Day 392 – Success within writing Daily, the Ego exposed.

My first point on this topic took place on Day 10

It has been Five Days since I write a Blog, I have been busy and I have been tired, Yet I have had MORE than enough time after getting some rest, to write a blog. 

The secret reason for not writing or that I have been postponing writing for the past five days, Is because I had a moment with Leila where we were doing word re-definition on the word Yes. 

I have come to some REAL feedback within where I stand within writing and how I have pushed myself within writing. 

And doing the Writing and the Self forgiveness and the commitment statements with Leila I was able to see how awesome Leila is within her word placement, and being specific and following structure within how she places the words, and what hit me the most was That Leila could see what I could not see. This ended up being the obvious.

Within that moment of that observation, I Judged myself as being less then, and within this I have placed myself back two steps within myself, instead of breathing and taking one step forward through learning and correcting myself. 

I was also hit hard by how way more specific Leila was within her words because she actually knew many words to describe for instance one thing but with different angels to it, where I had only that one word dimension. 

I felt down and heavy, like pressure on my chest, I also within this judge every single thing  have ever written as NOT good enough, because of what I have seen now that could be possible through simple things such as writing and actually looking/seeing what I am writing and focusing on all dimensions on what I am writing. 

So I have been not writing for the past five days and I have been postponing facing ME/Myself within my writing, because now that I have seen what is possible, I know I cannot go back to how I did writing, and the resistance is to actually push myself within my writing to go there, to be that, to live that has to be walked through.

One of my Ego problems is that I do not like to ask for help, so I have been looping within this exact same point within writing for a very long time.

I told Leila about this point within writing and what I am facing, and we discussed the point, we came to an agreement that I write my Blog every day and send it to her for a check.

I am also not disregarding my improvements, I have definitely improved within writing and within reading and I have definitely changed a lot within and through writing. I am now at the next step that needs to be taken which I have been postponing because of a Ego point, a fear of asking for help and admitting I am stuck.

I have been stuck for a long time and I knew that by asking for help I would not be stuck, but instead I as the ego pretended to be okay and to continue on the same path. 

So My writing within my Journey to Life Blogs has been a success, I have through every day writing and placing myself in words visible to all, exposed myself day after day, I have written proof that I cannot hide from that I have been accepting and allowing as the ego. And here I have had enough. 

I am ready to help myself through asking and accepting and allowing help to be given.

Day 391 – Stress Character Part 2 commitments.

Day 391 – Stress Character Part1

I commit myself to practice daily my breathing and to feel my entire body within breathing to see where I am tense and stressed and to within breathing relax my body, to let go of the tenseness and to see what is the thoughts, the back chat the reason behind the specific parts of my body that tense up and to stop participating within such unnecessary patterns.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am tensed within my body to breathe and to move my body till it is out, to stretch and to support and assist myself to move in the physical and not in and as the mind as energy.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am stressed to investigate in that moment why I am stressed within what is going on in my mind in my back chat and my thoughts that are creating and generating the stress, and to be self-honest with myself about the point so that I can see what I am doing and within understanding stop and breathe and move on.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am stressed and moving myself according to being stressed to stop myself in my tracks and to slow physically down and breathe till I am moving as my breathe and to then continue moving as I did before if it is really necessary but not from the starting point of stress but from practicality.

I commit myself to when and as I am experiencing anxiety/fear and stress to not accept and allow myself to exist as it or for it to move/go into the rest of my day or the next moment and to stop and to breathe and to say’ till here and no further” as I walk as breathe.

I commit myself to stop stressing out about everything or anything just because I believe I have to.

I commit myself to face myself as the stress/anxiety that I have created as me and that I have accepted and allowed to exist as me for all these years, and to not do so anymore as I can see it is useless and bullshit.

I commit myself to practice patience and moving as breathe, as that is what is best for me and supportive for me and assisting for me, and when and as I support and assist myself within living as the physical, as the one reality that we all share, I am doing what’s best for all, as I move out from my mind out of self-interest and thus can start to see reality and what we as humanity have accepted and allowed as w hole as one body to create on our one planet for all life and to really get down to fixing it, creating solutions and presenting it to everyone.

Day 390 – Stress Character Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress just by hearing the word relax.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear relaxing and breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that when and as I relax and breathe and there is nothing internally such as anxiety/fear rushing me that I will not get tasks done or get anywhere and get into trouble.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that the stressed out character is a character that I have created within my childhood years as a protection mechanism, where I have learned that when and as I get yelled at or shouted at for not doing something, or getting someone done wrong and then when I go back and do it again while being anxious/fearful that the other person is feeling good, feeling that I am now learning my lesson, and that I have learned that if I do everything within such a behavior of being “stressed” fearful/anxious that the other people will believe I am busy and doing my best and thus leave me alone and that there is no need for yelling or getting me into trouble.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see that I have integrated this character as me completely as my physical through participating within the mind over many years as fear/anxiety and using the stressed character to manipulate others into believing that I am doing my best, I am trying me best, I am busy, I am not slacking, I am taking stress and therefore I am a good person. So no need to discipline Gian.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define discipline as shouting and screaming and being mean to someone else, to create fear/anxiety/stress within that person in relation to the certain point so that next time the person will activate the fear/anxiety/stress before they even work/do the certain point and move/direct and do the certain point within such an energy possession to do the job right, according to the memory that was imprinted with the experience during being disciplined, seeing and realizing how I have learned this discipline and thus I have become disciplined within being stressed when and as I have to do something as I have seen in the past that it keeps me save when and as I am stressed/anxious doing something and that the stress/anxiety motivates me to do to get the job done. Seeing and realizing that I have been living this stress/anxiety/fear as me all my life as discipline, believing that it is good for me, when in fact it is completely now paralyzing me from doing anything full on and getting it complete that is new as I am now getting to stressed out and have to much anxiety from the accumulation process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Hold on to stress and the Belief I have of stress and the experiences I had with stress within and as the mind where the mind is holding onto this only to protect itself and the energy experiences that has/is being generated through and by the stress character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must use stress to get by in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get and be addicted to stress, within the believe that stress saves my life and that stress is the only thing keeping my body together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can only fix problems and mistakes while being relaxed/

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge it as wring when and as I am relaxed about a problem, seeing and realizing that I have learned that the only way to handle a problem or a mistake is by being stressed about it, also seeing and realizing that if I was taught to laugh at problems and ignore them as a child then that is how I would have handled it now, seeing and realizing that most of my mistakes/problems I experienced was always about me and that I must be tresse4d about it, like not being smart enough in school, like maybe needing special glasses to read or I might fail.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect negative experience to the word relax, seeing that I have created this negative experience towards relaxing because I have experienced relaxing a something that must end and then I must become stressful again to do work/things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is impossible to relax and to get things done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear relaxing as I see that the fear is actually just me fearing that I won’t have any movement within me when I am relaxed to get things done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when and as I am relaxed while done work that I am doing it slower then what I can do it if I were to be stressed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being relaxed and chilled and calm when and as I do something, believing that when and as I am not stressed that I am not really doing it.

Day 389 - Just my luck, the Secret is a Scam Part 5

 The real Journey to real change

Continuing from 

Day 385 – Start at the Start Part 1
Day 386 - Where the Journey Began Part 2
Day 387 - The Journey with the Secret Part 3

 Day 388 - The secret, ask/belief/receive, I am still poor part 4

The secret was that point of hope that luck will come my way, so one day I went to the bathroom instead of a smoking break, I picked up a lotto ticket in the bathroom, it was dated for that day and it yet had to be played.

I thought this is it, this is the universe seeing my plea, I am asking and I have been believing with all my heart for months now, this must be it, tonight I will win the lotto, I ran to my friend and I told him and showed him, he got a bit jealous and I could understand.

That night came and I watched the lotto like a hawk, and I did not even have on number right, I was alone in the lounge with the TV, I sat there realizing that this was it, luck cannot come any better than this.

I decided that the secret is BULLSHIT, I can send out as much thought waves into the universe as I want, nothing will happen.

I realized at that moment that I was stuck in my life, I was facing the physical consequences of what I have created in my past like in school and my choices, and that the only way out is to physically go and change it.

But how, I did not have money to do anything like that, I did not have anything to do anything, I was going to have to be a waiter for seven years also and then maybe have some money to move on.

Then a sudden thought came to mind – Desteni, I had this OH SHIT, I forgot about Desteni, and common sense and practicality and self-forgiveness and breathing and self-honesty and that I have been hiding deep in my mind from facing what I have known is the way to go.

But there was something stopping me from standing up and taking self-responsibility as the Desteni message and walking it, walking the Journey to life with Desteni., I have been doing everything there is that was still acceptable by society, such as spiritualism/the-secret/meditation/crystals/LOA etc., but not Desteni, because the thing that stopped me was fear, because I knew what I was going to have to face once I walk the Desteni message. Myself and what I have accepted and allowed.

Coming next – The family process

Day 388 – The Secret, ask believe and receive, I am still poor Part 4

Continuing from day 385 – Start at the Start Part 1
Day 386 - Where the Journey Began Part 2
Day 387 - The Journey with the Secret Part 3

I experimented with many different things in my life to find my Journey in life, that special road just for me, that road that will make me rich and important, that journey that will teach me many lessons and where I will become wise or whatever, and I continued with this search even after I have been well aware of Desteni and the message of Desteni and the common sense that Desteni have presented.
So I knew secretly that whatever I do, it will fail, because I have already been exposed to self-honesty and common sense and I mean it is really hard to ignore reality, unless I find that perfect illusion to hide behind.

I watched Oprah one night and there she had these people on her show talking about the secret, I was confused by the entire show, I did not get it, I saw they were showing a book to buy but I hated reading, so that wasn’t a solution for me, or an option. But I was curious.

I then later on discovered a Video, we went and we rented this video to watch about the secret, I watched it with my family in the lounge, after watching the Video I was “amazed” suddenly I felt I had hope, I can still make it, there is a chance for me in this life.

Because if you read my first blog on this topic you will see why, I then understood the secret, it was placed in the most simplest way ever to do anything, Ask, Believe, Receive.

FUCK anyone will want to go for that, it is like so easy to do. At this time I was still a waiter, so every day I would go to work and I would really go into my head, into my mind and I would generate “positive” thoughts that today is the day, today I can play the lotto and win, today I can do something and it will change my life, I ask and I truly believe it, I even wrote a small motivation paper that said, stay positive, ask believe and receive, you create your world and so forth and sticked it onto the mirror in my parents bathroom.

I was really going for it. I talked to many people about it and we had discussion about it on the floor, one guy also saw the movie and he also belief it and was participating within it, so we had something in common and we would actually everyday motivate each other that today is the day one of our life's will change,. We would talk about hopes and dreams and what possibilities we have of our life’s changing right now, what the universe might be sending us today.

We even used the secret to motivate us to not have resistance or anything against any customers that came onto the floor, the nasty ones, the mean ones, the grumpy ones, the ones that never tip, because we would say things like, maybe that person is a billionaire and the universe send that person today to us and maybe he feels like he wants to give us a billion, who knows, so go and help that customer.
Obviously it never happened, we asked and we believed for months, his life was getting worse because he needed money and has been working as a waiter for seven years, he needed to move on and get somewhere, I don’t have a school degree and I am not the brightest either, I literally needed luck to change anything for me.

To be continued.

Day 387 – The Journey with the secret Part 3

Continuing from day 386 – where the Journey Began Part 2.

I am writing these blogs to clear myself from any self-created ideas/beliefs/opinions I have of myself and my past where I would always put myself in the BETTER light of things, when in fact the truth wasn’t so sweet or shiny.

And facing my fast and clearing it all up I find that I learn a lot, I see a lot and a lot opens up, I can be self-honest with myself about it all, no need to hide my past in the fear of what others may think and within that becoming an image that moves instead of a living being breathe by breath.

I have noticed what happens when I lie, the lie isn’t real but to the other person I just created something real, because to them its truth, and then I have to change myself and my whole LIFE story to fit the lie just to keep the illusion of the lie that it is truth for the other being, all for some silly reason that the truth would not be cool enough, or the truth would not make me seem better or awesome. 

This kind of lying has spread through my life like a virus, I became so used to lying about anything that it just seemed natural, because I have always been able to get away with it, and at the same time when I get away with it, I get better and better friends or I become more popular, depends on how I took the real story and changed it to a lie that is always for the best of my own self-interest, and I know what others are impressed by, so I always change my story to have those thing sin, and there I have successfully lied. 

So living this LIEf has become too difficult, because the lies were backed by truth, the real story and there was always someone else that knew the real story. So I have this constant thing of making sure the truth and the lie does not come together, or the bubble would be popped, because truth wins automatically, its always got physical evidence plus myself as the evidence.

I had to remember so many made up stories that I had to have to tell to so many different people and never confuse them, fuck it was all about bloating up my ego. 

This has nothing to do with the secret, but it does because Lies is loud and truth is always secret, and here we have a bunch of people that was smart enough to make the secret loud and the truth seem like a waste of time, I mean fuck the truth, just ask then believe and then receive, fuck the fact that you have to pay bills or having to work hard for money to survive, the facts suck, just use the secret.

And then they have the guts to add a massive LIE to the theory of the secret and how it works, they added made up beliefs about how it works in fact with awesome graphics in a DVD that was for sale, using so much things that can make sense but is simple bullshit, it’s like making it seem really possible through making pretty pictures that show you have it can be done and then simply let you try it, over and over. 

See the people who created the secret never tells us the true story, the story that is truly the reasons for why they got so stinking rich, number one of the truth is, all they had to do was sell the bullshit to us folks, they did not even have to ask or believe, they just had to deceive and manipulate and then receive, because the truth is, they know everyone is struggling with surviving, and they know everyone is thus vulnerable, and thus they knew they could make something seem amazingly possible and realistic and that people will fall for it and showing graphic displays of how it “does” work over and over will make people believe that its possible.

The secret of the secret is, They know that no human knows how the mind works and how thoughts work or how we have them or create them or where feelings and emotions come from, and thus they knew that they could make up any shit, any bullshit and anyone would fall for ii, because no one can say they are wrong, because no one knows anything about the human mind and how it works in fact, except here at Desteni, we have properly investigated it for many years and we even offer a free course so that each one can get a clue and not fall for this bullshit ever again and actually start facing the true story, so I suggest follow this link and click HERE and join up and do it, finish it, face the reality of things and fix this world as ourselves first, there is no magic and saving just one person won’t make any difference. 

Ok, I must now stop here and continue on the secret tomorrow, where I give my example.

Day 386 – Where the Journey Began Part 2

This is a continuation from Day 385 – Start at the start Part 1

Way back in 2008 I was given two roads to choose from in my life, I had a choice to make, since choice is always limited to the physical aspects of everything that is here and thus not really a choice. Because we all always make decisions that are only within our own best self-interest, thus the choice is by nature already made for oneself. 

I can write this because back in 2008, before I ever came to Desteni farm, I was having a great time, if a great time is defined by boozing/drinking and partying and having sex and a girlfriend and dropping out of my last year of high school and already working as a waiter, then I guess that was having a great time. 

But the truth of my world back then was, when I was alone in my room or even in the house I wasn’t happy, I always found myself depressed and looking at the future, because the future is that one thing that still has to come, and it is determined by what I already have done in the past and what is in my immediate environment, that shows me pretty much where my future is going. 

I was in a relationship at that time as well, hoping that the relationship will be a game changer or in other words a life changer, meet new people, have more opportunities at money, as that is always the first goal and then sex, because at the current stage in 2008 I was a waiter, I have been doing it for a few months, and I saw that I was or maybe had to work there for the next couple of years, maybe save up some money and try a different job, stay at my parents’ house, maybe go and finish matrix/grade 12 and then try other jobs. 

The problem right after quitting the whole school brainwashing thing was all about now surviving and making money, hoping the brainwashing and all those years in a box filled with other kids. Will now pay off, I skipped one of the school years, it can’t be that big difference, to my surprise the difference was almost nothing, I was a waiter  with people with degrees, how useless. 

The main point is, I felt stuck, I was stuck, I did not see any point in studying further, as  a white south African back then the black empowerment thing didn’t really motivate me as well, but that’s just an excuse, I know. And the whole going back to school and being the oldest kid in school finishing his last year with young people, wasn’t that appealing to me.

I told my mother I would do my grade twelve/last year also with homeschooling but after my off year and that I will pay for it with my own money, but I know I was lying, it was only to make my mother feel better and to create hope for her, because I felt hopeless and giving someone else false hope makes us also delusional enough to actually feel better as well just because of that, how strange. But my mother knew that anyway and did not say anything. 

So Time went on, and I was living the double lie, when I am with people I am happy and I look like I am going to have a bright future and that I have plans and that I am doing so well even not finishing school, and when I am alone, secret things happen, other plans no one knows about, I was thinking a lot, I was really looking at what I can do, how can I get out, how can I just NOT be here in this town in this place, somewhere where there is a lot more opportunity. 

Obviously all that talk was just bullshit to myself to keep myself occupied, to make myself believe that there is something better out there and all I have to do it get to that other place. 

But the people in all the other places (as on the news) are doing even way worse, so it was clear it was all in my head really, hiding the fact of reality happening right in front of my eyes from myself through participating in different realities in my head.  But every day going to work was another slap in my face. 

So that is where my life was at, stuck and lost and really not doing anything, I was waiting and waiting for something else to come and change my LIFE. 

Then came the secret – you know the ask belief and receive secret, oops it’s not a secret anymore, so they made billions. 

To be continued on the secret.