Day 278 – Self Doubt Part 3

Self Doubt, looking at the words of self doubt I see that doubting myself is something I also learned, I wasn’t born with confidence neither with self doubt.

How did I then develop self doubt through my life and why did I in particular accept and allow the doubting part of myself, the negative parts mostly/more.

This goes deeper as self doubt is a outflow of something else – Here I have to look at the bigger picture/reality of things, this means I have to go way back to the beginning where I was a baby and to within common sense assess for myself how this came to be.

In the beginning I was empty, I had genetics already that was passed on but in terms of my mind development there was nothing yet as thoughts/feelings/emotions, as they are all rooted from experiences that form memories that is stored within the physical body.

So now I can see it is a educational point, a point of how I was raised and what my environment impulse me with.

Since those are the first things that have “influence on me the moment I am born into this world.
So how as a child was doubt imprinted within me through my environment, I can assume and make things up and think about things that might have been, but I cannot remember YET!!

So I move back to basics, work with what is HERE, why is this the basics, because what is HERE as me as ALL of me is also the past, and my past present and my past futures and here I am as all of it the current manifestation, so I can see that who I am/have accepted and allowed myself to be as my past as the totality pf my past from the beginning of birth is still here as me.

So I will look at the present moment which includes my past and see direct.

I doubt myself in learning something new and that I will get it, I doubt myself as a Living being, I doubt myself within being able to handle LIFE, I doubt myself within expressing myself here, I doubt myself to let go, to breathe and to live, I doubt that I am more then what I am currently as I have always been who I am currently.

THERE is the point, I doubt that I can ever be more then who I am currently as I have always been who I am currently.

So here I see this part of me that is in doubt, I doubt that who I am as insecure will ever change, I doubt that who I am as fear will ever change, I doubt that who I am as all the thoughts/back chat I have will ever change, I doubt that I can even change as it always only feel like I have been adjusting instead of actually change.

So the doubt is rooted in all of me from birth till HERE, it is a general way of how I was raised and what was within my environment as the people and their behaviors towards me and the words they used and the attitudes and the set up of my environment I grew up in.

I see a point of when I was small – that those that has gone before me and that raised me always already had an IDEA/Belief and desired picture concept of me inside their heads that was constantly acted out towards me as who I should be as what they wanted me to be, expected me to be, and thus I was in those that raised me already molded to their Ideas/believes/hopes in their heads and could not be anything else already at that age.

I see the picture/memory – I am a little child standing in front of a bunch of adults, they are all looking at me and expecting something from me, I am supposed to sing and make them laugh/happy and I am apparently a good singer and cute they say, I do not want to do it, yet they are forcing me through creating Ideas in the group about me and how they believe me to be, so I believe it must be who I am thus I must now sing for the adults and make them happy/entertain them. I sing and I here remarks, It was great they say, they are laughing, I feel small and used – I don’t want to do that again.

In that memory I see how I can now create NO confidence in singing and where doubt is created in my ability to sing – this created no confidence over all and doubt within myself over all - as who I now have defined myself to be and Who I am, a good singer but yet I am laughed at and cute. The experiences was left within me to do with as I please as no one ever educated me on what feelings and emotions are and how they are created and where they come from. It’s a mess.

To be continued.

Day 277 – Self Doubt Part 2

Day 276 – Self Doubt - Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge myself as un-able and not capable of taking on responsibilities within the weird believe that those that are capable and able are naturally born with such capabilities and thus I must be less then and that something is wrong with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had to be born with the awesomeness of being able and capable of taking responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people that have the capability and that are able to take on responsibilities are awesome and better than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize the physical programming a person had to go through as a child as the education the child received which is determined by where the child is born and the circumstances of the child’s environment is that determined if the other person developed points of responsibility or not, and thus to see and realize that one isn’t born with such “ability” it is something we learned and proof to ourselves within applying the physical actions of “taking responsibility”, thus it isn’t a magical act as I have perceive it to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that to be able to take on responsibility one must have something magical within self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act out on this assumption that I can magically take on points of responsibilities, instead of seeing and realizing that when and as I do it this way that I create self doubt within myself as I do it in a magical energetic moment that does not consider anything but self interest which usually leads to me failing the responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I must start with taking on points of responsibilities that already can and have handled and to from there grow and expand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be patient with myself and developing the skill to take on ALL responsibility through working with what is here as myself first and to then expand from myself outwards into all that is here to Be LIFE in myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the responsibilities that I have firstly towards myself is small and not important and thus always attempt to take on more then what I can handle and fail myself, setting myself up to only doubt myself more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a Believe that I call my sense of responsibility that I must always take on more then I can handle otherwise the world will go to shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to take on points of responsibilities without an energetic experience directing me to making such a commitment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Doubt myself even after proofing to myself that I can take on big points of responsibilities after years of proofing it to myself just because someone else said something or made a sound.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by what others have to say about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make what others say about me important, not seeing and realizing that it does not matter what others have to say about me I am the one deciding who i am in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give permission to all those around me to influence me through accepting and allowing myself to be who I am as self doubt as the mind as judgments/beliefs/ideas/opinions about myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I am influenced by others and their words that whatever they say isn’t new to me as they are just voicing/confirming what I have already judged and placed onto myself by myself within my mind and now I feel that they are the ones influencing me, yet they are only showing me what I am already accepting and allowing within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value to what I think/belief about myself as past experienced that come up as thoughts and emotions and feelings and to make it all true and thus identify myself as the past as all the memories recreating the present as my future as the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I stand completely in absolute certainty of who I am as who I decide I am as that which is best for all life in all ways as Me that nothing and no one can ever influence me as I stand clear and in self trust and living with no fear as the mind as energy as the past.

To be continued.

Day 276 – Self Doubt - Part 1


we are building a tank, I am in a group of people, we are all taking part in a new task, it is requested that a few of us take a point of responsibility on within in the new task, I put my hand up and I say with confidence that I will take it on, someone in the group makes a sound – Umm, ok cool that you are willing to try. I reacted to the umm sound, I took it on as the other person doubting me and me being unable to do it, like the other person knows something about me that I don’t, that will be the reason for me not being able to and fail. I was confident within myself taking on the one point of responsibility till someone else responded not as I would have wanted it.
So what did I expect, what was my want/desire in that moment that I agreed to the responsibility within confidence?

I wanted everyone to react positively and to believe in me and to have faith within me and to see me capable and able. The response was different as a negative feedback. This showed me that my starting point wasn’t self honest and who I was/am within the moment of taking on the responsibility wasn’t self honest and thus it was all for the energy of the moment and seeking more energy. The point is to change the starting point and to be self honest with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on a point of responsibility from the starting point of wanting to prove myself to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take on a point of responsibility from the starting point of being self honest with myself and what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on a point of responsibility from the starting point of wanting/desiring a positive feedback/energy experience, seeing and realizing that such a experience/feedback is temporarily and the responsibility is long termed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to raise my hand and voice in confidence in the moment that I experience a high in energy to take on a long term responsibility, not seeing and realizing that the energy high will go away and that I will still be in the position I voted myself in to as being responsible for that certain point and then I will have to face myself and the responsibility and what is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I have a temporary energy high of excitement to do something that I will in that moment be high and thus not be able to first consider that real actual physical implications and to then assess and make a decision that is clear and with the starting point of self honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on points of responsibility from the starting point of wanting others to believe in me, seeing and realizing how I have placed believing in myself out side of myself and that it is something I must get from others through confirming it within me first before I can believe in myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not believe in myself and to give to myself the breathes and the discipline and the focus as breathing to prove to myself that I can believe in myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear believing in myself first and to then live the Belief within me to Be Life as me where I give myself the breathes that is required to walk to be life one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I first require others to believe in me before I can be Life within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from being Life within me through seeking being Life within others through what I give myself fort to be in moments that seem big and important such as taking on responsibility to get the energy feedback from others as a thumbs up to only then be allowed to be Life within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek within others what I can give to myself as appoint of fearing that if I give it to myself that it will not be real, seeing and realizing that I can also never trust what I receive from others. Thus it is best to give to myself the Believe in myself and to then live it physically and practically as that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put myself up for taking on points of responsibilities before I even believe in myself and to only then afterward deem myself capable if the feedback from others were positive, and to within this react in opposite when and as the feedback is negative and to still be with the responsibility and to take on the task/point in a manner of doing it half.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself through seeking for a positive energy feedback from others when and as I put my hand up and voice myself as taking on a responsibility and to then when I do not find what I seek but instead the opposite to also compromise the responsibility I took on and the group as I feel to proud to say NO I cant in the fear of others seeing me as less then.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on points of responsibility from the starting point of fear, where I feel less than others and want to see if others agree with me or not through putting my hands up in moments that “count and to see what others response is as the feedback is what I use to determine for myself who I will define myself as, seeing and realizing that this is self abuse and not best for all, as I am creating scenarios where I set myself up to create my fear and to validate it through responses that I create. Seeing and realizing that I define who I am and thus no one else is required and that I can through my practical living and application proof only to myself who I am as I am always with myself as who I am and that this will determine what I do as my self-honesty.

To be continued.

SA Pupils Terrified – Bullying - Day 275


One of the articles in the Mercury newspaper of January 28, 2012 is about Bullying in schools that is increasing.
The bullying is increasing – “MORE than Half the children interviewed in a recent survey on Bullying said hey Have experienced it at school and 40% wanted the police to protect them.” – The Mercury.

Where is the questions that isn’t asked or answered within the article, it is actually a very short article basically ONLY showing the bullying is increasing and how the research for this finding has been done, Yet such findings that is quite terrifying MUST get a lot more research and a whole page in the newspaper, as it is the children of our future that is now growing up as bullies or as the ones being bullied, and it is increasing.

Let’s keep it simple, ALL humans being start out as babies, babies does not come with any knowledge and information about the world they are entering, they do not have any concept of anything that is here.

So it is up to the people that they interact with the very first time and then for the next seven years of their lives to teach and show and educate the child “the way of Live’ this isn’t just done through telling the kid stuff, it is done through WHO we are and how we physically live and interact, because a child learns through everything they see/touch/smell/hear/taste.

There is a saying that it is never the advice you give your kids that will stick with them, it is how you applied the advice yourself that will.

It is like being a teenager and your father is having a chat with you – he says, Son don’t ever drink alcohol, it isn’t good for you and will make you do bad things, while the father has a beer in his hands – what will the child learn from that??

So here I gave some insight to what I am going to say.

Bullying always starts at how, it isn’t because the child is being abused physically at home, it isn’t just because of that reason to be more clear, it is daily living, it is everything involved within a child’s live, it is the environment, it is the people within the environment it is the outside forces such as Radio/Tv and all media, it is everything that is here that is influencing the child from the moment the child is born into this world, it is what we impulse the child with in every moment with everything that is here that the child will absorb and take on.

So Bullying is increasing and it is happening quite fast if I look at it, taking it from my school days. I did not consider having cops over yet, there was at least two fight a week, and there was the regular bully in school that everyone knew.

But now it is more than half of the pupils being interviewed that say they have experienced bullying.

This isn’t a coincidence when we look at the whole picture and what is going on in the world, the world in itself is negative, we have created a world of negativity while we constantly portray positivity and that love and hope is the answer to making things better, yet things are getting worse, kids are seeing this and they are experiencing a sense of powerlessness, they are experiencing poverty within themselves, because our kids are going to school in the hope and positive attitude of that they can have a positive future, while the reality around them is already giving them only negative feedback, the economy is falling, people are losing jobs left and right, new qualified students can’t find jobs, and maybe in the households of many of the bullies there is a parent with no job, or money is always low or there isn’t any money or even just the fake promise of a better tomorrow is creating children living in constant fear and anxiety of the truth they are faced with everyday of what is really around them. and this is all the things that will come out in forms of violence, in a form of re-gaining a sense of some control or some safety.

This is applicable to rich and poor and middle class children, because it does not matter which class you are in now, in terms of money, we all belong to the same economy, we are all bound and enslaved to the same money that buys us food and water and cloths and shelter and safety, and if this economy isn’t working or failing, it effects everyone.

This is one perspective on why bullying will and has been increasing; stress is a major form/cause of bullying.

So we can also look at family issues that cause bullying, where parents fight and divorce and where the children are shouted at or even beaten and slapped or just being used or even where children are spoiled can cause a sense of power to abuse/bully and this is also related to money, where there is in general inequality of money , it is also all outflows from something else, we can say something greater, and we call it money, why would parents be fighting? Most fight is usually about money – since more than 50 percent of South Africans are jobless and then the rest as just making it or have minimum wages or just in the middle class and then some rich, usually the rich has more then enough and this also creates a form of bullying as the rich feel entitled to do so by status, we can only see the obvious problem is money.

there is the occasional family that will have fights that is more personal towards each other then we can say they have enough money still to indulge in luxury fight/arguments as I call it.

The entire point I am bringing in here is that The whole and entire state of the world as a whole and where the world that is driven everywhere by the same thing called money is going to the exact same thing/point and that is a economic disaster leaving a fearful and bleak future for all the children, this is why it is showing in the children, because there isn’t really a future, those of us that still see a future we are fortunate to have some good money still, but it won’t last long.

As Long as we do not tackle the problem at a worldwide level where the we create a world that is best for ALL LIFE that will ensure a bright future for each and every child born into this world, where we can say to our children we love them with actual real proof that can be backed up through the world we give them to live in where we ensure their lives are secure from birth till death, Bullying and violence will constantly increase and we will have a generation of children that has no respect for anyone that has gone before them, because look at the world we bring and accept and allow them to grow up in.

So why do we “adults” deserve respect, we don’t currently, we are destroying our children’s forests, we are killing their only planet and yet we bring them here and tell them we love them and raise them and then we just throw them in and say swim and hope you don’t drown.

We are creating the bullies in every aspect of what we have accepted and allowed to be created/exist here as our world system for them to grow up in, we are creating generations that will not think twice of killing/fighting and living as the beings we are creating them as the world.

We are looking at the children being the problem, but we are not looking at who created the perfect environment for such a problem to exist, it is US the current adults that created this world through our direct and in direct participation the way it is, we are the bullies bullying the children into a world of evil, a world of disasters and murder and rape and poverty and WAR and misery and abuse and where it is possible to die of hunger or from the cold outside or from dehydration simple through where we are born, while we promote and lie to them about happiness and love and positivity to make it all seem okay.

Yet it isn’t okay at all, we need to take self responsibility for this problem, and the only way we can ever redeem ourselves and get self respect and honor - is through directly taking on the problem and admitting our failed responsibility of creating a heaven for our children BEFORE we ever brought them into this live/world as true love where all live is equal and in harmony and where there is no fear/survival, and to give up our pride and our desired and hopes and to take action through supporting a new way of live and to create it.

This is where I come in with the solution, it is to remove the problem of bullying at the root cause, removing the cause/effect as the roots as the current Monetary system, and replace it with a new monetary system that is best for all life and not based on profit and greed and self interest, but where all humans get a certified life from birth till death and remove fear/survival from the equation.

This is the Equal Money Capitalism System proposal.

I have given only a few dimensions to the entire point, further self investigation is required at the links to follow in this blog.

Support us at Equal Money System website here - Support EMS

To get full view of what is proposed here check out the links below.

Day 162: EQUAL MONEY CAPITALISM - The Way Forward
Day 163: Equal Money Capitalism - Redefining Profit
Day 164: Equal Money Capitalism - Preparing the Road for Change
Day 165: Equal Profit Share and Equal Money Capitalism
Day 166: Corporate Social Responsibility in Equal Money Capitalism
Day 167: Harmony and Equilibrium within Equal Money Capitalism
Day 168: The Future of Integrity with Equal Money Capitalism
Day 169: Equal Living within Equal Money Capitalism
Day 170: Companies and Industries in EMC
Day 171: LIfe-Force and Expression in Equal Money Capitalism
Day 172: Retirement and Holidays within Equal Money Capitalism

Day 173: Supply, Demand, Business and Scarcity in Equal Money Capitalism Day 174: Loyalty to Life in Equal Money Capitalism
Day 175: The Economic Problem and Equal Money Capitalism
Day 176: Will the Elite Manipulate the Public to Push for Privatization in EMC?
Day 177: Will there still be Retrenchment in Equal Money Capitalism?
Day 178: Zuma says to benefactors: "Everything you touch will multiply" - EMC will End Corruption
Day 179: Resource-ism, not racism, lies behind SA's race talk
Day 180: The Word 'Capitalism' in 'Equal Money Capitalism'
Day 181: Applied Equality in Equal Money Capitalism

 

 

 

 

 




 

 

 

 

 

 






Day 274 – No such Thing as Justified Back Chat – Part 3

 Day 272 –Confidence (Con the Evidence) in our heads – there is no justified back chat.
Day 273 – Confidence in our heads, no such things as Justified Back-Chat Part 2
 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that having back-chat in my head abut others compromise my actual talking to others as the back chat will interfere as reactions.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that talking about other people in my head is deceptive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I talk about another in my head and to then talk to them in real live that I am lying and deceiving them and myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have secret conversations in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I talk to myself within my mind that I create reactions as the feelings/emotions I generate within me within what I tell myself as the thoughts I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in a alternative reality within my mind where I can have secret conversations within my mind and to believe that it will have no consequences within reality when and as I have to communicate with others for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I have secret conversations in my head about others or things - that it is a side effects of who I am and have accepted and allowed myself to be within and as the past events/experiences within my live and that back chat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that back chat I come up with in my head as reasoning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question my reasoning within my back chat to see why I say what I am saying and to bring the points back to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that the back chat I have is but a mask to hide myself from myself as parts of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my back chat is valid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I have back-chat about others or things that it is a indication or a reference for me to see what the back chat is defending and what I can do about it that the back chat is de3fending/hiding or what I am UN-willing to look at.

To be continued.

Day 273 – Confidence in our heads, no such things as Justified Back-Chat Part 2

 


Continuing from:

It turned out it was a BIG NOT!! Joke. Where you say something and ends it off with NOT!! Hahaha.
Those were simple all along all my cleaver disguised justifications/reasoning/manipulations I used and actually created myself as them to make them real so others should believe me. Fuck it is weird shit.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within back chat believing it is justified.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my back chat because I am able to reason with myself in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that reasoning within my head with myself as back chat towards/about others/thing is a reason for consuming my head with shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my own voice as back chat within my head where I am always right and where my reasoning conveniently always make sense/reason.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if and when I am always right within my head within back chat that there is a problem and I cannot trust myself in my head at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if I always believe what’s going on in my back chat as reasoning that I will built a deceptive confidence within myself that is always against myself as my reasoning within my head is only prom my perspective based on my limited knowledge and information in my head.

To be continued.

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