Day 477 – investigating self- Postponement





What does it mean to postpone, what is postponement, let me start at the beginning of what I have lived as postponement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone living and being utmost potential through not applying myself within the most basic and simple tools such as Breathing, and to postpone the physical action of focusing on my breathing because I want to rather focus on what I have been living and giving my attention to for the past two decades which is the mind and thus as my limited potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself that I cannot right now do this, live my utmost potential, as I still have to focus on so many other points first, and to within this postpone what is here as me as my utmost potential and thus rather focusing on all the problems and all the things I still make myself believe I have to walk through before I can be my utmost potential, and thus creating all that I make myself believe that I still have to walk through before I can be my utmost potential an excuse and thus a postponement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use postponement as a reason for me to not to have to do something right now just because I have a bead feeling within me regarding what I have to do right now that is here, and to create many reasons and excuses that seem relevant and real (even if I really just pull them out of my ass) through using the physical reality and creating “real” points that will not really bloc me from doing what I can do just so that I can protect the feeling within me that is negative, and not having to go to this negative feeling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone what is here and that I can take responsibility for and to limit myself just because I have a bad feeling on my belly about something that is within my mind, a specific secret fear that I am not sharing with anyone, because it is so small within me that I fear even mentioning it will make me seem weak and small, so I rather postpone what needs to be done and make up so many excuses as I fear doing what needs to be done now by me can reveal this fear to others and mostly to myself, where I experience it within me consistently within doing t5he task at hand, my it be talking to a person, or cutting the grass or doing a phone call for business, or writing this blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone what is here to do as a point that requires a response from someone to move and with me being in the current position to respond to take self-responsibility I will rather not do it right now and postpone till another time when it fits me or when I am feeling that the moment is right, the moment isn’t right now, it is wrong now, so I must wait till how I experience myself within myself change and then I can do what needs to be done, but by that time it’s to late and the moment is gone and the point that needed responses in the moment has not lost its universal connection of possibilities, it is now contaminated by postponement and the flower that didn’t get its water but a day before is now dead the next day, so the room stink up, the bees has no food, and the sun has nowhere to send its ray to, and the only reason the flower didn’t get its water is because someone was to busy sitting on the couch in fear of missing a TV show for the life of a flower.

THUS

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I postpone something within my day I am not just postponing what needs to be done, I am postponing a universal movement, a movement that has to do with more than just me, it has to do with the proce4ss of LIFE and where all life is inter connected, and the moment I postpone even the simplest moment I am harming many other connections/relationships that reality consists of consistently and thus postponing the process of life and helping those that has no idea of this process and or can do nothing about it due to their position in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be selfish within my actions within the ignorant belief that what I do effects only me, and that I have the right to only do things when I feel like it, never considering, within a business, within a relationship, within a family, within a community and thus within this world, everything I do or do not do within every aspect of my life that is interconnected to all life, like throwing a pebble into a pond, or not throwing it, are we creating or waiting, and what are we creating or what are we waiting for, either options is creation, just directly or indirectly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that my postponement is a side effect of who I am – it is me as a product and on the label it says, side effects may be postponement of using this product, created over time by all aspects of my life, and thus I can see that this who I am can be changed through the fact that I accepted and allowed this who I am now to be, so I can undo it and create myself as my utmost potential, which will be a product of life, one that functions as and for life, no postponement is possible because my movement is who I am, not a side effect of how I feel or think, but what is here, what is practical what is best.

Examples lived,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone eating food during the day, due to me being within the mind within a consistent state of stress and worry about what I need to do and getting to it, and to within this tire myself out before I can ever get to doing what needs to be done because my body is tired and does not have energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone going to bed at night due to worrying about time and not having enough personal time to get to personal things that I would like to do and to within this end up going to bed to late and struggling to wake up, thus...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone waking up when I hear my alarm within the through of I did not get enough sleep and to within this get to work to late and thus not having enough time to eat and to get to supporting my body properly from the get go and to have an effective day within moving myself and thus going into stress.

Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone getting to the actual movement of my day once I have done all the planning and all the small things that requires to be done within the morning, such as doing the phone calls and the emails and the trips to appointments and making my life prosper within self-movement due to now lacking energy and being stuck within an anxiety where I have rushed myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone taking actions within my life to correct my consistent errors that I am aware of yet continue falling into the traps, due to me wanting to hold on to some personal points of self-interest such as having my time at night, instead of making that clear cut decision of going to bed at a certain time to get that six hours of sleep in to be able to wake up early and to have a breakfast and to support myself for the day physically and to move myself and direct myself instead of being trapped within energies and emotions/feelings that is the consequences of my actions that I did not direct and take self-responsibility for due to postponing, saying I will correct it tomorrow, I will do it tomorrow, I will get to it tomorrow, I am still okay, I am still fine so I can start with it tomorrow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone my life and to not direct my life to be the best potential that it can be so that I can life the best of my potential and still discovering myself within the process.

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