Day 202 - watching a movie and after effects.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain myself within my mind through re-enacting scenes from movies after I watched the movie where I would pretend to be a character and how I would have played the role.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I play and re-enact scenes from movies in my mind within my head within conversations with myself that I am actually brainwashing myself and creating a character for myself that only feeds the ego.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I entertain myself within having conversations within my mind about a certain scene from a movie that I have connected something of myself to the story as a character and that I have placed value within such a character and to live this out in the real world, not seeing and realizing that I am mind fucking myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a shit load of noise within my mind when I entertain myself within conversations I have with myself about a certain movie scene where I take the character I “liked” the most and make him even better in my mind – as a way to programmed the characteristics of the fictional character as myself through re-enacting as the character and to take on certain traits, no seeing and realizing that I do not know what other characteristics I am taking on such as a killer, a rapist or a abuser and that one day as I walk in the street and suddenly kill someone I will wonder why I did it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to re-enact as a character from movies certain scenes as a way of programming and brainwashing myself to take on points of and as that character that I have separated myself from as myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when I play out scenes and characters from movies after watching it within my mind that I must look at why I am doing it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see a character within a movie that I “like” because the character had confidence or good looks or courage or strength or he is smart, that I am within acting out trying and attempting to brainwash myself to be the same, when in fact I am only re-enforcing myself to be separate of it as I am doing it all in the mind in another reality, not seeing and realizing that if what I see in another character that I like I can simply look at myself physically and where I need correction within myself as who I am one and equal and not within separation of myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuel my mind within entertaining the characters I see in movies that I like through constantly playing out scenes and to within this distract myself from reality and what is here and lose focus and in the end mind fuck myself when I come back to reality and realize that what I played out in my mind was me attempting to be more than reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to be more then reality through entertaining characters from movies within my mind, and to within this create more and more self judgment of myself as I will always feel less than the pictures and conversations I make up in my mind in reality and feel that I am less then and separate from that.
I commit myself to when and as I am watching a movie to not create connection with the characters within the movies and to instead breathe and stop any and all energy movement not to brainwash myself and mind fuck myself.
I commit myself to when and as I am done watching a movie to sit for a second or two and to take a deep breath and breathe and to not entertain the mind as delusions and creating mind fucks for myself.
I commit myself to when and as I am talking within my mind already and playing out characters and scenes to stop through taking a breather and realizing it is not real and I am fucking with myself and distracting me from reality and what is here.
I commit myself to when and as I am within my mind participating in characters and playing out movie scenes to stop and question what I am doing, and to realize it is mind control and brainwashing happening within me, and to investigate what it is that is happening in me and to stop through writing and applying self forgiveness to stop all separation and judgments.
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