Day 276 – Self Doubt - Part 1

we are building a tank, I am in a group of people, we are all taking part in a new task, it is requested that a few of us take a point of responsibility on within in the new task, I put my hand up and I say with confidence that I will take it on, someone in the group makes a sound – Umm, ok cool that you are willing to try. I reacted to the umm sound, I took it on as the other person doubting me and me being unable to do it, like the other person knows something about me that I don’t, that will be the reason for me not being able to and fail. I was confident within myself taking on the one point of responsibility till someone else responded not as I would have wanted it.

So what did I expect, what was my want/desire in that moment that I agreed to the responsibility within confidence?

I wanted everyone to react positively and to believe in me and to have faith within me and to see me capable and able. The response was different as a negative feedback. This showed me that my starting point wasn’t self honest and who I was/am within the moment of taking on the responsibility wasn’t self honest and thus it was all for the energy of the moment and seeking more energy. The point is to change the starting point and to be self honest with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on a point of responsibility from the starting point of wanting to prove myself to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take on a point of responsibility from the starting point of being self honest with myself and what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on a point of responsibility from the starting point of wanting/desiring a positive feedback/energy experience, seeing and realizing that such a experience/feedback is temporarily and the responsibility is long termed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to raise my hand and voice in confidence in the moment that I experience a high in energy to take on a long term responsibility, not seeing and realizing that the energy high will go away and that I will still be in the position I voted myself in to as being responsible for that certain point and then I will have to face myself and the responsibility and what is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I have a temporary energy high of excitement to do something that I will in that moment be high and thus not be able to first consider that real actual physical implications and to then assess and make a decision that is clear and with the starting point of self honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on points of responsibility from the starting point of wanting others to believe in me, seeing and realizing how I have placed believing in myself out side of myself and that it is something I must get from others through confirming it within me first before I can believe in myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not believe in myself and to give to myself the breathes and the discipline and the focus as breathing to prove to myself that I can believe in myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear believing in myself first and to then live the Belief within me to Be Life as me where I give myself the breathes that is required to walk to be life one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I first require others to believe in me before I can be Life within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from being Life within me through seeking being Life within others through what I give myself fort to be in moments that seem big and important such as taking on responsibility to get the energy feedback from others as a thumbs up to only then be allowed to be Life within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek within others what I can give to myself as appoint of fearing that if I give it to myself that it will not be real, seeing and realizing that I can also never trust what I receive from others. Thus it is best to give to myself the Believe in myself and to then live it physically and practically as that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put myself up for taking on points of responsibilities before I even believe in myself and to only then afterward deem myself capable if the feedback from others were positive, and to within this react in opposite when and as the feedback is negative and to still be with the responsibility and to take on the task/point in a manner of doing it half.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself through seeking for a positive energy feedback from others when and as I put my hand up and voice myself as taking on a responsibility and to then when I do not find what I seek but instead the opposite to also compromise the responsibility I took on and the group as I feel to proud to say NO I cant in the fear of others seeing me as less then.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on points of responsibility from the starting point of fear, where I feel less than others and want to see if others agree with me or not through putting my hands up in moments that “count and to see what others response is as the feedback is what I use to determine for myself who I will define myself as, seeing and realizing that this is self abuse and not best for all, as I am creating scenarios where I set myself up to create my fear and to validate it through responses that I create. Seeing and realizing that I define who I am and thus no one else is required and that I can through my practical living and application proof only to myself who I am as I am always with myself as who I am and that this will determine what I do as my self-honesty.

To be continued.

SA Pupils Terrified – Bullying - Day 275

One of the articles in the Mercury newspaper of January 28, 2012 is about Bullying in schools that is increasing.

The bullying is increasing – “MORE than Half the children interviewed in a recent survey on Bullying said hey Have experienced it at school and 40% wanted the police to protect them.” – The Mercury.

Where is the questions that isn’t asked or answered within the article, it is actually a very short article basically ONLY showing the bullying is increasing and how the research for this finding has been done, Yet such findings that is quite terrifying MUST get a lot more research and a whole page in the newspaper, as it is the children of our future that is now growing up as bullies or as the ones being bullied, and it is increasing.

Let’s keep it simple, ALL humans being start out as babies, babies does not come with any knowledge and information about the world they are entering, they do not have any concept of anything that is here.

So it is up to the people that they interact with the very first time and then for the next seven years of their lives to teach and show and educate the child “the way of Live’ this isn’t just done through telling the kid stuff, it is done through WHO we are and how we physically live and interact, because a child learns through everything they see/touch/smell/hear/taste.

There is a saying that it is never the advice you give your kids that will stick with them, it is how you applied the advice yourself that will.

It is like being a teenager and your father is having a chat with you – he says, Son don’t ever drink alcohol, it isn’t good for you and will make you do bad things, while the father has a beer in his hands – what will the child learn from that??

So here I gave some insight to what I am going to say.

Bullying always starts at how, it isn’t because the child is being abused physically at home, it isn’t just because of that reason to be more clear, it is daily living, it is everything involved within a child’s live, it is the environment, it is the people within the environment it is the outside forces such as Radio/Tv and all media, it is everything that is here that is influencing the child from the moment the child is born into this world, it is what we impulse the child with in every moment with everything that is here that the child will absorb and take on.

So Bullying is increasing and it is happening quite fast if I look at it, taking it from my school days. I did not consider having cops over yet, there was at least two fight a week, and there was the regular bully in school that everyone knew.

But now it is more than half of the pupils being interviewed that say they have experienced bullying.

This isn’t a coincidence when we look at the whole picture and what is going on in the world, the world in itself is negative, we have created a world of negativity while we constantly portray positivity and that love and hope is the answer to making things better, yet things are getting worse, kids are seeing this and they are experiencing a sense of powerlessness, they are experiencing poverty within themselves, because our kids are going to school in the hope and positive attitude of that they can have a positive future, while the reality around them is already giving them only negative feedback, the economy is falling, people are losing jobs left and right, new qualified students can’t find jobs, and maybe in the households of many of the bullies there is a parent with no job, or money is always low or there isn’t any money or even just the fake promise of a better tomorrow is creating children living in constant fear and anxiety of the truth they are faced with everyday of what is really around them. and this is all the things that will come out in forms of violence, in a form of re-gaining a sense of some control or some safety.

This is applicable to rich and poor and middle class children, because it does not matter which class you are in now, in terms of money, we all belong to the same economy, we are all bound and enslaved to the same money that buys us food and water and cloths and shelter and safety, and if this economy isn’t working or failing, it effects everyone.

This is one perspective on why bullying will and has been increasing; stress is a major form/cause of bullying.

So we can also look at family issues that cause bullying, where parents fight and divorce and where the children are shouted at or even beaten and slapped or just being used or even where children are spoiled can cause a sense of power to abuse/bully and this is also related to money, where there is in general inequality of money , it is also all outflows from something else, we can say something greater, and we call it money, why would parents be fighting? Most fight is usually about money – since more than 50 percent of South Africans are jobless and then the rest as just making it or have minimum wages or just in the middle class and then some rich, usually the rich has more then enough and this also creates a form of bullying as the rich feel entitled to do so by status, we can only see the obvious problem is money.

there is the occasional family that will have fights that is more personal towards each other then we can say they have enough money still to indulge in luxury fight/arguments as I call it.

The entire point I am bringing in here is that The whole and entire state of the world as a whole and where the world that is driven everywhere by the same thing called money is going to the exact same thing/point and that is a economic disaster leaving a fearful and bleak future for all the children, this is why it is showing in the children, because there isn’t really a future, those of us that still see a future we are fortunate to have some good money still, but it won’t last long.

As Long as we do not tackle the problem at a worldwide level where the we create a world that is best for ALL LIFE that will ensure a bright future for each and every child born into this world, where we can say to our children we love them with actual real proof that can be backed up through the world we give them to live in where we ensure their lives are secure from birth till death, Bullying and violence will constantly increase and we will have a generation of children that has no respect for anyone that has gone before them, because look at the world we bring and accept and allow them to grow up in.

So why do we “adults” deserve respect, we don’t currently, we are destroying our children’s forests, we are killing their only planet and yet we bring them here and tell them we love them and raise them and then we just throw them in and say swim and hope you don’t drown.

We are creating the bullies in every aspect of what we have accepted and allowed to be created/exist here as our world system for them to grow up in, we are creating generations that will not think twice of killing/fighting and living as the beings we are creating them as the world.

We are looking at the children being the problem, but we are not looking at who created the perfect environment for such a problem to exist, it is US the current adults that created this world through our direct and in direct participation the way it is, we are the bullies bullying the children into a world of evil, a world of disasters and murder and rape and poverty and WAR and misery and abuse and where it is possible to die of hunger or from the cold outside or from dehydration simple through where we are born, while we promote and lie to them about happiness and love and positivity to make it all seem okay.

Yet it isn’t okay at all, we need to take self responsibility for this problem, and the only way we can ever redeem ourselves and get self respect and honor - is through directly taking on the problem and admitting our failed responsibility of creating a heaven for our children BEFORE we ever brought them into this live/world as true love where all live is equal and in harmony and where there is no fear/survival, and to give up our pride and our desired and hopes and to take action through supporting a new way of live and to create it.

This is where I come in with the solution, it is to remove the problem of bullying at the root cause, removing the cause/effect as the roots as the current Monetary system, and replace it with a new monetary system that is best for all life and not based on profit and greed and self interest, but where all humans get a certified life from birth till death and remove fear/survival from the equation.

This is the Equal Money Capitalism System proposal.

I have given only a few dimensions to the entire point, further self investigation is required at the links to follow in this blog.

Support us at Equal Money System website here - Support EMS

To get full view of what is proposed here check out the links below.

Day 162: EQUAL MONEY CAPITALISM - The Way Forward
Day 163: Equal Money Capitalism - Redefining Profit
Day 164: Equal Money Capitalism - Preparing the Road for Change
Day 165: Equal Profit Share and Equal Money Capitalism
Day 166: Corporate Social Responsibility in Equal Money Capitalism
Day 167: Harmony and Equilibrium within Equal Money Capitalism
Day 168: The Future of Integrity with Equal Money Capitalism
Day 169: Equal Living within Equal Money Capitalism
Day 170: Companies and Industries in EMC
Day 171: LIfe-Force and Expression in Equal Money Capitalism
Day 172: Retirement and Holidays within Equal Money Capitalism
Day 173: Supply, Demand, Business and Scarcity in Equal Money Capitalism Day 174: Loyalty to Life in Equal Money Capitalism

Day 175: The Economic Problem and Equal Money Capitalism

Day 176: Will the Elite Manipulate the Public to Push for Privatization in EMC?

Day 177: Will there still be Retrenchment in Equal Money Capitalism?

Day 178: Zuma says to benefactors: "Everything you touch will multiply" - EMC will End Corruption

Day 179: Resource-ism, not racism, lies behind SA's race talk

Day 180: The Word 'Capitalism' in 'Equal Money Capitalism'

Day 181: Applied Equality in Equal Money Capitalism

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Day 274 – No such Thing as Justified Back Chat – Part 3

 Day 272 –Confidence (Con the Evidence) in our heads – there is no justified back chat.
Day 273 – Confidence in our heads, no such things as Justified Back-Chat Part 2 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that having back-chat in my head abut others compromise my actual talking to others as the back chat will interfere as reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that talking about other people in my head is deceptive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I talk about another in my head and to then talk to them in real live that I am lying and deceiving them and myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have secret conversations in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I talk to myself within my mind that I create reactions as the feelings/emotions I generate within me within what I tell myself as the thoughts I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in a alternative reality within my mind where I can have secret conversations within my mind and to believe that it will have no consequences within reality when and as I have to communicate with others for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I have secret conversations in my head about others or things - that it is a side effects of who I am and have accepted and allowed myself to be within and as the past events/experiences within my live and that back chat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that back chat I come up with in my head as reasoning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question my reasoning within my back chat to see why I say what I am saying and to bring the points back to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that the back chat I have is but a mask to hide myself from myself as parts of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my back chat is valid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I have back-chat about others or things that it is a indication or a reference for me to see what the back chat is defending and what I can do about it that the back chat is de3fending/hiding or what I am UN-willing to look at.

To be continued.

Day 273 – Confidence in our heads, no such things as Justified Back-Chat Part 2

 

Continuing from:

Day 272 –Confidence (Con the Evidence) in our heads – there is no justified back chat.

It turned out it was a BIG NOT!! Joke. Where you say something and ends it off with NOT!! Hahaha.
Those were simple all along all my cleaver disguised justifications/reasoning/manipulations I used and actually created myself as them to make them real so others should believe me. Fuck it is weird shit.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within back chat believing it is justified.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my back chat because I am able to reason with myself in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that reasoning within my head with myself as back chat towards/about others/thing is a reason for consuming my head with shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my own voice as back chat within my head where I am always right and where my reasoning conveniently always make sense/reason.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if and when I am always right within my head within back chat that there is a problem and I cannot trust myself in my head at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if I always believe what’s going on in my back chat as reasoning that I will built a deceptive confidence within myself that is always against myself as my reasoning within my head is only prom my perspective based on my limited knowledge and information in my head.

To be continued.

Day 272 – CONfidence (con the evidence) in our heads, NO such thing as Justified back Chat.

Day 272 – CONfidence (con the evidence) in our heads, NO such thing as Justified back Chat.

Back-chat is where a person talks to him/herself in his/her head about others/things I mean fucking everything.

So back-chat in short is gossiping in our heads with ourselves, sipping the poison we rotate within our heads about others/things in general, mostly others/comparisons

Back chat is a Bitch, it is like this other self we have created within our heads that we LOVE to talk to, as we know love is a suppressor for fear, so we talk and talk to this other self we create in the back of our heads and we believe EVERYTHING we tell ourselves as the other self.

Take a look, that YOU, that talks to you in your head is a bit different then who you are when you actually speak to others, it is always more confident in the head speaking to self. like selling it to yourself.

So we have a confident little fucker in our heads as ourselves that we like to use to gossip and to reason and to justify and to blame and to compare and to play games with.

And as we know someone with confidence is always the dominant one, we have confidence in our heads because we know it is in secret, and we believe NO one can see us talking to ourselves in our heads, so we can give ourselves what we believe we miss in reality in our heads, this is dangerous because we are and have now made the fictional voice in the back of our heads the preferred voice we LOVE to hear and listen to over the real voice we talk daily to with others.

This Back chat is always Visible within our physical behaviors and how we move and how we talk, not the sound that comes out as per say, but how the body movements is and the facial expressions and the now and again reactions which is actually mostly constantly.

The back chat is clearly visible when one acts on it in a direct way, then everyone knows what the fuck is going on in a persons head – but most of the time the back chat will always do what is best for "self interest always" in secret little ways/things, such as spitefulness and nastiness and how we use words with secret intention.

Back chat will fuck with Self because it is self listening to self about others where instead of Growing and expanding and living LIFE and breathing and moving and doing what we can do within what requires to be done we will instead try and play games of FAIRNESS and to be spiteful and to blame and judge and to just constantly limit ourselves for the sake of doing those things to others to feel we have achieved something, REALLY!!

I have been taking on this point for years now face on everyday on the Farm, I have become someone I never saw myself to be, I can move myself I can work when I have previously made myself  believed I can not do so anymore till I did it lol, I can built things and make things and move thing sand direct things I previously never did, because I was for instance done with my working time, or I was apparently to busy already, or I have worked so hard already before, I mean the back chat piles it all up and just crushes self from living.

I have walked this many times in many cycles and I am in a new cycle now, I have thus far improved with every cycle, I have made commitments and live them to in each cycle to take on each point that presents itself where I can expand myself instead of looking for fairness and taken it on and do it, those that fell within, I know they will come again and I will stand.

I was told once " when you drive in the road and you hit a pot hole, the car will have minimal damage, but is okay, learn from it and when you have to drive the same road you will know what to look out for and not hit the pot hole, or take a different road, someone has to be really stupid to hit the pothole again"

so I use this, I learn to know myself, I know my reactions I know my back chat I see the potholes I have created for myself, so when the moments arrive I already have a new route prepared to take, a different road or a way to not hit the pot hole, it always starts with first stopping all back chat that one catches having in a moment of awareness here, and to then see what was already created within the back chat (potholes) and see whats the next practical step. I say yes, this is how I have grown.

I say yes where before I would have done anything to get out of a job or why not to do it immediately, I avoid the pothole, I take a different road, and then I see, I realize.its no about what others do or do not do, its about me in the moment as who I am.

I have realize the one point that has made me and sometime still a walking Zombie, what is a walking Zombie, it is where the same shit/points of back chat repeats itself everyday in defending self own ideas of fairness and only to create limitations for self in the name of some weird Idea that fairness exists, take a look around, fairness is none existent. We have to take self responsibility for ourselves and not compare and fight others the whole time in our heads to be fair within what we do. Each being takes on self responsibility for themselves and so we move in the equality of that.

The real question i had to ask myself was, when and where can I stop, I have found my limit yet because it seems that I am able to break through and push through all back chat and just keep doing it, and I am still alive, Fuck previously I thought I would die of tiredness or not have time and fail at other things or that I am to busy already.

It turned out it was a BIG NOT!! Joke. Where you say something and ends it off with NOT!! Hahaha.
Those were simple all along all my cleaver disguised justifications/reasoning/manipulations I used and actually created myself as them to make them real so others should believe me. Fuck it is weird shit.
To be continued.

Day 271 –No I cannot do This

What I am about to do isn’t professional!! I am going to do the one thing I always avoid doing just because I have a Idea/Believe in my head about it.

I am going to write a short blog – it is so unprofessional in my head, I have been writing blogs daily for 271 days now, and not one of my blogs is shorter than one page and they go usually to one thousand words as a aim I have set for myself.

So I have made it in my mind a believe/idea that I must always write at least one thousand words to have a blog worth being a blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place the worth of my blogs in how many words I can write, seeing and realizing that the worth is not in how much words I place but how I place myself as the words as the worth I give it as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself within writing to have to always meet a self created idea/believe about writing a blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress myself out every time I write a blog that I MUST reach a thousand or more words for it to be a blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that if I write a thousand or more words then I am professional in others eyes and especially my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my worth in how others see me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek worth from others through how I present myself as something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if my blogs have less then a thousand words that I will be seen as someone that doesn’t know how to write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write from the starting point of meeting what I believe others want to see or even just what It might seem like when others see it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself within my words as the words I live and write through always stretching my words just to meet an idea/believe of how much words I must write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to credited such a believe/idea from comparing myself to others instead of focusing on myself and what is here as me writing the words till it is done and not to just meet a dead line I created in my mind.

I commit myself to when and as I write a blog to stop looking at the word count and to focus on what is here and to write here as breathe till it is done and I am satisfied with myself as who I am as writing myself.

I commit myself to check my starting point before I write and to change it to write what is best for all which is me writing till points are clear and done.

Day 270 – To Start is a Good Start self forgiveness.

continuing from Day 269 - To Start is a Good Start

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see a point that requires to be done to first think about it and to wonder about it and to go into the world of imagination and to lose myself within it and to only end up not getting to the point or to postpone it till later when I am forced to do it anyway, instead of seeing and realizing that simplicity of Starting and to move from there, which requires no thinking or imagination as the feedback is real time and live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when and as I have to do something that to wonder about it will not get the thing done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that to go into the mind as Imagination about something that requires to be done is completely useless as it will not get it done and only postpone and create resistance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always first think about what I need to do even if and when I have already seen what needs to be done directly and to instead just start, which requires no thinking about it as I am doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see what I need to do and what I can do within the principal of what is best for all life always to first think about it and to only maybe later do it or even never, seeing and realizing that I have sabotaged myself and actually limited myself within thinking about it instead of taking that one first step of starting it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see what is required to do in the moment that really only takes that one step of starting in the moment to first stop and to consider and think and wonder on my fears about it and to then based on my fears make a decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my decisions on fear as if they are valid and real, when and as I can always first make the decision to start first and to then check what is here as real feedback and not as the mind and how the mind interoperate reality which is always based on my own personal fears and desires.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that to start is a good start as a way to get things done is me actually giving myself in the moments that present themselves the courage to step out of my own self created limitations and fears and to expand and learn and to always move forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as the opportunity is here for me to start something to first sit back and think about it, seeing and realizing that in the act of sitting back and thinking about it first I am actually setting myself back already within a decision of first considering my fears and desires before acting which is me limiting myself first and only then maybe expand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if and when I see and realize something in the moment that the only act that is required of me is to start and to not think about it, because once I start thinking about it I bring in the past and my experiences with it that will set me back and thus creating fear/stress and anxiety, giving away the clarity of what I see in the moment with fogging it up with thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear stepping in the moment forward and to start something new or to get something done or to do what needs to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear starting in the moment when the point is here and the opportunity within making maybe a mistake, not seeing and realizing that if I make a mistake or if the point does not work out at least I will know for a fact instead of sitting for months thinking about it or imagining shit about it and never knowing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear starting to act and do what is best for all life within and as what is here currently and what requires to be done as I fear that I might not be able to make it or be good enough, not seeing and realizing that I will never know if I do not start and starting with a unconditional starting point of willingness to do what needs to be done to make it work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear starting as I know my fear within starting implied me giving up that comfort zone of never starting and always being in a save zone where I take no risks and where I do not challenge myself as what and who I have accepted and allowed myself to become/be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear starting what I see needs to be done as that which is best for all life as myself within my daily living within the idea that I will start and not be able to finish, seeing and realizing that it is the mind wanting to keep me limited and enslaved so that I can be trapped in energy of which the mind feeds.

I commit myself to give myself in the moment that present themselves the courage of saying yes to starting and to make that starting point unconditional where I am open to what needs to be done as that which is best for all life in each breathe within self honesty.

I commit myself to give myself the courage of using and living the statement “to start is a good start” within anything that needs to be done where I experience resistance to push myself out of my own fears and to see and realize them and to stop all self imposed limitations created within the mind within self interest and to break free from the prison of my mind.

Day 269 – To Start is a Good Start.

Day 269 – To Start is a Good Start.

Within yesterdays blog I wrote down these few words a few times “starting is a good start”, and it is within this that I saw simplicity and how things get done.

Whenevera I have to write a blog or built a cupboard or cut the grass or read a book or write a blog or make money – I always first sit and thing and wonder how am I going to do it, how is it going to get done, when will I get it done can I even do it. Usually it ends up that I postpone the point till way later and then I am forced into doing it which is then a situation of stress instead of self movement.
Lets take the most recent point I am walking.

I am in the process of changing myself and so changing the world, this is what I am doing daily within my living and participation with Desteni and Equal Money System.

I have realized within my four and a half years doing/living/walking this that there is one point that is missing, it is like a final ingredient to how we can in fact make a difference within this world.

And this is with LOTS of people that care and understand and that see what we are doing and so support and assist the solution to become real this LIFE.

Now this is a big point within the current state that the world is within, the world is in big shit with money and money is tight, and people that do want to change the world don’t have money usually, or just enough, or they are in starvation/poverty/famine and can’t even move one arm to change the world because I guarantee they all want to change the world.

So Here I am facing this point as myself, we need money, the group and everyone walking as the group needs money, we need to get money to move we need to have money to stand for what is best for all life and support and assist ourselves within doing so effectively. As we are all slaves to money still and so nothing can happen without money, its a cold fact.

And I have been wondering for a long time now How can I make LOTS of money to put towards standing for life, how can I move myself and direct myself to make money in a world that is shit, where money is mostly already within the rich people’s hands, how will I get my hands on that.


Well that isn’t the point, because when I look around me going to town or the mall every now and again and I see the people around me and what they are doing, I see that those that still have money spends it on a lot of CRAP, I mean really – money is spend on bullshit. And here I am worried about how will we make money to do what is necessary to be done to change the world for that which is best for all life. Even in a tough economy people still send money on shit.

So I have been using this fear of where will I get the money in a shot economy and how will I get it to not move myself to not START.

And because I did not start way back I never found out, so I have been keeping it all inside my head as ideas and beliefs and really just sabotaging myself and compromising my life and the entire group as a whole to get to money to actually start moving.

I know we need to be a Million Destoninas to have this journey easy, but getting people to understand is like trying to tell a rock he is a rock, lol, so we are a few that has to carry the load till we have a million carry one stone each as a group, instead of a millions stones each as a tiny group.

So here I am facing this point still and I am now actually walking this point, I had a job interview to become a car salesmen, I first wanted to become a truck driver and ear money that way, as a means of funding a world/life that is best for All life in the long run within establishing the EMC/EMS.

And I am now awaiting a call from the car company I went to, they will call me in a week or so and let me know what is happening and then I will see if it works out or not, does it make money or will it be a slow slave driving job with no results. And from there take a different way.

So what i found within this point was how easy it is really to START, and through starting I start to see and I start to realize points and I have realize how the mind cannot interprate reality really at all, lol in my mind there was no jobs since my country has a fifty parent unemployment, yet Here was a opening, and then I realize that if there is job opening there is still money that can be put to salaries for people, please it must be obvious that there is a opening for me because I already have money and education and the exception is that I already knew the people as well..

All I had to do was to stop thinking about it and go out there and start, to not fear any answer or expectation and to simply unconditionally start, it makes it so easy and simple to move myself within all of this.

It is the same way I started with Desteni and walking self forgiveness and learning self honesty and so first - I decided to unconditionally start and to do it, here I am and I am doing it, I started and I started with a clean open slate to learn and to grow and to see things for myself.

Don’t think and worry about things, go out and start to check the point physically for yourself and to then have a clear answer that gives a clear direction to take, if one has truly followed through on checking the real answer/reality of the situation.

Next Self forgiveness.

Day 268 – from weakness to strength – writing/reading using knowledge and information

Day 268 – from weakness to strength – writing/reading using knowledge and information

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see I do not know how to do something to go into a experience of irritation with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get irritated with myself when and as I do not know how to do something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get irritated when and as I feel that I cannot do something and to then get up and move or do something else and to “ignore” the point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I have to start a new way of writing to give up within myself of ever being able to write a different style.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Limit myself within and as the mind as interpretation what the new task may or may not have in store and to within that interpretation already burden myself with the effort that may or may not be required and to then already within me make a decision to give up and not to even start.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that to Start is a start.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist starting something new as I fear losing the time it will take to learn the new methods etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated with myself as not already being able with the methods abilities capacity to just write a new way/style of blogging.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist the whole process of learning new things that requires intellect such as reading/writing/and information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make reading more than me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the words within books as more than me and something to fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear forgetting what I read and that I will thus be unable to write a blog that is required to have information that comes from somewhere else and thus not start but to instead ignore and avoid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry at myself for not being capable/able to writ like everyone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry and frustrated with myself fro not starting but instead postpone and let the point grow bigger and bigger all because I have created everything within my mind already, which is always just a interpretation and not how it is in fact in reality, and thus I see and realize that I have to stop the mind participation and focus on the physical actions of doing it and breathing till I am done and I am capable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that this is a point of myself that I must face as a weakness that I have accepted and allowed all my life, and that it is also the point of transformation for myself where I make my weakness my strength.

I commit myself to when and as I have to write blogs a certain way to stop thinking about it and to stop being concerned about if I can or cannot do it and to sit down take a deep breath and to Start writing.

I commit myself to when and as I have to write a blog that requires me to write a certain way to get the information through a certain way to stop judging myself as incapable and unable and to stupid through Starting to write unconditionally after I have done my research first and to unconditionally learn and see what I need to do and change while writing to get it done even if it takes time, yet to start and push myself and the point.

I commit myself to when and as I Fear writing a new way where the blogs have to be based on knowledge and information from other sources as evidence to stop the fear and to stop the limitation through physically moving myself where I haven’t gone before.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I fear that I will not be able to present the knowledge and information in a way that is supportive and effective due to my weakness I have created throughout my live of not being able to “remember” things effectively and to read effectively and write effectively to stop and to breathe and to see and realize my weakness and that I must take my weakness and make it my strength through doing those things of reading/writing and learning to remember unconditionally.

Day 267 – Me Myself and African Grey Parrots Part 5

I commit myself to when and as I am moving around in my day to slow down and to be aware of what I am doing in all breathes here one and equal.

I commit myself to slow down no matter how much I feel the need to rush or to move fast in the fear of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush in the fear of missing out time somewhere.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not have TIME for myself and to through this rush myself within all other things I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from everything I do as if it isn’t Me being with me and thus have to rush to get t myself to my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself through separating myself from myself within everything I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my relationships with everything/everyone around me within rushing what I do to get to my time that I have for myself, not seeing and realizing that the fact is I am always with me and my time no matter what I do.

I commit myself to when and as I see I am rushing and wanting to get somewhere else where I am with myself with my time entertaining myself to stop and to breathe within the realization that I am always in fact here with myself and thus I do not need to go somewhere else separate for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and blame all and everything else in my life that isn’t ME TIME as things/people wasting my time and thus I rush and do not consider everything and what my actions of rushing will have as consequences such as the parrots freaking out or living in fear of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set my life up deliberately in such a way that I always have to apparently rush myself to get to things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set time in my mind that is always closer and faster within my mind then what it is in reality and to within this rush and not be aware as breathe in ALL moments.

I commit myself to when and as I am around the parrots to be aware of myself as the physical in each movement and to also be equally aware of what is still existent within me and to work through the movement within me as the thoughts/feelings/emotions and to stop them or to correct myself externally to change what’s inside to that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to approach the parrots from a mind idea/belief and to try and to create that instead of working with what is here one and equal.

I commit myself to stop any and all ideas/beliefs I have about the parrots through breathing and working with them and to as I work with them remove the thoughts of the beliefs/ideas through seeing what is here as the physical as the facts and to work from here.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am taking anything personal from the parrots to not take it personal to stop and to breathe and to not validate the energy reactions within me through physically acting out on them and to simply breathe through the energy experience till it is out and to then walk here clear to check and make sure there is nothing moving within me so that I can give a new clean slate to myself and the parrots to create the relationship in oneness and equality as that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a parrot character when and as I am around them that is always trying to pretend to be playful and smart when and as I can see that it isn’t working and just suppressing the actual experience that I have to walk through.

I commit myself to make an effort within this and that this commitment can obviously only be lived if I in fact make the effort and thus I will call myself out through saying yes when I want to say no, or to agree when I want to disagree with spending time with the parrots out loud so I can be heard by others.

I commit myself to stop the limitations and the fears and the beliefs and the ideas that I have every day and that I place onto myself through my actions to actually walk this commitment for myself because I can see that if I do not walk this commitments exactly what I am accepting and allowing to exist within and as me and that is not what I want for myself.

Day 266 – Me Myself and Parrots Part 4

Continuing from:
Day 263 Me Myself and Parrots Part 1
Day 264 Me Myself and Parrots Part  2
Day 26 5 – Me Myself and Parrots Part 3

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that for the “relationship” between me and the parrots can only work if there is trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “HOPE” that there will be trust in the future between me and the parrots.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not sea nd realize that to “hope” for trust will never built trust and only create expectations and disappointments that leads to anger and self hatred that leads to me reacting and in the end becoming harmful to others (parrots).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that Trust is something that is developed through MY living actions that is proven and consistent in time and space that is genuine as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the hope that one day there might be trust between me and the parrots instead of realizing that I must create that trust as Who I am, not as who I pretend to be as that will create real trust that will be able to stand the test of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be to lazy to make the effort to built real trust that is physical and not a dream world in y head of someday maybe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create pictures of me and what I want the parrots to be with me and to then try and attempt to place the parrots in this picture of my mind, not seeing and realizing that this will create conflict and is abuse as it requires force to get the parrots to submit into the picture that might never happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project a picture of what I desire for the relationship with the parrots to be from my mind into reality and to then attempt to play/create it as the picture, not seeing and realizing that the picture in my head is but only a picture and thus I will never succeed and always end up reacting and being angry and have a “bad” relationship with the parrots as I will even blame them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a thought picture within my mind where I see myself happy with the parrots and where I can lay with them and them with me all together and just being awesome together and to then react towards the parrots when this is not happening in reality and to then get angry and mean towards them, seeing and realizing how I have set myself up in a game of polarity with the parrots through living in my mind as a fantasy world and not considering EVERYTHING of and as the physical to be effective and in fact live in oneness and equality with what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Doubt myself to be able to stop the mind projections and all the beliefs/ideas and to stand here as the physical one and equal to move myself within creating a effective relationship with me and the parrots.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through so many “bad” experiences with the parrots to have judged myself as incapable of ever having a one and equal relationship with them that I not live in separation of them as fear and self self-judgment, seeing and realizing that I must stop the Bad energy connection I have made and to stop all positive future projections I have created of the parrots and to work with what is here as the physical and to give myself a new slate where I do not hold the past over my own head or block myself with a wall of a future projection from being effective here as breathe with the parrots.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the behavior of the parrots from the past against them and to already cast them into judgment for their past and to accordingly act and behave as if they have already done that which I expect from them, seeing and realizing how I in fact create the past again here in the present as the future.

To be continued.