down to the river and just look around nature, or Bernard would be walking around the Orchard and I would join him, looking at the fruit trees and how they are doing. Sometimes a couple of us would go to town together and Bernard would also be going.

Obviously this lesson is I learned was about walking in the Moment – walking with Bernard is quite interesting, we would start walking from the same starting point, let’s say a gate that we had to go through, I would in my mind already be at the dam/river – where we are going to, and thus I would just follow the picture in my mind of the dam/river as the destination I want to reach, so I would walk my “normal phase, but after a few seconds of walking I would be looking for Bernard next to me and find that he is still way at the back, I felt awkward at times, like I wanted to ask Bernard, are you deliberately walking slow right now? I have other things to get to. But instead I would not ask that and just wait till Bernard is next to me, and as we start walking I would try and stay with Bernard to talk to him or just to walk with him in a group manner.

But I failed every single time to stay with Bernard and his walking, I was “naturally” just fast, or should I say automatically, I got to a point of frustration of not being able to walk Bernard’s phase, meaning slowing down.

Bernard was consistent with this pace, it never changed – but I was always in a internal conflict within myself from walking that slow, it felt like I was missing something out, like I was not getting to something, as if I am losing something within walking slow.

BUT the result was always the opposite, I didn’t miss out on something, I have NEVER been late for something, in fact I seemed to always arrive just on time/in time – in breathe lol.

So occasionally Bernard would check me while walking with him, as we walk he would for instance ask me did you see that fly over there, and I would be like – HUH?? Nooo, what fly, and then Bernard would say, you must be aware not self-aware, this requires breathing and moving oneself HERE, where I was walking next to him but in my mind I still thinking about we are going to the dam/river and that’s where I am and my awareness, thus NOT here, because you can decide on something, place your direct and go towards it, but it doesn’t mean that while you are going there you have to think about going there, you already made the decision and took the direction, so now you can simply breathe and walk in the moment and be aware. It is like a GPS, when you put in the your destination, it doesn’t show you the final destination the whole time, is shows you step by step how to get there, being aware of each and every step, and then you will reach the destination.

One day, Me and Bernard were walking in the Mall, I was way ahead of him again, BUT I wasn’t aware of it at all, till I stopped and looked for him, he was still walking, head forwards and just walking, and once he came to me he asked me, where are you going to in such a rush, and I said well to the shop, he said why in a rush? And I was thinking by myself, shit I have no reason, I wanted to say – to get this over with, to get home in time and to then do other things?, but even those reasons was all based on fear and hast, nothing real as a reason, I can go slow and breathe and rather walk in awareness and I can still get to all those things.

So once again, Bernard said, stop your thoughts, Breathe, Be here. I stood next to him, I took a deep breath and I focused on each foot, on each step, and I saw the thoughts coming in, I felt my body responding to each and ever thought, and each time I would have a thought I would slightly move faster or feel irritated with the slow walk, but I kept practicing this for many years and I am still doing this to this day. And I have never been late, and death will still be here for me in time.