LIFE and Wishing for Support, Day 604 – Day 7 of 21

a bit of sharing on my process in here as well. enjoy

Behold the world upon you and let your vision see its potential as what is best for all life, now move as required to ensure that every action you take no matter what that it is or who you must be and stand as to manifest that vision, break every limitation and move through every fear as you know they are but programs – Wishing will only diminish the vision as it will never meet reality to become real.

These are but empty words as they have no backup, no walking backing the talking, they float in the air as potential still, they are here to LIVE, am I willing, can I WILL myself to push myself beyond what I believe is possible, can I face my fears and insecurities and BE that of LIFE and stand as that principle to mold and shape myself as what is here and required.

The question is, how much can I sit and wish for change, how long can I wait till I am out of time, shall my fears and programmed believes of what is possible and what isn’t determine my time? Sit and think about them, place myself already in the future of failure as the current character I am? Or shall I walk the talk, the vision in living, is it possible, this is the first thought to cloud me already, will I be able to? Perhaps wishing and waiting is a better option, I might as well fail before starting.

Have I forsaken the one principle? Have I but only become a man in flesh that has no part or access to the whole of who I am as LIFE? Why can I not trust LIFE as me, the universe, the mind has me, I am inside the mind, I have thoughts, I feel with energies even though what I feel with my hands are more real and relevant. I am not aware of the child starving to death on the other side of the planet, or in this case not so far from here in Africa.

There is a ONE, this one moves in equality at all times, this equality is not necessarily as what I might perceive, it isn’t a polarity based equality, it is a equality of standing as who I am, this equality is a frightening one, but yet it can be the utmost potential as well. It is a matter of stopping the mind. I am always one and equal to what I stand as, as ME as who I am, and the One as the Principle as the universe as LIFE as ME that I have separated myself from through a mind consciousness system, directs every and all in accordance with my standing and every other co-creator. This is mathematics.

How do I know this? I was there once, I was shown by a man I knew, he gave me the moment, the breathe to experience LIFE, I was but a teenager, innocent of the mind I existed as and still do. I had abilities beyond what I have now, I could feel physically everything, I could see what systems and designs existed within peoples around me, I could show them I could see beyond the veil of what is here as our current perceptions of reality that is literally built and based on brainwashing and we cannot see anything further than that. I know it possible, I lost it all as I gave into one moment of fear.

For a moment in time, I stood not as a personality or a mind, I stood as something else, yet in the amarute stage of learning and getting to know who I was without a mind consciousness system, I stood as LIFE, all of existence, I could communicate with life, the chair and the curtain in a living room, the rocks laying on the floor, everything is ME and I am IT = LIFE. I had no knowledge or information on what I was living, I lived it, NO fear, no emotions or feelings, the connection as LIFE transcends all pitiful experiences and brings a TRUE feeling forth that is actually genuine and real it cannot be moved, it isn’t energy based, it is to actually be one and equal with all that is HERE.

I fell not because I had a mind, I fell because I as the being gave permission for the mind consciousness system to set back within me, this I know was deliberate, I made that decision in that moment, afer but only a few weeks of walking this new way as LIFE – I realize only much later in my journey with Desteni that what I have done is what I am still doing, every day is a deliberate decision to walk as the mind and to validate fear, any thought is fear, any emotion is fear, any thought is fear, any memory is fear, take a look for yourself – why else would they just come up” it is survival programming, and that’s the only reason they exist and that we give it attention and allowance and acceptance and we miss life completely.

I share this in this way not because I know more, not because I have a secret about it, not because I have something special, it is to share part of my journey, many will not understand or see what I am saying, but the following point I want to bring up is – I was able to do that, to live that, to be that LIFE in oneness and equality, I am my own proof that it is possible to live without a mind consciousness system and that through living in oneness and equality as LIFE brings forth gifts, it brings forth something that isn’t possible to be comprehended by the mind, the mind is a total and absolute limitation – YET even with all that now as knowledge and information, why do I still choose the mind every day? Not as much as I used to, but just enough to keep me a mind consciousness system, as if I am afraid to give myself over to myself as LIFE as existence, as the universe.

And back to my point, if I am afraid to give myself over to LIFE and to move and live and stand as LIFE without the mind consciousness system, then within the principle of oneness and equality I will receive as I give, I will be done onto as I am doing onto, so LIFE will not give to me, I am not willing to give myself to LIFE absolutely.

So I end up wishing that LIFE will care for me, that other part of me that I am abandoning, and fear returning too, already before death. So I want to stay save as a mind, as a thought, as a fear, and wish that LIFE will see my intentions and give to me as I feel, as I want, yet not willing to GIVE all of me back to ME/LIFE. Even having the knowledge and information of having been there, stood there, lived it and know it’s possible.

When living is traded in for postponement it turns into a currency called knowledge and information, and so the living is lost between all the knowledge and information and the information and knowledge now has the value and the living has lost all its potential. This is the trap of the mind and what I have seen, how I seek a way through knowledge and information to live and stand as LIFE one and equal as I have/did once in an amateur way, but I was there, as a way to do it save, as I am fearful of the unknown as I know life has no fear, life has no limitations, life isn’t personal, it is all inclusive and one and equal to and as all, and that’s the part of me I fear.

There is still a very long way to walk I know, yet it is always HERE in breathe. My process with Desteni and the tools and the message and all the research and support and assistance through Eqafe, I know I have no excuse, as I always choose in fact.

To be continued with SF next blog.

Day 477 – investigating self- Postponement

What does it mean to postpone, what is postponement, let me start at the beginning of what I have lived as postponement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone living and being utmost potential through not applying myself within the most basic and simple tools such as Breathing, and to postpone the physical action of focusing on my breathing because I want to rather focus on what I have been living and giving my attention to for the past two decades which is the mind and thus as my limited potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself that I cannot right now do this, live my utmost potential, as I still have to focus on so many other points first, and to within this postpone what is here as me as my utmost potential and thus rather focusing on all the problems and all the things I still make myself believe I have to walk through before I can be my utmost potential, and thus creating all that I make myself believe that I still have to walk through before I can be my utmost potential an excuse and thus a postponement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use postponement as a reason for me to not to have to do something right now just because I have a bead feeling within me regarding what I have to do right now that is here, and to create many reasons and excuses that seem relevant and real (even if I really just pull them out of my ass) through using the physical reality and creating “real” points that will not really bloc me from doing what I can do just so that I can protect the feeling within me that is negative, and not having to go to this negative feeling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone what is here and that I can take responsibility for and to limit myself just because I have a bad feeling on my belly about something that is within my mind, a specific secret fear that I am not sharing with anyone, because it is so small within me that I fear even mentioning it will make me seem weak and small, so I rather postpone what needs to be done and make up so many excuses as I fear doing what needs to be done now by me can reveal this fear to others and mostly to myself, where I experience it within me consistently within doing t5he task at hand, my it be talking to a person, or cutting the grass or doing a phone call for business, or writing this blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone what is here to do as a point that requires a response from someone to move and with me being in the current position to respond to take self-responsibility I will rather not do it right now and postpone till another time when it fits me or when I am feeling that the moment is right, the moment isn’t right now, it is wrong now, so I must wait till how I experience myself within myself change and then I can do what needs to be done, but by that time it’s to late and the moment is gone and the point that needed responses in the moment has not lost its universal connection of possibilities, it is now contaminated by postponement and the flower that didn’t get its water but a day before is now dead the next day, so the room stink up, the bees has no food, and the sun has nowhere to send its ray to, and the only reason the flower didn’t get its water is because someone was to busy sitting on the couch in fear of missing a TV show for the life of a flower.

THUS

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I postpone something within my day I am not just postponing what needs to be done, I am postponing a universal movement, a movement that has to do with more than just me, it has to do with the proce4ss of LIFE and where all life is inter connected, and the moment I postpone even the simplest moment I am harming many other connections/relationships that reality consists of consistently and thus postponing the process of life and helping those that has no idea of this process and or can do nothing about it due to their position in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be selfish within my actions within the ignorant belief that what I do effects only me, and that I have the right to only do things when I feel like it, never considering, within a business, within a relationship, within a family, within a community and thus within this world, everything I do or do not do within every aspect of my life that is interconnected to all life, like throwing a pebble into a pond, or not throwing it, are we creating or waiting, and what are we creating or what are we waiting for, either options is creation, just directly or indirectly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that my postponement is a side effect of who I am – it is me as a product and on the label it says, side effects may be postponement of using this product, created over time by all aspects of my life, and thus I can see that this who I am can be changed through the fact that I accepted and allowed this who I am now to be, so I can undo it and create myself as my utmost potential, which will be a product of life, one that functions as and for life, no postponement is possible because my movement is who I am, not a side effect of how I feel or think, but what is here, what is practical what is best.

Examples lived,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone eating food during the day, due to me being within the mind within a consistent state of stress and worry about what I need to do and getting to it, and to within this tire myself out before I can ever get to doing what needs to be done because my body is tired and does not have energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone going to bed at night due to worrying about time and not having enough personal time to get to personal things that I would like to do and to within this end up going to bed to late and struggling to wake up, thus...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone waking up when I hear my alarm within the through of I did not get enough sleep and to within this get to work to late and thus not having enough time to eat and to get to supporting my body properly from the get go and to have an effective day within moving myself and thus going into stress.

Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone getting to the actual movement of my day once I have done all the planning and all the small things that requires to be done within the morning, such as doing the phone calls and the emails and the trips to appointments and making my life prosper within self-movement due to now lacking energy and being stuck within an anxiety where I have rushed myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone taking actions within my life to correct my consistent errors that I am aware of yet continue falling into the traps, due to me wanting to hold on to some personal points of self-interest such as having my time at night, instead of making that clear cut decision of going to bed at a certain time to get that six hours of sleep in to be able to wake up early and to have a breakfast and to support myself for the day physically and to move myself and direct myself instead of being trapped within energies and emotions/feelings that is the consequences of my actions that I did not direct and take self-responsibility for due to postponing, saying I will correct it tomorrow, I will do it tomorrow, I will get to it tomorrow, I am still okay, I am still fine so I can start with it tomorrow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone my life and to not direct my life to be the best potential that it can be so that I can life the best of my potential and still discovering myself within the process.

Day 441 - Waiting till the last minute Part 2

Day 440 - Waiting till the last minute Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait till the last minute to arrange meetings with people.

When and as I see myself going into the pattern of waiting till “later as the last minute, I stop, I breathe, I consider what’s here and my action, to see if they are within consideration of the moment or that of energy as ego, and to assess my actions and the consequences of them, to from this point re-evaluate my decision and take a different path, the path of correction and apply myself within what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait up until the last minute to re-arrange meetings or appointments with people.

When and as I see myself waiting and waiting to make a phone call to someone where I have to re-arrange a meeting or an appointment, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I am in a pattern again, where I am now thinking the whole time instead of doing, and that doing it easier and takes much less energy and time then thinking about re-arranging things with other people, and thus I move myself to use my energy productively and get the points out of my head.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to wait till the last minute to call people or to notify people about changes in plans.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to compromise myself and others, though NOT considering both ends equally and one, within the arrangements, or appointments that has been made, and when they are being changed, and to within this, create a constant anxiety within me, in relation to what I know I should have been doing, Yet I postponed till the last minute.

When and as I see that I am in the pattern of waiting up until the last minute to call people to re-arrange meetings or schedules, even if something unpredictable happened, I stop, I breathe, I do not wait till the last minute to notify the others, I pick up my phone or use any form of communication I have to contact the other person, as I see and realize that this is me actually considering both ends, as I would have liked for myself, thus seeing and realizing that when I do onto another as I would have liked to be done onto, I do not create anxiety/stress for myself, but instead I build my self-respect and honor.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to postpone notifying others about appointment or meetings that has to be changed, In the fear, that if I notify them, that they will react, or take it personally, or that I will be questioned about why, and using not knowing how to explain myself to them, and my situation as an excuse, I then instead go into resistance of doing it now, and thus postpone it till the last minute, when I have no choice but to go there.

When and as I see myself creating fear towards having to call people to re-arrange meetings or appointment and using the “justifications” and “excuses” of that here might be reactions or they might take it personally, I stop, I breathe, I see and realize that this is my fear and not the reality of what is here and what might happen or not, and that I am only creating these fears to postpone and not take full self-responsibility for my actions/words, and thus I now instead direct myself to focus on what here and not my fear, and to move accordingly within the practical steps that’s required in the moment to bring about correction and considering everyone else instead of my fear.

When and as I see myself having to call someone or notify someone, or inform someone about appointments/meetings that has to be re-arranged/scheduled, and I am postponing using my fear of them questioning my actions of why, and that I will not be able to explain to them the situation, I stop, I breathe, I instead focus on getting my story in line, preparing myself to tell the other person whats needed to be heard, instead of focussing on “I do not KNOW” as a way of keeping myself in my pattern deliberately just to protect myself and my comfort zone

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to NOT see and realize, that this is a point of choice, where I still believe that I have a choice, and to within this always postpone till the last minute, where there isn’t any choice anymore, when in fact, all that is being shown to me is that there never was any choice, I simply deluded myself, and to within this delusion of choice give away my authority, my power, within moving myself to do what needs to be done, and to then create dishonesty within me, where I then live within dishonesty, and thus create consequences of fear/anxiety and stress that then becomes my prison, where I am trapped within the experience of myself as it all being real, and to within this always repeat the pattern, never learning or changing for the best, to be my perfect self.

When and as I see myself going into the Illusion of choice in relation to changing schedules/arrangements with other people, I stop, I breathe, I see and realize that I am postponing because I a creating reasons/justification within my mind that seems valid and real for why I am postponing, when in fact it’s just me deluding myself within the point, because the inevitable is that I have to do it, there is no other way, and thus I take a Breathe and I push myself to work with what’s here and not in my head.

When and as I see myself participating within the construct of choice, I stop, I breathe, I check for myself if there really is choice, and to self honestly look at what it is I am crating choice towards and why, whats the reason, whats the purpose behind it, why do I want choice, even when there isn’t any choice, because the facts stand, it's isn't es-capable, and to within this self-instigation in the moment follow the common sense and not the pattern, the trap of the usual, where make things difficult for myself, instead I make it simplistic for myself.

Day 440 - waiting till the last minute Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait till the last minute to arrange meetings with people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait up until the last minute to re-arrange meetings or appointments with people.

I forgive myself, That I have accepted and allowed myself, to wait till the last minute to call people or to notify people about changes in plans.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to compromise myself and others, though NOT considering both ends equally and one, within the arrangements, or appointments that has been made, and when they are being changed, and to within this, create a constant anxiety within me, in relation to what I know I should have been doing, Yet I postponed till the last minute.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to postpone notifying others about appointment or meetings that has to be changed, In the fear, that if I notify them, that they will react, or take it personally, or that I will be questioned about why, and using not knowing how to explain myself to them, and my situation as an excuse, I then instead go into resistance of doing it now, and thus postpone it till the last minute, when I have no choice but to go there.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to NOT see and realize, that this is a point of choice, where I still believe that I have a choice, and to within this always postpone till the last minute, where there isn’t any choice anymore, when in fact, all that is being shown to me is that there never was any choice, I simply deluded myself, and to within this delusion of choice give away my authority, my power, within moving myself to do what needs to be done, and to then create dishonesty within me, where I then live within dishonesty, and thus create consequences of fear/anxiety and stress that then becomes my prison, where I am trapped within the experience of myself as it all being real, and to within this always repeat the pattern, never learning or changing for the best, to be my perfect self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude myself within believing I have choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within the illusion of choice.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that choice is a weakness within me, a trap that I fall for, a comfort zone that I do not realize as being a limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find comfort as a way of hiding from my fears within the illusions of choice.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize the truth of how I have deluded myself within choice, when, even in situation like where I have to call someone to tell them I can’t be there for a meeting, leave it till the last minute, as if I had a choice, when the truth and fact is I don’t – and thus now seeing the extend of how I have accepted and allowed myself to fool myself with choice.

To be continued.

Day 425 – I am breaking a habit tonight

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Justify not doing my responsibilities through saying I was/am too busy without even taking the time to consider my time and my priorities and to see if I really am busy or not or if it’s all just here in the mind at the moment.

When and as I see myself wanting to justify why I haven’t been doing my responsibilities through saying I am too busy – I stop, I breathe and I take a moment o consider myself here in the moment and what I am doing and what I have planned to do and to actually check and see if I am too busy or not and to then move and direct myself accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be occupied with the mind and to keep myself busy with the mind within thinking and planning and worrying and building fear and anxiety and back chat and to miss out on the real time I have here to do things and to then claim I was busy, seeing and realizing that being busy in the mind isn’t being busy, it is a distractions from what is here that needs to get done.

When and as I see myself Believing that I am busy where I am only busy within thought/mind I stop, I breathe and I look at what I am busy with, am I creating limitation as energy/mind as the fears/worrying or am I actually busy using my body and my hands and my words and all that is here that matters and actually doing something real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use casual things that I do as a way of keeping me busy through repeating doing them over and over such as having a coffee or quickly checking up on something or watching one episode casually to much or talking to other people casually too much and to use this as a way of saying I was busy as an excuse for me to get to actual things that require to get done.

When and as I see myself doing something that is seen as casual “to much” as a way of distractions for myself and to have a justification/reason for why I did not attend my responsibilities – I stop, I breathe and I get my ass out of the Casual routine before I become a casualty of my own self sabotaging patterns and to move myself to do what’s needed to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself “just this one more” before I get to my responsibilities as a way of repeating the same pattern over again such as having another coffee/drink/food etc and to postpone getting to the duties because I have created an Idea of getting to them and that they are difficult things to do while these small minute patterns are easy and better and thus lose all my time that I had through repeating the small easy patterns over and over and not getting to the realness of the other duties, and thus the Idea of the other duties grow bigger and bigger in my head and thus I get stuck in the small patterns more and more and never really seeing what’s real or not anymore, and that the only way out in the end is to simply move myself to see/find out for myself the reality.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself repeating the small patterns over and over where I will do small minded things like having three coffees in a row and talk small pity things with others that’s useless, or spend my time just sitting on the stoop as If I just came from working hard and I am resting as a way/reason for why I am sitting there and not moving myself to do things that matter and that’s is of moving forward, I STOP, I BREATHE and I stand up from the pattern and I go to that point of resistance and I push myself to breathe and do it, and to stop wasting time where I keep myself busy with mind/minute things and to actually do things that matter and that’s best for all.

Day 274 – No such Thing as Justified Back Chat – Part 3

 Day 272 –Confidence (Con the Evidence) in our heads – there is no justified back chat.
Day 273 – Confidence in our heads, no such things as Justified Back-Chat Part 2 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that having back-chat in my head abut others compromise my actual talking to others as the back chat will interfere as reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that talking about other people in my head is deceptive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I talk about another in my head and to then talk to them in real live that I am lying and deceiving them and myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have secret conversations in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I talk to myself within my mind that I create reactions as the feelings/emotions I generate within me within what I tell myself as the thoughts I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in a alternative reality within my mind where I can have secret conversations within my mind and to believe that it will have no consequences within reality when and as I have to communicate with others for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I have secret conversations in my head about others or things - that it is a side effects of who I am and have accepted and allowed myself to be within and as the past events/experiences within my live and that back chat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that back chat I come up with in my head as reasoning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question my reasoning within my back chat to see why I say what I am saying and to bring the points back to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that the back chat I have is but a mask to hide myself from myself as parts of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my back chat is valid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I have back-chat about others or things that it is a indication or a reference for me to see what the back chat is defending and what I can do about it that the back chat is de3fending/hiding or what I am UN-willing to look at.

To be continued.

Day 273 – Confidence in our heads, no such things as Justified Back-Chat Part 2

 

Continuing from:

Day 272 –Confidence (Con the Evidence) in our heads – there is no justified back chat.

It turned out it was a BIG NOT!! Joke. Where you say something and ends it off with NOT!! Hahaha.
Those were simple all along all my cleaver disguised justifications/reasoning/manipulations I used and actually created myself as them to make them real so others should believe me. Fuck it is weird shit.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within back chat believing it is justified.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my back chat because I am able to reason with myself in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that reasoning within my head with myself as back chat towards/about others/thing is a reason for consuming my head with shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my own voice as back chat within my head where I am always right and where my reasoning conveniently always make sense/reason.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if and when I am always right within my head within back chat that there is a problem and I cannot trust myself in my head at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if I always believe what’s going on in my back chat as reasoning that I will built a deceptive confidence within myself that is always against myself as my reasoning within my head is only prom my perspective based on my limited knowledge and information in my head.

To be continued.

Day 272 – CONfidence (con the evidence) in our heads, NO such thing as Justified back Chat.

Day 272 – CONfidence (con the evidence) in our heads, NO such thing as Justified back Chat.

Back-chat is where a person talks to him/herself in his/her head about others/things I mean fucking everything.

So back-chat in short is gossiping in our heads with ourselves, sipping the poison we rotate within our heads about others/things in general, mostly others/comparisons

Back chat is a Bitch, it is like this other self we have created within our heads that we LOVE to talk to, as we know love is a suppressor for fear, so we talk and talk to this other self we create in the back of our heads and we believe EVERYTHING we tell ourselves as the other self.

Take a look, that YOU, that talks to you in your head is a bit different then who you are when you actually speak to others, it is always more confident in the head speaking to self. like selling it to yourself.

So we have a confident little fucker in our heads as ourselves that we like to use to gossip and to reason and to justify and to blame and to compare and to play games with.

And as we know someone with confidence is always the dominant one, we have confidence in our heads because we know it is in secret, and we believe NO one can see us talking to ourselves in our heads, so we can give ourselves what we believe we miss in reality in our heads, this is dangerous because we are and have now made the fictional voice in the back of our heads the preferred voice we LOVE to hear and listen to over the real voice we talk daily to with others.

This Back chat is always Visible within our physical behaviors and how we move and how we talk, not the sound that comes out as per say, but how the body movements is and the facial expressions and the now and again reactions which is actually mostly constantly.

The back chat is clearly visible when one acts on it in a direct way, then everyone knows what the fuck is going on in a persons head – but most of the time the back chat will always do what is best for "self interest always" in secret little ways/things, such as spitefulness and nastiness and how we use words with secret intention.

Back chat will fuck with Self because it is self listening to self about others where instead of Growing and expanding and living LIFE and breathing and moving and doing what we can do within what requires to be done we will instead try and play games of FAIRNESS and to be spiteful and to blame and judge and to just constantly limit ourselves for the sake of doing those things to others to feel we have achieved something, REALLY!!

I have been taking on this point for years now face on everyday on the Farm, I have become someone I never saw myself to be, I can move myself I can work when I have previously made myself  believed I can not do so anymore till I did it lol, I can built things and make things and move thing sand direct things I previously never did, because I was for instance done with my working time, or I was apparently to busy already, or I have worked so hard already before, I mean the back chat piles it all up and just crushes self from living.

I have walked this many times in many cycles and I am in a new cycle now, I have thus far improved with every cycle, I have made commitments and live them to in each cycle to take on each point that presents itself where I can expand myself instead of looking for fairness and taken it on and do it, those that fell within, I know they will come again and I will stand.

I was told once " when you drive in the road and you hit a pot hole, the car will have minimal damage, but is okay, learn from it and when you have to drive the same road you will know what to look out for and not hit the pot hole, or take a different road, someone has to be really stupid to hit the pothole again"

so I use this, I learn to know myself, I know my reactions I know my back chat I see the potholes I have created for myself, so when the moments arrive I already have a new route prepared to take, a different road or a way to not hit the pot hole, it always starts with first stopping all back chat that one catches having in a moment of awareness here, and to then see what was already created within the back chat (potholes) and see whats the next practical step. I say yes, this is how I have grown.

I say yes where before I would have done anything to get out of a job or why not to do it immediately, I avoid the pothole, I take a different road, and then I see, I realize.its no about what others do or do not do, its about me in the moment as who I am.

I have realize the one point that has made me and sometime still a walking Zombie, what is a walking Zombie, it is where the same shit/points of back chat repeats itself everyday in defending self own ideas of fairness and only to create limitations for self in the name of some weird Idea that fairness exists, take a look around, fairness is none existent. We have to take self responsibility for ourselves and not compare and fight others the whole time in our heads to be fair within what we do. Each being takes on self responsibility for themselves and so we move in the equality of that.

The real question i had to ask myself was, when and where can I stop, I have found my limit yet because it seems that I am able to break through and push through all back chat and just keep doing it, and I am still alive, Fuck previously I thought I would die of tiredness or not have time and fail at other things or that I am to busy already.

It turned out it was a BIG NOT!! Joke. Where you say something and ends it off with NOT!! Hahaha.
Those were simple all along all my cleaver disguised justifications/reasoning/manipulations I used and actually created myself as them to make them real so others should believe me. Fuck it is weird shit.
To be continued.

218 – The Heat of on the Farm P2.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “feel” hot as an experience of myself as who I am when it is hot, seeing and realizing that who I am, become and become when it is hot influences the heat in multiple dimension as the mind and the physical instead of being here as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get irritated when and as I experience myself as hot.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel tired when it is hot.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as it is hot inside or outside of the house to not breathe but instead go into an Idea/belief f that the heat must influence me as how I experience myself as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that who I am as the experience I have when and as it is hot to be real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless within my physical body when it is hot outside and my body feels heavy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel heavy when and as it is hot, seeing and realizing that the heavy feeling is me walking within the ideas and beliefs I have in relation to the heat I am experiencing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the sun is natural and my body as the physical one and equal as the sun is designed to be able to handle the sun quite effectively with me functioning and thus any other experience is mind, making the sun a burden.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I have made the sun within my mind a burden, seeing and realizing that within the idea/belief that I have created within and as my mind as the sun being burden I have made my body a burden equal and one as the sun as the physical where I function slow and heavy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the sun and my body within the sun/heat a burden – seeing and realizing that I have actually made the physical reality a burden within my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I make the physical a burden within my mind that I am compromising myself and sabotaging myself where the physical then actually becomes a burden as a experience within me, seeing and realizing that this is not really so but a mind fuck.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I have separated myself as the physical as the sun as the heat as my body within the sun and heat and thus within this separation through the mind I have limited myself and given away my actual physical potential as breathing and working and moving one and e4qual as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that the sun is harmful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the words of others in the past to create and shape the perception I have of the sun for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself others fears of the sun and the heat to be mine and to within this live it as such.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief others in the past when and as they told me that the sun is harmful and will give me cancer, seeing and realizing how this created the resistance within me to be out in the sun.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the heat out in the sun the problem to justify my fear that I have for the sun and that I might get cancer in the sun.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it a fact within my mind as beliefs and ideas passed on from those that has gone before me that the sun is a cancer giving thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my common sense away to the trust I have placed within those that has gone before me about what they told me about the sun as being harmful because it gives cancer and not seeing for myself within questioning everything that the sun has always been here for billions of years and yet cancer i so new within modern society and now it is all blamed on the sun.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist going out and working in the sun in the heat within the belief that something bad can happen to me in the heat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my veins will pop in the heat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not drink enough water when and as I am out in the heat sweating, seeing and realizing how this takes down the bodies support system to function as it is designed to in heat and in the sun by at least 50% as I have proven to myself before that I can work twice as hard and longer in any heat conditions and sun when and as I have been consistent within drinking a supportive amount of water consistently over time.

To be continued.

Day 217 – The Heat of the Sun on the Farm

During my Day here on Desteni Farm there are times that it is really hot, the heat I am talking about isn’t always necessarily the Sun rays that is burning on my skin, I am talking about Humidity and a pressurized heat in the air that always seem to make me tired and that I do not want to move and work.

So that is what I experience physically, within this I also have mental shit coming up such as reactions and feeling irritated and with all of that back chat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist the heat when and as it is hot temperatures.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist the heat outside within the belief that when and as it is hot that I will suffer outside.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear suffering in the heat outside when and as I have to get work done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see it as punishment when and as I have to work outside in the heat.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that when I am a bit out of my comfort zone that I am suffering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I do not have a clue what suffering is, seeing and realizing that I have been living in my comfort zone in fear of seeing what is behind the comfort.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I have created a comfort zone for myself through my habits and patterns, seeing and realizing that this comfort zone is my limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about the heat and how I do not want to experience myself as being uncomfortable when and as it is hot, seeing and realizing that when I think about it I am making it so for my body as I constantly give my body the signals of what I am supposed to experience as discomfort.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my body signals that is from my mind as a interpretation of the physical reality that is based on ideas/beliefs that is not real and yet place these conditions onto my body through thinking and having thoughts and back chat existent within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself as my body through giving the mind permission to place conditions onto my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief my mind when I tell myself in my mind that the heat is going to be BAD, seeing and realizing that when and as I tell myself that I will experience that, instead of breathing and seeing what is here as the physical with no mind interpretations effecting anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I experience the heat as more than the heat itself such as being irritated or tired to within that experience belief it must be real what I am experiencing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get irritated from the heat during the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I get irritated from the heat as I have given the “experience within me about the heat more power than me here as the physical breathing.

To be continued.

Day 205 – Me against myself in Rebirthing myself as Life.

How is it that within my process of re-birthing myself I am against myself within this process to not change yet I am doing, it does not make sense, obviously this is where I look at what I am Stopping within and as me that does not want to end – The Mind, so here I am doing self forgiveness on this point and debunking a bit on the points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight myself within separating myself from myself as the one responsible for who I have accepted and allowed myself to be as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within seperating myself as and from the mind beleif that everything happening within me is happening to me, not seeing and realizing that it is me doing it all to myself as I have accepted and allowed the mind to dominate over the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and attempt to work with myself within re-birthing myself as the physical one and equal through separating who I have become as the mind from myself, seeing and realizing that I give away my power to work and change myself in fact when I try and hide what is here and to in awareness walk through and breathe and re-birth.

I am here to change – that is the decision I make, yet the change is so hard – Only to discover that within wanting to change and changing I am actually fighting myself from changing and the way is so cunning and deceptive. Best to breathe and walk physically as breathe to see what is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be against myself within my process of re-birthing myself through believing that the mind is real and that what ever is going on in my mind is valid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be against myself to change through validating and giving value to the mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions and backchat that is always voting for limitation of the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as the window of opportunity is here for change to instead of walking through the change and change as myself in and as breathe validate the minds reasoning and justifications and instead limit myself and miss the window of opportunity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only accept and allow myself to remain within who I know myself to be and to not push through as breathe to change in and as the physical, seeing and realizing how the mind will go into resistance when and as the point of physical change is here as it is not within my pre-programming and so the mind will fight change with resistance to keep the physical all to itself so that it can harvest energy for itself to continue its existence within self interest as limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that it is to much effort to walk the physical change when and as the window of opportunity is here, seeing and realizing that this is the mind fighting and defending its limitation and not to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that when and as the window of opportunity is here for me to change that I will or might within taking the step to change have to do more work or responsibility, seeing and realizing that this is the mind defending limitation and to keep me enslaved to the mind as energy and to not rebirth myself as the flesh as the physical as life one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into Reactions of the mind where I feel that if I change within and as the physical that I will e doing more than others as a point of fairness, seeing and realizing that this is the mind fighting and defending my limitations to not change and take self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the mind will use physical space and time reasoning to justify all point of change and why it will be impossible to change to keep me as the physical enslaved to the mind as limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the mind will use fear to keep me fighting myself to not change and rather remain limited and living in the mind so that the mind as energy can continue within the belief that the mind will live forever when in fact at death it is the physical that continue as life one and equal and the mind simply evaporates and ends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as the point of change is here where I have to walk the change as breathe to Belief and validate the mind and to within that start fighting within myself and so within my world, seeing and realizing that I have to keep breathing and not give attention to the mind and not to give into the reasoning and justification as temptation that will always seem valid when in fact it isn’t at all as I have proven to myself in the past that when I walk the change all reason and justification of the mind is was in fact a lie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the mind will use the one thing that will always seem right not to change - the self interest as it will be un-noticeable to self as it is who I am still existing as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that when and as I experience resistance that is must be real and that I must defend the resistance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react within and as myself towards my physical reality and participating within my reality to belief that the reaction must mean something and that I must act on it within defending the reacting seeing and realizing that it is the mind defending limitation and self interest as energy to not to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use apparent physical facts to not to have to move or do certain things within my world such as the weather and circumstances and time and space and all these things that the mind can take and manipulate to look so real and fool the actual fact of the physical and to limit me and keep me enslaved to the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am the one giving the mind full access to do all of this as I am the one that decides.

I commit myself to when and as I have the window of opportunity to change to breathe and to not give any validation to what ever the mind is giving me to why I can not do it or should do it that is within self interest and not best for all life and to instead see in real time and space what is actually real through moving myself in fact and doing it and changing and to move myself as breathe.

I commit myself to when and as I react or resist a point to within the realization that it is the mind trying and attempting to stop me from change to go there and to see what is real and what is not within what is best for all life and to debunk myself as the mind and to rebirth myself as life as the physical one and equal within movement as the physical as breathe.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself giving and participating within the mind defending my limitations and fighting myself to not change to within the realization that I am actually fighting myself to change which makes no sense to stop and use some common sense and to physically move myself - breathe and to stop the mind and stop myself from fighting myself and say till here no further I walk the change one ad equal as the physical.