Day 369 – Positivity as paranoia Part 3







Day 368 – Positivity as paranoia Part2



As I wrote down Positivity I saw within that word how it is all about the I, as there are three I’s in that one word, and this I isn’t the real EYE that see physically, it is the I of self-interest that focuses only on self and self’s happiness, on self’s positivity. 

So ask myself, why would I want to live a life where I always only focus on being happy and positive, or maybe I should ask myself the right question here, HOW will I live a life of only happiness, of only positivity, it requires some form of motivation.

And what better way of motivating oneself through using negativity, FEAR and paranoia.
I have been chased by a dog once, I was riding on my bike and suddenly this dog came out of nowhere, around me was a lot of fields and bush and I was riding on a dirt road, this dog was coming full speed, I had a BIG reaction, my chest was electrified with energy, negative energy, loads of fear, I lifted my ass and started to push those pedals hard and fast, because as I was experiencing this Fear and I was obviously paranoid, a lot of paranoia, Irrational fear – expecting the worst, I was going to die.

It was a big dog, I was fast on my bike, but the dog was also fast on his four legs, I only now realized that I created a shit load of irrational fear (paranoia) to stimulate enough positive energy where I would be motivated to get my ass up and peddle as hard and as fast as possible to get away, I was positive that I would make it, I would make it, even though the chances seemed like I was going to die, In my head of course, it’s called paranoia. 

I eventually came to the downhill part and went faster, the dog chased and I just could not go on anymore, I was tired and overwhelmed with fear, I drove into the bushes and hit a tree while not looking, just keeping my eye on the dog, I fell off my bike and I was really worried, but it was quite. I did not head a single bird sing, the dog was gone, I cached my breathe and I got myself and my bike up and ready, and I paddled away. 

I was very confused about what just happened, but I did not feel positive or negative after that event, I was physically exhausted and breathing a lot.

Back to the original point from day one and Day two on this topic, now giving that example of how I used Negativity as paranoia to stimulate and motivate me to be positive I am most curious to where in my Life am I still doing this, or have I always done this.

If I look at my childhood years and how Christianity was pumped into the heads of the children of all the things about SATAN and GOD, Satan was that point of irrational fear, that point of keeping the kids paranoid the whole time and thus to do the right thing, the positive things, which is believing in god and most of all to fear god because he is a loving god, fuck look at all that paranoia linked to positivity, trained and programmed into me and all the other children. 

The question then comes, does positivity really exist if all and any positivity requires negativity to motivate its existence, to stimulate the existence of positivity, I mean if people did not fear they would not have required love, because love is unidentifiable without hate/without fear, love is just a word of nothingness if love in its sound does not mirror its opposite to self of NOT being loved, being hated, not being accepted/special and all the bs.

When the word love is used it isn’t just a word of love, it is a word of Hate and love, because the word love must remind each and every person using it of all the opposites negative hateful things that isn’t love for that word to have any meaning, it must place a person in a state of paranoia when one is told that one is loved for love to have it meaning.
To be continued.

Day 368 – Positivity as paranoia Part 2





When everyone becomes positive, you must know there is paranoia. See there is a difference between practicality and positivity. 

Using practicality does not require one to be positive, because being practical works on math, there is a outcome, either way, it isn’t expected to be positive or negative.

When one uses positivity to solve problems then it is backed by paranoia, because the outcome is left in the air, with hope and faith, it is like being positive while crossing a red light at a robot. 
Practicality is, wait at the red light and then cross when it is green, it takes time and patience but you will cross. 

Continuing from the last blog -- “Here is how I used positivity to hide and cloak the paranoia, the reality, the facts when and as I started happening to me and still is……. “

When I started working as a car salesmen I was placed within the second hand department to train and to sell, not long after that I was moved to the new car department, I lost a bit of motivation within this transition because I spend all my training in the second hand department, knowing the cars and how to sell them through observation. 

I was paranoid because here I am with bran new cars, how do I sell them, what I need to know about them, they are from China and they are not well known. 

So I said to myself, I will learn, I will get it, I will sell these cars, it must be easy. I have no choice, so here I lose another two weeks getting the hang of the new floor and getting into the way the floor works around there, plus learning to know the cars, then I spend all my Time never being there, I was used to drive and to pick up and to transport and to do all kinds of things, people sometimes even forgot I worked there. 

Then it started slowing down, I started getting my position right, I started going less and less away by the second month on the new cars sales section, a week in they suddenly changed me again to the second hand cars department again, this fucked me around again, I still haven’t sold one car.

This is where the paranoia came in again, I have been moved again, I have been de-rooted from my foundation again, I now have to only sell second hand cars again, I have to forget everything I learned about the new cars and focus on how to sell the used ones, I was there for two weeks without really being send away as usual, I thought this is good, I can now focus on selling a car for ones. 

And so I became positive again, I stayed positive, I had to stay positive, or the paranoia would get me, I have been in the car sales business for three months and not one car sold, I haven’t made any money, I have only spend money and lots and lots of time basically doing everything besides selling a car. I was paranoid that I would always be used to do everyone’s small jobs and favors and never have time for selling cars, but I stayed positive that it will and have to end someday, telling myself that every day, maybe today is the day. 

So I saw these two weeks as a thumbs up for this is it, I am now in a stable position where I can dedicate my focus to getting clients and making money, sell cars. 

Then the Royal show was coming up, this is a show that the NEW car sales department participates within, which I am not a part of, yet the boss and manager said, I must do it for the experienced, for which I agreed, the people experience, the show experience and all that. 

This was going to be another ten days that I will not sell a car guaranteed, as the show is more for advertisement purposes, But I agreed, I believed that the experience will get me to be a good sales person, to get over the people issues and to reality, so I can work with any and all people equally. 

After ten days of being at the Royal show and basically being alone there with thousands of people that can testify to that while we were supposed to be six people rotating, which never happened, it was a great physical experience for me to push through, standing alone as my own support. Really cool stuff. 

So I got back to work, I went on to call all my leads I collected from the Royal show and I got absolutely no sales from that, how pathetic, even after all the evidence of me not selling a car I somehow managed to stay “positive” because I was paranoid of what has already happened, all the time and money I spend making nothing of it all, even with the most busy show in the City I did not make one sale, with all the Hundreds of people I talked to and that made promises, nothing.

Two days after the show the boss comes to me, and he says, you are moving back to the NEW car sales department, I said oaky, since I had the royal show I know these cars like they are written on the back of my brain/hand, it will be a good move this time. For the best, I will definitely sell a car now.

But as before just like in the beginning when I started, Nothing happens on the floor in terms of customers and selling cars, I am just send around to do other jobs, I don’t mind, it is better than sitting around and doing nothing, but I might just lose that one customer that might walk in when I am gone, see the paranoia there linked to that positive idea of a customer might walk in. 

So I am back at the New car sales department, for about a week, just two days ago I was send to the BOTTOM, I am now not even on the show grounds/room, I was send to go sell cars outside far away from the building next to a parking lot, I have no office, I have to work out of a car and throw a show every day outside.

Here I can sell new and old cars, that’s a good deal for me, I do not mind, I am away from the boss and manager that always ask me to do all their things, like fetching their food, taking them somewhere, picking something up for them, fuck go and pay their bills or get their post. 

I am now open and away with the options of selling new and old cars, they are all there on display, just I have no office or phone or books or anything, it’s a tricky business. 

In one day I got four walk ins onto my parking lot, usually that happens in a week.

See how positive I am, because it has almost been four months now and I haven’t sold a damn thing, I don’t even know what to do with a client if they want to buy a car right now. That’s how much I have been trained. 

So the positivity I have been creating has only been to avoid the facts, the truth, the paranoia of ignoring the evidence that space and time is showing me. 

This does not mean quite your job now, this simply is to show how positivity hasn’t helped me to sell a fucking car, positivity has not helped me to get the business, it has only helped me to prolong the disease of hope and faith instead of taking real action. 

To be continued.

Day 367 – Positivity as paranoia Part 1.







I will write from my experience at work, I have been working as a car salesmen for four months now, the first month I was in training, I wasn’t learning about selling cars, I was learning basic stuff like moving cars, delivering cars, fetching cars and going all over the place with cars, this never really stopped as I am still used for doing just that. 

After two months I was given by badge to be a car salesmen, even though I haven’t learned anything about actually selling a car, so my training was happening real time, and this also meant that I now have to sell cars, and that I can earn more money than just my basic salary. 

In my first month that I was there I met a bunch of people in my department and within that first month three of these guys and a girl quite, they did not get fired, they left, they always talked about the place being way quit and that they haven’t sold even one car after being there for months already. 

I did not listen to them, I thought that they were just bad salesmen, they were always talking about today is the day I am going to sell all the cars on the floor, or they would always talk about “ almost selling a car” or they would say things like, I am not yet into the game as I am just warming up.

It always seemed like they were positive, that they were going to come right any moment and make the best of what they have available, yet nothing ever happened. 

I have talked to them a lot, I would ask them how much money do they make a month as a car salesmen, they would reply, that they have only been living off their basic salary, which is nothing if you have a home a family and all those things. 

They would say things to me like – I will sell cars soon and make more money, then afterwards they would complain bout everything they can, they would complain about things that is actually quite solid in evidence to be so, there is not customers, there is no car sales happening, there is no new customers coming in, the floor is dead.

And this is where I have seen the “paranoia” come in, because these guys do want to sell cars, they want to make money, so they stay positive, they remain optimists, they remain in the light of possibilities, yet this light usually only blinds people to not see what’s really happening, and around the third or fourth month that the guys have been there, they suddenly quite, they leave.

I started working there in the month that it was the third or fourth month for those guys being there, so I met them all and I said good bye to them as well. 

Here is the interesting part, as I listened to these guys and heard their stories and as I saw what happened to them and how they ended up, I started becoming paranoid, I started worrying that I would end up just like them, because from what I saw, it was quite real the negativity, or the facts in other words. 

BUT I remained positive, because I was paranoid, I said to myself, this will not happen to me, I have a great personality, I have skills that I still have to put to the test, I still have all these things that I can play with to make it work for myself, unlike them. 

YET all that positivity came from me being paranoid that what is happening to others and what did happen to them might and can happen to me, and then what? They were basically fucked, they were left without money, they had to make a decision between wasting time for almost no money and quitting their jobs and using the time to get better jobs to make money that is actually able to sustain their lives. 

As the months past and new guys came in and started working with me, I am now seeing the exact same thing happening to all four of us, the one guy is getting fired this month is he does not sell more cars than one, the manager for asked to step down as a new manager was put in place to see if that is a solution, the other guy isn’t making any money and needs to make money to support his kids in another province, and I haven’t sold one car in the four months I have been there. 

Here is how I used positivity to hide and cloak the paranoia, the reality, the facts when and as I started happening to me and still is…….
To be continued.

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