Day 182 – The Day I said F*** Spiritualism.

Day 182 – The Day I said F*** Spiritualism.

I used to like spiritualism stuff, like Reiki where you can heal yourself and others and transfer energy and where you work with crystals and all the things that is different from the rest of society that makes you feel like you are a good person, because I always just wanted to be a good person, so I went for the first thing that was like the ultimate thing of good, the light and the helping of others and Love and all the good stuff when I was about 16 and 17 years old.

I was into past life’s and chakras and I did a bit of research on it, not much as I was getting most of my info from my mother, I hated reading so I never cared to read up on spiritualism much, I took my mother’s words for it.

So for a while I was testing out everything I could with Reiki and healing myself, I got into a bike accident and I started applying Reiki on the wounds, it did not work but I someone how after a couple of months made myself belief that the Reiki made it work faster, It did not.

I wanted to go to Reiki schools where I could learn to become better and heal others with the white light and myself and correct the negative and make it positive.

I used to stand with a crystal on a rope in the living room and I would check my energy and where there are bad spots, when the crystal moves a certain direction it either says no or yes, when it says yes you clean the negative spot of your energy by making rubbing movements in the area, almost like cleaning a Windom.

I used to belief that I was an elemental creature from the spiritual realm that incarnated into this world to justify to myself why I wasn’t fitting in or why I was a bit different from the rest, just to feel extra special and to feel some comfort to why I was insecure.

I believed in aliens and that they were more enlightened than us and that they were waiting for us to be on their level spiritually before they would interact with us and help us, I used to wait at nights for them in my room to just come and communicate with me, I even tried to communicate with them, no different that how I communicated with god, through talking to myself LOL.

I used to place crystals on my chakras to clear them up and I even tried to unlock my extra chakra, I tried/forced myself to see peoples auroras and the colors, when I really just made it up, because I knew I could make it up and tell people I have the gift now and that they have a certain color aurora and that a certain color means something and about them, so that I could manipulate people and feel needed and special.

I used to meditate and think about different realities and other thing that had nothing to do with the real world here just because I was board and really needed something else to do.

After a year or so I said to myself – Ok I have been busy with all these things for a while now, I have done as people say and I have applied the techniques and so forth, and all I have achieved with spiritualism thus far was how to pretend very well.

So I took a book one day to read – I could not remember what the books name was but it was blue and had a Flower of Life symbol on it of some kind, it was quite a square book. Inside the book the person talked about aliens and spiritualism, this person had made a discovery on how to unlock our full potential as human beings through meditation y looking at how spaceships were created by aliens and how they run them.

This guy basically talked about how we have a energy field around us that is like the shape of an alien spaceship running through the head and feet outwards and creating spinning energy field, and that he has discovered a way to meditate to unlock this energy fields and its potential and then how to use it.
Basically you sit down in the meditation position and you place your arms on the knees and you hold with your indication fingers the thumbs while all the other fingers show upwards.

Now this meditation requires one to breathe slowly and deeply, the whole meditation process to unlocking your energy field works in a 13 breathe count, and as you breathe and count you move all your fingers onto your thumb while counting to thirteen and then as you do this you should unlock your potential.

I was really going for this, I said to myself today is the day I will have a breakthrough, I cannot pretend my life away that spiritualism works, today it must work, and I sat down and I started applying this method of meditation to unlock my energy field around me and to expand it and to be able to use it, I placed my whole boringness into this, there was no mistake about it.

As I started I count and I breathed and I moved my fingers accordingly, and after a very long period of time I ended it, it was done, I stood up and I opened my eyes and I believed, I visualized and I fucking knew it was going to be the day I see some results, and there was a bit NOTHING, I took the book and I placed it down on the table and I walked away and that was it, I never participated in spiritualism again, I realized in that split second that it was going to be like that forever and that it isn’t real, it is bullshit, I already wasted one year of my life. FUCK IT, time to get real and here I am with Desteni and the Equal Money System – now this it fucking Real. Find out and visit the sites.

www.equalmoney.org
www.desteni.org

Day 181 – Memories the present kept imprisoned in the cells

continuation of Day 180

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give any and all memories value and that they mean something and that they are special, not seeing and realizing that memories is simply the past and nothing more, and the past isn’t here unless I re-create the past through participating in memories and thus never moving forward and living life but only rewinding and replaying like a broken record.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize how ridiculous it is to hold onto memories that only I have in my head and that I can see/look at and play with as if it is real and wasting time and only distracting myself from what is here as reality and to make myself a slave to the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Trap the present in memories as prisons of pictures with energetic charges so that when and as I visit the prison cells as the memories are stored in the body in the cells, I can simply call the prisoner by its name and I will get a visitor/memory from the past that is either good or bad and I will get my energetic High from visiting the memory for a moment and then lock the memory back up, not seeing and realizing that I am over populating my prison and keeping it full – which cost energy and time and maintenance, instead of living here in and as the physical where everything is always here and no memory needed and thus no prison and not energy/costs/maintenance/time. And also not carrying the prison cells of memories with me everywhere I go is like taking a mountain of my back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I must fear letting go of memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I must hold on to memories for some mental reason that has no actual physical practicality except for keeping us all in the past and repeating the past through living in memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to ALWAYS make memories more than the present, not seeing and realizing that within this I am making life shit for myself as I constantly compare the present with past memories and the memories will always win as if I am in a contest with myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that as long as I hold onto the past and memories and energetic experiences of positive and negative that I am subject to those energies as I give them value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that as long as I connect energy such as feelings/emotions that it can and will be used against me either for positive or negative and that I will be directed by the memory and fall for the trap of re-creating the past, instead of breathing and self directing.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself speaking or telling a story to someone to stop when and as I see that I am doing so from the starting point of praising the past.

I commit myself to when and as someone brings up the past to use it against me as my actions and words from the past to serve their self interest as their starting point for doing so, to realize that as long as I give the past value and an energetic charge then I will be impulse/moved and not be able to stand and breathe in the present here stable as what is here and to not be manipulated and controlled by the past as the past is within the past and NOT who I am unless I decide so, seeing and realizing that memories are only limitation and control and enslavement of the mind.

I commit myself to investigate this point more and to follow up on this point to write it more specific in the future with an actual event to give as context.

Day 180 - Defining myself as the past Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the past against myself when and as I talk about past events that I have judged as negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I share past events with people to do it from the starting point of trying to share a part of who I belief I am to get approval/recognition from others as my past, not seeing and realizing that through this I am limiting myself and enslaving myself to the past as I place my past as a certain energy within others which then creates the feeling that I must now live as my past to make what I shared true.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that when I am sharing my past with another being that I must do so with feelings and emotions to re-create the experience for the other to experience and to within this lock myself as the experience as the past and actual identifying and deciding who I am as the past in that moment, thus enslaving myself and limiting myself to the past through others eyes as the Ideas I have created within them as who I was in the present.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I speak/share about certain past events that I have judged as negative/bad with another to not see and realize that within such a pact I physically take on the experience and only tell/confirm with myself that it is who I am and so repeat/time loop the past, instead of seeing and realizing that I am Here and the past is the past and to share the past must be done within self forgiveness and to let go so that the energy isnt transferred and corrupting myself and another if gullible, and to share from the starting point of what is best for all life in all ways as a physical sharing and not an energetic sharing that is like a poison to self and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge certain past events as negative and others as positive and tow within this Identify myself as the negative and positive energetic signatures based on past memories/events/experiences and to re-create the past as myself instead of correcting myself as that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I talk about certain past events to attack a negative judgment to it, instead of speaking/talking about it as the past as what it is and to not re-create it here in the present as who I am, seeing and realizing that it isn’t to separate self from the past but to stand one and equal as the past without any judgments as positive or negative judgments and to within this learn from the past and correct self to live that which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only want to share the good/positive stories of the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to only have good memories so that I can only identify myself as the good memories, not seeing and realizing that for me to have judged certain memories as good I must already have judged other memories as bad, and thus when and as I desire to only identify myself as the good memories I already within implication identify myself as the bad memories as they are both supporting one another and thus enslaving myself within a constant battle of good versus evil as the past within me and thus creating an identification crisis, seeing and realizing that it is to self forgive the past as all memories and to remove all energetic charges from memories and to give to oneself what is here in and as the physical as breathe where Who I am is decided in each and every moment and not determined or limited or a slave to the past as memories, and to within this see and realize that who I am in all ways have always been LIFE as the physical here and that I have been/am hiding in memories to avoid facing the reality of what is here as Who I am as the reality of what is here and to take self responsibility and change to that which is best for all life in all ways.

To be continued.

Day 179 - The Salesmen in my Head Part 3


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am in the Mall/shops to fear that I will forget to buy something that I might need, seeing and realizing that as I walk around with this fear I will look at everything in the shops from the starting point of fear that I might be forgetting to get it and to within this create everything in the Mall/Shops as stuff that I need/require, not seeing and realizing that this is a irrational fear that is programmed into me from society and the Media as a child where I have always been conditioned with needing stuff that isnt really needed, as I can see that ancient people from long ago could live with barely anything we have today and still here we are, so why the fuck do we suddenly need more shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by irrational fear of LOSS when and as I am in the mall/shops.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am in the mall to condition myself with rituals and patterns of buying stuff such as sweets/drinks/foods and other things within the Idea that going to the mall means MY TIME and within my time I deserve stuff for me, not seeing and realizing that this behavior accumulates at the end of each month where I would end up spending a shit load of money without noticing it, and to within this also not see that I ma in fact contributing to the destruction of nature as everything in the Malls/shops comes from the nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am at the mall/shops spend my money on random crap just because I have the Idea that it is my hard earned money and I MUST therefore spend the money on me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am within what I am buying and spending my money on voting for a world that does not support a life that is best for all life, and that this behavior is psychoanalytically as I have no regard for all life but only my own and how I experience myself when I spend money on senseless shit that was made with no purpose but to make money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Blindly spend money every time I am at the mall on the impulses that surrounds me as the shops are the temptations and to lead myself into temptation through participating in internal conversations/backchat and to always convince myself to why I need to buy it or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that my basics needs as a Human is really simplistic such as food/water/housing and that basic foods that support my body and water that support my body and a well functioning home that support me is all that is required and anything more is all self created beliefs of brainwashing and mindlessness behavior that was/is deliberate used by corporations to make billions and support a world of inequality and where our planet is raped for these needs/behaviors/patterns of each being voting for it all when purchased.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I buy something to not question my starting point as who I am within buying the product and if what I am buying is in fact real or just a energy satisfactory point of the mind that drains my wallet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am about to buy something to not question my motivations and why I am buying it, seeing and realizing that if I am buying something that isn’t necessary or in fact part of my survival that it is me being a brainwashed zombie following an energy feeling/emotion to satisfy something that isn’t real, and to not see and realize that this is how money disappears and how I get addicted to spending money on shit just to feel good for a moment and then my house/room is in a year of two full of crap and wasted, and to within this not see the GLOBAL effect it has on out one and only planet as this happens in billions of homes and then the shit get thrown away and ends up in our oceans and our soil and kills of billions of Life forms and that more must be made which requires more raping of our planet to take place just for that one moment we Feel like buying something instead of buying things that is in FACT required that is relevant to LIFE here in earth in consideration of ALL LIFE.

I commit myself to when and as I am in the Shops/mall to breathe and to consider what I buy within common sense and practicality and to not waste money on mindless spending where I sell things to myself in my head.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself having to “think” and convince myself to buy something to stop and realize that I am in that moment making it up if I need it or not, because I realize that if it is in fact a need and necessary I do not have to think about it because it is a need, such as buying a drink as my body must have water, of food as my body must eat or to buy the things that I know practically help me function within the current system that is here and to not waste money on BS.

I commit myself to when and as I am in the Mall/shops to Breathe and to direct and move myself to get to point A and to point |B and to not give into temptation, as this is a clear indication that I am not deciding what I am buying but rather a feeling/emotion/thought that is the result of memory and thus part of the brainwashing/mind control.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself making things up in my mind that id based on Fear of missing something and not getting what I might need, to stop and breathe and to realize if it isn’t a practical point then I can let it go and stop the fear and realize I am here as simple being functioning in a complicated system, and thus my basic needs is simple and anything else that is required of me to buy to help me function in the current system is practical Till the system is changed to Equal Money system where all Life is supported from birth till death and all basic needs are met I must remain practical within what is here and not irrational fear motivation that lead to buying Crap.

Day 178 – The salesman in my head, Buying Crap Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am a product of Capitalism and that I will be a capitalist within my mind where I will sell other peoples products to myself through back chat and internal conversations as the result of brainwashing and pro-gramming from those that has gone before me, and to within this spend and waist money on random crap that isn’t practical or an actual Necessity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I was raised and programmed to make decisions that is always in my own self interest and that it is always connected to money, as I will make all decisions based on money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Spend money just because I belief that the product I am buying is going to save me money because it is on a special or cheap, not seeing and realizing that this kind of behavior and thinking pattern is what advertisers brainwashed into society and people, because the obvious thing to save money is to NOT buy the shit on specials.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that me buying crap/shit just because it is on a special or cheap is from and as the starting point of fear, fear of not getting this deal again and fear of that i might need this thing I can buy now for cheaper somewhere in the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the whole world is on specials and sales and good deals daily because the people selling knows that we are all living in fear and self interest and thus they WILL take advantage of it through manipulating peoples decisions with money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I go to the mall to literally Create things within my mind right there and then in the mall that I Think I need suddenly and make myself belief I do need it, not seeing and realizing that it is absolute brainwashing directing me, there might as well have been a TV in my brain with a guy advertising everything I see to me and making it sound and look good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that that everything that is created within Capitalism isn’t made for your best interest, it is made to make Capital plain and simple and through this everything is made and created to SELL itself in your mind in your secret thoughts and back chat and that as we humans are raised to only be pockets of money for the monster system, we will fall for it all, all the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fool myself into thinking that the products that is within shops are there for ME to be able to live a life of value and worth, when in fact it is for me to make others worth something so they can have their values which is always money as the end result.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that The SECRET MIND where each human being is always alone with themselves talking and scheming and gossiping and doing who knows what in their minds is the tool that is being used through advertisements to inception of ideas/beliefs/fears into the people’s minds so that when they make a decision to buy crap people will always think they made the decision, because it happened in their minds, not seeing that it was secretly in the open implanted, and since no one ever reveals their secret minds to others or themselves it is used as a weapon to create the ultimate consumers.

To be continued.

Day 177 – Addicted to buying Random Crap.

I wrote in my previous two Blogs day 175 and Day 176 about my room that is always dirty. I then cleaned my room this weekend and got everything in place so that I can function practically within my room/living-space and not waste time searching for stuff and tripping over stuff and obviously to put away stuff that can harm the animals or that will lead the animals into temptation to chew on it and so forth, and to prevent the consequences as we as humans have such a ability as our responsibility.


So within cleaning my room I have discovered that part of the “crap” and “dirtiness” in my room is random Crap/stuff that I bought a while ago, and now it is all just laying around and taking up so much space. That is really unnecessary, and when I look for things such as the screw driver in my drawer I have to first look and scribble and move my hands through things I haven’t used or seen or touched in months or since I bought it.

So this is something I have to question about myself and what the fuck am I doing and why am I doing this and most importantly HOW am I doing it, why do I have things in my room that I bought that cost money , it accumulates into a lot of money that I literally never touch or use anymore or really have no purpose for, yet I keep it all and still do it from time to time when I look at it.

When I take a simple example such as my desk that has three drawers in it, I see that I use only one drawer maybe once a day to take out my cell phone or wallet. BUT my drawer is full of Stuff and lots of stuff, I see a knife, and a knife holder and I see old cigarette holders and CD pouches and fishing equipment and games and random keys and key holders and pens and lazar lights and tape and a watch and lots of cables, and this is only one drawer I am describing, then I have my closets and other places in the room with stuff in it.

I have probably only once taken out something I need from the other closets I have in the room this year, yet there is a shit load of stuff in there.

If I have to go and take a careful look at how much money this cost me over time and how it is just laying there for years now, it will be quite a lot.

So I must investigate HOW I came to buy this.

Let’s take for instance the watch I have found in my drawer that has been there for over a year now, it has a alarm that goes off every night at 12 and it makes a beeping sound (not to loud) and I have never once even with the beeping sound not taken it out.

When I bought this watch I was in the mall getting cloths, mostly looking for socks. As I was standing at pay point waiting for my turn next to me was a stand, on the stand there was a lot of watches, and they were all cheap so to say – usually you buy watch for seven hundred to one thousand rands as a good quality watch – this watch was only fifty rand and it looked pretty good.
So as the price was “cheap” my mind immediately made up some GOOD reasons to why I must buy this watch – It is like corporations/companies don’t really need to sell us anything anymore – al they have to do it make something look good and cheap and then we sell it to ourselves, because we are enslaved to the mind and brainwashed with money we have voices in our heads that sell us other peoples products for us lol.

I remember standing next to the watch and going, you know it is cheap and I actually need a watch, because if I have a watch on my all the time and people ask me what the time is, I do not have to take my phone out of my pocket and then click the button and check the time, I can simply look at my arm and say – it is this time. And it is cheap and it looks good and not cheap, plus I work on a farm, I can leave my expensive phone in the room and rather wear the watch – twenty seconds later I have the watch in my hands and I am buying it.

As I got out of the shop I immediately placed the watch on my arm – I convinced myself it is a good watch and quite comfortable – just so that i should not feel bad about the fact that I just wasted my money, because the truth was, as soon as I put the watch on I was uncomfortable, the watch was hurting my wrist. When I got back to the farm and I started working with the watch it was only in the way and getting hooked on everything, and I got a rash on my arm. I got to the room and I took it off and forgot about it.

Now if I look at the whole HOW process within the mind and How it worked I will see it is a Pattern that plays out in everything else that I buy in that way. It is linked to money first and then the selling it to yourself part as your internal conversations that has a nice energy feeling that you create with it, so it must be good and the right decision, so I must do it.

And at the end of every month I will have the same question as always – where did my money go, and then we actually make ourselves belief we do not have enough money (for those that do have money) billions have no money, I am referring to people with money. It all went to random crap and most of it - you cannot see in objects because it was used in little treats here and there to spoil yourself because you convinced yourself you deserved a bit of chocolate or sweets or sodas or pizzas or movies or whatever there is – it accumulates if the addiction isn’t stopped.

Earth is the price to pay. we need to change our actual Life Styles to be able to change the world with alternatives.

I will continue on this in my next blog.

Day 176 – My dirty Room as Who I am Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make keeping my room clean an effort, not seeing and realizing that only the mind makes the effort in thoughts/thinking, while in fact in and as the physical it only takes one breathe at a time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I come into my room and I want to take off my jacket or shoes or socks to only be in and as the mind as the want/need/desire to get the cloths off and to within this follow an energy and only consider what I feel like, instead of considering the physical reality and how thins functions as a whole in my room and to within this just leave the cloths where I took them off instead of putting them away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that The fact that I do not know how my room gets dirty is showing to me that I am NOT aware in fact as the physical and thus I have multiple dimensional shifts in my day as I am living in alternate realities within my mind instead of in one reality as the physical that is here and that we all share where I can be effective and actually correct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief that it is too much work and time to keep my room clean, not seeing and realizing that IF I do all the small things in the moments that I am busy with it such as taking my shoes off and putting them away it is only a few breathes instead f leaving all the small things to accumulate and in the end have a piled of room that takes two days to clean and that I am actually manifesting wasting time through accumulation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow the mind as energy that isn’t in consideration of the physical reality as awareness and thus create a dirty room without even noticing it till I have to clean it, showing me that a snake could have been laying eggs in my room and killed me in my sleep and I would not have noticed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that who I am within my room by myself is showing me who I am within all thing I do and thus gives us all a world that is in deep shit equal and one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that my behavior in my own personal space will not affect anybody else as it is in my space, not seeing and realizing that what habits/patterns/characters I create and entertain in my personal space is what I train to live out in the rest of the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take responsibility for my personal space within the realization that taking responsibility for my personal space is where the change starts.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that it will be too much of an effort every time I take off my socks and to put it in the basket rather.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the justifications of why should I put this way now when I am going to use it in a while again, knowing that I do not know that for a fact and that in a while anything can change and thus I am setting myself up to create dementia for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the justification of “ I can put this down here it is in no one’s way” seeing and realizing that when and as I look for that something again it takes me ten minutes to find it, instead of having it on one place and I can find it instantly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not keep my room practical and clean from the starting point of believing that I cannot perfect myself within it, and to give up before I have even tried – as I know that if I try I will succeed, and success means responsibility.

I commit myself to when and as I am within my room to respect myself and my room within the starting point of doing what is best for all as I would like to be done onto me.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am not directing and instead postponing to stop and breathe and to take that breathe and correct myself and move myself to keep my room practical and clean.

I commit myself to within the understanding of that Who I am determines what I do and that my room as my personal space is where the change/correction starts with self to from this starting point move myself and direct and to be disciplined as breathe and saying this is the line I have had enough, I am doing this for myself as that which is best for all life, as I see and realize that what I stop and what I accept and allow in my room is where I train myself and that it does have a direct effect on how/what I do outside of my room and so change the world starting with my room and applying it into LIFE.

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