Day in and day out doing the same, the same thing every day, the same routines, the same patterns, the same structures, the same short terms and long terms patterns.
You can take a look for yourself, everyone reaches this stage in their life, where the NEW and freshness of “life” is over. When everything we started doing and wanted to achieve either came true or just never do, we then fall into routines, where every day is the same from waking up to going to sleep.
Have you reached this point yet? Where you sit down with yourself and you take a look at yourself and your life, and you ask yourself one simple question that can either bring you to a point of questioning reality and getting some straight real answers and develop some self-honesty and get moving forward, or you can ask this simple exact question and fall into a pit of self-pity and victimization, which leads to depression, anxiety and many other things that flow out from that in our lives.
If you have not reached this point in your life, then the system that is here as the current accepted and allowed way of life on earth for all life as abuse, fits you pretty well. Many find this system very content, secure and relaxed, depending on their position and location within this world which is determines by their financial positions and relationships (sex) and that’s really all some people want and need to remain content and forget about life as a whole.
After I spend already 10 years within the schooling system within this world system, I reached this point as a final destination for myself within this system. I remember sitting in class with all the other kids, about 40 kids in one classroom. I looked around and I just saw all of us like zombies watching the teachers saying things to all of us, like it is important what she is saying, like it has the meaning and value of LIFE itself, and we are all just accepting and allowing it, taking it as a natural progression, way of life so to say. I kept looking at each kid, how they were sitting there by this tiny desk with this massive school bag filled with books, with their pens and books on the table and all of this for what?
I reflected in that moment on my parents, as the end result of what I am not busy doing and what I am doing in school and what the results will be for me after school and some years into the workplace. All I could see was, work. A father that came home late nights from making money, a Mother tired from looking after three kid and losing her own life/time, same for the father and living for the day they can retire and finally live when they are too old to live. (Not to mention all the bullshit and drama and all the other relationships and emotional shit that comes with it all in between).
I had a moment after this reflection in the classroom, and I had a slight fear/anxiety of feeling trapped, feeling like I am being forced into all of this, when did I have a say, where did I take part in these decisions of what my life must be and how it must be, when did I ever agree to the system and wanting to work and live for money, I didn’t get a say in any of it, I mean this system even gives the options and possibilities of poverty, famine and starvation, rape and murder and crime, who the fuck decided this is my options?
There HAS to be something else, something MORE, either the possibilities of it, or I would have to make deliberate decisions that isn’t just “normal”.
How at the age of 16 was it possible for me to already be fucked up? To already be depressed and sad and stressed?
I started to rebel, I refused to just go with the flow of the system. I ended up leaving school early and not finishing, I worked as a waiter to earn some money. In the meantime I started venturing into finding out more about life, about what is here and what are the possibilities on this BIG planet of ours. In my mind I had an Idea of the world and our planet, that there are still parts of this earth that does not belong to anyone and where anything is possible, a place to run away to, to find a new world so to say on this planet. I soon discovered that every single corner of the Earth has already been occupied, and basically it is the same everywhere – what made it the same everywhere was the one thing that was the same, and that is money and the systems revolving around money.
Everything I wanted to do didn’t exist or weren’t possible as I wanted to do it, due to money controlling everything. It is set up in such a way that everything is monetized and that to have or do anything you need money, there is no FREE WILL or FREE CHOICE as I was taught, it is either money or not, and we know how it goes either way.
I then discovered in that time, that there was a new world, a different world to still explore and go into, this was into me, into myself, to journey inwards, as outwards was of no question anymore, everything started to turn sour outwards, I started resenting and hating, I got angry and frustrated, depressed and spiteful, to much conflicts started arising within my world, which wasn’t good either.
This one moment, this one question of “is this all there Is to life” threw me off a lot, and I know most people avoid even going into this question, as it can and will shatter our “world” and we will be forced to face some self-honesty with what we have suppressed and denied of ourselves for so long by just taking it as it comes. It is the same thing as do not question GOD, it Is actually that money is god, so do not question money, because if you do question god/money and actually go into answering the questions for yourself in self-honesty you will find with common sense that it is all nonsense, it makes no sense and we are senselessly going through life, numbing ourselves to reality and forgetting ourselves, real sell outs.
So, the journey inwards is very interesting, and quit a big point within understanding as within so without, as we do not question, and so simply accept and allow, as questions leads to answers that must be common sense, and we can only but act and respond on what we have accepted as common sense, if we do not, we create depression, anxiety and stress, as we are not acting on what we know, so we know we are creating something that isn’t good, that’s why we are stressed, anxious and fearful, because we KNOW we are accepting and allowing brutal dishonest and evil shit, and thus from that point we deserve to be full of fear, anxious and stressed, because we are doing nothing about life on earth and the conditions that we are accepting and allowing, will come to us as they are being done and given to billions of others.
I have dealt with a lot of Addictions in my life, from Porn, Alcohol to smoking as the obvious ones. We have many addictions that we participate within, such as coffee, sweets and just spending money.
I have worked with Habits and patterns for the past few years of my life to deconstruct them and to understand them, to see who I am within my patterns and habit, why I formed them, how I formed them and if they are actually supportive or not.
I have found that 90% of my habits and patterns just like the obvious addictions and the not so obvious ones are not best for me or anyone else. in some cases they are supportive.
Yesterday I woke up and I once again in awareness walked through my morning within just waking up, I looked at the patterns and the habits that come up during my morning routine and why I do them, how I do them and what is it all for in the way I am waking up and going about my morning.
Within this the word Ritual came up, I noticed, specifically withing my morning routine that the patterns and the habits of the morning routine together forms a ritual. This brought me to a whole other level of understanding myself and not only how I do things but more specifically the WHY, as the believes and ideas behind the how.
Lets look at the noun for ritual
a religious or solemn ceremony consisting of a series of actions performed according
to a prescribed order.
Now, here we have to take into account the definition of prescribe as well, as understanding this word within Ritual brings quit a bit to the surface.
Definition of Prescribe - state authoritatively or as a rule that (an action or procedure) should be carried out.
Within the word prescribe we can also simply use IMPOSE, Each morning when I wake up I have a set of patterns and habits that I am imposing onto myself to LIVE as my ritual, as I believe doing things a certain way will make me experience myself a certain way, and this has some truth to it, except it is in reverse. We believe that HOW and what we do changes who we are, so we create certain patterns and habits that forms a ritual that we live to change how we experience ourselves and thus how we will take on each day.
The problem I have found with this is that the ritual becomes a dependency, and if we for some reason can not fulfill the ritual then the magical powers we receive from it will not be there and thus we will experience ourselves differently.
In my morning ritual after getting out of bed, I MUST first Drink water, if I do not have that first cup of water then I have the believe that I will have a dry mouth all day, that my body will be tired and not feel strong. Even if this is true and practical to have a glass of water each morning first, what compromises such practical point i the FEAR attached to it of if we do not do it, thus this practical point has now become a ritual of polarities, where we do one thing to avoid the other, and if we should ever compromise this ritual then we access that fear and we live the polarity. Thus we create the problem and enforce the ritual/belief and limit ourselves to this polarity designs.
I used to have it that if I wake up in the morning I MUST wash my face off with water first thing in the morning, or I will feel tired during the day, this ritual activity was enforced by the negative fear point of being tired, so I wash my face each morning out of fear of being tired, confirming to myself that I am tired each and every morning by living this action, and the same goes for drinking water the first thing in the morning, by drinking the water from the starting point of fearing being dehydrated and if I do not drink it, made me wake up every morning with a dry mouth and feeling dehydrated.
I used to use lip balm, to keep my lips soft and moist. I would carry a stick of lip balm with me everywhere I go. Ever few hours I would pop out y lip balm and I would start putting it all over my lips, while I am doing that I would think to myself, YES, keep it nice and soft, moist. what was behind that thinking was that I feared having dry lips that ends up cracking and looking ugly, as I had a believe behind that, that I naturally had dry lips, weak lips, different lips t others, or that the climate does not agree with my specific and special body. So I used lip balm for years, always enforcing the believes within the actions I took, the rituals I participated within, thus the things I IMPOSED onto myself, such as I am always dehydrated, I am always tired, I always have dry lips, and thus I created these rituals to have a positive change so to say, yet I never realized that my rituals were actually making all the things I believed of myself so, to be so, to be true, keeping it and creating it.
I have stopped using lip balm about 14 years ago, and I have never had dry lips again, I have stopped splashing my face in the mornings with water for years now, and I have realized that I can simply be awake, I just had to drop the believes I had of myself, the ideas and opinions I was imposing onto myself, I did these things gradually as to not compromise myself, I obviously did condition the body, so I simply had to unconditioned them and realize that everything has got to do with WHO I AM and that determines what I do.
Let me explain a bit more, currently we have the mentality that we are defined by what we do, and what we do gives us value. which is the same as saying that a Seed of a tree must first be a tree before it has the value of a tree, yet the seed is created and born with that value already, it did not have to become a tree first to have that value, it is naturally the value of the seed. The same with humans, we are BORN with the value of LIFE, we have it, it is us, we do not have to DO all these things before we have value, we simply had to realize we are the value of life ad then LIVE that, it is all in revere.
Because we have revered everything where we now have believes, ideas and opinions of ourselves within our minds about ourselves, we are constantly living in self-comparison with yourself of being worthless or not, and we try to change these believes and ideas and opinions about ourselves through the things we do, and thus we create addictions, habits and patterns and eventually we have rituals. instead of realizing that we need to STOP the beliefs, ideas and opinions we have of ourselves and realize ourselves as the value of LIFE which we inherently are/have. Thus we can GROW from that as LIFE just like how a tree grows from the seed naturally.
So, take a look for yourself, what Rituals do you have that you believe you must perform each and everyday day during your days to be a certain way, to exist a certain way, to experience yourself a certain way, and here I want to be clear, they can be positive or negative rituals, some enjoy negativity and some positive and both are of the same coin.
Because these rituals are keeping the opposite things in place, they impose conditions and are not what they are believed to be. It takes some practice to see deeper dimensions, to see what things are in reverse and to understand what they are actually imposing, creating and keeping in place.
When I was a teenager, I had a secret bag in my closet, packed with what I deemed "survival gear" lol. This bag was a manife...
Image I am age I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live/exist as an image, where this image has become in m...
Story: I am 6 years old, there is a party of some sorts at my home. Lots of people have shown up. Everyone is walking around or sitting...
Love , Sex and Relationships , Day 3 of 21 – Day 588 Note: The following self-forgiveness are from points I have walked, and still walk...