Day 2 of 21, CHOICE – Day 587 - Choice

Choice = pre-programmed, even Neo proved he could not stop  his pre-programming.

A side note – as I was doing this self-forgiveness, my body went into a irritation within sitting down, within looking at these points, as if I just wanted to stand up and stop writing, this is interesting as to show the amount of control this system design has already within me as who I am as the physical, where even my body is having a resistance to doing this, my lower back, way at the bottom, was getting tense and irritated, my arms felt like they just wanted to speed up the typing to get it done with – I supported myself to slow down and to focus on my breathing and to write no matter what, facing the point of choice once again, the choice apparently is HERE, I could just stop and not write and ignore the point, but what does that imply then? What are the consequences? Being a slave, a puppet, driven by choice and not actual direct movement, as my choices are programmed based on my personality which is programmed based on my childhood of which I have No clue about, which comes from my parents, family, society, culture, name it all, so is my choice really my choice, does choice actually exist? Why do I give this choice so much power over me?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to all my choices, and thus fear that if I change my choice to live what is best for all life and thus have NO choice but living and standing as LIFE, that I will not exist, yes I see and realize that I as the matrix slave as a personality will cease to exist and that I as LIFE will be born to life what is best for all life, to stand one and equal as all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to religiously participate within all MY choices, seeing and realizing that all my choices are in fact a religious movement, where I am making the choices I am making to praise myself, to keep the religion of Myself alive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that the choices I make come from a programmed personality that has been crafted by society, culture, TV and so much more, and that I have religiously praised this personality by living the “choices” that enforces this enslavement to a system that only support consumerism and money, where my choices are that of the system always, et NEVER choosing LIFE, and so all my choices are in fact abuse, not only to LIFE, but first and foremost to myself as I have completely sold my soul for the sake of having choice and to express that choice as ME and that I will even kill and defend such choices that protect the religion of myself as MY ego/personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that everything I am currently living as MY choice that makes up ME, is in fact a chain that I am creating and maintaining within WHO I AM to the system, to keep me enslaved and dependent on the system, as the systems wants that, as I will then always hold onto some part of the system and defend it, as the system then implies the survival of ME, my religion, my personality, and thus cannot ever really give up the system and stand for life, as here will always be something that serves my self-interest, may it be what I wear, eat, drink, party, entertain myself with, it is the web of enslavement inter twined within me directly to the system, feeding each other as the illusion of choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ONLY make choices that make me feel good, even if they end up bad, already proving that choice isn’t really choice but based on a pre=programmed feeling/emotion that I have NO clue where or how it came to be, yet I follow it, and call It MY choice.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that if I am always only making choices that has something to do with me, then it proves Choice does not exist, if choice did exist then why would it always only be about me and my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself within choice and to trap myself within choice and to feel that it is impossible to change my choice, once again proving that choice does not exist as it is something I feel I cannot stop, not do and thus it is programmed and thus not real choice but me following brainwashing and mind control.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that as long as I am avoiding choices that are best for all life, just because it will change how I personally experience myself within my design of only caring for myself, then choice does not exist and isn’t real, as my choice is then limited only to me and my interest, and thus abusive and pre-programmed in nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that as long as MY choices are ONLY effecting me in my environment then It is still okay and I do not need to investigate them or take responsibility for them, or stopping them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that PORN is a MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Alcohol is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that masturbating to porn is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that drinking coffee is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being lazy is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Postponing to do things is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself to believe that this world that exist for all of us is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my biological physical design as my body is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that eating sweets is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself within how I spend my Money as being MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that how long I will live can be my choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that where I live and how poor or rich I am was/is my choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that taking drugs is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the way I walk is my choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the way I sit is my choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that how intelligent or how strong or weak my body is, was my choice, my physical design.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the type of sweets I eat is my choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the food I like is my choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the people I call friends were/are my choice, yet I had no choice due to where I was born, what school I went to and so on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the people I call family was/is MY choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have and HAD any choice at all in this life regarding what is HERE, and yet I life within full self-deception and manipulating that who I am is my choice, yet I cannot say where and why everything is the way it is, I just accept and allow and so believe this way everything will be okay, instead of challenging the systems and to stand up for LIFE, to create myself in fact as MY own Authority, where I can explain and write down in specificity who I am and Why as I created myself and know who I am in fact. To remove all bondage from the Matrix, and to set myself free from all enslavement points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as if I have choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be sold the idea that I have choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the BELIEVE that Choice exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an OPINION about “choice” and why I have this choice and why I am living and participating in living this choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard reality and what exist within my reality and this world through living in the illusion of choice, where me and this reality is neglected as my choice is always within self-interest and not what is real, practical and best for all.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to admit my choices as being harmful in fact, not just to me but to those around me and so within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ignorant to ALL my choices within believing MY choices are not harming anyone else, seeing and realizing that if every person on earth right now has the same reasoning skills as me, then we are in big shit, because if my choices were actually harmless and innocent and not effecting others and everyone else in the world says the same, then why do we not have heaven on earth, but in fact an abused and destructed earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify all my choices as being harmless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue living within the justification of all my choices are harmless.

I forgive myself that I haven’t considered how dis-empowering my “choices are actually as long as they are not what is best for all live, as all my choices accumulate within the physical as who I am, and thus as long as all my choices aren’t within the principle of best for all life, I can never stand up or as LIFE as Authority, as I never accumulated that, but only self-interest, deception and abuse of life.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that it is with harmless justifications of choices that the most harmful justifications of choices are used as well, from a personal level to a global level, and as long as I accept and allow choice within me and justifying my choices, I will always easily accept and allow others choices even if it is abuse to a degree where LIFE itself is in danger, as I know, that the excuses and justification I use in the small innocent moment is the exact same as what governments and those in Authority positions use and so I am guilty just as they and therefore cannot stand up and bring change, because what if I am questioned, what is I am in questioning, I am not clean, I cannot cast a stone, and thus I see and realize I must stop in fact my choices and life what is best for all life, to build my authority so that I may stand as authority to end abuse in my life and within the world/global scale.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the illusion that “choice” brings me within this reality just so that I can avoid reality and what really needs to be done and get done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear living without choice

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question this CHOICE that I have been living and participate within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear living without choice and to actually have the freedom within me to do what needs to be done, to be satisfied with myself, to have respect for myself, to honor myself, instead of giving into choice and to always postpone or put if off or change direction or to simply NOT do what’s required to be done in Breathe.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to question my behaviors where I practice “choice” and to see if it is actually choice I am participating in and why I am making the choices I make, are they choices within self-interest and to avoid making the choices that is best for all life, that is actually a real choice where I have NO choice, as the choice that is best for all life always leaves me o move, to act, to direct, and to not postpone and give up and give in to experiences, but to breathe and stabilize myself and move, be here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear giving up choice, in the fear that I will give up myself, seeing and realizing that I will be giving up myself as my limited version that only cares for ME and MY life and MY choices, which is always fear based, which is also always ONLY based within he matrix, within the system of enslavement.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that Choice is a created Product within consumerism where I actually only have choice within how I am spending my money, how I am going to experience myself for a moment.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that CHOICE as it exist now isn’t actually choice, where choice comes with the implication of freedom, and as long as I am living in a system that abuses live, where people are slaves to money, there is actually NO choice, as I can only be free if everyone is free, and choice can only exist if LIFE is free and money isn’t a deciding factor in my life within any dimension of anything I want to do, and even so, when I am free and everyone else is free and choice can be free, there is still no such things as Choice, as my choices will and must always be in considerate of ALL life, and thus the only real and actual choice I can ever make is to be what is best for all life and freedom will be me living this choice in fact in each breathe.

Day 554 - Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less than life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give attention to everything about me that is wrong and sinful except me that is LIFE one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be of SIN, even though I wasn’t born in sin, and to have given all my attention and focus throughout my life to the sins, and to within giving sin all of my attention I have limited and created myself according to sin, an imperfect human.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek out the positive within life, where I see and realize that the positive I seek out in life is only confirming the negative within me, the sinful me, so I see and I realize that if I am seeking anything positive as an energy then I am seeing to make up for something within me that I have judged myself as being bad/negative as sin.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself a stupid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as physically inferior to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as useless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as immature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as all my fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as my big good looking smile.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for my great personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being a good person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a person with good intentions.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a person with courage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself a s responsible person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a respectable person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a unique person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself a as good partner in relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a good citizen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a perfect son to my parents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a special human being in the eyes of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a product of this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a stubborn person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as an egoistic person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as incompetent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself according to this world I live in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself according to my name and what has been attached to my name as “me”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the flesh that I walk and breathe in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as an animal activist and lover.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a world changer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as lazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a sex addict.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as drugs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as eating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for enjoying food.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge food as enjoyment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge water.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as water as just being here
and that I do not need to drink it nessasarely, there are other things to drink.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as healthy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as unhealthy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place life in a judgment of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the fear of LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as separate from and of LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge self-forgiveness in all possible ways, not positive or negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the LAW of nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as THE law of the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge the legal system of the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge judgments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not having limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a parent to a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a partner to another human being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a family guy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a good family guy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a bad family member.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a good father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a bad father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a bad member of the community.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a good member of the community.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as good music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as good or bad music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge bad music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge music as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as all that is here as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the mind consciousness systems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the conscious mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the sub-conscious mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the unconscious mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not yet understanding the science of life one and equal as how the physical functions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the separation that I exist as still within this life from and of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not standing one and equal in fact with all life YET.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the bad or good decisions I have made in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the decisions I make in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as poverty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as starvation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as the cruel and evil shit that exist within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as my breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as war.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as racism.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as crime.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as inhumane acts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as spirituality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as god.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less than god/LIFE/universe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as religion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as love and light.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as peace.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as my penis.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as vaginas.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as separate from what is HERE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as better than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as possessions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as my internal reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as my parents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as my siblings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as my skin color.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as my nose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as my hair.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as gossiping.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as gangsters.

I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as corruption.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as insecurities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as other peoples actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as all forms upon the face of the earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as all the materialistic things that the mind has created within this world as distractions and entertainment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as all entertainment that exit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as all the feelings and emotions and thoughts that come up within entertainment within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as all desire that exist within all humans and within this world as materialistic designs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself AS a control freak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a nagging person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a needy person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a restless person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a stable person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a person who can be trusted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as someone that can be trusted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a person that cannot be trusted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as someone that must be respected

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as someone that respects others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as someone that has honour.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as someone that honors others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as someone that is reliable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as someone that can be relied on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as someone that can rely on others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as inferior to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as superior to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as inferior to life and the creations of the world that exist here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being superior to other life forms within this world.

To be Continued.

Day 544 – the fake Free Mind, reactive mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by events within my reality, instead of directing myself within the events that occur.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react towards a person suddenly asking me to help them with doing something, and to within this sudden moment find myself within my mind where I am wanting to say NO, because I believe I have limited time right in that moment as I have to get to do something else in that moment, YET when I look within my mind at what this something else is I have to get to doing, I cannot think of it, and thus I say YES to helping the person, and then after helping the person I find that I missed getting to a certain responsibility and to within this place the blame onto the other person, where I see within the “sudden” moment being asked for help, I should have slowed down and before saying yes out of being polite, I find out first what is in my schedule and to within this make a decision that is best for myself and the other person, such as helping them in the moment of making a time to help them out later.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself from responsibilities/commitments through living in a state of kind where I am “always available” as to be a good person, yet within this I am not being good to myself within developing trust and consistency within myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that by being “good” to others wherein I compromise myself I create blame towards everyone in my reality and thus later on develop self-hatred, as the self-hatred comes from me not honoring myself and taking care of myself and to rush into the mind as energy within moment of doing things, instead of slowing down and assessing within practicality and self-honestly the moment within ALL of my day that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear directing my day within things that I need to get done and do as I fear I will let others down who might have needed me or appreciated me helping them out, but instead I am helping myself, seeing and realizing that I have judged helping myself as a bad things, as being self-fish, yet the evidence is clear within the physical that if I do not help myself and take care of myself that in the long run what I do isn’t sustainable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate self-honest self-movement commitments/responsibly that is outside of the normal things of doing which is usually for “survival” and that is for world change through living in a state of mind during my day where I just react to my reality within doing things to be a “good “person for others just to feel good for a moment, seeing and realizing that if I remove the reactive state of mind within how I respond to people and my environment, then I can slow down and breathe and prioritize what I need to do and check myself self-honestly, if I have time to now or later to help someone and to first get that what I have to move and direct and to then make time to help the other person, thus removing the mind driven reactive moment and grounding it with slowing down and first checking, being okay with checking – unless it is an emergency moment, then I simply respond.

Thus where does it come from – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make changing the world within my personal capacity and within my expression at a global level through vlogging, blogging, socializing, writing, commenting, sharing, creating content, researching, educating, developing and more, as less important than the systematized enslavement designs that is in place and to within this always prioritize only what secures my survival and making that “important”, which means working daily for money and then in my free time do nothing to much but just enough to be “good”, and to within this create the state of a “free mind” that knows it should be doing other things that isn’t pre-programmed but can only happen through self-movement and giving time and direction to CREATE it but isn’t a MUST in my mind as there is still “choice” and to within this easily compromise myself through just reacting to my environment that works as a distraction from what needs to be done and placed into this world as a correction.

Day 488 – Forgive ME

I know, you who are reading this, you are stuck in a place that feels like you will never be able to get out of it, like you have tried many times before to change this stuckness, but you have already accepted your life is just the way it is.

You have tried many times to change your life, you have tried many times to change yourself, but the patterns seem to just be stronger, it seems impossible to change who you are, you know you NEED to change, you know your situation needs to change, you know that this change is literally just in front of you, and that is probably what is the most frustrating part about the story of change, it is always RIGHT here, you can feel it, you know it is here, yet there is something else that just isn’t here to take that one step, from a limited victimized self to a self that is living their utmost potential.

Sometimes you might just feel like screaming and to get it out of the way, to just let it all go, to just say - till here and no further, but even that scream, you hold it back. Because you realize it won’t change anything but maybe hurt your vocal cords, or perhaps because you know the scream inside of you isn’t possible to be screamed.

You have a job, you have to earn money, you have a family, either your own or the one you come from, you have fun moments and you have things that you do sometimes that you enjoy, but when you are alone by yourself, that is when the real shit comes through, the part that no one knows, the part that is hidden, it is your burden to carry (you tell yourself).

Life is one big mess, we have political problems, we have economic problems, we have global environmental problems, we have so many problems in this world that needs to be sorted out, but it is all too much, because you, just like me, have to deal at the same time with where we are stuck, where we were born and our own life’s, you know you need to work and earn money and you know this is taking most of your living of your LIFE and you know that the job you have isn’t secure because the system we live in is the most unstable system we could have ever build a society on and make people dependent on it.

You see your planet being destroyed piece by piece and yet you know there is nothing you individually can do right now to change it, so you continue your days as all ways, just go to work, survive and earn money. Then spend the money you earn to make your part as your life in this world not so shitty as much as possible, to buy a chocolate or have a cuppachino, because you know having the money to buy something like that in a moment when you want to is a comfort, as 75% of the other people on earth do not have that luxury, I mean only 1,5 billion people have access to the internet, well can afford to be on it. So even just switching on the WIFI and browsing useless sites is like a confirmation to yourself that all is still okay (for you that is).

Yes I understand, what else is there to do, what else can you possibly spend your time on and your money, it isn’t like the world is going to change tomorrow by doing something different now and for the next ten years, so instead you will do nothing, or try and do something, but only bare minimal, because the idea is in your head, that maybe something will change, or maybe not, and give the maybe not a bigger chance inside yourself, and because of that do as little as possible for in-case nothing changes you didn’t waste your time on doing all the things that you did do, to maybe change the world. But who knows. You know.

And here you are again, a time loop, each year after year after year, standing in front the mirror of self-reflection, having to make that one decision to change, yet year after year the pattern has already been patterned through your own behavior to do the same thing as the year before, halfhearted, a big disbelief that guides the decision, a disbelief patterned only by yourself through your own actions, not realizing that all the evidence of no change is directly leading back to your own actions, the bread crumbs lay in a circle, like a snake eating its own tail, senseless isn’t it?

Do you see now why you always know that the moment for change is right here, it is as if it is just in front of you, you just have to make that one different move or decision and to live it, but you don’t, but you know you can do it NOW right here, you know you have that power, you know inside of yourself that it is the most possible thing ever, and the sad part is, because you know it is right here and that you know you can do it here in the breath that is present, you have simply created another belief, I can or might as well do it tomorrow then, why not? I know I can – so why now, what is one more day to wait. This is where the scary honest part comes in, you realize that you actually have come to find comfort in your limited version of yourself, you have actually come to enjoy the abuse of life of yourself onto yourself, you actually enjoy all the limitations, the FEAR has become the beacon of trust, as soon as fear arise, you rather follow that, you have learned to trust the fear.

And so your days continue day after day the same, even when you participate in movements for change, you know it will soon just become part of your daily routine of comfort, you know that soon this movement of change is still within your comfort zone, your boarders of comfort lined out inside of your own mind through society and all the systems that is here as the very things you want to change you find comfort within, you know that soon this movement of change that you are participating within will simply remain the same movement, the movement won’t change, it won’t really do anything in this world and soon you will just participate within this movement for change as if it is an activity, nothing real, nothing substantial, not pushing it as far you can push yourself, because you aren’t pushing yourself, that maybe of it won’t change anything and half-heartedness got the bigger chance inside of yourself, now minimal movement becomes the goal within the movement for change, it is like laying in hospital on life support, instead of supporting LIFE.

And now, if you can see what I am saying, if you can relate to what I am saying, you will understand the heading of this post, it isn’t about forgiving ME the writer of this post, as everything in the Universe leads back to who you are in reverse, we must change the heading of Forgive me, to self-forgiveness, you must forgive yourself. Because in each and every moment that you know you have the opportunity to change, to change the moment to bring forth that utmost potential in yourself, where you know you can do it now but instead do not, and you feel that there is just something missing, then here I am saying, that something that is missing is you forgiving yourself, you can feel these word in your core, you just want to scream it, but you know that is just an accumulation.

Instead take a practical step, take a breathe and make the change, forgive yourself for whatever reason in that moment is already pre decided in your mind, in the moment that you are going to use to justify your change and the change to this world and instead let go of fear, let go of the sadness that keeps accumulating inside yourself for not standing for yourself, and live. Be alive.

There is a very fine line between actual change and just change, see the difference is in the words, just change is Justified change, where one can still justify their change to others as a reason/way for an excuse to remain in a comfort zone in alignments with the abuse of the world that exist here, to not seem that far out, yet isn’t that what is required to bring actual change to a world that if literally fucked, change that is far out from this current world, isn’t that the only real indication that there is real change, what is scientific proof if it isn’t first met with research and proof that seems or is far out, and then proven correct over time, and soon implemented. But fear takes the cake. And to clarify, do not confuse actual change with irrational change, irrational change is when it isn’t in alignment with all that is here, it is a change that isn’t best for all. I mean changing self in a manner of living what is best for all should bring all people together, it should bring realness to life, it should bring real joy to life, and it should bring a change forth in others as you. Not fear and irrationality and discord.

Perhaps the fear for actual change is the misunderstanding or what actual change is, the fear of the unknown, would we prefer a world that gets fucked by war and famine and bloodshed and tears, or rather a world that is shaken by some real common sense and self-honesty and new messages and ways to life that can bring resolve to the problems we have personally and on a global scale where NONE of the bloodshed and tears is required. Which fear wins, most people prefer war and death over having a bad social status. How messed up is that.

I forgive Myself..

Day 484 - From Relationship to Agreement Part 5

Follow the rest of this thread through reading my previous posts.

Day 480 – From Relationship to Agreement Part 1
Day 481 – From Relationship to Agreement Part 2
Day 482 – from relationship to agreement Part 3

Day 483 –From relationship to agreement Part 4

 
Continuing from my previous blog.

Last blog ended with: “And how did I come to now stand in an Agreement with another human being? and how have I changed myself extensively within what a “relationship” means? Stay tuned for more in detail bits of stories and perspectives on how I have gone from a relationship to an Agreement and what that means.”

Continuation:

How did I go from a relationship to an agreement? Well I was first introduced to the concept, and then after being introduced to the concept, I had a lot to consider in my life.
The concept came to me through Desteni, an online group of people that participate within a new way of living. Completely off the charts. People who are in the process of investigating all things and keeping what is good.

The word good has to be redefined to understand the concept and what’s about to unveil. The word good has to be seen in the light of “what is best for all LIFE” that is what is good from now on, when one look at their own actions and reasoning and thoughts/mind and what is it one is doing, one must always do “good” and now using the new definition of good as “doing what’s best for all LIFE” we can see how that places everything into a different perspective.

Now we have to also quickly redefine “LIFE”, what is it when I say LIFE, life is what is HERE as all things that is here right now as the past, present and future, life is the word that express all things in the universe, from the unknown to the known, and that life is all of it at the same time here. It is never separate, it is never not part of itself, yes life expresses itself in different shapes/forms and sounds and colors and all the things that is here, yet it is the exact same thing, it is me, it is you, you and me are one in fact. Life is the word that shows/that brings all things in the universe into one word as once point of consideration in one word to express it all in one go. Life is the word that is me it is you it is the next deadly virus, it is the most evil of people on the planet, it is poverty and it is war, it is everything.

Now the concept has to expand a bit more, so we understand that we are all one now, but what does is mean when I add in we are one and equal in all ways? This is another concept that was introduced to me and explained to me with quite simple common sense, and the best part was I did not have to believe what was told to me or expressed to me, I could in fact test it out for myself, I could in fact take up writing and other tools to investigate this new found concept of “one and equal in all ways” and check it out for myself, this is where I started investigating my past relationships, and I found exactly that equation to be true. Because we are all ONE in all ways, thus we are in fact EQUAL in the substance that we are, and thus we are also always equal within Who I am decides what I create, it is one and equal.

Now the concept has taken many turns, it now has taken on a theory inside my head, it is has taken a grip as I could now see with different eyes, I could look at life and see myself, I could take LIFE that is here and I could see that everything that is here as me as life is a reflection of me, as above so below, as within so without. So much started making sense to me in my daily living, all the small things I was always confused about, I could now find answers for myself and utilize common sense, which I found was none existent within me. But having this new concept to live by, I could now filter how I look at life through this concept first and see different results.

But why would I want to do any of this? Why not just keep living the old way, the way that I was raised by my family and community and society? Isn’t that just simpler.

No! in fact it isn’t simpler – I first thought it is simpler, till I actually started applying these new concepts in my daily living, I started making these concepts Principles to live by, they now started moving from theories and concepts to actual living, to actual principles. Because I realized one thing, if I am LIFE as all that is HERE as the universe (you in reverse(from who you currently are as believing to be separate and different)) one and equal in all ways, then I am actually pretty messed up (fucked up) and so is everyone else, it just took a bit more effort to look outside my own life and seeing everyone and everything as part of me and what’s being done to everything and everyone all the time, and who wouldn’t really want to change.

So once I have now gotten a understanding of these new concepts/facts and principles, I now realized I had to apply this not just within myself as myself all the time, as I am actually still actively living in this world, and thus I have to apply myself within ALL my relationships I have (body/food/living/work etc), and of course, the one relationship that most, including me, make the important life deciding one, a one on one relationship with another being, intimately, romantically, sexually, and eventually creating a life and creating lives such as babies within this one relationship and applying this new way that is bets for all LIFE.

And this is where an agreement starts coming in.

To be continued.

Day 483 – From Relationship to Agreement Part 4

To see what I am writing about read my previous blogs.

Day 480 – From Relationship to Agreement Part 1
Day 481 – From Relationship to Agreement Part 2
Day 482 – from relationship to agreement Part 3

 


From Previous Blog:

“We chatted for hours every day on our phones, sharing every small detail and just being involved with each other, what we started at our first time meeting just continued the same, it didn’t become something that had to be kept alive, we were just natural in being with each other over the phone and what we talked about.”

Continuing

So now I have met a girl that I have made my soul mate. It wasn’t destined to be that way by some higher force at work, I decided that. I decided that this girl will be my soul mate. I did this through totally integrating her and her life into mine, I took in all of her no matter what, I accepted her as who she is. And of coursed love her for that till the end of time as I promised.
The decisions that influenced me to make her my soul mate is quite revealing.

First of all – she was what the system define as “hot/sexy” and she was smart, she also had a good back ground, meaning her monetary life, she wasn’t struggling or living in a dump, she was well off. Almost equal to my monetary standing within the system, we both shared equal opportunity in making it within the system, like getting jobs and making money. These are evaluating points that I and most people check before we then decide to have a relationship and “love” someone lol. And of course all of this takes place only after one has already evaluated the other person sexually, there was an attraction, something that gets your attention and of course you personally can look at daily.

Once these two points fit one’s own preprogrammed profile – it is a soul mate. Simple as that. Sometimes guys go in for the purpose of just getting the sex, even if the monetary evaluation did not add up, and guys are willing to live with that even for sex, girls not so easy. But still do depending on their monetary situation in life, and how much they think their looks can get them out of it with a guy that is moving up in life for example.

Sex and Money decide soul mates. That’s the honest truth I had to face for myself. I simply could not date a girl that was living in a very rich household, only the rich guys got the opportunity. And then it is sometimes the other way for girl’s, they had looks or skills that a guy likes and is willing to put out with sex, the rich guys will take such girls as they do not need any money assurance.

So here we get back to the main point after quite a few insightful examples from my own experience and seeing how everyone in my environment does the same, just with a tweak here and there that makes it look different.

When one is looking for a relationship all the true reasons are hidden, love is used as the chemical that we get each other high on to hide the real reasons, as we are secretly laying the path for that real reason to manifest, to get sex. And then money plays a deciding factor in the point where a relationship needs to first manifest before sex can happen. Because a relationship might just trap oneself in an endless cycle of playing the love game and getting stuck in it, for the sex lol.

Don’t get me wrong, relationships do have parts of expressions that come through such as physical enjoyment, enjoying each other in moments of doing certain activities and things like that, but that we can do with anyone at any time. It does not mean it has anything to do with the specific person and that you love them or that they are different, we are all physical human beings with the exact same designs capable of this enjoyment.

It is the relationship constructs that exists currently as it does – which is not best for all, which isn’t best for each being that is participating within it, it isn’t best for anything or anyone as it is totally based on only self-interest, it is designed and molded based on secret desires. And thus it has already decided the entire life of both parties involved, one of two personalities, and these personalities come out once the energy is gone, the fun, and once the real things start happening.

As we start out relationships because we are curious about the other person, and because there is a curiosity and sex underlining the sudden curiosity we then entertain this curiosity through making it a desire to find out what it is, like showing interest in a girl or guy suddenly, wanting to know them and so forth, just to in the end get to sex, which is the curiosity taken to a desire and then an action/outcome, and once the curiosity is satisfied and we now KNOW, there is no more curiosity, no more desire. and sex might still be there. yet after a certain amount of time we start developing new curiosities, new desires, not within the relationship, because the relationship is standing still. Thus we now have a trap, where both partners have presented this false image and started a relationship based on false images. And have to keep it up for a very long time.

Some relationships do not keep it up, but instead it can become a relationship of frustration and irritation and now it goes into blame and regret and all these negative things. And then we start seeing partners cheating or becoming nasty and spiteful and this is what relationships mostly consist of, this internal game the partners are playing with each other. Because there is NO agreement, they have already agreed based on love that they love each other as they are, so no room for change, no room for REAL change. There is no room for actual self-honesty and instead standing as support and assistance for themselves first and then each other. Yet in how a relationship currently starts out and the starting points already being that of dishonesty; it is much more difficult to remove all the secret shit attached and to start with a new beginning.

And how did I come to now stand in an Agreement with another human being? and how have I changed myself extensively within what a “relationship” means? Stay tuned for more in detail bits of stories and perspectives on how I have gone from a relationship to an Agreement and what that means.