Day 364 - May I speak Please Part 2



Day 363 – May I speak please, the work place Part 1


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what I may say when I speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking without permission from someone that is an authority figure to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the authority when and as I speak without the authority figures permission.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when and as I speak and that what I say is not important.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear asking someone a question.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear someone else’s response towards me when and as I speak or ask something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within myself towards what I want to say or ask of someone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a conversation within my head where I already play everything out according to my fears and expectation and to within that already react and have a set way of how the question can sound or come off as and thus have a set way already of how the other person might or will respond according to my own judgments of the other person within my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that when and as I am already playing out all the possible scenarios within my head of how a conversation can or may go, that such a conversation in my head is totally based only on my own fears and insecurities and thus it is and can never be valid or real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I want to talk/ask a question to someone and I have already decided within my head how the other person will react/respond that it is actually just me sabotaging myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within back-chat and internal conversations within my head about and towards another person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I want to ask a question or ask for perspective or to simply ask anything or talk about anything with another to create the reactions and answers they will give me already in my head, and thus already creating my question in such a way that it will have the outcome of the reactions/response that I am anticipating, thus creating what I fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set myself up within participating within my head within secret conversation as projections of the conversation I want to have before it ever happens and thus already pre-create the outcome through basing the conversations in my head only on my own fears/insecurities and self-interest, seeing and realizing that this way I can only approach the boss or anyone else in fear and anticipation as I have already scared myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I scare myself within participating within back-chat and internal conversations through already in my head playing out all the scenarios I fear or feel insecure about, just before I go into an actual real conversation with someone. as a way or pre-paring myself to protect my self-interest and thus my own limitations, seeing and realizing how scaring myself is part of the fight or flight mode of survival and where I will always put myself back into a position of security, even if it means never moving forward and always just remaining within my limitations that I create for myself within my mind, all made up. Simply to survive, even if it means making myself as little as possible, as good as not existing and just going by, sabotaging myself to protect my own fears as I have come to believe I can trust fear as I have come to believe that fear is keeping me save, et it is the prison I have created for myself in my mind. 

To be continued.  

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