Day 271 –No I cannot do This

What I am about to do isn’t professional!! I am going to do the one thing I always avoid doing just because I have a Idea/Believe in my head about it.

I am going to write a short blog – it is so unprofessional in my head, I have been writing blogs daily for 271 days now, and not one of my blogs is shorter than one page and they go usually to one thousand words as a aim I have set for myself.

So I have made it in my mind a believe/idea that I must always write at least one thousand words to have a blog worth being a blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place the worth of my blogs in how many words I can write, seeing and realizing that the worth is not in how much words I place but how I place myself as the words as the worth I give it as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself within writing to have to always meet a self created idea/believe about writing a blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress myself out every time I write a blog that I MUST reach a thousand or more words for it to be a blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that if I write a thousand or more words then I am professional in others eyes and especially my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my worth in how others see me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek worth from others through how I present myself as something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if my blogs have less then a thousand words that I will be seen as someone that doesn’t know how to write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write from the starting point of meeting what I believe others want to see or even just what It might seem like when others see it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself within my words as the words I live and write through always stretching my words just to meet an idea/believe of how much words I must write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to credited such a believe/idea from comparing myself to others instead of focusing on myself and what is here as me writing the words till it is done and not to just meet a dead line I created in my mind.

I commit myself to when and as I write a blog to stop looking at the word count and to focus on what is here and to write here as breathe till it is done and I am satisfied with myself as who I am as writing myself.

I commit myself to check my starting point before I write and to change it to write what is best for all which is me writing till points are clear and done.

Day 222 - I am worthless in Conversations and Self Sabotage

A pattern that keeps on crawling out whenever I am in conversations, either within commenting or speaking, I go into defensive mode. Why do I always do it, I ask myself, I always fuck up the conversations I have when and as I respond to someone’s - well more of react, and then there is regret. Regret is when it is to late and the consequences is already here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to what other people say when and as I interact with them in conversations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to people within conversations I have with them within the expectation of that I will not be understood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to what other people say when and as I interact with them in conversations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start conversations with other people from the starting point of defending what I am saying, seeing and realizing that within this starting point I am showing other people thaat there is a point to attack.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I have to defend myself within conversations I have with people, seeing and realizing that this has a origin point of why I have a belief that I must defend myself always.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that this pattern was created within my past as memories/experiences that I have had within the past that I have defined myself as.

Memory:

Here I see the general memory where as a child when and as I brought up issues or things within my life the people that looked after me simply shoved off whatever I said, because I am just a kid, I do not know what I am talking about, I just have to stay quiet, I have no say because the adults are talking, I am just me @gian@ and nothing more and thus my voice does not matter.

And through this I see how I have created the pattern of having to make things personal and dramatic and as it turns out it always only ended up being emotional conflict situations, I have through this learned to fear these situations because they always ended up only leaving me a loser or disappointed and not directing points, It became a battle of who wins and who loses and the prize was feeling good, empowered and like I have achieved something, yet it was actually to the contrary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being shoved off as being irrelevant within conversations and to within this fear respond to people in conversations within a reactive way to make myself seem bigger and impose what I am saying onto others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a dramatic entrance into conversations to make myself bigger and to not be shoved off as being irrelevant and worthless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as worthless and not worthy to be part of conversations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as a worthless component within the conversation on the topic I am participating within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and identify my word as being worthless within conversations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to respond within conversations from the fear of that my fears might come true as being seen as worthless and not worthy within the conversations taking place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I have been reacting towards thoughts of fear within my mind that comes from memories/experiences of the past, seeing and realizing that as I react to the thoughts and then respond to them that I am re-creating the past in the present.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I have created experiences/memories through past events as a child and a teenager that I have attached negative energetic emotions to that I have placed within my mind as something to fear and avoid, and to within this when and as I have the thought of where I see myself being brushed of as not being worthy and being worthless within the conversation to respond in a way that attempts to avoid me being seen as worthless and to within this make it a dramatic and personal conversation instead of sticking to common sense and what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I have experienced within the past within confrontational conversations must be who I am, seeing and realizing that I decide if that is so or not and thus I can stop and forgive myself and re-create myself and re-align myself within what is best for all life and re-design myself through removing the experiences and the energy connections I have made and to stop the thoughts when and as they come up and to not follow the thoughts as being real, as they are not.



Ok I am going to write out the pattern to see it, so that I can stop this self sabotaging pattern that isn’t best for me or all life, as what I am talking about and always responding about is the world and the problems and shining the light on that which people do not want to hear - equality and oneness as the solution.

Pattern.

I am sitting in front of my PC, I go on facebook to see what is happening, I see a link to a news website - I am curious to what is happening in the world today, I think of how ridiculous the news can be sometimes and how stupid people can be, I see it is a south African news website, I fear participating on south African websites in discussion, south Africans are so set in stone in their cultural and religious way there is no way to get through to them.

I go to the news website, I scroll down and look around to see what is happening, I see a article about animals, the heading is interesting, I click the link and I start reading the article, as I read the article I react to certain parts I am reading about, I react to how people view animals and the comments that people leave that is so inconsiderate towards animals, all they are is bags of meat to hunt and make money off, I get pissed and angry, I feel compelled to leave a comment, I do realize that I have reacted and that I must breathe and make sure that there is no emotional reaction when I comment, I breathe and start writing a comment. As i write the comment I find myself wanting to say to much, or that there is to much I have to say in a single comment, I fear if I leave something out people won’t understand and get what I am saying and that it will end up being a mess and conflict - I try and place as much information into one comment to cover most points. I find myself feeling like I am leaving something out - I start to lose my words and the comment becomes like many points in one even off topic - I have spend some time on this comment now, I need to get going, In the time rush I click post and the comment it there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach the news with a judgmental state of mind, instead of breathing and to be here and clear so that I can see direct here and not my own judgments that is limited to my own reactions and perception as the mind as knowledge and information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people and how stupid they can be, seeing and realizing that this is me projecting my fear of people seeing me as stupid onto them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having conversations with people from my country as I have judge them a certain way and that I have set them in stone within my mind as being a certain way, seeing and realizing how I have limited myself to communicate effectively with others and all people due to the beliefs/judgments/ideas/opinions I have created of them within my mind as back chat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I read articles to react to certain parts of the article, seeing and realizing that the reaction comes from where I have separated myself from the information and to within this write in response to the article in separation instead of one and equal as the article within that which is best for all life and not personal as a reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react within what I read/hear within a article/conversation to feel compelled to reply or leave a comment, seeing and realizing that this is me following the energy instead of breathing and clearing myself to write a response that is best for all life within consideration of hat is here in real time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I feel compelled to reply or leave a comment that I am actually following through in creating and manifesting what I fear as me not being worthy of the conversation, as the response will be of a reaction and making it personal because it comes from a thought/energy movement that will create resistance and make me seem like someone that is simply rambling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I feel a energy movement within myself within a conversation to say something to make a response to rely that the energy is seeking energy and not a solution that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify making conversation just because I felt compelled to do so as I have justified within my mind that because the feeling is so strong it must mean something, seeing and realizing that only I give it meaning and thus I create it, and that I can stop the feeling/energy and instead direct myself within commenting, where the commenting isn’t based on energy that is random and our bursting but as breathe stable and here and clear and within what is best for all life.

After a while I go back to check the comment, I see the comment has a lot of likes and even more dislikes and people posting their opinions, I fear people’s opinions - I belief personal opinions of people are dangerous and poisonous because I understand that they are all based on self interest and not real, yet everyone approves of it because it supports their own point of view.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear peoples opinions, seeing and realizing that I fear other people’s opinions because I have based my conversation on opinions instead of common sense and thus I give all opinions the power to overpower my opinion as I did not make my conversation based on what is best for all life where the conversation stands no matter what.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to respond to conversations/articles from the starting point of personal views as opinions instead of what is best for all life, as that which is best for all life will always stand and thus as I respond with my own personal opinions on the subjects I give away my authority within the conversation to stand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I fear other people’s opinions as I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as opinion instead of standing as that which is best for all life within common sense and self honesty that is always best for all life.

I react to the opinions and all the people that supported the opinions, I write another comment that is now quite personal, this is where I make my mistake, yet I continue, I feel I have to be mean to get through to them, I press post, I realize my mistakes, it is too late and I realize I have lost this battle, I wasn’t standing within common sense and what is best for all life, it has become personal and reactive, now no one will hear or see but only fight and defend.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that I will create a battle within any or all conversations with people when and as I challenge their beliefs/opinions and thus it is not avoidable yet I can remain stable and not make it personal and worse which is giving the other people a second chance a new slate every time to also see what I am saying and stand with or re consider their beliefs/opinions that is based on self interest and not what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize fully that my words and what I write and say will have effects and consequences either way, either within what is best for all life or against life, thus I see it is important that I stand always within what is best for all life and to not create consequences that is against life as resistance or miss-information on the topics in conversations where I am not clear.

I tell myself I will not do that again, it is not cool and is only abusive to myself and sabotaging myself, it kills the opportunity to have conversation, there may be conflict but that is still part of the actual conversation, and not just reacting and defending the whole time from both sides.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself through not breathing and instead react and respond to internal experiences within conversations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that conversations must not have any conflict.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and avoid conflict within conversations and thus sabotage my words and compromise my stand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and create conversations according to the desired outcome I want as a thought within my mind that is of the opposite of the fear I have, thus creating a internal struggle first within me of two polarities, seeing and realizing that all I have to do is breathe and remain here and always stand within what is best for all life and not follow internal experiences/reactions that is of self interest and not best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that all and any conversation is to win or lose, seeing and realizing that what is best for all life isn’t about winning or losing, it is to get the point across, regardless if the person listens or not, as long as the message is getting through and I stand within what I say as what is best for all life and the point isn’t open for debate of losing or winning, it is best for all life period, Yet I must stand clear within that what I speak and say is in fact best for all life and not my opinion.

Day 174 – Postponing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I have something to do such as replying to an email that I just got, to within my mind think “ I will attend this email later with a proper reply” as a justification to why I am not breathing and doing immediately just because I do not feel like it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I receive an email to postpone the email within using the justification of “ I will attend this email later with a proper reply” just because I do not feel like it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I receive an email to postpone the email just because I do not feel like it right now and to within this forget about the email and later on when I am reminded of the email again have the justification of “ It is to late now I will respond to the email tomorrow as there is still enough time” .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I postpone the first time that I have accepted and allowed within myself to see it as justifiable to postpone the email again and again and that my justification will seem only reasonable within and a my mind to fit how I feel, not considering everyone equally involved within the email and how it will affect them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to train myself to not be able to immediately act and direct a point in the moment through postponement and where I tend to forget as the justifications become more and more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that postponing my emails is but one point that is visible within my world, and that this one point is only showing me that I am accepting and allowing it to exist within all areas of my life as self sabotage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself within postponing things within my life through dragging it out and causing more stress and anxiety within myself through holding onto one point all day and for even many day that i must still get to it and that never get to it and thus create more thoughts and feeling that I am slipping away from the point.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when and as I get an email and reply to the email through breathing and being here that it is over and done and the point is directed and that is the end of the story.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize how I create extra tension and stress for myself through postponement and how I PILE things up in my life where something become neglected and comes back to kick me in the ass with consequences that I have to face and walk that takes even more time and effort, where it could have only been a few minutes long if I did not postpone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make postponement acceptable within and as me, not seeing and realizing that I am not just postponing myself, I am in fact postponing everything that it effects and LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear acting in the moment and to within the fear rather postpone till I feel ready, not seeing and realizing that depending on how I feel can take up to a billion years, and thus it is to move and direct myself in and as breathe here and get it done and to prevent any consequences that is possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do things dependent on how I feel, not seeing and realizing that if I rely on a feeling to move and direct me that I will and might never get anywhere.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I accept and allow postponement within and as me and for me to be directed by how I feel that I am accepting and allowing it within others, not seeing and realizing that consequences of my actions and others, as I see that what if a doctor had to do surgery and me and he suddenly feels like not doing it and postpones rather – how would I like that?

I commit myself to when and as I see myself postponing to consider any and all outflows that is possible within my actions and to within that make a decision to direct and move myself that is not based on a feeling or fear or insecurity but to move and direct myself as that which is best for all life in all ways.

Day 140 – Living Commitment – Day 12 of 21. Sit down and breathe.

When I sit down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I sit down immediately go into thoughts/thinking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that when I sit down it is natural to go into thoughts and thinking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect sitting down to “I must think”, instead of simply breathing, not realizing that as soon as I think or participate within thoughts I start creating things that isn’t here and that only fucks with my day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Automatically go into thoughts and thinking when I sit down, within the belief that I must be thinking and having thoughts when I sit down just to show that I am “busy” and not simply relaxing and doing nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that when I sit down I must keep myself busy and distracted within the mind as thoughts/thinking otherwise I might seem like I am just relaxing and not doing anything but breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see “just breathing” as not being productive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that when I sit down I must have thoughts and think about shit in order to be/continue being productive, seeing and realizing that this is a creation or Consumerism where we are taught that we must always be productive and not simply live as breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the only products” I get out of thinking and having thoughts are stress/fear/anxiety/tiredness/projections/desires and everything else that leads to me believing I must go do something after I sat down and spend money and be a good robot consumer as I was brainwashed to be as if it is the only way I can exist in this life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the thoughts I have in my mind and the typical thinking methods I have is exactly the same as a TV or Radio, and that it is constantly only motivating me to be a consumer in all parts of Capitalism, never realizing that I am here as Breathe always moving and talking and being busy as if that is the meaning of life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that TV and Radio is inventions of the human as the mind as thoughts/thinking and that the TV and radio and all other media is but a manifestation of the mind, thus whenever I am sitting down or relaxing I am never really relaxing or stopping stress of fear I am simply creating it through the process of thinking and participating in thoughts as they are always from the past and projected into the future sending the body within the thinking/thought process back and forth in time putting the body under heaps of stress/anxiety causing all kinds of diseases and so create a world that is but on big disease for all.

I commit myself to when and as I sit down to breathe without any judgment of what is right or wrong but to simply breathe for myself here.

I commit myself to when and as I sit down to breathe and not be influenced by my environment to start thinking and back chatting and having thoughts, as I understand that it would simply proof to me I am a automatic robot if I do start thinking and having thought and back chat through environmental influences – thus confirming that I am simply a program that responds to input and thus being programmed by the environment.

I commit myself to when as and as I sit down to BREATH and not participate in thoughts/thinking as habit and as a automated thing, as I realize that only brainwashed and mind controlled people and machines have automated settings.

I commit myself to stop the TV and all forms of media within my head to stop the disease that the world has become and to rebirth myself as life as breathe as the physical so that I can be the cure that spreads as LIFE that is best for all LIFE.

Day 139 – Living Commitments – Day 11 of 21.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my own thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I create each and every thought I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself to the thoughts I have as if they are happening to me, seeing and realizing that within this I am giving away my power to stop the thoughts as me as the creator.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that all thoughts I have come from me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that all thoughts is for the past, as they come from memories stored in the flesh in space and time and that I have accepted and allowed to consume my life and to keep me in the past and re-creating the past as I project them in my eyes in the present and the future, only ever seeing the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that every time I have a thought it is the past that I am projecting within me as a False image of reality and thus when I follow the thought I will end up only repeating the past, because my mind took the past and made it seem a bit better and thus I follow it only to find out it’s the same in reality and thus only always creating the past and thus Abusing myself and LIFE here on earth as I never learn and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that thoughts are not real and cannot be trusted at all as they exist as an energetic experience within my mind and as a illusion re-presentation of reality and thus it cannot be trusted one bit as reality is obviously HERE and not in the MIND.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FOOLISHLY belief that I can move and direct myself through using the mind that is energy based and that can change and will change every single second, where as the PHYSICAL is HERE and can be trusted with being here as it is stable and REAL and not energy based as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust something such as the mind, not considering that within the mind anyone can make up ANYTHING they want anytime about anything, yet with this considered as being possible in the mind we still follow this same thing (the Mind) within making LIFE changing decisions, not seeing and realizing that it can and will change (the decision) anytime as the mind is energy based, based on how you feel and what information has been put into you, and because we belief that mind is who we are we accept and allow the energy to move and direct us like ROBOTS getting a quick upload on the mission, instead of being here Physically where no energy decides but breath and common sense always based on what is real as the physical that isn’t limited or enslaved to any form of energy such as thoughts/feelings/emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I have given all power to the mind as thoughts, as soon as I have a thought I immediately without question accept and allow it to decide for me how I will feel – either good or bad and then to actually direct my life according to that, how ridiculous it that – no free choice and no self will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that as long as Humans give power to the mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions all abuse on earth will continue till life as we know it ends, as thoughts/feelings/emotions are the things that all EVIL has in common, as it does not matter if you are a lover or a rapist – both consist out of the same mixture of thoughts/feelings/emotions and thus as long as we accept and allow one though/feeling/emotion to exist we are accepting and allowing all of them to exist – RAPE/MURDER/CRUELTY name them all.

I commit myself to show that if all human being has to stop their mind and STOP thoughts and feeling and emotions – all abuse on earth will end, as everything we currently do is based on how we thing and feel – thus if people simple breathe and LIVE here in the physical as LIFE then there is no EVIL as evil only come from the mind where there is Secret.

Day 138 – Living commitments – Day 10 of 21.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that thoughts are not real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that thoughts are “reality” taken and placed within the mind as an illusion version of the mind, never showing the true face of what is really here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow thoughts just because they seem more appealing to me, just like a bug that goes to the light only to find out it is a Bug killing machine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value thoughts more than actual reality and to within this always following the “dream” within my mind and never really see what is going on here on earth as this reality, as I constantly take the past and project it within thought, as thoughts i parts of reality that is made different within the mind and place it over the future as a projection, always living in the past and the future and never being here present in fact in awareness and thus only living a lie that leads to the consequences we are faced with, where reality as earth is neglected and abused and on its way to destruction because of us not being able to see it due to the blinding of living as thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall for “false” images and to neglect the real Image here as the physical reality just because the false images look better and more appealing, not seeing and realizing that the false images as thoughts can only look appealing because of what has/is being accepted and allowed to manifest in the flesh on earth through our participation in the mind as thoughts, and thus we are the cause and the effect of all that is here that we Fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow thoughts and the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing reality without thoughts as I understand that without thoughts to distract me and to present false images to me I will only see truth as that which is here in and as the physical and will have no choice but to take self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the truth as what is here as the physical as this reality though hiding and covering the truth up with thoughts and illusions of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide and cower behind thoughts in the fear of what I know is here as this physical reality as that which we have accepted and allowed to manifest and that I must take self responsibility if I stop all thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if I stop thoughts that I will be faced with reality as myself as who I am, and that breath is the one point as the physical I can support myself with and stabilize myself with to walk and to change what is here as myself as all life one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I use thoughts to hide truth and that the only truth that is here is what is being denied, as the only thing that is being denied is this physical reality as the evidence is visible in Life as we know it here on earth as total abuse of LIFE.

I commit myself to when as I see myself within thoughts to stop and breathe and to realize that it is a mechanism I have created to hide the reality of life as the truth as that which is here because I have made what is in my mind as more and better, and to realize that as long as I participate within thoughts I will only exist as the illusion of thoughts and the continuation of the Abuse will lead to the end of life as we know it, and thus it is within the best interest of all Life as ME to stop thoughts and take immediate self responsibility in and as the physical as the truth – and that I can only take self responsibility if I can see the truth and that is to stop all thoughts and wipe my EYE balls cleaned and see what is here, and to BREATH instead of thought and to birth myself as breathe as life here in and as the physical one and equal and to bring about a world that IS best for all life.

Day 134 – Living Commitments – Day 6 of 21. – All I ever known.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that all I have ever known as who I am was/is thoughts/feelings/emotions and that to birth myself as breathe as the physical as that which is real is a physical act in self awareness actually breathing willingly and to stop the thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make having thoughts as normal and thus when and as I am lost or within thoughts, I do not recognize it - as I have already judged it as Normal and thus simply accepting and allowing it to consume me and my day, as self compromise and sabotage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be consumed by thoughts through accepting and allowing thoughts as being normal and that it is “just” happening to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify the thoughts that is within me through telling myself it is Normal and part of human nature to have thoughts, realizing that as a child I did not have thoughts and that this is the evidence that the natural state of the human/physical is without thoughts, thus thoughts is but a indicator that there is something wrong and not directed within oneself, such as past memories/experiences that one has accepted and allowed to have influence on the present – as this is able to be so through a lack of education of how everything functions in life and that self responsibility has not been taken for all that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts as just one of those things that I do every day as if it is normal, realizing that through this I am accepting and allowing the past to be in the present re-creating the past constantly and thus form abusive patterns towards myself and life, realizing that taking self responsibility through stopping the thoughts as the past re-occurring I am taking self responsibility for the present as the future as that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Follow thoughts due to me being so used to it, as I see and realize as a child I was never taught what thoughts are and how to direct them I instead out of curiosity followed them, leading to abusive patterns and events/situations that only compromised me and still does the same out of a habit of it is Normal as I have always done it this way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider stopping thoughts and to instead only follow them or to be directed by them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as thoughts come up see them as valuable and that they must have purpose and meaning, and therefore I must follow them, realizing that the purpose and meaning within the thoughts is but only me that has forgotten the past and thus in curiosity wanting to follow the thoughts to relive the past to see that I have not missed anything, realizing that I do this every day, day after day only re-creating the past as I forget the past through the thoughts/feelings/emotions that comes up within me, realizing that I must stop and Breathe as breath is the present in all ways, each breath is new and here as the physical as that which is best for all life to create a future that is best for all and not the past repeating and accumulating in the present.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that the next thought I will have might be important and thus I must participate within all thoughts just not to miss that one thought that might be important.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that all thoughts is of the past and thus not real, but an energy experience trapped in the past re-occurring in the present as I have not taken self responsibility for and as my past yes to take self responsibility for my present and thus the future.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am automated within thoughts, to stop and breathe and to bring myself back here to breathe and to slow down and move myself as the director in the present.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself justifying and believing that the thoughts I am having right now must have some importance, to stop and realize they are only thoughts of the past and that it is nothing new, ever, and only creating the past in the present, and thus to stop and breathe and be here as the breath as that which is best for all life, as I realize it is not best for all life or myself to constantly re-creating the past, as the past is evident to have only led thus far to a world that is even more fucked up.

Day 78 – Self Sabotaging Character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on the character of I do not know, I can not see it, I have tried everything I can to see it to not have to look at what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build myself a character to use when I do not feel like seeing what is here and so that the character can play and scheme ways out of having to take self responsibility for what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Sabotage myself from seeing what is here through acting in character that I do not know, I can not see.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I myself have deliberately designed a character to play in situations in my daily life to not see what is here to deliberately trap myself so that I may never lose character and remain as a slave to the mind.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I myself have created the character of I can not see it, I do not know, I cant find it to not have to face what is here, thus implying that I do know what is here as I have to know what is here to not want to see that.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am aware of what is here yet I allow a character of me that I have deliberately created to take over and play its role of Illusions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that as I am the characters that I can stop and breathe and see what is here as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it hard for myself to see what is here and to work with what is here in self sabotaging myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself as characters that I have created.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I all that I am is always here, and thus when I can not see what is here I must realize I have a character in play that is but an illusion.

I commit myself to when and as I see I am sabotaging myself to not see what is here to look at what character I am playing in the moment, to stop and breathe and to realize that the character is but an illusion of the mind and to stop the character.

I commit myself to when and as I see I am playing out a character to be slit and to breathe and stop, to look at myself and to realize that the character isnt real, to walk myself out of the character in real time as breathe, as breath is the only reliable source to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself to switch from one character to another instead of breathing.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to to see and realize that I have to stop the characters through breathing and walking out of them in real time, and to not switch characters within the belief that I have not changed, fooling myself.