Day 374 – Distractions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be distracted by entertainment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create entertainment for myself before I have done all that I need to do and then the entertainment becomes a distraction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose myself within the entertainment within the justification that I am tired and deserve it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the indulgence that takes place within entertainment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become hypnotized by entertainment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my time first within entertainment and then when I have time left give that time to priorities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself and my effectiveness within not living breathe by breathe and applying what matters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use how tired I am a decisions making factor within what I am able to do or not, seeing and realizing that I am only compromising and creating excuses and justifications. 

I commit myself to push through to do all my priorities before any form of entertainment.

I commit myself to honor myself through living my priorities and to not compromise my priorities.

I commit myself to live my priorities and to show self-respect for myself through living them as myself and to not give into entertainment.

I commit myself to live in such a way that I will always be proud of myself and that I will always be able to stand by myself as myself no matter what, and to never have an excuse.

Day 373 – My Hidden Fear of Starving. Part 2

Day 272 – My Hidden Fear of Starving. Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the images and Ideas and Fears I have within my mind about and towards my body and here to a specific part of my body such as the metabolism, that it will have an effect as the thoughts/ideas/images I have will give signals to my body and the certain parts I have it about, and that my body will act and accordingly do things dependent on the signals I am giving it, seeing and realizing that it is best I do not give any signals and just Breathe and give breathe to my body so that my body can do what it does best as it knows best what to do, before it is too late and I might destroy or make a part of my body malfunction. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the signals I am giving my body isn’t just within having the thoughts/ideas/images, but that it is within following them and creating them within living actions, such as for example when and as I eat when I don’t want to, or fill up my plate of food with a shit load of food I will never finish, yet I do so because I was confirming the fear, validating the idea.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am participating within any of the Ideas/Beliefs/images that I have created towards my metabolism, to stop and to breathe and to realize that this is me as the mind seeking a way to blame and to have an excuse for why I am not gaining weight, or why I am skinny and lose weight quickly.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am seeking to eat food from the starting point of fear, where my fear is for example that of me not getting enough food in for my metabolism to burn out of the fear that my metabolism will start eating my muscles and make me starve, to stop and to breathe and to realize that it is all literally just in my head and that if I follow up on that fear, then I will validate the fear and through the believe actually make my metabolism do what I fear it will do. 

I commit myself to when and as I am hungry to only take the food I know I will eat, and to stop the Image Idea/projection in my head that is from/of fear that is showing me as a thought how much food I think I must take, and to simply breathe and take what I can see with my real eyes that is required.

I commit myself to stop over loading my plate full of food, as I see and realize that doing this and acting/behaving in such a way is only strengthening the fear of starvation and thus the Ideas and beliefs as well.

I commit myself to make peace with my body and to from here on support and assist my body within only physical activities that is required within each moment and to not force my body into anything more that is of the mind.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am within the fear of starvation, to stop and to breathe and to look at what is the Idea/believe behind the fear within that moment that I am entertaining that is also making my body experience what it is experiencing such as starvation, seeing and realizing that I have no Idea what starvation is, as I have more than 5 meals a day and always have food at my disposal, yet I am experiencing such a fear, showing me the truth between reality and the mind, what is real and what is not, as real starvation takes days before one can say one is starving in fact. 

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am eating out of the fear of not gaining weight and only losing weight as well as starvation, to stop and to breathe and to realize that I am now telling my body I am eating only because I am starving and losing weight and not gaining weight, and thus my body will do just that, eat the food and still feel hungry and never gain weight and sustain it, as I see and realize after years of doing this I have trained my body to have this weird reasoning that it must follow.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am blaming and abusing my metabolism within my head within my secret thoughts to stop and to breathe and to realize my metabolism is just fine and that I am the only one messing up it functionality through giving it all these mixed signals as my Ideas/opinions/believes just to blame and diver attention all because of experiences from a long time ago in my developing years when my body just could not gain muscles yet that looked good, and now I have carried out over with me for many more years just because I felt insecure and not confident back then and wanted to blame something for it. Instead of taking self-responsibility for myself and not placing security and confidence in looks, but instead within who I am as a living physical being, as Life one and equal.

Day 372 – My Hidden Fear of Starving. Part 1

A couple of days ago I got sick, the sickness lasted for four days and then I was basically back on my feet, I wasn’t hundred percent back to health but I was almost there.

Within these four days of being sick I lost five kilograms, I find it hard to believe as I have no Idea where I lost it from so quick, but I did, this isn’t the first time this has happened to me this way, previously I lost eleven kilograms within 9 days of sickness, and the time before that I lost eight kilograms in a period also four days.  

Gaining the weight back takes me at least one month per kilogram, my metabolism is very active.

I am mentioning all of this not because I have a fear of starvation when and as this is happening, me losing weight so quick while sick, No, I am mentioning this because I have seen that this is the outflow/consequences of already having the fear of starvation within me, and this I can see through my actions over time when and a I eat and why I eat and when I eat.

And along with all of that, I see the self-judgment and ideas I have about myself that only accumulates and strengthens the consequences more. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and believe that “because I am skinny in my design that I will and can stave very quickly”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will starve quickly if I do not always have food in my belly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to eat eight meals a day, not because I am hungry, but because I do so out of the fear that I might lose weight or start to starve my body without me even knowing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I do not eat within a certain amount of time, that I am losing body weight and that my muscles are being eaten away.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Imagine my food being burned away like it is thrown into a fire and turned into ash when and as I eat. Believing that the food I just ate isn’t enough according to how I have judged my metabolism and how it works within my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Create the ideas and believes I have about my metabolism as being a monster to my body and me not even gaining proper weight and losing weight very fast due to past experiences where I attempted to gain weight for muscles when I was in school and wanted to look sexy and that it never happened and thus seek to find fault for something I just can’t help and to blame that, seeing and realizing that it was never my metabolism at that age/stage, but simply because of my actual age and state of growth within my body and thus I have created my metabolism the way it is after years of imposing the blame and fault onto my body/metabolism, till the excuse because the actuality. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own metabolism and through this fear that I have about my metabolism to eat and eat and to make sure I eat many times so that I do not keep my stomach empty and then my metabolism starts eating away at my body instead of food in my stomach.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have this image in my head of my metabolism where I see a monster with just a massive mouth and Big teethe and only a stomach that just grinds down all my food and never allows my body to be fed and have some weight for itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my own metabolism that is part of my body will not know when to stop working fast and only continue and continue without ever stopping and end up starving my body, seeing and realizing that this is the fear that is driving me to eat even when I am not hungry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my metabolism will turn against itself as the body just for the sake of burning energy/food as doing its job all the time as fast as possible.

Day 371 - Care about what others think and you will always be their prisoner - Part2

Day 370 - Care about what others think and you will alwaysbe their prisoner - Part1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care about what others think about me within how I behave.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I behave as Life (the physical) as that which is Best for all life in all ways within self-honesty, that the mind and self-interest will not exist and thus the self-consciousness about caring what others think about me will also not exist, as I see and realize that only self-dishonest behaviors and self-interest caring create consciousness and thus the caring about what others think about me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I care about what others are thinking about me, that I am within self-interest and somewhere busy with the religion of self and not living here as the physical one and equal moving and breathing as the physical and not as a picture as a memory as a thought that is a prisoner to consciousness and consciousness is a prisoner to all of consciousness’s.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it is “important’ what others think about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it more important what others think about me then caring about who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that what others think about me determines who I am seeing and realizing that this is way to fucking complicated as it constantly changes with any and all people, and thus isn’t reliable at ALL in any universe and only bullshit, as who I am is what I determine and live breathe by breathe as myself and not by input I get from the environment, as the input always changes, what if there is no input, am I then suddenly no one lol. 

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am within my mind thinking and “caring” about what others are thinking about me, to stop and to breathe and to bring myself back to physical breathe and physical movement and to focus on caring about real thing that matter, that is physical and to change and to re-direct my focus and attention to what is real and out of my mind out of the illusions and mind fucks, as I see and realize that caring about what others think about me all the time is most possibly the only reason I have insecurities and fears of people and shyness and all that stuff, when it’s not even real, all it takes is focusing the caring on real things and not on False images and Ideas/opinions/believes all made up inside my head.

I commit myself to change what I care about that is only within my mind as things only I know and can see to real things that is of matter of the physical reality that we all share and to direct my focus out of my mind and to reality.

I commit myself to I commit myself to free myself from the prison in my mind that I have created for myself within misplacing my caring within self-interest to and through placing my caring towards that which is best for all life and to change my behavior from survival and protecting myself from what others care and always wanting others to only think good about me to me living as the physical as breathing and movement where I get back to reality and to stop creating insecurities and fears and all these things that I experience within myself only, that is proof it is self-created only, and to focus on creating a reality that we all share and experience to a place that is best for all instead.