LIFE Has Failed Me.

Have you ever said to yourself "LIFE has failed me" and then feel all defeated and unable to change, like it is the end and it is all LIFE's decision, and now you have to learn a lesson and walk a process/journey, and you just have to take the beatings as they come, because LIFE has failed you, and so LIFE will also help you right? 

This is a misuse and a BIG miss for what is here on earth and how things work. First of all, LIFE has nothing to do with you failing, with your life going to shit, with you losing your income, with you failing and losing in your relationships. all that happenings is not because of LIFE. 

You see, we live in a SYSTEM. a human designed and constructed SYSTEM, this means we are all enslaved to this system, and this system has eradicated LIFE and build itself on top of LIFE sucking the LIFE out of life underneath it, and you are a cog in the wheel, you are a pawn in the system, and you are the things that is used in the system to help suck the life out of life to feed the system, and the moment you are not needed, as the system changes, you are spat out.  

When people are spat out, they blame LIFE and then they blame and shame themselves for failing, NEVER looking at the one thing that is actually causing HARM to all LIFE, which includes YOU, thus your family, your relationships, your mental health, your sanity, your humanity, the system is designed to TRAUMATIZE life into submission so that everyone cowers and fears the system to the point of obeying it till death in hope of the system favouring them. 

For the past few years since covid - we have seen the system squeezing out tens of millions of people out of its design and into more poverty, and we have not seen a real change or understanding coming from most people that it is a system design that fucks with everything, we make our problems seem so "natural" and just the way LIFE works, how things are, and thus we can blame LIFE and look away from the system, as that keeps most people safe who still have a job, and those who do not, well they just have to HOPE they can get back into the grinding machine called the system (NOT LIFE).

LIFE is HERE, and this is the key, it is the key to stand with LIFE as yourself one and equal, and to start changing this system to a system of LIFE, to root up the machine of self interest and to bring the life that is underneath it suffocating back to light. This will have to happen sooner than later as this system is squeezing harder and harder and many will fall into poverty and onto the streets, people you know or have known, it will come to each ones front door. 

Before it does come to your front door, you have an opportunity (not given by life) but still by the system of LUCK, as this system is a Casino, to do something, and TIME is not for you, as in any casino, the longer your play, you only LOSE, it is a deliberate design against you and your nature as a pre-programmed human in a pre-programmed system, that just like you, serves itself.

So, first of all one must start with changing your pre-programmed nature to not be grappled and brought down by the gambling against you and your LIFE, but to rather direct yourself within breathing to use the moment of luck you have to walk out of the casino and do something ELSE with that money to build a new and better/different system that support LIFE. (walking out of the casino is metaphorical, as this walking out within this system means within YOU, not physically). 

The point is, people must use their words towards themselves better, for example, saying LIFE has failed me is imprinting and enhancing the delusion that the SYSTEM we live in is LIFE, which it is NOT. and within this when we enhance and imprint that idea more and more, the more we do NOT stand up to the system and actually bring LIFE forwards, we in fact start seeing the system that is here as NATURAL (like Nature) and we believe we are powerless to do anything, and we must just accept our fate, instead of seeing LIFE is HERE to be brought forward as ourselves and within this we CREATE our DESTENI.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the system that is here is LIFE and that what ever happens to me within the system is a choice by life and that I deserve anything and everything the system does to me, seeing and realizing within this I make the human designed system for self interest and GREED of the ego, my god, to punish and enslave me as it pleases, and thus nothing will happen to the system and I will not do anything to stand up and NOT accept and allow this system to abuse me or others as LIFE any further. 

Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience FAILURE as myself in and of a system designed to fuck with me/everyone no matter my efforts, and that poverty and starvation is part of this systems deliberate design as a fear tool TO TO ENSLAVE AND CONTROL HUMANITY TO NOT STAND UP, Thus I see and realize that failure in this system is not a failure of me, it is a failure of the system and the design and starting point of this system, and so I forgive myself that I have ever given myself a hard time, shame and guilt and regret for ever failing in this system, despite my efforts (might not count for everyone this one), and thus. 

I commit myself to stand up, to see this system for what it is, that it is not life, to show others that this system is not life, and that we must stand up as LIFE and in a great effort we must come together and we must bring life forward, to create a new system where deliberate abuse and neglect of LIFE ends, where we can live a life that is best for all life, as I would like to be done onto as I have done, and to create a system that reflect principle living.

I commit myself to get up, get out of the blame, judgements and guilts and "system shame" for any and all my failures, to forgive myself, while I am here and can still do something unlike billions of others in complete powerless positions right now in this world, to walk as a group, to get angry and say enough of the abuse, to support and assist others as best as I can to stand with, starting with myself and giving myself, equal and one with what is here in our struggles, hardships and to show, they are noting compared to what will come if we do not do something else while we can, (those who still have money) and that it will take time, and thus we must make a move, even it it starts slowly.

I commit myself to stop relying and praising this system as a fear response for self interest and survival for myself, and to start seeing I am feeding an evil that will bite back with pleasure, and thus I must stop feeding it within who I am, and start redirecting myself, my resources, my life to that of LIFE as what is best for all life, as LIFE never failed me, it is the design of an abusive system that fails LIFE.

To be continued.

Feeling Trapped - Day 660

When I was a teenager, I had a secret bag in my closet, packed with what I deemed "survival gear" lol. This bag was a manifestation of my readiness to sneak out of the house and disappear, to run away, to get out of the TRAP we call life.

I would lay in my bed at night, spending a lot of my time thinking about how I would run away, where I would go, what I would do, even to the point where I would be willing to kill others on my journey if they wanted to harm me. I would then think about how to hide the bodies, what to do with the bodies to not be caught, I had the idea that since I am a runaway, no one would suspect me, or find me.

My idea of running away once manifested for about 45min, I climbed out of a window with my bad, I started walking, down the street, it was very dark, very quiet, and I knew where I wanted to go.

I walked all the way to the highway which stretched for hundreds of kilometers away from everything into the wilderness of life. I stood still at this highway, I took in the cool fresh air, I looked around a bit, taking in the view. Then I heard a few men and bottles behind me moving and making noises, I immediately RAN as fast as I could all the way back to my parent's house, climbed into the back through the window and got back into bed.

My idea was shattered. I remained trapped in this world, I could not even leave my home freely, without fear of being murdered, kidnapped and who knows what else.

I had this feeling of being trapped no matter where I was, with friends, family, new people I lived with, relationships, name it all, I always ended up feeling trapped, stuck, like whatever I am in now is the reason for me to feel trapped, so I HAD to get the fuck out, IF I got out, well you guessed it, I felt trapped again not too long after in the new place, new people, new everything.

I became addicted to certain music, trance, techno, and many other types of music as a way to escape into my mind, eventually, I felt trapped by the music lol.

With walking my Desteni process I asked myself one question on a day after doing some great self-forgiveness - what if I am the trap, that traps everything and everyone else, what if I am responsible for trapping things through my constant experience of being trapped as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to TRAP other people within my experience of being trapped, and so actually create and manifest not just the experience of being a victim that is trapped, but live in such a way that I actually trap myself and others within my reality as being trapped as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself within the thoughts that I am trapped.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself within my own patterns and habits designed and laid out of that being trapped, and so actually trap myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see reality as a trap, and so see everyone else as people that t that want to trap me, and thus already create distrust within me towards others based on an illusionary world in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize the trap I have been trying to run away from was/is within me as the mind, as the thoughts/behaviors/patterns that I participate within religiously as truth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse others through constantly holding the judgement within me that they are stupid trapped people that does not even know it and so they are less than human, and more like zombies, and so use people only for my own persuit of happiness in escaping the trap and being free, while trapping everyone else by abusing them.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize how I abuse others and do onto others exactly that which I fear is being done onto me within my MIND as an idea/feeling/thought, and yet manifesting it into reality through my living/bahaviour and patterns.
I forgive myself that I have not seen how I caused and created a TRAP of fear for my parents of me wanting to run away, out of a fear and feeling of msyelf for being trapped.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to SEE and realize how I trapped women in pamen in pain and emotional turmoil by cheating on them, breaking up with them just because I felt trapped.

I forgive myself that I have not seen and realized that I as teh paranoid and fearfull person of being trapped, causes and causes enslavement and entrapment through my actions to want to GET out only for myself, and so in the process abuse and trap everyone else. yet I never seem to get out but only more and more trapped as I try to get out.

I forgive myself that I have NOT seen and realize that the more I want to get out of the trap of being poor, thus not being rich and so pushing to get out at any cost, I am pushing others int poverty and trapping them in the exact position that I want to get out of.

I forgive myself that I have NOT seen and realized that I must stop, simply stop, any and all enegry, all movement within as energy, breathe and move myself from HERE as a single point of movement as living what is best for all standing one and equal as ALL that is here, to see and realize that we are ALL trapped, and we ALL want the same, feel the same, need the same in common sense, and so there is NO way only I am getting out unless we all get out one and equal, where getting our does not mena running away, but where we all stand for and as each other in oneness and equalyt, changing the system, supporting one another within personal change, and not to push someone else down so that one can be ontop.

Day 649 – Are you TRAPPED, Feeling Trapped?

We can only be trapped, or experience ourselves as trapped existing as the mind, as consciousness.

In this exercise of writing self-forgiveness within the point of releasing self from any form of entrapment as the mind as consciousness as energy, one must write self-forgiveness unconditionally. This means one must not only write about the points that one deep as appropriate, but also the inappropriate - the points that one can easily judge as "this isn't the point" or "I am just making this up now" - this is to ensure that you leave nothing to the mind, not hidden corners. If there is a resistance, or reaction to writing any specific point that comes up - Write it.Let me begin the challenge.

Note: I always have a one lite bottle of water with me to drink as I do self-forgiveness - a recommendation by Bernard Poolman.

Ok, so I will begin with the "trapped" point by taking my reality and taking all the possible points within my reality and unconditionally apply Self forgiveness on each point within this point.

I forgive myself tht I have accepted and allowed the experience of feeling trapped within me in relation to my reality, surroundings, the world system and life in general.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the experience of being trapped to exist within me towards my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I am trapped in my body and the genetic coding of my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and  allowed myself to believe that I am trapped in my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am trapped within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am in a trap and that someone trapped me and that I am a victim.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame this world for setting up a trap called the "system" and for me to be trapped within this system, and so take a position of a victim within this world through my experience of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate and blame money and to see money as a Trap that fools everyone including me to fall for the trap and so take on a position of being a victim and that i can not help myself not anyone else, as we are all simply trapped victims.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see myself in relation to this world, system and life, to have a picture of an animals that is lame and trapped in the middle of the forest as that which represent my experience of who I am in relation to everything and everyone within this world, and so always being at a disadvantage within myself, a self pity position, waiting for a savior to save me out of this trap called life, not seeing and realizing that I take this position purely based on an experience and not reality as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within me hold onto the OUTLOOK of my life as all and everything being the result of me being a vicim of life and so trapped within my life and what i am faced with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto the experience and view point of me being stuck in a trap called life, and my life, and the setup y life is within.

I forgive myself that I have NOT seen and realized that this experience is running at a resonant level all the time within who I am, how I am, where i am, why i am and so all of me in my behaviors and actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that I am trapped within the financial position I am within, in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that I am trapped within all my responsibilities that i must do daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that I am trapped in my daily routine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that I am trapped in the house I live in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that I am trapped in my own skin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am trapped in the responsibility of being a Husband/partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that I am trapped within the responsibility of being a father/guardian to my child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that I am trapped within the gifts that I have and thus responsibilities that come with my gifts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that I am trapped within the very room I am in, within the circumstances my room is within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and believe I am trapped within the relationships as the people I must work with daily, interact with daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that I am trapped with the animals i must care for daily, look after daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that i am trapped with the people that I depend on to support me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that I am trapped within the level of education I have received.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that I am trapped within the country I was born into and so all the politics, economics and all the cultures and religions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that i am trapped within what foods and nutrition is available to me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that I am a VICTIM and trapped within everything that exist within this life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and feel that i am trapped within the very design of having to breath air and needing air to live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view and see my very body as a trap for my being/soul and so walk with that experience of and as a trapped being in a body and live that trappedness in everything and all things as a starting point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to HOLD the POINT of VIEW of being trapped and thus being a victim within me as my LIFE and as the design of life, and so always live and walk and breath thee experience of being trapped and thus taking on life, approaching life from the experience of I am trapped, I am a victim, what is the point of anything.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to view life as a trap, as a prison, even when it was designed and intended that way by ANU, who I am and thus how I live isn't defined by that, I am not defined by that, I define me as life and life, such as a tree that grows through the cracks of concrete, defines itself.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to USE the view point of everything is TRAPPING me to escape self-responsibility, to escape this reality, and so truly imprisoning myself within my mind where I am unable to move, direct or do anything except to become a vegetable.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to USE the experience of being trapped within all things and thus to be a victim of all things, to avoid taking self-responsibility as LIFE as a creator, and so to also justify my current actions, my current habits and patterns that does not serve me or all in the best possible way.

Day 648 - There is Nothing that Anyone can do to me

Today, as I was browsing through FaceBook to find Desteni related posts and sharing of Destonians to like and share (as my only reason for existing on FB) I came across a post of a quote of Bernard Poolman that once again brought peace to me. Below is the post/quote that I found and so now I will do my Self-forgiveness writings on the points that came up for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the point within the quote of repeating the words "There is Nothing that anyone can do to me" as I reacted within a judgement of "but am I not deluding myself by saying this", and so build up a slight resistance to take the advice and applying it, as and for myself, I do see and realize that I reacted due not fully having context/understanding within the statement of "there is nothing that anyone can do to me" and so I am here writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I read the words "there is nothing that anyone can do to me" to jump immediately into FEARS I have within me of being physically harmed, attacked, abused or tortured, and so going into the back-chat of " but this quote is untrue, there is so many things that other people can do to me" and so missing the point of - There is nothing anyone can do to ME - ME referring to the eternal being that is here as life, and so there is literally within the consideration of eternity nothing anyone can ever do to ME, unless I accept and allow it within me as my being.

I forgive myself for going into immediate thinking and back-chat as the mind after reading those words and having a sense of peace within me, and so contaminate the expression the quote gave me to LIVE through fears, and thinking, and projecting, and over calculating and analyzing every word and every single dimension of it as knowledge and information to keep me from being here, and to remain trapped in the mind as energy/fears.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge having inner peace as wrong. 

I forgive myself that I have not seen and realized by denying myself inner peace I am denying peace within this world, and for me to peacefully walk and bring about what is best for all life, practically without fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must always be in conflict within myself to be able to keep up with the world and the conflict within the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep myself hurt, broken, and effected by this world within the believe that I must be that to be able to be real, to bring change to this world as what is best for all, not seeing and realizing that I can only create what I am, who I am as my acceptances and allowances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself inner peace as to always be on guard, to be ready for the worst case scenario's as to NOT be harmed physically, thus always living in fear and anxiety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in fear and anxiety of being harmed, hurt or anything else being done to me, within the believe that someone or anyone can do something to me as ME the being, yes physical pain is real, yet it ends and I continue.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as the form of the flesh that I am walking within currently, and so develop fears in relation to the form as the flesh that also control and enslave me as the BEING as long as I accept that - and so have chains on me that keeps me limited and in place to not move and direct myself as effective as possible within this world, as I am trapped in fear of a moment, the moment being this life, one life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize the benefits of having inner peace within me within the words of " there is Nothing that anyone can do to me" as this removes the fears of, and in relation to people, and so I can walk as LIFE, fearless, and stand as life fearlessly to bring about what is best for all life within the consideration of eternity as all life as me.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to be self-honest with myself to what extent I am controlled within the fear of others doing something to me, may it be physical, mental or emotional, and where I will experience myself as negative/bad WITHIN me, and so I see I fear experiencing myself as bad/negative within ME, and thus I fear that this badness/negativity defines me, and so I see and realize that within understanding that everything that effects me as the being, is through me accepting and allowing things to define me within me through what happens outside of me, and thus not yet knowing who I am and standing as who I am as LIFE in fact, which can never be effected by anything in fact within the consideration of eternity as the true consideration of all life as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed experiences that are induced through the physical to define me/who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that experiences that are induced through physical events HAS to and MUST define me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that how others react to me, talk to me, defines me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that how others behave towards me MUST define me, MUST mean something about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe how people respond/comment or give opinions towards me must define me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed ANYONE to be able to do ANYTHING to me through taking everything personally, through existing as a personality character based on energy, believes and opinions, that isn't real as WHO I AM, and thus can be destroyed in a single moment, and thus I see and realize that each and every-time someone is able to effect me, I must end that part of me and so end all parts of me that is of personality till only LIFE as who I am stands for eternity and thus "there is nothing that anyone can do to me" through ending what isn't real and standing as what is real. to be the change to end the cycles of repeated history.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to THINK instead of breathing here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to JUSTIFY, instead of breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to BLAME instead of breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to VICTIMIZE, instead of breathing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make everything HARDER than what it is, instead of breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT breathe in simplicity, here as life.

I commit myself to when and as I see I am going into the mind, as thinking, as analyzing, instead of being here, to STOP, to BREATHE and to move as what is real/eternal as who I am as LIFE,  and so LIVE " there is Nothing that anyone can do to me" in fact.

I commit myself to repeat this statement to myself as much as possible daily, and specifically when I feel someone is doing something to me, till I am living this statement in fact and so enable myself to walk fearlessly as LIFE as that which is real. '

Day 641 – LIFE is so GOD DAMN SERIOUS

Life is so god damn serious (sour)!! Really? Is it life that is serious? Ok, I will take this back to myself – I am so GOD DAMN SERIOUS!!

Why am I so serious? And when do I get so serious? I mean, it sometimes feels like everything is just serious, like I am walking on sharp stones that is LIFE or DEATH, if I just take one single step wrong on these rocks I will fall into DEEP SHIT, shit that I can’t handle? Shit where others will make things shit/hell for me?

All my ACTIONS and WORDS are connected directly or indirectly to the one thing, the one ring that binds us ALL – MONEY. Every word I utter/speak, every action I take or make leads to consequences with MONEY – may it be positive or negative, that’s the point of the word consequences.

Did I say the right thing? Or the wrong thing? Who LIKES what I said/say and who does not? Did I do or am I doing something someone does not like, or like, I mean fuck, what is this, my survival/life is literally dependant on what others think of me, or is it?

We go deeper. Reason can be YES, if your boss does not like you, or your clients does not like you, FUCK it, you can suffer, get fired or have no customers, regardless of what you have to offer – If the opinions of others are against you, you lost, and you will feel the wrath of opinions through how your very survival is threatened, like a deep spitefulness, a knife used to show you are disliked, so suffer.

Ok, expressing the seriousness as the feeling, the emotion within is what’s coming up, the imagery and the words, sentences, which are sentencing me to my own convictions of me as my own judgments of myself and onto others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to BE and ACT so serious in everything I do, as if life or death hangs at the balance of if I am being serious or not in my appearances, in my acting. Am I acting the right way, if this character convincing enough to be on the edge of being right, this sharp edge of a knife that I can so easily slip off from and cut myself in half, who am I?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that I have been TOLD and thus to HOLD onto as the MOST important things in life, which is MONEY and people liking you to be the MOST serious of things, and thus within these two points find myself in a prison as people are everywhere and money is all I see in this world, so apparently everything is important except me, so I must take this very serious.

Anything that has to do with MONEY must be so fucking serious, so fucking fragile, it is like handling fucking god, be careful with money, take care of money, protect your money, make sure you have enough money to retire, make sure you have insurance, it is VERY serious issues, because you can die, well you will die. But still be so oh so serious about this, but please be so reckless with how you treat the planet and animals and nature and all else that exist here, that is less serious.

Talk about taking things personally, so many people, so many colours, so many histories, so many different pasts, so many of everything, always be serious, because you might just not be serious one time and DIE.

There is a major difference between being serious and respect, consideration and understanding. Seriousness is the part where everything is personal, say the wrong word, write something wrong, and you are in serious shit, better to always be serious to avoid serious shit, be the serious shit to give the serious shit, just be serious.

Reckless isn’t the opposite of seriousness, reckless is the opposite of consideration, the opposite of seriousness is actually RELAX and breathe, stop your fear and insecurities.

Now – serious exists, the ENERGY that we take on within serious is the problem, the serious energy that consumes us with the emotion of burden, the emotion of life or death is on the line here in every single things we do, big or small, that our very essence is on the line.

This is revealing a “problem” – wait, I am getting serious again, I just cannot stop myself, I MUST be serious, because then everyone else will take me serious, and then I will have value, wait I am anyway getting to my point of what the problem is through exposing my serious approach on what the problem is haha.

Your hair is falling out - Serious

Your teeth are bad – Serious

You don’t look so healthy – serious

Your relationship – serious

Your job/business – serious

Solving global issues – serious

ANYTHING to do with MONEY – serious

Serious – sourness

How can we solve or do ANYTHING in this world when we take on the essence/spirit of SOUR to solve things, to take things head on, with the sourness attitude and approach.

To take things serious isn’t to take on a “character” that is possessed by a certain mind set/personality that now behaves and acts a certain way to be serious and to apparently be “genuine” – that is an illusion, which is a problem attempting to solve a problem.

Take a look – ANY problem that is attempted to be taken on to a solution where a serious character is involved, shit goes sour, the sourness route, it starts to have like an acid attack on it, trying to dissolve the problem by attacking it with an acid, sourness. By taking the sweetness out of everything and anything to apparently solve a problem, dissolving the sweetness – because ones VIEW point within the serious character sis that of DEATH of LIFE, a polarity design, this or that and so REAL solutions cannot be seen or approached, the seriousness will stop anything that is “different” and not serious, not one way or the other.

In your relationship, take a look, any point that is taken on to solve a problem or to resolve conflicts of interest, to come to an agreement turns SOUR when the approach is SERIOUS – it is a fuckup.

How can we ever get really serious when we are only serious to be serious about seriousness as a way to show or hold up something about ourselves on a personal level – may it be of self-value or of self-interest intents (fears or insecurities hidden).

We are like little serious soldiers that seriously uphold an Image of who we believe we must be in certain to even all events/situations that we have accepted and allowed to be a imprint onto us from our parents/those that has gone before us. Imagine yourself being a little soldier, with your one hand by your head saluting to your two parents standing in front of you. I mean, parents do suck the fun out of anything, NO, NO, NO, don’t, do not do that, That cost money, stop it, NO you can’t, NO, I said NO and I said so, I am your parent that is why, you don’t do that, stop doing that, you are my little hero, you are my princess, you are my prince, you are adorable, you are this and that and so on, you are just everything EXCPET you, a sour childhood indeed for most. So you better be serious about living what your parents told you and programmed into you, because that shit defines you, that’s serious shit, you do not DARE breaking that shit, you do not dare failing at those programs drilled into you, you little soldier. It is NOTHING personal to parents, YOU/I accepted and allowed it, WE must change ourselves, so don’t take anything out on your parents. Although you changing you for you can seem a bit different, some friction.

We are programmed to FEAR everything, we are programmed to walk around in this serious manner about ourselves, like everything is at risk all the time, that we must and can never DARE ourselves to express, it isn’t trustworthy, because there is NO fear in expressing ourselves, so it is dangerous, we cannot cross the lines of control and be creative because that unknown, so the serious instructions in everything, from relationships to money HAS to be followed to the T.

How do we move from programmed fear driven SERIOUSNESS to actual SERIOUSNESS as life.

SERIOUS can be SEE I ROSE – how do I RISE, and see it for ME/myself – I remove myself from the eyes that I place onto myself as to what I should and should not be doing, and so I rise above the programs and step into my self-expression and creativity to be HERE fearless. I rise from fear and I SEE I am HERE.

A Simple example – if YOU ever face a situation where you will go into the typical thought of “I must fear this situation” stop the fear and see HOW can you actually direct the situation OUTSIDE of the guidelines of fear OR insecurities, yet have the BEST outcome for ALL involved.

I suggest you look at the following typical situations most people face within this world that is defined as serious, I want you to REMOVE the word serious from the situation, and remove within you the FEAR of what such a situation possible can mean, or are currently meaning for you and others.

Having a ton of Debt – serious right?

Business is failing – serious right?

Relationship issues – serious right?

Not finding a job – serious right?

Now, I am not saying they are NOT serious, I want you to see how the serious MIND SET is like having a square box in front of your face with only a small hole cut in it to see through. Removing that box/seriousness opens up a whole new view/world and removes the FEARS of possibilities and instead opens up possibilities for creative and expression of self, outside of what we were programmed to see and how it should be and will be and can be.

Do this for yourself, and see who you are without fear/insecurities and move and direct yourself with solutions within creativity and expression that is best for all as an outcome. This also means removing a lot of emotions/feelings that has been developed around this “serious view” in approaching life and situations, like depression, anxiety, stress and so forth, breathe and drop them, drop that shit, it is limiting the view and creative self. but still, don't get delusional.

Now as a side note – do not create any expectations, because that’s acting on the energy of “hope” and thus positive enforcement, instead of real practical steps – these real practical steps can surprise you if one dares to break the bondage of self to fear.

To just one last time make it clear - serious things are things that requires direction - it is the who we are within the seriousness that determines EVERYTHING - and this who we are within it, that will be HOW we are driving it, and because we all have this weird way of being serious, we tend to drive things to a negative most of the times, to a point of fear, instead of solutions and direction (direct actions)

Fear of missing out – How Bernard Supported me with this point. Part 1

As a child, every time I heard my mother’s hair dryer blowing from her room, I would get anxious. The thought would come to mind of, where is my mother going??

I have throughout time learned that when my mother is doing her hair, that she is going out. I never KNEW when she was going out, she never informed me of her going out. I would just hear the hair dryer blowing, and I would immediately know she is going out and I MUST go with. I would drop whatever I was doing and quickly change my cloths and get ready. By the time she would pass my room I would tell my mother I am coming with.

My mother would respond and say, I am just going to go get some shopping. I did not care, I just wanted to go with, I feared missing out on something, I wasn’t ever sure what, so I went with to see what it might be. It always ended up with me just hanging around my mother walking around.

In those moments, I would drop whatever I was busy with, even if it was something I was already enjoying, like playing a game, or building with my blocks, or simply enjoying being where I am. In return, going with my mother, I missed out on what I was doing, dropping it half way and not focussing on myself, who I am and what I was doing, I was chasing something out there. 

How I developed this I am not sure, but it bled out into all aspects of my life, with friends, with Girlfriends, with so many things, I would always drop ME and rather rush to the event, the thing, the place to see what else is there, fear of missing out. It would always end up the same, me being here with me simply in a different situation or event or place. Sometimes it lead to weird things, or not so cool things. 

I got addicted to wanting to always KNOW, to always wanting to be informed, to be up to date to be in the LOOP of what’s happening, even if it had nothing to do with me, or had any relevance to me, I just wanted to be there. 

For example: I would be cleaning my room, something I resisted, yet here I am cleaning my room, focusing on me and improving me a bit more, then I hear that hair dryer blowing from my mother room, I drop the cleaning, change my cloths and forget about me and my improvement in a single moment and rush to this other place. Looking for me, something. 

Same with wanting to quit alcohol when I was drinking heavily and having to many hangovers, I would give myself a goal of not drinking, but as soon as a party starts and I am informed of that party, I drop that goal and there I GO, and at the party, I drink, because I fear missing out, I fear missing something. Back at square one. 

When I came to the farm, the first week after being here, Bernard told me that I will probably not leave the farm for about three months, and he asked me if I can handle that. I looked at him and said YES SURE, that should not be a problem. I had no idea why I would not be able to leave the farm for three months. In that time I did want to go to town a few times, and Bernard would say I can go, IF I can give him a reason that is valid for why I want to go to town which would mean me not doing my responsibilities and postponing them, and each and every time I had a reason Bernard would check y common sense and self-honesty within my reasons. 

For example, I would see someone is climbing into a car to go to town, and I would go to that someone and ask, hey can I come with, that other person would say sure, yes, you can come with, and I would respond with saying, OK, let me get my stuff. So I would run to my room to quickly get my stuff, Bernard would see me running and ask WHERE ARE YOU GOING? And I would slow down and look at him and say, I want to go to town, and Bernard would ask why? As I give my reason such as I need cigarettes, then Bernard would say, just give them the money to get it, you need to finish raking the grass in the fields today before the rain comes.

This kind of situation occurred each time I wanted to go to town, I first of all tried to go to town without Bernard noticing me, as I KNEW he would challenge me and check up on me, so I wanted to do is in a sneaky way, YET, he caught me each time. 

This continued for about 3 months, where I did not leave the farm. I went through a sort of a withdrawal of some sort, where I got a bit depressed and angry, as I could not go to town for no reason, YET each time I was redirected BACK to what I NEED to do, and that whatever I wanted in town, someone else could just get it for me, so while they do that I do what I could do best and get things done. 

So, by now you must know, Bernard pushed this point perfectly, if you look at how I used to live out this point and how he then supported me in facing this missing out point, I was forced to focus on ME and what I am doing, unlike how I used to just DROP what I am doing to run after other things in the fear of missing out. 

After those three months and a bit more, I started going to town a lot more, specifically to get my driver’s license that I failed the first time before I came to the farm. I got it in December 2008 with the farm support. 

Something very interesting changed within me and who I am in going into town. The first time after three month and a bit I noticed and experienced going into town a LOT different, everything felt so BUSY and stressed and tense and heightened in energy, my stomach was turning and I felt like throwing up. I remember when I went with Bernard he told me to BREATH as I have not dropped the energy to going to town, so now I can actually experience what is really going on, the systems and everything in play all the time, as I used to go to town to PLUG in, I now went to town not plugging in as much, but was more aware of the plugging in from within me, what I went to town for previously to support system and programs within me, to keep me upgraded and to keep my personality in tack by feeding myself in town, the city with mind consciousness systems. 

This is quite interesting. Because I used to go to town to literally FEED my ego, my personality, to make sure I am still in check, that I still fit in, that I am not out of date, that I have all the programs upgraded and working, all my apps are running fine to survive in the system. And after three months of not rushing to town, going to town within that energy, I felt WAY out of date, not updated, and wanting to update felt sickening, what I was doing to myself, selling myself out. 

Me not updating myself and my programs and doing the upgrades that are consistent within the system, just like the apps on our phones and all their updates occurring the whole time, I lost complete touch for a long time with the system, I would not shower of bath after doing some sweaty work, for a few days even, I would simply take a dip in the pool, put the same cloths on I worked with and wear gumboots that smell like horse shit and go to town, standing in lines where people would literally move away from me and look at my gumboots weird. I did not do this deliberately, I simply did it because I kind of didn’t know better anymore, I didn’t have the upgrades, so I went to town as I was. 

I did this for years, never upgrading, never plugging back in, never access those systems. I instead went as me, as me requiring only me to be who I am and living, expressing. It was only possible because of where I was/am, the Desteni farm, and the opportunity was here for me to live this to be this, to stand as this and to see what is here, how it works and going deeper, to in the long run stand as a support for others that might not have the same opportunity yet facing the same points, such as now, now is the time. 

I will continue in Part two, sharing more and deeper points as this fear of missing out went from one polarity to another and finding a balance, also how this point was pushed even further by Bernard for me to face in specific moments.