Day 73 – The Unknown Darkness Within

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge that which I do not know or are aware of as bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge that which I am not aware of or that I know of as wrong and thus must stay away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that there is a part of me that is unknown, realizing that I am aware of all of me I simply deny and suppress it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny certain parts of me and to thus create it as the unknown.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress certain parts of me out of fear and thus created the unknown out of me in fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide certain parts of me from myself and thus create the unknown within me and so fearing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide/deny/suppress certain parts of me as who I have accepted and allowed myself to become through judgment of what is right and what is wrong and to thus create fear of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself as the unknown as that which I have deliberately suppressed, shuffled away and denied within me, instead of taking self responsibility for myself as life and to correct myself through self forgiveness and writing and to stop the judgment and to live what is best for all life in all ways and to stop the fear of change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge certain parts within me that I have created through participating within me and to hide it/suppress it and to judge it as bad and to never looking at it, realizing that through this I forget about it yet it is within me and when I see that there are parts within me coming up that I still have t take self responsibility for I fear it as I belief it is unknown, yet when it is known to me I will realize I created it as me and thus it was never unknown to me I just did not take self responsibility for what is here as me as the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing the unknown within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge what is here and to fear facing it as me as my evil twin

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself belief that there is a unknown side of me and that it is always dark.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that maybe there is another side of me and that it does not have to be light or dark but LIFE as all that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking self responsibility for myself as LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear darkness within me, realizing that darkness is darkness and that it has been deliberately programmed into me from birth to be a bad thing though constant brainwashing in religion and culture and society.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace darkness as emptiness as nothing in my mind that is mind controlling me and that it is simply me here breathing as life one and equal. 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect bad to the word darkness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and identify the word darkness to the word EVIL.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the word evil as the word LIVE backWORDS has also been deliberately programmed into me as being bad and a sin and wrong and do not go there to keep me enslaved to a filled up mind that is full of mind control to keep me enslaved to the mind consciousness system so that I may never realize myself as life as breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that darkness in itself is only a word and that all the beliefs/opinions/ideas/assumptions added to it is part of brainwashing and mind control.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the real light is to be light and not carry the heavy burdens of the mind as a empty mind can only be the real light.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the darkness within the mind is a light mind as there is no burdens to carry such as thoughts/feeling/emotions and thus true freedom can be in every breath as life one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realEYES that the word darkness had the meaning I give it from the mind as consciousness, thus I realize that if I take the mind out of the word then all that remains if the word and what it stands for as a space where there is no light – thus no judgment, no good or bad.

Day 72 – Personality Suit Part 7 – Behavior 6 – Stressed.

Ok I noticed a interesting Personality suit that I also have, it is the one where I am stressed out, I move around in a stressed out manner, I act stressed out and I have a particular Personality to this.

It is like I am “focused” the whole time like I am in a rush the whole time, like I am not getting to everything and as if I have more stuff in the future waiting for me to be done. 

Through this I see that I actually created a personality out of it, as certain way I am within my behavior and actions, I AM BUSY, I AM STRESSED OUT, lts go lets go lets get it done I have to go bye, and this is how I have the suit on. 

At the end of the day when I can sit down I let go of the personality suit of being stressed, why do I say it is a suit, because I see that I have learned how to act, behave a certain way to get thing done my way etc and thus I will use these actions, behaviors and traits of being stressed even if I really am just making it up to get a certain end result, it is like I am using it to play people, manipulate people, and to get people to leave me alone and not ask more of me, I am already stressed, leave me alone.

Self forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and use the reactions that I have within me when I am stressed to create and manifest a personality suit for myself to use when I feel I need to manipulate and control people in my environment through actions and behaviors, realizing that I can simply breathe and not create such a experience for myself where I actually put the body under pressure and abusing myself just to manipulate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself as a stressed out person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that who I am is a stressed out person and to thus always immediately stress when things get a bit more busy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself as a stressed person and to thus always immediately react and behave in a stressed manner because of the belief.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a stressed out person within the belief that this is who I am, realizing it is not who I am as I make the decision in the moment and can thus make a different one instead, such as breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am a stressed out person and can not change it and that I will always be a stressed out person and thus I can only act and behave stressed out.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have created a personality out of a feeling/emotion/though that came from the past as a past experience that I have identified myself with and as, not realizing that the past is the past and thus I can change it within breathing and not accepting and allowing myself as being a stressed out personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that the way I experienced myself in the past must be who i am and thus I must always act as the past, realizing that each breathe is a new here breath for me to teak self responsibility to re-create myself as that which is best for all life in allow ways as life one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put my body under stress and harming my body for it within the belief that I must always be stressed as my personality.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that stress does not help anyone or anything and in fact only compromised and sabotages self and others.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I can just let go of stress and breathe and still move myself the same way and even more effectively as stress only creates more problems than solutions for self and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fooled by stress and that if actually help me, realizing that stress does not help anything EVER and yet I hold onto it as if it is who I am, realizing who I am is yet to be born through my own self creation as I decide who I am in each breathe/birth.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself go into the stress mode as a personality to stop and to breathe and to look at why I am stressing myself instead of breathing, to investigate the point and to take self responsibility for my own creation and to apply writing or self forgiveness to rebirth myself as life as that which is best for all life and to create a stress free world through taking real self responsibility as the world as a whole where we have accepted and allowed a world of stress/fear/anxiety to exist as we all chance for life and to thus create and establish and support the equal money system till it is done and we can all have heaven on earth, where personalities isnt needed to live life to survive.

I commit myself to when I see I am accepting stress as normal and as part of who I am as a personality that is based on energy that the mind feeds off from the body to sustain itself, to stop and look at why have I accepted and allowed myself to identify myself as a stressful person and to stop the mind control and brainwashing of myself.

Day Day 71 – Personality Suit Part 6 – Behavior 5 – moody

OH yes, the moody personality, fuck off, what do you want, I am tired, leave me alone, so many feeling/emotions/back chat when I am moody. It is a personality behavior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be moody when I feel like it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and manifest a personality out of feelings/emotions as moody.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act and behave in anger and resistance towards people and things happening my life when I am in the moody personality suit. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a moody personality suit that I wear to get people to leave me alone and so that I can be with myself in isolation and being all sad by myself an angry by myself and just be moody with back chat and thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and manifest a personality out of a conglomeration of lots of feelings/emotions/thoughts packed into one mode of being moody and within this repel others away from me within a sense of spitefulness and resentment as if everyone around me is the cause of me being moody.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others around me for the mood I am in.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take self responsibility for myself and what I experience within me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I can take self responsibility for what I experience within me and thus it is harmful and unnecessary to be moody towards others for how I feel.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as moody and thus creating it is part of my personality realizing that as I create it part of my personality as a statement that this is who I am then I am actually giving my power away as if I cannot help the moodiness and thus everyone else must just deal with me when I am not even willing to deal with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and identify being moody as part of my personality as who I am as a statement that I can not help it and thus I will simply accept it and live like this.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that when I am moody and I act and behave in a certain way towards people and everything in my world that I am actually only allowing and accepting myself to be a robot, driven by a feeling that is within me as if I cannot help it, like a robot, realizing that I can stop and breathe and direct myself, look at the points and write and self forgive and correct myself within living the correction in breathe and to stop the mind as enslavement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief and feel that I am subject to the mind and whatever the mind things and creates as feeling and emotions are real and must be so and thus I must be a slave to it no matter what.

I commit myself to when I see I am in a mood to stop and to look at myself and to look at the points that come up, what is the feelings, emotions, thoughts and all the back chat where I talk to myself and to stop them either through writing and self forgiveness writing or I breathe and forgive myself in directive corrective living application if possible.

I commit myself to stop and breathe when I see I am in a mood and to realize that I am now subject to the mind as I give away my power to feelings and emotions, realizing that I am not the feeling and emotions and that the feelings and emotions are a byproduct of the past, and to stop all of this before I harm myself or others in my moodiness and to stop all self sabotaging and compromising.

I commit myself to when I see I am playing out the personality suit of being moody to manipulate my environment and due to certain back chat I participated in within my mind to stop and to breathe and to realize that I am moody due to my own creation of the mind and what I participated in within my mind and now I am blaming the world for all the shit I created and thus want to suddenly now manipulate everything and everyone in my world according to the back chat I had to fit my fairness of life and to stop and take self responsibility for my thoughts/words and deeds as that which is best for all LIFE in all ways.

Day 70 – The Personality Suit Part 5 – Joker - Behavior 4

Joking – making everyone laugh, or sometimes only you and your friends and making someone else feel shit, or just joking the whole time in communication with others to hide that what you said even though you meant it.

This is the point I am taking on within my behavior as part of my personality suit that I wear when I am communicating with people about things and I will throw in that quick joke, or say something that is serious and then after wards say – Haha just joking, it is a sign of insecurity and not being able to stand by what I said and instead make it a joke, not to have to face the seriousness of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself as a joker within conversation as my behavior and words will always be that of impressing people and making them laugh.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I have identified myself as a joker within my behavior and conversations because I do not trust myself within conversations and thus I make jokes to hide the fact that I am insecure. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I judge myself as Les than others within conversations and that I can not participate in the debates/conversation equally and thus I turn to making jokes the whole time in my words and behavior against or towards the conversations to make the conversation seem less and stupid so that the attention is driven away from me feeling insecure to making the other people of the majority that will laugh at the jokes also judge the conversations as stupid and useless so that I can remain within my insecurities and self judgments and never have to challenge myself as who I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I make jokes in conversations I am avoiding the conversation and directing the attention towards me away from the conversation, realizing that I do this in order to not to have to participate within the conversation because of self judgment as not being capable of participating in the conversation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge making jokes in conversations, realizing that it is the starting point and who I am within doing it, if the joke is specific and has purpose as that which is self honest and best for all life then that is what it is, if there is anything hidden such as fear/self judgment/insecurities it is best to stop and breathe and to see what the point is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make life a joke in fear of having to take what is here serious and facing myself as that as what I have created equally within this world and within me as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use joking as a way to hide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to joke to hide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a joker in the fear of people taking what I say personal, and thus making it a joke and laughing at it makes it not serious and thus no one takes me serious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to joke when I am under stress and do not know how to handle it, instead of breathing and being here as breathe realizing that I do not have to handle stress and stress is unnecessary and thus I do not need to stress but breathe. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am confronted by someone or something to make a joke out of it to not have to take self responsibility for my actions as the personality suit I have created for myself on how to handle life, realizing that I am actually not handling life as I need to joke about it, indicating I cant handle life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create me as a joker as part of a personality suit that I wear that is a consistent reminder and confirmation to myself that I will always be limited as me insecurities/judgments and be subject to them, realizing that I can stop the joker personality and breathe and face what I have created and accepted and allowed to exist within me and to take practical common sense steps to improve and better myself as that which is best for all life in all ways.

I commit myself to when I see I want to make a joke within a conversation to stop and breathe and to see what is behind the joke, to investigate “who i am” within the joke and to instead of joking as to get attention to re-direct the attention off the topic/conversation that I judge or feel less than. 

I commit myself to when I see I make jokes and to act out as the funny guy in moments, to breathe and to stop any energy movement and to look within myself as to why I ma doing it, and to write and self forgive the inner points such as fear/insecurities/self judgments/self beliefs etc and to stand and change and to stop hiding and accepting and allowing myself to limit myself within my participation in what is here.

I commit myself to when I see I am going into a joking mind to look at what activated the joking mode within me, and to when I see what it is to not accept and allow it to direct me and to instead correct myself in and as breathe within practically correcting myself in the moment with my behavior as that which is best for all life as myself and to stop all form of self accepted and allowed limitations.