Day 272 – CONfidence (con the evidence) in our heads, NO such thing as Justified back Chat.
Back-chat is where a person talks to him/herself in his/her head about others/things I mean fucking everything.
So back-chat in short is gossiping in our heads with ourselves, sipping the poison we rotate within our heads about others/things in general, mostly others/comparisons
Back chat is a Bitch, it is like this other self we have created within our heads that we LOVE to talk to, as we know love is a suppressor for fear, so we talk and talk to this other self we create in the back of our heads and we believe EVERYTHING we tell ourselves as the other self.
Take a look, that YOU, that talks to you in your head is a bit different then who you are when you actually speak to others, it is always more confident in the head speaking to self. like selling it to yourself.
So we have a confident little fucker in our heads as ourselves that we like to use to gossip and to reason and to justify and to blame and to compare and to play games with.
And as we know someone with confidence is always the dominant one, we have confidence in our heads because we know it is in secret, and we believe NO one can see us talking to ourselves in our heads, so we can give ourselves what we believe we miss in reality in our heads, this is dangerous because we are and have now made the fictional voice in the back of our heads the preferred voice we LOVE to hear and listen to over the real voice we talk daily to with others.
This Back chat is always Visible within our physical behaviors and how we move and how we talk, not the sound that comes out as per say, but how the body movements is and the facial expressions and the now and again reactions which is actually mostly constantly.
The back chat is clearly visible when one acts on it in a direct way, then everyone knows what the fuck is going on in a persons head – but most of the time the back chat will always do what is best for "self interest always" in secret little ways/things, such as spitefulness and nastiness and how we use words with secret intention.
Back chat will fuck with Self because it is self listening to self about others where instead of Growing and expanding and living LIFE and breathing and moving and doing what we can do within what requires to be done we will instead try and play games of FAIRNESS and to be spiteful and to blame and judge and to just constantly limit ourselves for the sake of doing those things to others to feel we have achieved something, REALLY!!
I have been taking on this point for years now face on everyday on the Farm, I have become someone I never saw myself to be, I can move myself I can work when I have previously made myself believed I can not do so anymore till I did it lol, I can built things and make things and move thing sand direct things I previously never did, because I was for instance done with my working time, or I was apparently to busy already, or I have worked so hard already before, I mean the back chat piles it all up and just crushes self from living.
I have walked this many times in many cycles and I am in a new cycle now, I have thus far improved with every cycle, I have made commitments and live them to in each cycle to take on each point that presents itself where I can expand myself instead of looking for fairness and taken it on and do it, those that fell within, I know they will come again and I will stand.
I was told once " when you drive in the road and you hit a pot hole, the car will have minimal damage, but is okay, learn from it and when you have to drive the same road you will know what to look out for and not hit the pot hole, or take a different road, someone has to be really stupid to hit the pothole again"
so I use this, I learn to know myself, I know my reactions I know my back chat I see the potholes I have created for myself, so when the moments arrive I already have a new route prepared to take, a different road or a way to not hit the pot hole, it always starts with first stopping all back chat that one catches having in a moment of awareness here, and to then see what was already created within the back chat (potholes) and see whats the next practical step. I say yes, this is how I have grown.
I say yes where before I would have done anything to get out of a job or why not to do it immediately, I avoid the pothole, I take a different road, and then I see, I realize.its no about what others do or do not do, its about me in the moment as who I am.
I have realize the one point that has made me and sometime still a walking Zombie, what is a walking Zombie, it is where the same shit/points of back chat repeats itself everyday in defending self own ideas of fairness and only to create limitations for self in the name of some weird Idea that fairness exists, take a look around, fairness is none existent. We have to take self responsibility for ourselves and not compare and fight others the whole time in our heads to be fair within what we do. Each being takes on self responsibility for themselves and so we move in the equality of that.
The real question i had to ask myself was, when and where can I stop, I have found my limit yet because it seems that I am able to break through and push through all back chat and just keep doing it, and I am still alive, Fuck previously I thought I would die of tiredness or not have time and fail at other things or that I am to busy already.
It turned out it was a BIG NOT!! Joke. Where you say something and ends it off with NOT!! Hahaha.
Those were simple all along all my cleaver disguised justifications/reasoning/manipulations I used and actually created myself as them to make them real so others should believe me. Fuck it is weird shit.
To be continued.