Day 282 – Doubt Part 7 – a doubtful world.

Self Doubt Part 1
Self Doubt Part 2
Self Doubt Part 3
Self Doubt Part 4
Self Doubt Part 5
Self Doubt Part 6

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I grew up in a world of doubt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the world live in now and that feeds me and gives me shelter is all possible because of money, and that money can always be taken away from me in a single moment, seeing and realizing that I have been aware of this as a child as I observed and seen how those that has gone before me behave living their lives within money, the fights, the arguments and the things I heard which was always fear and stressful and in doubt of the life I was given.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow a world where my next meal is always in doubt as it depends on if I have money or not which depends on the system and what’s happening with the entire system at any given moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I grew up knowing that there are children out there that has no food/parents or hoe and that I could easily be them at any time if what I have was taken away from me, which creates fear of my entire life in general which is living in doubt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I have developed self doubt from the reality of what I grew up in, that I was brought into a world and raised in a world where I can either have a good life or be abused either way as the system I had to accept as normal was based on hope.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not se and realize that I am not living in a world where my life is certain and definite and that it all depends on money which is always fragile and in doubt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to be confident within the current way the world is and that it will provide for me while billions around me on my one and the same planet are dying of hunger/disease/murder/rape/war/famine that is all human created through and by the very same system feeding me with money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that if I do not have confidence within myself within the current world and the way of life we are all accepting and allowing as normal that there must be something wrong with me, not seeing and realizing that the doubt I have within the current world system is in fact me having confidence within myself that the current way of life is not normal and MUST change and cannot be trusted at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize the confidence in me to doubt the current system and to from that perspective question it and my life and what is being accepted as normal to not accept it and to see what is here and to bring it all to a stop and change to life and be and do what is best for all life in all ways.

Day 281 – Self Doubt Part 6.

Self Doubt Part 1
Self Doubt Part 2
Self Doubt Part 3
Self Doubt Part 4
Self Doubt Part 5

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself when and as I say something of common sense and other people disagree.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself when and as those that disagree are Many and I am but one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose confidence within myself when and as there are disagreement within my world from the many.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place confidence within the many as if they somehow always know better and that I know less and not what I speak of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a false sense of confidence in the many as a way to not to have to take self responsibility

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not doubt the many/society as a way of questioning the many/society and the confidence I place in society as always having the right way and knowing what they are doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself just because there are many speaking up and against what I say as if that must be enough evidence that I am wrong and must doubt myself, not seeing and realizing that this must give me more confidence as I am saying the right things that forces people to also question reality and what they are accepting and allowing to exist here as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place self value in the doubts I have, instead of seeing and realizing that the doubt I have is red flags for me to look at myself and to correct myself and breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that common sense and what is best for all life requires confidence to speak about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as something is in fact best for all life and within common sense that no confidence or doubt is required to speak it as it is fact and real and that only/,mostly lies and deception requires to be conned as having confidence to speak about and that it requires doubt as the polarity to work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that self doubt comes in when and as I am not standing within myself as who I am in fact as the words I speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I am speaking and doing something for others that I will always have doubt as it is done from the starting point of self interest and not best for all life which is where I say what is real straight forward and to the point with no need to impress or CONvince others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that only because we have created a world of deception and abuse is something such as confidence required to sell the deception and abuse and thus there will always be doubt in dishonest living till we change this world/ourselves to a place that is best for all lie where no one need to have to develop confidence as no one will have doubt as we will live in a world of certainty and loving thy neighbor as thy self.

Day 280 – Self Doubt Part 5, Doubt as Support

DO U BT

Day 276 –Self Doubt Part 1
Day 277 – Self Doubt part 2
Day 278 – Self Doubt part 3
Day 279 – Self Doubt Part 4

I just now faced a really weird point – I said something, I made a video a long time ago about animals being shot on farms for the sake of reducing “profit loss’ on farms, where I say that the farmers are losing profit but the animals are losing everything from the farmer being there in the name of profit, the animals loses his food, his home, his Life and his everything and literally just survive till death and have to take food from the farmer, where else?? Nothing is left for them, and now they are suddenly called thief's and stealing!! Seriously, animals don’t know there is such a things as stealing, the earth has always before given to them and provided unconditionally till the human came and now call it stealing and then kill the animal for it, because it has a profit/money loss.

And now after all the common sense and looking at the reality of it, I can see it is a pretty awesome point I opened up, and then everyone that comments on the video disagree with me and keeps telling me I am stupid and small and know nothing and can’t see the bigger picture etc etc.

Then there comes this sudden moment of self doubt, doubting that what I have said might be wring and that they might be right, then I take a deep breath and realize WHAT THE FUCK, of course I am making common sense, fucking look at it, it undeniable.

Yes there is that moment of doubt that I must look at WHY, the justification of why I am giving in and not standing in absolute certainty.

I find it interesting that all the peoples comments push that exact point where they ask me for the proof and the evidence and the numbers and the calculations that farming is fucking up wildlife and pushing animals to extinction – so here I am with common sense where I see directly the reality and they can’t see the obvious connections - as if something greater and higher is maybe instead killing the animals and that farming as we are doing now is completely harmless and not having any consequences.

So now I face the doubt, why us the doubt there, I see this doubt is because I am one standing in the face of the many voices saying the same thing. So it is on the believe that if many people say the same thing then it must be the truth and thus I must be wrong, because the many seem to see the same thing and I don’t, I see it differently, so I must doubt myself.

Yet I can see through this, because I understand how the mind fucks with me, Know thy self, I see it is in reverse, it is to stand no matter what with the common sense and the self honesty as Life, Life’s got my back and I have Life’s back, we are the same back, so I may be one human physical body speaking but I have life behind me, they might be a group but they are speaking against that which gives them life and breathe, it is obviously not recommended.

So i am learning to stand and to breathe and to not cave in just because others are saying differently, just because the group disagree does not mean they are right and I am wrong, if and when I see and realize that I stand within certainty within myself within what I stand as, as the physical reality as life as actuality then There is never any reason to doubt myself, my doubt is showing me where I still have to work on myself and to stand, to breathe and not be directed by doubt, but common sense and self honesty and what is best for all life is/must always be what I move myself as.

So I see and realize that before I speak and open up a point for all, that I must write about it to have clarity to create my confidence and to not have any assumptions or hopes within the vlogs/blogs and to be here as all I speak as being absolute in each word, this can only be done through researching and writing and integrating the information as me to live it as me and to share it equally with all to awareness as I made myself aware in oneness and equality where I bring the points to physical reality within common sense as being obvious, so that I can say what needs to be said in simplicity and clarity and not speak in circles and create self doubt.

I create myself in each moment/actions/decision.

Day 279 – Self Doubt Part 4

Day 276 - Self doubt Part 1

Day 277 - Self Doubt Part 2
Day 278 - Self Doubt Part 3

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Doubt myself according to the input given to me from others, instead of seeing and realizing that the input from others is support for me to see where I can correct myself instead.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that self doubt is always about me and not what others say/think/judge about me, thus seeing and realizing that it is that I must know who I am and within that stand and walk.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that other people are responsible for me doubting myself/

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let others people determine for me who I am and to this doubt myself as I give away myself responsibility of deciding for myself who I am and thus what I can do or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Doubt myself as being capable of directing others as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Doubt myself as being capable of learning new vocabulary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have confidence within myself as being capable of learning new vocabulary through holding past experiences against myself where I struggled and failed, instead of seeing and realizing that it was a point of reference for me to work on and to learn from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself within learning new words and to effectively integrate them as me and living them as who I am due to past experiences where I failed and judged myself as not being capable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not being able to learn new vocabulary with full understanding of the words,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if and when I fail to learn new vocabulary that it means I must doubt myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I fail to learn new vocabulary effectively the first time that it must mean that I cannot have confidence within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that something must be wrong with me if I cannot learn new vocabulary the first time and thus I must not ever show or have confidence within myself that I can or I will just disappoint myself and experience the bad experience again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear experiencing self doubt and to within this avoid being confident within myself as to avoid the experience of self doubt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that to not give self confidence to myself as who I am that I am already just giving self doubt to myself instead the whole time, seeing and realizing that it is a polarity game of enslavement and limitation.

Instead I see and realize that I must stop separating myself from “self confidence” and to live self confidence as who I am and not as a energy experience, as all energy is polarity based and needs positive and negative to move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek out where I can doubt myself so that I can find the things where I can be confident and to then get a energy high from those points, instead of seeing and realizing that I am within this limiting myself and enslaving myself to the mind as energy movement, instead of moving myself as the physical in each breathe to do what needs to be done as self confident, seeing and realizing that self confidence is a living action of who I am to always do what is best for all life in all ways.

To be continued.

Day 278 – Self Doubt Part 3

Day 276 – Self Doubt - Part 1

Day 277 – Self Doubt Part 2

Self Doubt, looking at the words of self doubt I see that doubting myself is something I also learned, I wasn’t born with confidence neither with self doubt.

How did I then develop self doubt through my life and why did I in particular accept and allow the doubting part of myself, the negative parts mostly/more.

This goes deeper as self doubt is a outflow of something else – Here I have to look at the bigger picture/reality of things, this means I have to go way back to the beginning where I was a baby and to within common sense assess for myself how this came to be.

In the beginning I was empty, I had genetics already that was passed on but in terms of my mind development there was nothing yet as thoughts/feelings/emotions, as they are all rooted from experiences that form memories that is stored within the physical body.

So now I can see it is a educational point, a point of how I was raised and what my environment impulse me with.

Since those are the first things that have “influence on me the moment I am born into this world.
So how as a child was doubt imprinted within me through my environment, I can assume and make things up and think about things that might have been, but I cannot remember YET!!

So I move back to basics, work with what is HERE, why is this the basics, because what is HERE as me as ALL of me is also the past, and my past present and my past futures and here I am as all of it the current manifestation, so I can see that who I am/have accepted and allowed myself to be as my past as the totality pf my past from the beginning of birth is still here as me.

So I will look at the present moment which includes my past and see direct.

I doubt myself in learning something new and that I will get it, I doubt myself as a Living being, I doubt myself within being able to handle LIFE, I doubt myself within expressing myself here, I doubt myself to let go, to breathe and to live, I doubt that I am more then what I am currently as I have always been who I am currently.

THERE is the point, I doubt that I can ever be more then who I am currently as I have always been who I am currently.

So here I see this part of me that is in doubt, I doubt that who I am as insecure will ever change, I doubt that who I am as fear will ever change, I doubt that who I am as all the thoughts/back chat I have will ever change, I doubt that I can even change as it always only feel like I have been adjusting instead of actually change.

So the doubt is rooted in all of me from birth till HERE, it is a general way of how I was raised and what was within my environment as the people and their behaviors towards me and the words they used and the attitudes and the set up of my environment I grew up in.

I see a point of when I was small – that those that has gone before me and that raised me always already had an IDEA/Belief and desired picture concept of me inside their heads that was constantly acted out towards me as who I should be as what they wanted me to be, expected me to be, and thus I was in those that raised me already molded to their Ideas/believes/hopes in their heads and could not be anything else already at that age.

I see the picture/memory – I am a little child standing in front of a bunch of adults, they are all looking at me and expecting something from me, I am supposed to sing and make them laugh/happy and I am apparently a good singer and cute they say, I do not want to do it, yet they are forcing me through creating Ideas in the group about me and how they believe me to be, so I believe it must be who I am thus I must now sing for the adults and make them happy/entertain them. I sing and I here remarks, It was great they say, they are laughing, I feel small and used – I don’t want to do that again.

In that memory I see how I can now create NO confidence in singing and where doubt is created in my ability to sing – this created no confidence over all and doubt within myself over all - as who I now have defined myself to be and Who I am, a good singer but yet I am laughed at and cute. The experiences was left within me to do with as I please as no one ever educated me on what feelings and emotions are and how they are created and where they come from. It’s a mess.

To be continued.

Day 277 – Self Doubt Part 2

Day 276 – Self Doubt - Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge myself as un-able and not capable of taking on responsibilities within the weird believe that those that are capable and able are naturally born with such capabilities and thus I must be less then and that something is wrong with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had to be born with the awesomeness of being able and capable of taking responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people that have the capability and that are able to take on responsibilities are awesome and better than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize the physical programming a person had to go through as a child as the education the child received which is determined by where the child is born and the circumstances of the child’s environment is that determined if the other person developed points of responsibility or not, and thus to see and realize that one isn’t born with such “ability” it is something we learned and proof to ourselves within applying the physical actions of “taking responsibility”, thus it isn’t a magical act as I have perceive it to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that to be able to take on responsibility one must have something magical within self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act out on this assumption that I can magically take on points of responsibilities, instead of seeing and realizing that when and as I do it this way that I create self doubt within myself as I do it in a magical energetic moment that does not consider anything but self interest which usually leads to me failing the responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I must start with taking on points of responsibilities that already can and have handled and to from there grow and expand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be patient with myself and developing the skill to take on ALL responsibility through working with what is here as myself first and to then expand from myself outwards into all that is here to Be LIFE in myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the responsibilities that I have firstly towards myself is small and not important and thus always attempt to take on more then what I can handle and fail myself, setting myself up to only doubt myself more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a Believe that I call my sense of responsibility that I must always take on more then I can handle otherwise the world will go to shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to take on points of responsibilities without an energetic experience directing me to making such a commitment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Doubt myself even after proofing to myself that I can take on big points of responsibilities after years of proofing it to myself just because someone else said something or made a sound.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by what others have to say about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make what others say about me important, not seeing and realizing that it does not matter what others have to say about me I am the one deciding who i am in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give permission to all those around me to influence me through accepting and allowing myself to be who I am as self doubt as the mind as judgments/beliefs/ideas/opinions about myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I am influenced by others and their words that whatever they say isn’t new to me as they are just voicing/confirming what I have already judged and placed onto myself by myself within my mind and now I feel that they are the ones influencing me, yet they are only showing me what I am already accepting and allowing within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value to what I think/belief about myself as past experienced that come up as thoughts and emotions and feelings and to make it all true and thus identify myself as the past as all the memories recreating the present as my future as the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I stand completely in absolute certainty of who I am as who I decide I am as that which is best for all life in all ways as Me that nothing and no one can ever influence me as I stand clear and in self trust and living with no fear as the mind as energy as the past.

To be continued.

Day 276 – Self Doubt - Part 1

we are building a tank, I am in a group of people, we are all taking part in a new task, it is requested that a few of us take a point of responsibility on within in the new task, I put my hand up and I say with confidence that I will take it on, someone in the group makes a sound – Umm, ok cool that you are willing to try. I reacted to the umm sound, I took it on as the other person doubting me and me being unable to do it, like the other person knows something about me that I don’t, that will be the reason for me not being able to and fail. I was confident within myself taking on the one point of responsibility till someone else responded not as I would have wanted it.

So what did I expect, what was my want/desire in that moment that I agreed to the responsibility within confidence?

I wanted everyone to react positively and to believe in me and to have faith within me and to see me capable and able. The response was different as a negative feedback. This showed me that my starting point wasn’t self honest and who I was/am within the moment of taking on the responsibility wasn’t self honest and thus it was all for the energy of the moment and seeking more energy. The point is to change the starting point and to be self honest with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on a point of responsibility from the starting point of wanting to prove myself to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take on a point of responsibility from the starting point of being self honest with myself and what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on a point of responsibility from the starting point of wanting/desiring a positive feedback/energy experience, seeing and realizing that such a experience/feedback is temporarily and the responsibility is long termed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to raise my hand and voice in confidence in the moment that I experience a high in energy to take on a long term responsibility, not seeing and realizing that the energy high will go away and that I will still be in the position I voted myself in to as being responsible for that certain point and then I will have to face myself and the responsibility and what is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I have a temporary energy high of excitement to do something that I will in that moment be high and thus not be able to first consider that real actual physical implications and to then assess and make a decision that is clear and with the starting point of self honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on points of responsibility from the starting point of wanting others to believe in me, seeing and realizing how I have placed believing in myself out side of myself and that it is something I must get from others through confirming it within me first before I can believe in myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not believe in myself and to give to myself the breathes and the discipline and the focus as breathing to prove to myself that I can believe in myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear believing in myself first and to then live the Belief within me to Be Life as me where I give myself the breathes that is required to walk to be life one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I first require others to believe in me before I can be Life within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from being Life within me through seeking being Life within others through what I give myself fort to be in moments that seem big and important such as taking on responsibility to get the energy feedback from others as a thumbs up to only then be allowed to be Life within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek within others what I can give to myself as appoint of fearing that if I give it to myself that it will not be real, seeing and realizing that I can also never trust what I receive from others. Thus it is best to give to myself the Believe in myself and to then live it physically and practically as that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put myself up for taking on points of responsibilities before I even believe in myself and to only then afterward deem myself capable if the feedback from others were positive, and to within this react in opposite when and as the feedback is negative and to still be with the responsibility and to take on the task/point in a manner of doing it half.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself through seeking for a positive energy feedback from others when and as I put my hand up and voice myself as taking on a responsibility and to then when I do not find what I seek but instead the opposite to also compromise the responsibility I took on and the group as I feel to proud to say NO I cant in the fear of others seeing me as less then.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take on points of responsibility from the starting point of fear, where I feel less than others and want to see if others agree with me or not through putting my hands up in moments that “count and to see what others response is as the feedback is what I use to determine for myself who I will define myself as, seeing and realizing that this is self abuse and not best for all, as I am creating scenarios where I set myself up to create my fear and to validate it through responses that I create. Seeing and realizing that I define who I am and thus no one else is required and that I can through my practical living and application proof only to myself who I am as I am always with myself as who I am and that this will determine what I do as my self-honesty.

To be continued.

Day 267 – Me Myself and African Grey Parrots Part 5

I commit myself to when and as I am moving around in my day to slow down and to be aware of what I am doing in all breathes here one and equal.

I commit myself to slow down no matter how much I feel the need to rush or to move fast in the fear of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush in the fear of missing out time somewhere.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not have TIME for myself and to through this rush myself within all other things I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from everything I do as if it isn’t Me being with me and thus have to rush to get t myself to my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself through separating myself from myself within everything I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my relationships with everything/everyone around me within rushing what I do to get to my time that I have for myself, not seeing and realizing that the fact is I am always with me and my time no matter what I do.

I commit myself to when and as I see I am rushing and wanting to get somewhere else where I am with myself with my time entertaining myself to stop and to breathe within the realization that I am always in fact here with myself and thus I do not need to go somewhere else separate for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and blame all and everything else in my life that isn’t ME TIME as things/people wasting my time and thus I rush and do not consider everything and what my actions of rushing will have as consequences such as the parrots freaking out or living in fear of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set my life up deliberately in such a way that I always have to apparently rush myself to get to things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set time in my mind that is always closer and faster within my mind then what it is in reality and to within this rush and not be aware as breathe in ALL moments.

I commit myself to when and as I am around the parrots to be aware of myself as the physical in each movement and to also be equally aware of what is still existent within me and to work through the movement within me as the thoughts/feelings/emotions and to stop them or to correct myself externally to change what’s inside to that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to approach the parrots from a mind idea/belief and to try and to create that instead of working with what is here one and equal.

I commit myself to stop any and all ideas/beliefs I have about the parrots through breathing and working with them and to as I work with them remove the thoughts of the beliefs/ideas through seeing what is here as the physical as the facts and to work from here.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am taking anything personal from the parrots to not take it personal to stop and to breathe and to not validate the energy reactions within me through physically acting out on them and to simply breathe through the energy experience till it is out and to then walk here clear to check and make sure there is nothing moving within me so that I can give a new clean slate to myself and the parrots to create the relationship in oneness and equality as that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a parrot character when and as I am around them that is always trying to pretend to be playful and smart when and as I can see that it isn’t working and just suppressing the actual experience that I have to walk through.

I commit myself to make an effort within this and that this commitment can obviously only be lived if I in fact make the effort and thus I will call myself out through saying yes when I want to say no, or to agree when I want to disagree with spending time with the parrots out loud so I can be heard by others.

I commit myself to stop the limitations and the fears and the beliefs and the ideas that I have every day and that I place onto myself through my actions to actually walk this commitment for myself because I can see that if I do not walk this commitments exactly what I am accepting and allowing to exist within and as me and that is not what I want for myself.

Day 266 – Me Myself and Parrots Part 4

Continuing from:
Day 263 Me Myself and Parrots Part 1
Day 264 Me Myself and Parrots Part  2
Day 26 5 – Me Myself and Parrots Part 3

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that for the “relationship” between me and the parrots can only work if there is trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “HOPE” that there will be trust in the future between me and the parrots.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not sea nd realize that to “hope” for trust will never built trust and only create expectations and disappointments that leads to anger and self hatred that leads to me reacting and in the end becoming harmful to others (parrots).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that Trust is something that is developed through MY living actions that is proven and consistent in time and space that is genuine as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the hope that one day there might be trust between me and the parrots instead of realizing that I must create that trust as Who I am, not as who I pretend to be as that will create real trust that will be able to stand the test of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be to lazy to make the effort to built real trust that is physical and not a dream world in y head of someday maybe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create pictures of me and what I want the parrots to be with me and to then try and attempt to place the parrots in this picture of my mind, not seeing and realizing that this will create conflict and is abuse as it requires force to get the parrots to submit into the picture that might never happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project a picture of what I desire for the relationship with the parrots to be from my mind into reality and to then attempt to play/create it as the picture, not seeing and realizing that the picture in my head is but only a picture and thus I will never succeed and always end up reacting and being angry and have a “bad” relationship with the parrots as I will even blame them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a thought picture within my mind where I see myself happy with the parrots and where I can lay with them and them with me all together and just being awesome together and to then react towards the parrots when this is not happening in reality and to then get angry and mean towards them, seeing and realizing how I have set myself up in a game of polarity with the parrots through living in my mind as a fantasy world and not considering EVERYTHING of and as the physical to be effective and in fact live in oneness and equality with what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Doubt myself to be able to stop the mind projections and all the beliefs/ideas and to stand here as the physical one and equal to move myself within creating a effective relationship with me and the parrots.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through so many “bad” experiences with the parrots to have judged myself as incapable of ever having a one and equal relationship with them that I not live in separation of them as fear and self self-judgment, seeing and realizing that I must stop the Bad energy connection I have made and to stop all positive future projections I have created of the parrots and to work with what is here as the physical and to give myself a new slate where I do not hold the past over my own head or block myself with a wall of a future projection from being effective here as breathe with the parrots.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the behavior of the parrots from the past against them and to already cast them into judgment for their past and to accordingly act and behave as if they have already done that which I expect from them, seeing and realizing how I in fact create the past again here in the present as the future.

To be continued.