Day 274 – No such Thing as Justified Back Chat – Part 3

 Day 272 –Confidence (Con the Evidence) in our heads – there is no justified back chat.
Day 273 – Confidence in our heads, no such things as Justified Back-Chat Part 2 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that having back-chat in my head abut others compromise my actual talking to others as the back chat will interfere as reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that talking about other people in my head is deceptive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I talk about another in my head and to then talk to them in real live that I am lying and deceiving them and myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have secret conversations in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I talk to myself within my mind that I create reactions as the feelings/emotions I generate within me within what I tell myself as the thoughts I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in a alternative reality within my mind where I can have secret conversations within my mind and to believe that it will have no consequences within reality when and as I have to communicate with others for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I have secret conversations in my head about others or things - that it is a side effects of who I am and have accepted and allowed myself to be within and as the past events/experiences within my live and that back chat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that back chat I come up with in my head as reasoning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question my reasoning within my back chat to see why I say what I am saying and to bring the points back to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that the back chat I have is but a mask to hide myself from myself as parts of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my back chat is valid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I have back-chat about others or things that it is a indication or a reference for me to see what the back chat is defending and what I can do about it that the back chat is de3fending/hiding or what I am UN-willing to look at.

To be continued.

Day 273 – Confidence in our heads, no such things as Justified Back-Chat Part 2

 

Continuing from:

Day 272 –Confidence (Con the Evidence) in our heads – there is no justified back chat.

It turned out it was a BIG NOT!! Joke. Where you say something and ends it off with NOT!! Hahaha.
Those were simple all along all my cleaver disguised justifications/reasoning/manipulations I used and actually created myself as them to make them real so others should believe me. Fuck it is weird shit.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within back chat believing it is justified.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my back chat because I am able to reason with myself in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that reasoning within my head with myself as back chat towards/about others/thing is a reason for consuming my head with shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my own voice as back chat within my head where I am always right and where my reasoning conveniently always make sense/reason.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if and when I am always right within my head within back chat that there is a problem and I cannot trust myself in my head at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if I always believe what’s going on in my back chat as reasoning that I will built a deceptive confidence within myself that is always against myself as my reasoning within my head is only prom my perspective based on my limited knowledge and information in my head.

To be continued.

Day 272 – CONfidence (con the evidence) in our heads, NO such thing as Justified back Chat.

Day 272 – CONfidence (con the evidence) in our heads, NO such thing as Justified back Chat.

Back-chat is where a person talks to him/herself in his/her head about others/things I mean fucking everything.

So back-chat in short is gossiping in our heads with ourselves, sipping the poison we rotate within our heads about others/things in general, mostly others/comparisons

Back chat is a Bitch, it is like this other self we have created within our heads that we LOVE to talk to, as we know love is a suppressor for fear, so we talk and talk to this other self we create in the back of our heads and we believe EVERYTHING we tell ourselves as the other self.

Take a look, that YOU, that talks to you in your head is a bit different then who you are when you actually speak to others, it is always more confident in the head speaking to self. like selling it to yourself.

So we have a confident little fucker in our heads as ourselves that we like to use to gossip and to reason and to justify and to blame and to compare and to play games with.

And as we know someone with confidence is always the dominant one, we have confidence in our heads because we know it is in secret, and we believe NO one can see us talking to ourselves in our heads, so we can give ourselves what we believe we miss in reality in our heads, this is dangerous because we are and have now made the fictional voice in the back of our heads the preferred voice we LOVE to hear and listen to over the real voice we talk daily to with others.

This Back chat is always Visible within our physical behaviors and how we move and how we talk, not the sound that comes out as per say, but how the body movements is and the facial expressions and the now and again reactions which is actually mostly constantly.

The back chat is clearly visible when one acts on it in a direct way, then everyone knows what the fuck is going on in a persons head – but most of the time the back chat will always do what is best for "self interest always" in secret little ways/things, such as spitefulness and nastiness and how we use words with secret intention.

Back chat will fuck with Self because it is self listening to self about others where instead of Growing and expanding and living LIFE and breathing and moving and doing what we can do within what requires to be done we will instead try and play games of FAIRNESS and to be spiteful and to blame and judge and to just constantly limit ourselves for the sake of doing those things to others to feel we have achieved something, REALLY!!

I have been taking on this point for years now face on everyday on the Farm, I have become someone I never saw myself to be, I can move myself I can work when I have previously made myself  believed I can not do so anymore till I did it lol, I can built things and make things and move thing sand direct things I previously never did, because I was for instance done with my working time, or I was apparently to busy already, or I have worked so hard already before, I mean the back chat piles it all up and just crushes self from living.

I have walked this many times in many cycles and I am in a new cycle now, I have thus far improved with every cycle, I have made commitments and live them to in each cycle to take on each point that presents itself where I can expand myself instead of looking for fairness and taken it on and do it, those that fell within, I know they will come again and I will stand.

I was told once " when you drive in the road and you hit a pot hole, the car will have minimal damage, but is okay, learn from it and when you have to drive the same road you will know what to look out for and not hit the pot hole, or take a different road, someone has to be really stupid to hit the pothole again"

so I use this, I learn to know myself, I know my reactions I know my back chat I see the potholes I have created for myself, so when the moments arrive I already have a new route prepared to take, a different road or a way to not hit the pot hole, it always starts with first stopping all back chat that one catches having in a moment of awareness here, and to then see what was already created within the back chat (potholes) and see whats the next practical step. I say yes, this is how I have grown.

I say yes where before I would have done anything to get out of a job or why not to do it immediately, I avoid the pothole, I take a different road, and then I see, I realize.its no about what others do or do not do, its about me in the moment as who I am.

I have realize the one point that has made me and sometime still a walking Zombie, what is a walking Zombie, it is where the same shit/points of back chat repeats itself everyday in defending self own ideas of fairness and only to create limitations for self in the name of some weird Idea that fairness exists, take a look around, fairness is none existent. We have to take self responsibility for ourselves and not compare and fight others the whole time in our heads to be fair within what we do. Each being takes on self responsibility for themselves and so we move in the equality of that.

The real question i had to ask myself was, when and where can I stop, I have found my limit yet because it seems that I am able to break through and push through all back chat and just keep doing it, and I am still alive, Fuck previously I thought I would die of tiredness or not have time and fail at other things or that I am to busy already.

It turned out it was a BIG NOT!! Joke. Where you say something and ends it off with NOT!! Hahaha.
Those were simple all along all my cleaver disguised justifications/reasoning/manipulations I used and actually created myself as them to make them real so others should believe me. Fuck it is weird shit.
To be continued.

Day 113 – I can’t Do better Character – Self Forgiveness

This is a continuation of Day 112.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mind fuck myself within participating in the “I can’t do better” character through making myself belief I can not do better within all the reasons/justifications/excuses I make up and actually validate within my mind as “making sense” within the inner secret conversations as back chat within myself and to within this when the time comes and I have to do something I do it half way instead of expanding myself in learning and becoming better through more effort, and thus seeing and realizing that the “I can’t do better” character is simply a character that is afraid of doing a bit more work and giving it more effort because of the love I have for myself as the character because I have learned in the past where I say or tell someone “I can’t do better” and giving them all the excuses/reasons/justification to defend my own limitations and got away with it and through this learned that it is okay to do thing half way and like an ASS ASSlong as I have the right backup/ammunition for my statement as the character and so fell in love with this character because I felt like I won, I got away with it, I am excused and free because I simply can not do better and everyone else now also beliefs that of me and so I belief that of myself and so my LOVE for my character FUCKED me into limitation and to be a slave to the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am applying myself within doing something and as I apply myself and thoughts come up as to why I CAN’T to give value to these thoughts as real and that they must have meaning and so limit myself as a thought and to remain a slave to my mind.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be self honest with myself within the situation of when and as I am applying myself in doing something that I am aware of all solutions and ways to do better as I have the insight in the moments of application, and that when I do not apply what I see is here and what is shown to me in the moment I go into a state of self diminishing myself and self hatred and then all the reasons/justification/excuses starts as I create them to justify why I was so deliberate in not doing better as I was able to see in the moments, and through this actually create myself as the limited Character that becomes a walking excuse/justification that is always only limiting me instead of expanding me in and as the physical as that which is here as LIFE one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I am aware of why I do things and when I do them and how I do then and that I actually in each moment make deliberate decisions to not follow through in doing better and so only end up sabotaging myself and my life and my expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to have have identified myself as the character of “I can not do better” and that it is who I am and will always be who I am, not seeing and realizing within identifying myself as the character as set in stone I am the only one keeping myself limited and trapped within all the self hatred/sabotaging/limitations and diminishing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that as long as I continue to participate within the “I can not do better” character that I will always live in fear and anxiety of other asking me to do things because I know I will act out the character in self defense of do not ask me you know I can t do it, I am not good at doing it, I am not worthy of doing it because I can t do anything good or make anything better and thus I will live in my own pool of emotions/fear/stress/anxiety/reactions because I have automated the self created belief of myself as “I can not do better” and thus created a character out of it to show and live a character that always shows people I can not do better just to not be asked to do thing because of the initial point of energy/experience being in love with the idea of not doing much or even just the bear minimal because I got and saw that I got away with it in the past and that I have connected a feeling of winning to it that I believed gave me power as manipulation of myself and others, not realizing that I only fucked myself in ever expanding and growing and being able to act and express myself in and as the physical one and equal as LIFE as true freedom as breath to be able as that which I create myself as, as WHO I Decide I AM.

to be continued on Self corrective statements.

Day 25 - Massaging someone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist massaging another when I am asked to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when someone asks me to massage them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have back chat when someone asks me to massage them because I feel I am being used.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I am being used when someone asks me to massage them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to massage someone when they ask me in the believe that it isn't my job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within what I can and can not do according to what I identify as being my job and what is not my job to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make massaging someone a job as in taking effort, instead of me expressing my with out limits with in and as the physical in each breathe here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the mind to place limits on what I can and can not do through self created believes and ideas that I accept as my own limitations through back chat that I participate within my mind and make it real, thus building up a energetic response towards the idea of having to massage someone and that is it a job a effort, realizing that in fact in the physical it is simple and easy to give someone a massage and that I actually always end up enjoy doing it, but because of the mind and the back chat I create the opposite in my mind and so react and impose limitations onto myself that is unnecessary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that I am tired to not give someone a massage when I am asked, and so with in this accept and allow the self imposed limitation of myself and how I can and can not express myself according to a mind idea/believe that isn't real, as I have time and again proven to myself that once I start giving a massage even after the justification that I ended up not feeling tired anymore and actually awake and more relaxed myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the reason that I never get massages so why should I give any to anyone else as a reason that is valid, with in this I am actually only limiting myself and creating a experience of myself that I do not enjoy as I know it isn't valid because it isn't about what others do, it is about who I am that determines what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to use reasons and justification to defend my own limitations, instead of breathing and pushing myself with in and as the physical to move beyond my own accepted and allowed limitations and to change who I am as that which is best for all life. A being that can move with out limitations as the mind created believes and reasons and justification.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry when I am asked to massage someone because I feel that I have to take my time and spend it on someone else just so that they can feel better.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as spitefulness and being a nasty fuck where I say fuck you to people in my mind and place judgments onto them as if I am a rightcious god that has the right to do so with his perfect reasons and justifications, realizing that with in this I am creating my own limitations and enslavement, because through this I am taking away my ability to ask for a massage and to receive one as I will only get what I give equally.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that "do onto another as you would like to be done onto yourself" is a statement that is actually lived and applied in this world currently, we are all living it in what is only best for ourselves and thus we are fucking up life and earth and that this needs to change through doing what is best for all life, as a massage is a point of giving, giving unconditionally with out expectation or wanting reward, but to give as who you are as life one and equal, and what you will receive will not be a "massage in return" but instead a world that is better for all life as who you are is what determines what you do will become the living expression as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I do not give good massages and with in this fear resist giving massages and always saying no, never training myself and bettering my skill and breaking the self accepted created limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not good enough to massage someone when they ask me and that when I do massage them they will only be disappointed and through this self judgment stop giving massages and react to everyone that asks just to avoid te self judgment becoming a reality.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be spontaneous when someone asks me to give them a massage and to simply say yes and do it.

I commit myself to give a massage to whim ever asks me to massage them to say yes and to do it, so that I may see that what ever I created in my mind as reasons and judgments and justifications aren't real at all as I just proved it wrong in the living application.

I commit myself to stop the self created limitations I place on myself through self created believes and ideas and to push through them through moving myself in and as the physical and to re-birth myself in each breath as that which is best for all life in all ways.

I commit myself to stop the reasons/justification with in my mind when asked to massage someone, and to always say yes to a massage if I react in the moment of being asked and to then so work through the reaction till there is only self movement and breathe and no other forced that decides for me as a energetic possession that is self created through participating in the mind as thoughts/back chat.

I